Tell your story of how you defended yourself/your honor as a gay person from gay bashing/ gay abuse directed at you or someone you knew

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 08, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    Here's mine !!! My freshman year of private (christian) acadamy, I had told a guy who i thought was my friend about an old man who made a pass at me over the previous summer. A couple weeks later, I arrived at school and two girls came up to me and asked "how's the old man?. I said "what old man? they proceeded to tell me and show me that this guy I thought to be my friend had written a 4 or 5 page story about how I frequented an old mans house for "queer" sex as he termed it in the story. >>>>>>>>>>>> I approached this story writer Mike about this and he totally denied it, when I went to my loccer later in the day, there was a note from another boy named Allan saying, "the things that will happen to you in the future won't be very pleasant". Well this tore me up a bit more, but i maintained a good front the rest of the day. Next day someone else told me about this same story, so I broke into this Mikes loccer, and stole his notepad where sure enough, there was the story. I skipped school and went to a wooded area, did some crying and tore up the story, and determined to settle the score. Those two made my life hell by jabs about the old man, and my liking 'it' and so on for a few weeks untill I got my fill. We had an school function one evening with a movie where i determined would be my place to settle things.>>>>>>>>>>>> That evening in the middle of the movie one of those two boys turned around after a seen of two guys wrestling and said "get a thrill don't you" When the movie was over, and in a line of several hundred of us leaving, I walked up to the kid and punched him in the face bloodying his nose and breaking his glasses, and told him he'd better never say another word to me. Everyone was stunned, and i walked away like nothing happened, then this Allan came up and dared me to do it again. I was more than happy to ablige, and it so happened that when I walked up to this Mike, he was telling more lies about me to more kids, which really pissed me off. he was quite tall, and I was short, but built like a little bull, so I got on the next step up the staircase from him, said something to him about "are you going to keep your mouth shut about me ?" Then i went to punching his mouth, and knocked out two teeth, and bloodied his nose again. Some of my friends pulled me off of him.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I walked out with cuts on my hand from his teeth and glasses, but quite satisfied that I had taught his mouth a lesson, and was walking to my grandmothers house, and here he came in the Vice principles car sitting in the back seat with his head down and his hands over his mouth. They stopped, eventually the VP talked me into going with him to the principles house. While there the kid started telling more lies and I went after him again in front of the principle. LOL !!! After pulling me off, the principle sent me home to my grandmothers and told me I would pay for Mikes teeth and glasses. I said "on no I won't" and told him he'd better make sure that Mike never said anymore to me, and left. >>>>>>>>>>>> The rest of high school Mike never uttered more than maybe 5 words to me, and believe me, I made it a point and said hello every few weeks at least. >>>>>>>>>>here's the interesting end of the story!!! Both Mike and Alan died of aides, Alan at age 36, and Mike at age 42 back in the 80's. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>So have you or a friend ever been through anything like this where nearly the only way to defend your honor, or physical well being was to pull out your fist? I've often wondered how many other gay guys had trouble like this growing up in high school. or in college.
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    Apr 08, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    I have been forced to fight physically any verbally because of my sexuality, but generally I wont bother defending my self from rude remarks, slurs of anything else, the only time I will is if someone tries to fight me physically or if someone tries it on my mates..

    at the end of the day I don't care what someone thinks of me, people can say all they want about me.. I've stopped caring, but I don't like people messing with my mates..

    The people who care about you the most don't care about the crap.
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    Apr 08, 2009 5:23 AM GMT
    I never had to fight because I'm a homosexual! Slurs, don't really recall any other then from gay people, because I knocked em back, or have political view diffrent to theirs. But I don't really even notice them, but I do play with em time to time here.icon_biggrin.gif

    Oh and i well remember deliberately going out in the City of Melbourne in the 80s, holding hands with one of my male mates. But nothing ever come about of it; nothing?icon_rolleyes.gif

    So I don't feel I have ever had to defend my honor from straight people dew to my sexuality; not from heterosexuals.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Apr 08, 2009 5:54 AM GMT
    Nobody straight , know that I am gay. I have tell a few friend back in college day but that is 25 year ago. As a matter of fact sometimes I play a little charade and pretended to be straight infront of my friend. How come any straight guy want to say anything bad or commited any "gay bashing" on me when they dont know it in the first place.

