Exactly what makes us "Dating"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    I tried to scour the past threads to see if this had been touched on before but couldn't find anything.

    So I'd been seeing this one guy for two weeks...totaling about 4 days/nights together. It was starting to not go well so I talked to a friend about the guy. I went on and on about what we didn't have in common when my friend just stopped me saying:

    "Dude, what's the problem...It's not like you two are dating..."

    ...But, we've been going out and getting to know each other...

    "That doesn't mean you're dating...The number of days you've hung out hasn't even totaled a week..."

    Then, coincidentally, I saw a comedic short film on TV where a guy "broke up" with a girl on the First Date...She exclaimed to him, "But we're not even dating each other!"

    So it got me thinking, was I over analyzing...was I caught up in the tradition heterosexual movie-like description of "dating": meeting someone new and going out to get to know them....Was it different for gay guys? "It's not 'dating', its 'Hanging out'"...Does 'dating' begin when you become exclusive?

    What do you guys consider "Dating"? Where does it actually begin? If I'm "hanging out" and getting to know several different guys as potential options of relationships, does that mean I'm "dating" all of them? I'm totally confused now...LOL



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    Sadly there is no easy answer for this when it comes to a guy.
    If you go out with a guy a number of times in just a few weeks (say three times or more in three wks). I'd say you are dating - unless each date becomes less - "takin it to the next level" .

    If you wwent out with this guy four times in two weeks but as the "dates" progressed things started to sour... I'd have to say the guys just wasn't that in to you and didn't have the balls to say so, so he opted to fade away.
    Other's opt to vanish.
    And still other's come on HARD and FAST and then when you start to recip the run, run away.

    If the same scenario and you end up spending the night one night and within a day or two there is a mutual "hey, let's hang out" (or even the night after the slumber party :winkicon_smile.gif then you have a good sign you're dating now.
    LOL

    Typical if all is progressing great... then on the fourth date, it's time to inquire where are we headed or it should be becoming obvious. And don't confuse "dating" with relationship - the "we are in a relationship" may not kick in until after a month and/or 6-8 dates... If you don't know by a 6th date where your headed - then you're wasting each other's time and it's time for the let's be friends talk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 6:58 PM GMT
    I certainly understand your situation. I was seeing a guy for 8 weeks and sleeping with him 3 nights a week every week. So based on conversations, one night it sounded like we were dating and other nights we were friends with benefits. WTF!!!

    Bottom line is if a guy cant get the balls to tell you how he is feeling after a month then he just isnt into you, or has baggage he can't get rid of, or is just damaged goods.

    My guy told me we were dating with a little "d" which means he wants to date around with me and nine other applicants, as he put it...am I on the show Survivor now and trying not to get voted off the Island????

    He said once he felt comfortable with a guy then the date would be a date with a big "D" and it would be monogomous.

    If it doesn't feel right to you or you get a strange vibe, or you get answers that take you in a circle, drop the jackass and keep searching. There is someone out there worthy of having a relationship with you and you don't need to settle....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 8:07 PM GMT
    Yeah, its all very confusing...I still don't understand the guys that say "I'm exclusively dating you but we're NOT in a relationship..." I thought that was how you knew you were in a Relationship, deciding to date that person exclusively...

    I can kinda understand if a person said, "I'm talking to other guys, but this guy is the only one I'm having sex with making him the number one contender..."

    And in my situation described above, we graduated to sex and he seemed to be really interested (he even said that with me he "found what he was looking for" and he anticipated us being lovers...after only 4 "dates"...wow). For me it was the "getting to know you" part revealed that I wasn't really into the things I was getting to know about him...But he was the only person I was intimate with at that time..But at the end of the forth date he got upset because he "saw me talking to another guy for five minutes".

    So, by my choice, there hasn't been a 5th date, surprisingly...lol...but it made me think about my perception of dating and how "committed" one has to seem even during the beginning stages...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 8:14 PM GMT
    1st off, "dating" for 2 weeks doesn't mean much, really. I mean I would personally define that as just "hanging out". And you cannot base "dating" by anyone's standard let alone something that's meant for entertainment. Every person/situation is different and it's best to proceed like that with each experience. With one guy, you may move like at Lesbian speed and the next could move like Molasses!! So allow things to happen as organically as they can and until you BOTH have THAT talk, it is what it is. Relax and enjoy your time with him/them....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 09, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    For me I make sure that both individuals KNOW it is a date by specifically calling it one. Both people can date around as much as they like no matter how long you have been dating until you declare exclusivity. I make sure I discuss these things with whomever I am dating because I feel that open communication is the key to a lasting relationship...and I am all about putting lables on what we have so don't hate! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    If he escapes from your basement, you are NO longer dating.