Gays in College

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 29, 2007 9:23 AM GMT
    So I'm gay and I'm in college. I slowly came out from freshman year and I came out fully (to my parents who were last to be told) in January as a senior. As a fifth year its a bit different coming out to people, I don't tell them and let them figure it out for themselves but I no longer deny it if they ask. One of my new suitemates just found out after he took a look at my facebook and was surprised, he was cool with it. I was curious as to how being gay has impacted your college lives. Are you selective of who you tell? Can you say you are "out" if some of your friends don't know? Cause I'm not sure everyone knows, but I don't want to tell them cause I don't want it to be a big deal, and on some level I don't want things to change, but if they asked I would tell them. Also I went to a few allies meetings and realized I didn't really fit in there, thats normal right? So yeah, what about you guys, how are you all handling your life in college as gay men.
  • MarkX

    Posts: 101

    Oct 29, 2007 2:58 PM GMT
    I'd do it differently.

    I started the slow process of coming out to myself in my freshman year (1984-85). After my junior year, I took a few years off to work and finally returned to college to start the slow process of coming out to everyone else (-95).

    I wanted to come out fully as a sophomore, but 1) I didn't want to be labeled in any way that I could defy, and 2) a visible majority of the gay men in my department [drama] were of the bitter, bitchy variety and I couldn't stand them.

    In retrospect, I'd like to have figured myself out in junior high, toughened up a bit in high school, and been out, wise beyond my years, in college.

    But hey, who wouldn't?

    I've been working with kids for 16 years and have been completely out for 14. I *can* say I'm out although some few people may not yet know, owl975, because I've come to understand that the process of coming out is really a lifelong one.

    And I've found that the more I'm upfront about who I am, the more I attract the people I value.
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    Oct 29, 2007 3:49 PM GMT
    I was completely closeted in college (not even out to myself) and could only have sex with a man if I was completely drunk. I'm sure that made me a not so hot lover, but, I can't be sure because I've forgotten almost all those episodes. I was 25 before I could have sober sex with a guy.
  • fryblock

    Posts: 387

    Oct 29, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    i came out to a few people my senior year of high school, then came out to everyone (friends, family, extended family, family friends, etc) the fall of my freshman year of college. since then everyone has known and it's not an issue at all. i dont introduce myself with name and sexuality, but its just something thats known.
  • Warren

    Posts: 99

    Oct 29, 2007 4:01 PM GMT
    I too was totally in the closet throughout college. I went to a private catholic school in texas, and so it wasn't a super accepting environment. My roommate and best friend from college still doesn't know. I didn't have sex, I didn't talk about it, or really even think about it (except for all the porn I had :winkicon_smile.gif. I felt guilty about it most of the 4 years. I think it was partly because I wasn't around any other gay people, (that I knew of) and having lived in the conservative south, I wasn't really accepting of myself.

    Once I hit med school, that all changed. 2 term here I got in touch with the local LGBT group and now I've come out to my brothers, more of my friends, I'm pretty open about it here at school and I've been on dates and had sex and everything. Being in a multicultural setting 2000 miles away from home really helped me to accept myself and grow into who I am now.
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    Oct 29, 2007 4:04 PM GMT
    I've told a select few people not at university (my immediate family knows, my best friend), and one person at university. One of my sister's house mates found out accidentally, but she is fine with it, so I am fine with it too. I think if someone asked me, I would probably tell them, but for right now, I'm fine just being who I am.
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    Oct 29, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    I have been "out" since my second semester in college. Even though I was also at a private catholic school, it was in New Orleans, and I was a theater major for most of my undergrad so it was never really an issue. I wish I could do college over again though, for other reasons. I'd try to remember to take life a little less seriously, and I'd actually maybe go to class once or twice this time around.
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    Oct 29, 2007 5:35 PM GMT
    I go to FIT...so you only come out of the closet if your straight.

    Guess it depends on where ya go and what major you're in.

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    Oct 29, 2007 5:59 PM GMT
    I miss college, it was so easy.

    I started going out w/ gay people in High School to bars and such, partly because I started college when I was 16.

    I realized i was into guys and all the gay stuff really wasn't a big deal to mature people.

    By my senior yr in high school all my good friends knew and parents. I traveled 1700 miles from Cleveland to Phoenix for ASU and decided who cares. In my initial weeks i had a few "Graces" of course i was Will.

    I've found in life now, outside of college, i hang out with a lot of gay people. If i go out with a gf or straights i connect with people easily and don't find it important to tell people i'm gay. I judge the crowd, if were getting personable then i share who i am. If someone asks, then i tell em. We can only portray who we are and our lifestyle if people know everything about us.

    *I love when i meet a group of people, then they find out i'm gay, all of a sudden i'm so cool and they all have someone for me to meet.