    Sadly, I have meet a few gay friend who call me horrible name like cock sucker, bottom , faggot etc. What have I done in the situation like this "totally fucking ignore them". You only encouraging them when you get upset. After all that is what they want in the first place.
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    Apr 08, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    zakariahzol saidNobody straight , know that I am gay. I have tell a few friend back in college day but that is 25 year ago. As a matter of fact sometimes I play a little charade and pretended to be straight infront of my friend. How come any straight guy want to say anything bad or commited any "gay bashing" on me when they dont know it in the first place.

    Sadly, I have meet a few gay friend who call me horrible name like cock sucker, bottom , faggot etc. What have I done in the situation like this "totally fucking ignore them". You only encouraging them when you get upset. After all that is what they want in the first place.


    You are dead right matey. All they want to do is hurt you because of issues they have, or they had been working on some-one all night, and you walk into the room, and they guy leaves with youicon_biggrin.gif

    I remember one of the last times I was in a gay bar. I walked pass two guys, and one said to the person he was with, I like him (about me) his bitchy friend said oh everybody's had her. That bitter queen, is so luck, I decided to keep walking.

  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Apr 08, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    I'm rather heteronormative, rather private, and with a dark complexion and bushy cro-mag eyebrows people tend to...leave me alone. And while I strongly dislike fighting over stupid shit...I like fighting. I'm good at it.

    I have this rule, when it comes to gay drama in general - I don't participate. Period. And if I get dragged into drama, I end it. If I can do so with a word, or a phrase (and as I discovered from ex-roommates, post-eviction, this is an exceptionally effective method to leave lasting emotional scars) than I'll take that route.

    All I can say is if you give me no other option but violence, and I cannot talk you out of it...you'd better be prepared to finish me. Because unless I'm dead or in a coma I'm coming for you.
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    Apr 08, 2009 2:31 PM GMT


    In our case we never took matters into our own hands - we let the authorities do it.
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    Apr 08, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    I have only been in one fight because of this and the three drunk frat boys should not have picked on me on my way back from Kendo practice. Seriously, don't fuck with the guy carrying big scary sticks.

    But I usually ignore verbal abuse. People want a rise out of you. They want to watch you cry or fight back. If I am in a good mood and someone yells "Hey faggot" I will say hello back with a smile and a gay wave. If I am in a pissy mood I might yell back "That's Mr. Faggot to you, buddy". Either way, it is not what they are expecting and they are usually too stupid to respond.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Apr 08, 2009 2:59 PM GMT
    i question an administration that supposedly favors me and my hubby.

    http://realjock.com/gayforums/478043/

    but to be fair, i'm a hypocrite since we both positioned our careers to benefit from said abuse (ie, we voted blue, since we knew what was coming down the pipeline for our respective firms).

    so even if we're given the right to file married jointly, we'd still be better off MFS due to our marginal tax brackets...might as well pimp the pimp, in the interim.
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    Apr 08, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    LOL !!! I don't mean to promote adults going around defending themselves/their honor by blacking eyes and bloodying lips, but there does come a time when turning the other cheek just doesn't work. often younger guys are put in a position that about all they can do is put the bully in his place. Actually private schools may even be worse for groups picking at others than in public schools where people are more adapting to differences. I had one really big guy 6'9" 220lb who worked for me, and he told of how when in high school he'd take the part of smaller picked on kids. they new to come to him if they had trouble. He said he'd pick up the bully by the shirt, give him a slight slap accross the face a couple times and dare him to ever pick at his buddy again, he'd let the bully down turn to the smaller victim and say you just let me know if he ever bothers you again. Ha !!! it worked every time !!! LOL while turning the other cheek will often work, or killing them with kindness sometimes works, it often doesn't, so a little "show and telling' that a person won't take it anymore does the trick.
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    Apr 08, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    I was in the 7th grade and these two kids, quite nerdy actually, kept taunting me at lunch. Every day it was more and more name calling and anti-gay comments. I don't think I was effeminate or that they even knew what they were doing. But of course, I was struggling inside.

