An Odd Statement By A Friend: DATING MEN WHO AREN'T AS FIT

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 08, 2009 8:09 PM GMT
    So my friend and I are having a conversation and he was telling me about his latest date last weekend. It apparently was with a nice guy who I don't know.

    My friend (who's local) is about my height & weight, very fit and into other fit guys... The guy he dated is a little smaller, but not as muscular. He told me he was a little disappointed with his date physically and that caused him to be less aggressive sexually at the end of the date. "Its suddenly like I wasn't into him as much", he told me.

    I ask him some questions as usual. Why he dated this guy, who he described as "cute". How they got along....which seemed OK. I was a little irritated with my friend. "You knew he wasn't into fitness as much as you to begin with...if it bothered you, why did you go"? I really didn't get an answer.

    I guess I thought it was a little odd.. he knows the guy, they have somethings in common, but now "fitness" appears to be the only reason there won't be a second date........

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    Apr 08, 2009 8:20 PM GMT
    Sounds like he just wasn't attracted to him, perhaps it had nothing to do with his fitness.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 08, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    I wouldn't want to date your friend.
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    Apr 08, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    Maybe the out of shape guy turned down the fit guy and he's making something up? !
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    Apr 08, 2009 9:07 PM GMT
    Maybe he's planning to start a paramilitary group?!
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    Apr 08, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    maybe...going out on a limb here.....maybe he's just shallow??


    a shallow gay man...whoda thunk it!
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    Apr 08, 2009 9:29 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidmaybe...going out on a limb here.....maybe he's just shallow??
    a shallow gay man...whoda thunk it!

    I thought the same thing... maybe he projected, as the other guy has rejected him already for his shallowness... but HndsmKansan's friend beat him to the punch! Just my two cents...
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    Apr 08, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    Why'd he go out with him? Well, because he was 'cute' and 'nice' and maybe your friend really felt some sort of interest in him. Then, the time to get nekkid came rolling around, your bud wasn't physically excited by him, and -- voila -- no fireworks. It's not shallow to not be sexually/physically attracted to somebody. Sounds like mentally he mighta liked him, but his dick just didn't agree. I'm sure it happens all the time -- you can't argue with the reasoning of an organ that really has none.
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    Apr 08, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    Humorous Pictures
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    Apr 08, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite saidmaybe...going out on a limb here.....maybe he's just shallow??


    a shallow gay man...whoda thunk it!


    I'm sorry, that is a ridiculous accusation. If he were oh-so-dreadedly shallow, he would not have gone on a date with someone he simply describes as "cute" and "nice."

    Sometimes, in the real world, CERTAIN PEOPLE JUST AREN'T ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE.
  • sportsjockla

    Posts: 498

    Apr 08, 2009 11:05 PM GMT
    I went through that. I was seeing a guy that wasn't into fitness. I got over it though. He had a cute face and he WAS a nice guy. We won't get into the details after that. Obviously he gave it a shot to see if he could overcome it, but it didn't work out. So... only date fit guys. Simple
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:06 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSo my friend and I are having a conversation and he was telling me about his latest date last weekend. It apparently was with a nice guy who I don't know.

    My friend (who's local) is about my height & weight, very fit and into other fit guys... The guy he dated is a little smaller, but not as muscular. He told me he was a little disappointed with his date physically and that caused him to be less aggressive sexually at the end of the date. "Its suddenly like I wasn't into him as much", he told me.

    I ask him some questions as usual. Why he dated this guy, who he described as "cute". How they got along....which seemed OK. I was a little irritated with my friend. "You knew he wasn't into fitness as much as you to begin with...if it bothered you, why did you go"? I really didn't get an answer.

    I guess I thought it was a little odd.. he knows the guy, they have somethings in common, but now "fitness" appears to be the only reason there won't be a second date........

    icon_confused.gif


    sound like your friend has a muscle fetish to me. or at least a fit fetish
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    Sounds like you have a superficial friend is all...... duh!
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    d4orce saidSounds like you have a superficial friend is all...... duh!


    Channeling Caslon here for a moment...

    128737751292649956.jpg
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:26 PM GMT
    I'm basing my answer off of what the OP wrote and it does sound pretty shallow of the OP's friend.

    Rezdylan, you and a few othes do make a valid point of stating if he were that shallow why did he bother going out on date in the first place. That answer is simple. Sounds like the dude wanted to give the other guy the benefit of the doubt and didn't want to come off as too shallow but in the end it stilled showed.

    The OP's friend just couldn't overlook certain things when venturing out onto something different with someone not completely his type. His shallowness ended up getting the final say-so and it sounds more like the guy had more sexual intentions then he did in forming a relationship.

    True, if the chemistry isn't there then it just isn't there. No one can be faulted for something that isn't there between two people, right? What is chemistry? The No.1 thing that starts a good connection of interests would be physical appearance. The guy was cute but apparently not cute enough by the OP friend's standards for simple the fact that this "cute" guy wasn't as fit or not fit enough to the guy's liking. It happens.

