Caslon's Laws of the Locker Room

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    Apr 12, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    Law #1: If there are two men in the locker room, they will occupy the lockers above and below each other.

    Law #1, Corollary A: ...and the other guy won't be at all attractive to you

    Law #1, Corollary B: ....not even his junk will be attractive to you and you won't even want it in your face.

    Law #1, Corollary C: ...If there happens to be a third guy in the locker room, the 3 men will triangulate such a way that there will not be enough convenient bench space for the 3 of you.


    Law #2: All scales in locker rooms lie!


    Law #3: No matter which shower stall you pick, the dispenser will be out of soap.


    Law #4: All sweat towels are made by the Sandpaper Division of the 3M Corporation

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    Apr 12, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    Law #5: The hot guy never undresses there. He just grabs his bag from the locker and heads home for the shower.

    Law #6: If you are with a hot guy in the locker room, you immediately become a klutz. Your bag will spill it's contents on the floor and all sleeves and pant-legs get tangled.

    Law #7: If the hot guy wants to fool around with you, there will be absolutely no privacy anywhere, not in the showers, or the sauna, or the steam-room
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    Apr 12, 2009 9:25 PM GMT
    bernd saidLaw #7: If the hot guy wants to fool around with you, there will be absolutely no privacy anywhere, not in the showers, or the sauna, or the steam-room


    UGH. Again with the gay-cliche locker room messing around. Can't you take it somewhere else? Must you continue to give gays a bad reputation?

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    Apr 12, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
    no-one ever wants to mess around with me at the gym.
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    Apr 12, 2009 9:32 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidno-one ever wants to mess around with me at the gym.

    I would.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Puppy80

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    Apr 12, 2009 9:44 PM GMT
    Caslon10000 said


    Law #4: All sweat towels are made by the Sandpaper Division of the 3M Corporation



    Law #4, Corollary A: ...and the towels are all the size of a piece of sand paper
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    Apr 12, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    #8 the guy with the 9 inch schlong will also be 6ft tall and have the locker above yours
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    Apr 12, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    Puppy80 said
    Caslon10000 said


    Law #4: All sweat towels are made by the Sandpaper Division of the 3M Corporation



    Law #4, Corollary A: ...and the towels are all the size of a piece of sand paper


    icon_lol.gif

    I guess so they wont be worth stealing.
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    Apr 12, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    jimib said#8 the guy with the 9 inch schlong will also be 6ft tall and have the locker above yours

    I think proposed Law #8 is in conflict with:

    Law #1, Corollary B: ....not even his junk will be attractive to you and you won't even want it in your face.

    I doubt I would mind a 9 inch schlong dangling in front of my face! ... icon_eek.gif


    Caslon's Ruling: Proposed Law #8 is stuck from the order of laws.
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    Apr 12, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    NakedDevil said
    bernd saidLaw #7: If the hot guy wants to fool around with you, there will be absolutely no privacy anywhere, not in the showers, or the sauna, or the steam-room


    UGH. Again with the gay-cliche locker room messing around. Can't you take it somewhere else? Must you continue to give gays a bad reputation?

    It only gives gays a bad reputation if you let someone else set the definition. Until "harm done" is established, the basis for "bad' is still subjective. But this is a digression and has been discussed to death elsewhere on RJ. To paraphrase, "get a thread"

    Back to Caslon's Laws of the Locker Room....
  • Puppy80

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    Apr 12, 2009 10:19 PM GMT
    Law #7: You'll be showering and someone knocks on the door because they left their shampoo / soap on the top ledge between shower stalls (and your to short to reach it for them) subjective to height of person)) and must stop and let them grab the soap/shampoo or water bottle. icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 12, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    Law #9: The TV will only show ESPN or Fox News (Yes, that is a bad thing)


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    Apr 12, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    Caslon10000 said
    jimib said#8 the guy with the 9 inch schlong will also be 6ft tall and have the locker above yours

    I think proposed Law #8 is in conflict with:

    Law #1, Corollary B: ....not even his junk will be attractive to you and you won't even want it in your face.

    I doubt I would mind a 9 inch schlong dangling in front of my face! ... icon_eek.gif


    Caslon's Ruling: Proposed Law #8 is stuck from the order of laws.


    As 5ft8in man, I can tell you this happens to me about once a week. I hate using a bottom locker as a result of it. And, true, never an attractive junk, just all in my face
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    Apr 12, 2009 10:29 PM GMT
    Caslon10000 said
    NakedDevil said
    bernd saidLaw #7: If the hot guy wants to fool around with you, there will be absolutely no privacy anywhere, not in the showers, or the sauna, or the steam-room


    UGH. Again with the gay-cliche locker room messing around. Can't you take it somewhere else? Must you continue to give gays a bad reputation?