    After weeks of telling myself they were just internally tormented, like every other teenager, they crossed the line....

    One of them had used the wrapping from his sandwich to make a "fallus" and came up behind me and kept hitting me in the back and ass with it while verbally taunting me. I remember making a conscious decision that if I didn't take care of this now, it would only get worse.

    I turned around, grapped his stupid wrapper out of his hand and shoved it in his mouth and started wailing on him...I don't remember how long I beat on this poor kid, but the next thing I knew I was sitting in the principle's office next to him. I'd apparently blacked-out from rage.

    He sat there, still bleeding and crying and looked over at me and said, "I'm sorry." And all I said was, "well, you should be."
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    Apr 08, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    I came out very young, but was never bothered in primary school about being gay. My first actual boyfriend was though.

    My only real discrimination came when I was working with a group of people, doing a seminar, in a very rural part of the country. I tried to dress more somber, like they were, and generally be less as if I were from the city.

    This seminar went on once every two weeks for 3 months, and was supposed to go on for another 3 when the company that hired me to do it said that I had gotten a complaint and they had to move me.

    Normally they did not do this, but this time felt it was important enough. Apparently the complaint was that I was too young and too hip to know what I was talking about. As far as complaints go, I thought this was great. It turns out they did not tell me all of the complaint.

    A couple years later at a conference for this company, I met a woman from this area and told her what I thought was my funny story. She told me that actually she was the representative from the group who had in fact complained about me. She was somewhat of proud of it as well.

    She went on to say that they do not have people like me in their part of the country. I didn't understand until she tried to explain using examples of my hair and other euphemisms to skirt around my perceived sexuality. By now I got it, but still pretended to be clueless to see where this went.

    She continued, repeating that they did not have my type of people there. At this point I had had enough and was a little rude, while still speaking politely. I asked, "What type, sexy, fit, not fat, intelligent, open minded, what part of me is not acceptable?"

    Understandably, that ended the conversation.
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    Apr 08, 2009 6:22 PM GMT
    Since I've accepted I was gay... too many to tell. But mostly online. :/ There was a period just after I came out (to myself) where whenever I came across a homophobic comment on the internet I HAD to post back and expose his/her ignorance...

    Now... I mostly just skip it. icon_confused.gif

    On the other hand, I was guilty of being homophobic when I was a kid. I'm ashamed of what I did now to a certain gay guy (I saw him again a few times, but he didn't recognize me). It was mostly just taunting, I still remember it for some reason. Harsh but understandable given that I was like 10.
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    Apr 08, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    Good discussion, guys. Most of the time I ignore incendiary comments if they're directed at me. On the rare occasion a confrontation is merited, I pull myself up to my full height, posture and swagger a bit, and reply with a sneered 'what's it to you, motherFUCKER?!' or something along those lines. Most of the time, that alone has the guys backpedaling and muttering apologies. Honestly, I'm not that big a guy and my bone structure screams 'wimpy prettyboy' more than it does 'street-brawling thug' so I don't think it's the blustery bravado that gets the guys to back down. I think it has a lot more to do with the 'whoa, this guy isn't taking shit -- now what?' factor. Most guys are all words and posturing, I've found, and when you throw it right back, they back down.

    And in those rare times blustering doesn't work...well...I end up with either bloody knuckles or a bloody face and maybe a few more scars...but either way I end up with the satisfaction of knowing a would-be hater at the very least learned some fags will fight back.