    That sounds pretty shallow to me but in defense of the guy aren't we all just a bit shallow in some way. If you have a preference (especially a physical one) then you have some bit of it.

    Just my thought anyway.
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:44 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidI'm basing my answer off of what the OP wrote so actually, Rezdlyan, that does sound pretty shallow of the OP's friend.

    You do make a valid point, though, of stating if he were that shallow why did he bother going out on date in the first place. That answer is simple. Sounds like the dude wanted to give the other guy the benefit of the doubt and didn't want to come off as too shallow but in the end it stilled showed.


    It's not shallow to find someone unattractive. It doesn't make them unattractive because attractiveness is not objective; it pretty much defines subjectivity.

    Take this: You're out to dinner with someone. You're having a good time, and have a lot in common. Unfortunately, you don't feel any chemistry. Eventually, you go back to his place. You're conflicted because you like him. He's nice, but you don't feel that animal impulse to pounce on him. But you think "hey, he's a nice guy, and he's cute -- so even though I'm not passionately attracted to him, I'll try." Then you get into the bedroom. And you can't get an erection because you don't find him sexually appealing. You did everything you could and more to make it work -- until physically, it. just. didn't. work.

    If that makes you shallow, you're holding everyone to an impossibly high standard. Because everyone who has ever existed has met someone objectively attractive, but with whom they had no sexual chemistry.
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    JP -- I'll certainly grant you that. It's a beautiful thing when a friendship evolves into something more. Arguably, those relationships are more stable, too, since they're predicated on an existing connection rather than hormonal response. I'm an impatient kid of the ADHD generation, though...I want my immediate gratification, dammit.

    Joking aside, you're entirely right.
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:57 PM GMT
    The guy didn't find him attractive because of fitness reasons according to the OP.

    I'm not talking about something as simple as a mere erection.

    I can't speak for others but if there's no chemistry or any kind of connection then I'm probably not having a good time with the person and I wouldn't bother trying to entertain the notation of a possibility. I would end in respecful manner and be on my way. No harm, no foul.it I certainly wouldn't be shallow about it and say something like what the OP's friend said. That is shallow. Read the OP's post again.

    HndsmKansanMy friend (who's local) is about my height & weight, very fit and into other fit guys... The guy he dated is a little smaller, but not as muscular. He told me he was a little disappointed with his date physically and that caused him to be less aggressive sexually at the end of the date. "Its suddenly like I wasn't into him as much", he told me.


    That sounds pretty shallow to me. Everyone who has a preference is a little shallow but some people take it to the extreme.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:00 AM GMT
    Guy101 said

    HndsmKansanMy friend (who's local) is about my height & weight, very fit and into other fit guys... The guy he dated is a little smaller, but not as muscular. He told me he was a little disappointed with his date physically and that caused him to be less aggressive sexually at the end of the date. "Its suddenly like I wasn't into him as much", he told me.


    That sounds pretty shallow to me. Everyone who has a preference is a little shallow but some people take it to the extreme.


    It also sounds like a secondhand account of a more complicated story, but I digress.

    If you define shallowness as having any kind of physical preference, then he is shallow. Fortunately, most are not as broad in their definition of the word.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:04 AM GMT
    That's pretty much what I was saying from the start.

    The guy based it solely off of that alone, which is why he sounds shallow.

    Actually in the gay world most are that broad in the definition of the word. You can find them on here with the brief descriptions of: "Only into masc, fit athletic, hung types similar to me" or something along those lines.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:12 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidThat's pretty much what I was saying from the start.

    The guy based it solely off of that alone, which is why he sounds shallow.


    And, as with most arguments, the disagreement all comes down to semantics. icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    I guess. Another experience learned. icon_neutral.gif
    Thank you OP and RJ.

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    Apr 09, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    He's either vain or there isn't a connection and he's using the physique as the excuse. Either way, your friend isn't someone I'd like to date, because his excuse was a vain one. I like guys that are honest and that have substance.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    Caslon10000 saidHumorous Pictures


    Bahahahaha...this pic is hilarious! The cat actually looks traumatized! icon_lol.gif I love it Caslon!
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    Apr 09, 2009 1:21 AM GMT



    Our Jeff said this, "But....sometimes feelings develop over time. Yes, even sexual feelings. When you really care about someone, your penis responds. Sometimes we just flat out don't give it any time for that to happen."


    BUT FIRST......How ya doin' Jeff? We're both hoping you're feeling a tad better, and that your leg infection is grinding into oblivion.


    OK Back to topic!

    Hey zdrew,

    What Jeff said, and that 'over time' can be as little as several dates then suddenly wham! For Bill it was immediate; for me it was two days later. (I've never been the same since, heheh)


    -Doug of meninlove