    It only gives gays a bad reputation if you let someone else set the definition. Until "harm done" is established, the basis for "bad' is still subjective. But this is a digression and has been discussed to death elsewhere on RJ. To paraphrase, "get a thread"

    Back to Caslon's Laws of the Locker Room....


    I agree it's been done to death. But as long as people continue to rationalize and normalize such lewd behavior, society will continue to think of us as "disgusting perverts".

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    Apr 12, 2009 10:56 PM GMT
    Puppy80 saidLaw #7: You'll be showering and someone knocks on the door because they left their shampoo / soap on the top ledge between shower stalls (and your to short to reach it for them) subjective to height of person)) and must stop and let them grab it. icon_evil.gif


    Let them grab what? Are you talking about the sort of behavior Naked Devil frowns upon?
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    Apr 12, 2009 11:00 PM GMT
    all of these laws are so frikin true!! I am dying laughin over here because sometimes I think I am the only one all of this happens to!!!!
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    Apr 12, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    Hahaha, this is great Caslon! I always have #1 happen to me, no matter if it's busy or dead, or big or small locker room. We always end up next to each other with no room. Just last week a guy I didn't find attractive had his junk in my face, even though he wasn't trying to and thankfully had a towel on.

    Love #4 too. As someone who works in the industry, I can tell you that the abrasive handkerchief-sized towels are indeed cheaper, yet still annoying. And yes they do walk off, all the time, regardless of fabric quality. We have to order more constantly! So if all the Towel Kleptos would stop stealing them, maybe there'd be better workout towels in the world.

    And Bernd amendments # 5 & 6 are great too. Sadly have had #6 happen to me. Just not a smooth operator around hot guys, especially ones half naked, haha.icon_confused.gif

  • Apr 12, 2009 11:16 PM GMT
    NakedDevil saidBut as long as people continue to rationalize and normalize such lewd behavior, society will continue to think of us as "disgusting perverts".


    Living for the opinions of others ain't living.

    That said, I'm not a fan of locker room sex, but I don't let it bother me. If guys have got the balls to go for it in the steam room, then that's fine with me. And if I walk in for (gasp!) a steam and interrupt somebody's good time, sucks for them.

    But I'm so done with worrying about what the straights think.
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    Apr 12, 2009 11:26 PM GMT
    Are we to rule #10?

    the number of operational soap dispensers with soap in them must never be more than 1.
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    Apr 12, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    NakedDevil saidI agree it's been done to death. But as long as people continue to rationalize and normalize such lewd behavior, society will continue to think of us as "disgusting perverts".


    Fine ....just take it over to the other thread....this is a humorous thread....

    funny pictures

    now if you will excuse us, the rest of us have some silly fun to attend to...
  • Puppy80

    Posts: 451

    Apr 12, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    madtown said
    Puppy80 saidLaw #7: You'll be showering and someone knocks on the door because they left their shampoo / soap on the top ledge between shower stalls (and your to short to reach it for them) subjective to height of person)) and must stop and let them grab it. icon_evil.gif


    Let them grab what? Are you talking about the sort of behavior Naked Devil frowns upon?


    Whoops, guess I should have made that Law a little more clear. Will go back and edit saying to grab their shampoo, soap, water bottle...
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    Apr 13, 2009 12:03 AM GMT
    Puppy80 saidLaw #7: You'll be showering and someone knocks on the door because they left their shampoo / soap on the top ledge between shower stalls (and your to short to reach it for them) subjective to height of person)) and must stop and let them grab the soap/shampoo or water bottle. icon_evil.gif

    Dont be so quick grabbing that shampoo, buddy! ... Hey if I have to have my shower interrupted and invaded, shouldnt there be something in it for me? .... icon_wink.gif
  • Puppy80

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    Apr 13, 2009 12:05 AM GMT
    bernd saidLaw #9: The TV will only show ESPN or Fox News (Yes, that is a bad thing)


    Durring the afternoons at my gym their tuned to CNBC for the financial news

    Law #11: Law of probabilities! You are almost assured at some point in your gym locker life to come across someone's clothes left behind in their rush to get home or back to the office. And usually it's something you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 13, 2009 12:13 AM GMT
    Law # 12, Someone forgot to turn on the sauna. Gotta wait 30 minutes.

    Law # 13, The sauna is full of 5 sweaty naked guys, and you're number 6.

    Law # 14. There's no water in the bowl to throw on the grate.

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    Apr 13, 2009 12:17 AM GMT
    NFOMan saidLaw # 13, The sauna is full of 5 sweaty naked guys, and you're number 6.

    Pardon me for being dense, but I am missing the point of this Law.