    I think it is funny how our need for social acceptance changes in different situations.
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    Oct 30, 2007 1:15 PM GMT
    Being gay is only one aspect of my life. I treat it like i do any other aspect of life. If someone asks me I am open about it. I dont announce it as the first characteristic of my life. The school i attend is very conservative so it is wise for me to not shout itfrom the roof tops. There are some people who wouldnt not understand and would only care that I am gay while ignoring the other aspects of my life. I would rather a person know me for who I am then just stereotype me based of what they think they know.
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    Oct 30, 2007 1:41 PM GMT
    I think it depends on the college you're at and where you are at but I didnt have a problem coming out to people. Then again when its girl to guy ratio of 8 to 1 and about 45% of the guys at the school are either gay,bi or curious go figure. Private catholic university what can I say. icon_twisted.gif Some of the things that happened there would even have put some parts of the old testiment to shame.
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    Oct 30, 2007 7:29 PM GMT
    im out, but i haven't told anyone yet. ive giving some people my myspace page and it says it on there but no ones actually confronted me about it. a couple of people saw a button on my backpack that says i was a gay cowboy before it was trendy. and they loved it. but if anyone asks ill tell em, im just not goin to go running up and down the halls with a pride flag yelling im a poofter ima poofter. of course the school im goin to is very liberal to. being a art school.
  • Paradigm_Shif...

    Posts: 251

    Oct 30, 2007 7:57 PM GMT
    My freshman year in College my roommate covered his side of the room with posters of Angelina Jolie and other semi-nude women.

    So after a few months I felt pretty comfortable with the guys on my floor and I decided to hang a few pictures of some semi-nude guys.

    They figured it out....


    (These days I let facebook do all of my heavy lifting when it comes to telling new people)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2007 8:56 PM GMT
    I've been out since I was 16, and being at a college in Alabama news kinds of travels fast. I kind of had to tell like three people and somehow the whole campus new. :-)
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    Oct 31, 2007 12:48 AM GMT
    Eh. I just came out all at once in a kind of big bang when I first got to college. I came out to my parents in like the 10th grade though, so they already knew.

    Dude, it was weird to just be telling people about it at first--like, really weird. Kept thinking "Wow, did I just say that?" or hesitating at first not knowing when it was an appropriate thing to mention in a conversation.

    Probably took me a couple weeks to get used to it.
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    Oct 31, 2007 7:01 PM GMT
    I was in denial all through college (even the second time around). I came out just after I graduated. I first felt the need to tell everyone, but now, only special people get told -- people who know me for who I am first.

    I really don't think that most people don't need to know and don't really care (or don't want to know).

    I don't care if people find out, but I don't need to be "in your face" about it, either.

    Just happy to finally be me.
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    Nov 03, 2007 6:26 PM GMT
    I came out my frist day of college. I didn't want to have to deal with it later. It went well, I wasn't sure being at a private catholic school. It seems that alot of the guys on here in the Catholic Schools.
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    Nov 04, 2007 5:24 AM GMT
    I really don't define myself by my sexuality. I tend to let people figure it out. I don't hide it, but i don't flaunt it and thats the best way I feel to do it. Most people if they are cool will just be like whatever, and not care, but you're going to get the homophobes everywhere...
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    Aug 15, 2008 4:23 PM GMT
    Hmm.. well I went into University already out, not by choice though. A friend in High School that I confided in when I wasn't really sure of 'who I was' leaked some stuff Sophomore year- it only took a few days for the whole school to know. Looking back though, I wouldn't have changed a thing about it. My mom got to say to me "I know you're gay, sweetie," so I didn't even have to think about it or get nervous or any of that. I guess I am pretty open, but I don't go around telling people (unless I feel they absolutely should know). There are a few people that should know in my opinion- roommates, close friends, etc. I guess that I get close enough to the people in my everyday life now and I don't really mind if they know or not, but I tend to tell people when they start asking me those pesky "Do you have a girlfriend?" questions etc.
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    Aug 15, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    Oh- and my roommate last year was a really awesome guy. Totally fine with it all and really open to learning more about LGBTQ 'life' haha.
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    Aug 15, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    I have been 100% open about my sexuality since I've started college, and I've been met with tons of support from friends. Most people just don't care. Sure, there are still some ignorant douche's who are weirded out by it, but i just ignore them and let them be anyway. Their loss! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 15, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    If people want to know my sexuality, then they should ask. Otherwise, I don't offer up the information. I don't hide who I am as a person. If one is uncomfortable with me being gay, that's their problem, not mine. Being gay is only a part of what makes me me. First and foremost I am human.
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    Aug 15, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    I wish I was out in college. I would have had less stress to deal with. Not that there was a big gay scene at my little school but i would have been able to be honest with my friends.
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    Aug 15, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    I wish I had been out in college too. My experience would have been completely different. I was so worried that people would find out, I made a lot of decisions that prevented me from having the best experience I could have. I still had a great time, but I know it would've been better/different had I been out. Not one of my friends from college had issue with me when I came out, so it would've been no issue while in school either.
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    Aug 15, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    I really have no opinion on this. icon_confused.gif I'm currently in college, although a community college. Everyone pretty much goes about their own business as do I.