How to get over someone.... a tutorial

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    Apr 08, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    Is there any way anyone has found to get a previous lover out of their mind? It has been 3 and a half years since I dated this one person, who lives so far away now, but I have recurrent thoughts, dreams as well as relive experiences that him and I did together, only with other people.

    Since him, I have judged every date against him, and perhaps so it's why I'm still single after all this time.

    He is very happy with the new boyfriend they've been together for 1.5 years and I'm happy he is happy, but at the same time.... well........ my heart hurts.
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    Apr 08, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    you see him as the one that got away.. the big fish.. the one you will forever tell tales about being "this big" which gets bigger every time you tell it..

    forget about it, wanting what you can't have leaves you hollow and sad.. think about all that you have, smile and live life!
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    Apr 08, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    Do what the rest of us do: drink too much or slut around. Or both. Or work all the time and ignore every bitter, lonely emotion that leaps a synapse. Or become his stalker. Or stay home eating cupcakes and watching Julia Roberts/Reese Witherspoon movies.

    Moving on is easy. Getting over it's the tough part. There's no cure for it.
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    Apr 08, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    If you feel like your life isn't worth much without him in it - you've got to get your shit together and improve your life.

    Once you are happy with your life and feel you are going places, you'll stop glancing back to the same you spent with him.

    Easier said than done, I know.

    (Oh yeah, and delete that d**k's number and take him off Facebook).
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:01 AM GMT
    There is no tutorial. The best thing to do is to let yourself feel whatever you're feeling, and don't apologize for it. You have to move on your own time table. Eventually you'll feel better about it, and maybe at some point you'll end up comparing someone to the ex, and finding that the new guy is better anyway.
    If it helps at all, you're cute and shouldn't have trouble finding what you're looking for. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't jerks, the problem is finding them.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidIs there any way anyone has found to get a previous lover out of their mind? It has been 3 and a half years since I dated this one person, who lives so far away now, but I have recurrent thoughts, dreams as well as relive experiences that him and I did together, only with other people.

    Since him, I have judged every date against him, and perhaps so it's why I'm still single after all this time.

    He is very happy with the new boyfriend they've been together for 1.5 years and I'm happy he is happy, but at the same time.... well........ my heart hurts.


    I'm really sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation...3 yrs is a long time. How long were you guys dating before he moved away?

    I don't think there's a real cure for a broken heart. It's like a wound that needs to heal over time. Also like a real wound, if you keep picking at it... it will just postpone the healing process. Honestly you can only allow time to heal you. (Ok I i know I sound like a I'm full of zen, but seriously)

    A lot of us has been there, and all I can say is keep yourself distracted as much as you can. (Of course not with harmful things)

    I've experience the same exact situation a few years ago and it's almost like the person is a ghost haunting you. You keep thinking about what was instead of what's now.

    Keep telling yourself "he is happy with his knew life and I deserve the to be happy as well". Don't allow this to become torture.

    You may never forget the found memories, but It will get better in time as long as you don't work against time.
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    Apr 09, 2009 12:52 AM GMT

    Hey Oceanboy11,

    WolfRain said, "Keep telling yourself "he is happy with his knew life and I deserve the to be happy as well". Don't allow this to become torture."

    ...which we both found pretty good. We'll add that you can also tell yourself this truth too, that though he was a wonderful lover, he wasn't right one for you, or he'd still be with you. And this, if you found someone very much like him, a relationship with this guy could turn out the same way, eh?
    (Disclaimer : You may already be doing this, so the following advice is just a suggestion.)

    The 'People Store' is an interesting place, we think that many (including us) tend to go back and pick the same kind of model only 'new and improved'. Heh - the trouble is, that choice usually has us comparing him to the old model that didn't go the distance.

    Neither of us are what we each would have 'gone after' 22 years ago.
    How about casting your attention towards someone completely different?


    wink n hug - Doug n Bill
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    Apr 09, 2009 1:59 AM GMT

    Only time will heal that wound. I saw a guy who I compared to every man I saw for an entire 4 years and I've finally succeeded in finding his clone. I mean, spitting image, except the clone has a bigger dick. When ever I see the clone, I feel guilty because I'm afraid I'm with him only because he looks exactly like ***. LOL, on second thought, I can't give you advice, I'm obviously (in a twisted way) still dating my ex....shit. icon_cry.gif....but atleast he's hung. icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 09, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Only time will heal that wound. I saw a guy who I compared to every man I saw for an entire 4 years and I've finally succeeded in finding his clone. I mean, spitting image, except the clone has a bigger dick. When ever I see the clone, I feel guilty because I'm afraid I'm with him only because he looks exactly like ***. LOL, on second thought, I can't give you advice, I'm obviously (in a twisted way) still dating my ex....shit. icon_cry.gif....but atleast he's hung. icon_razz.gif


    Hahah I found myself doing the same thing looking for a clone. Sometimes it's not possible because they may have features and personality that is one of a kind.

