Help me heal my broken heart

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2009 11:40 PM GMT
    After two and a half years, my partner told me he wanted out. He was the first to admit he was not good with relationships. He was even worse with communication skills. The first year was good, very good. I fell in love with him, but unfortunately he was a complete failure with emotions, expressing them and describing how he really felt. We were monogamous. The sex was not really all that good - considering he refused to open his eyes, didn't like any verbal interaction during sex. Sensuous he was not.

    This last weekend we ran into each other at a fundraiser. It had be 8 months since he left or spoken to me. I don't like not being on speaking terms with someone, regardless of our past. He on the other hand is indifferent.

    Bottom line - I want to move forward with a new life, obviously without him. My mind spins with "why did he...." "why didn't I... " I know there is no chance of reconciliation and do not want to get back with hiim.

    Seeing him this weekend opened lots of wounds that were healing. Can anyone recommend reading material, healing techniques, etc. for getting him out of my mind.

    Thanks!
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    Apr 07, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    Funny, I had wounds open this weekend myself. In all honesty, you'll never forget the way you felt about him or keep questioning why. The only advice I have is to get outside, stay social, do things you normally wouldn't, and forgive him for wasting your time. You also need to recognize that you did some wasting on your own. You, like us all, deserve the best and deserve what you really want out of a relationship. If you don't get it and the other half isn't willing to open up, then you need to say goodbye.

    In the end, with more social activities and dating, you'll soon find that it's easier and easier to move on without him and maybe it will be easier to see him as a friend one day. You'll eventually go from miserable lengthy thoughts to brief memories. BUT, you'll need to develop a sense of independent pride before it's OK to see him.
  • metta

    Posts: 39167

    Apr 07, 2009 2:06 AM GMT
    I'm the wrong one to give advice on this.

    But with generally anything that you don't want to not want to confront. Don't force it. The more you try to force is, the less it will work. Look at it as a learning experience. Don't beat yourself up over it. Let it go. And move on. I'm sure that sounds way more easy that it actually is but hopefully you will get to the point where you can do so.
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    Apr 07, 2009 2:13 AM GMT
    It seems that the simple observation is: make sure you know the difference between the way the relationship was vs. what you wanted it to be. It's a common mistake and one that's often repeated. You can't ignore the negatives in a relationship. You must either fully accept them or decide that they are not acceptable and move on.
    If you mutually agree to change and it doesn't happen within an agreed upon time, then move on.
    I speak from the experience of 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me one hundred times, shame on me."
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    Apr 07, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    The best way to get over an old love is with a new love.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 07, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
    I agree. Love hurts. But you have to move on when it ends. Bury the feelings you have for him, and get on with your life. It will take months to be able to do that, but it WILL happen.
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    Apr 07, 2009 2:21 AM GMT
    fadedjeans said My mind spins with "why did he...." "why didn't I... "

    Whatever else you do, don't allow yourself to ask these questions. Doing this is the elevator to Hell. The questions can never be answered except by your ex-bf. Since he was never communicative in the first place he's unlikely to open up now. In any case further contact won't be helpful until you're over him.
    The only cure is time, but you can hasten the process. No wallowing! Stay busy with friends and activities. Avoid rebound dating because 1) the falseness will depress you even more and 2) nobody wants to hear you go on about your ex. When until you're really ready to open up to a new person, you'll know.
    Good luck.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Apr 07, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    Fadede,,give yorself some time to get over it and sdo not rush into a new one and possibly make the same mistake and start a cycle there...get some time with yourself and when the time is right you will find another guy to start dating..good luck to you...
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    Apr 08, 2009 10:40 AM GMT
    All -
    Thanks for your advice. Very much appreciated!

    fadedjeans
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:26 AM GMT
    fadedjeans saidAll -
    Thanks for your advice. Very much appreciated!

    fadedjeans


    have a good cry or two... and try not to think about what has been lost. time will heal the wounds if you don't let them fester
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    Apr 09, 2009 10:32 AM GMT
    kRakaJak saidi bet faded goes back to him


    Not in this lifetime. I've already spent 8 months reading, talking with friends, analyzing, questioning, losing sleep, and beating up on myself emotionally.

    While it's important to me both spiritually and mentally to not hold malice against anyone, particularly him, I know that he is not going to change any more than I.

    Friends, perhaps. Lovers, no chance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 09, 2009 10:46 AM GMT
    *pulls out ducktape* who needed the patch job in this sob fest?
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    Apr 09, 2009 1:13 PM GMT
    Your relationship with this guy lasted 30 months and you have been crying about it for 8. It is very easy to cling on to grief when you have nothing else going on. The guy was emotionally unavailable and the sex was bad. Letting go should be easy.

    Get out there and start dating again. Just casual, little dates. Nothing serious. Get back in the game.
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    Apr 11, 2009 6:22 AM GMT
    fadedjeans said
    kRakaJak saidi bet faded goes back to him


    Not in this lifetime. I've already spent 8 months reading, talking with friends, analyzing, questioning, losing sleep, and beating up on myself emotionally.

    While it's important to me both spiritually and mentally to not hold malice against anyone, particularly him, I know that he is not going to change any more than I.

    Friends, perhaps. Lovers, no chance.


    See, there's your problem. You're causing yourself to suffer when he should be suffering.

    What you need to do is something petty and vulgar, that way you can move on with a new spring in your step knowing that there is justice in the world. Just don't leave finger prints, and no inane babbling over texts messages.

    icon_lol.gif

    Dr. Phil is mildly hawt.