    I guess that's when you find a new addiction.

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    Apr 09, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    Haunt. It never happens so you guys just forget the fu@king "pie in the sky" bull shit.
    You will be haunted until you breath your last about someone you love.
    I mean "love" and if you know what that means we are on the same page.
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    Apr 09, 2009 2:31 AM GMT



    We do, LutherGooch, yet we're still not on the same page....
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    Apr 09, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    "Clone"???
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    Apr 09, 2009 3:37 AM GMT
    Photobucket

    you don't you just wonder and try to move on.....


    Photobucket
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    Apr 09, 2009 7:25 AM GMT
    sigh....

    you guys all make sense, I have elevated his image and made all my dates compete against it, even though my image of him is far more perfect than he ever was. Unfortunately I am aware of all these things, and despite it... I am still feeling it for him.

    ... for the past few years I have been looking for people who looked like him, and found some, yet the love I have for him, was never matched.

    So in the end, you are all correct, I'm looking to revisit the love that I once had, to relive the times when we were together.

    Sadly, time did not heal anything, and I'm found years later with the same feelings I've had for him, if not even more.

    Is it possible that I have not found guys with amazing qualities in the location that I live, or is it still me?
    icon_confused.gif

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    Apr 09, 2009 7:31 AM GMT
    isn't time a wonderful thing.. it can make so many things seem so much better then they ever where..
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    Apr 09, 2009 8:18 AM GMT
    there is no need to get a relationship out of your mind if you learned something from it. Love the ones you love completely and when it its done, it is done. Otherwise you will always revisit it like a ghost from the past.
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    Apr 09, 2009 4:28 PM GMT
    The grieving process in no particular order is anger, depression, denial, bargaining, and ulitmately acceptance. You probably haven't gone through one or more of those stages, most likely acceptance. When you accept that he's moved on, and the relationship is over. Then that's when you heal.

    In terms of dating, most people do have their own unique things to offer. If you want to stop comparing him, live in the moment, and appreciate the person in front of you. You're not going to find a duplicate so look at core values, and don't critique trivial things.
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    Apr 09, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
    Runninchlt saidThe grieving process in no particular order is anger, depression, denial, bargaining, and ulitmately acceptance. You probably haven't gone through one or more of those stages, most likely acceptance. When you accept that he's moved on, and the relationship is over. Then that's when you heal.

    In terms of dating, most people do have their own unique things to offer. If you want to stop comparing him, live in the moment, and appreciate the person in front of you. You're not going to find a duplicate so look at core values, and don't critique trivial things.



    yeah this is the quencher, I have yet to accept that it's over. We never officially broke up, it was on a night by Lake Ontario, we biked to the shore and we hugged and talked, we never officially parted the relationship. The next day while he was at a training seminar, I got my stuff and left for the States. I cried almost the entire time.


    --Andre

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    Apr 10, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    Oceanboy11I'm looking to revisit the love that I once had, to relive the times when we were together.


    And you've got to accept it isn't going to happen.

    Sorry mate, I've been through it too and it's horrible. I do feel like I'm over the guy now, but that's because (for the moment) I'm happy with where my life is at.

    I'll bet you quite a lot of money, that wanting this guy back is about more than just him. It's probably about not being satisfied with other things in your life. Was for me.
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    Apr 10, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    it's a slow and painful decline to reaching the point you cross the 'over him' point, but it's worth waiting for... i believe it's the things that take longest to finish, like good old fashioned home cooking, are the most worth the time. there was a time when didn't even socialize cause of how into the past i was, about 2 years. but after i knew that i could look another guy without finding my mind, heart and soul in the past, i know was ready to consider dating/looking for now/looking for long term. you can do it too. you just have to make a conscious effort to "be here now".
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    Apr 10, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    The best cure for your old man...is a new man.

    Nuff said.
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    Apr 10, 2009 7:46 AM GMT
    ......................................................................Elastic Man Pictures, Images and Photos

    Yeah, why do we glorify our exes so much? I'm betting if you got him back ....he'd become your ex again, soon after. I think that applies to just about any guy in here.
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    Apr 10, 2009 9:50 AM GMT
    It's a simple memory bias, sometimes called rosy retrospection.

    When you look back at the past you tend to forget the bad stuff and excentuate the good stuff. Even if you can't forget the bad stuff you might end up feeling a bit of nostalgia (think of war veterans telling war stories).

    The best thing to do, is just live your life. Your heart will heal, but don't think about the past since it'll only get better each time.