can you stay just friend with a hot gay guy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2009 3:30 PM GMT
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  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Apr 13, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    Good question!

    A few times I dated someone I thought was very attractive and after one date they said the horrible words you hate to hear, " You are a nice guy, but can we we just friends?" YUCK HATE THAT!

    Of course I have said the same thing myself.

    It is very difficult to be just friends when the sexual heat is there from only one side and you have expressed it to him.

    Comments?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Absolutely! You never know when they will be your bird dog. One of his friends might have an interest in you.
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    Apr 13, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    I think it depends -- if you are ok with the fact your attraction will be unreciprocated, then that's fine. BUT if you're hanging around with him, hoping that if he spends more time with you he'll change his mind about being just friends (and I think most of us have done this), then it's time to move on.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Apr 13, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    xanadude saidI think it depends -- if you are ok with the fact your attraction will be unreciprocated, then that's fine. BUT if you're hanging around with him, hoping that if he spends more time with you he'll change his mind about being just friends (and I think most of us have done this), then it's time to move on.




    Yes I agree in most cases it is best to move on and let it go.
    It can be painful watching the guy you lust for with someone else.

    And having been in both positions I know it is uncomfortable when you are not attracted to be with a guy you know wants you (sexually)
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    Apr 13, 2009 5:51 PM GMT
    uh yeah...just because he is hot doesn't mean he is mr. right...or mr. right now....He is hot...big whoop...some people are just meant to fuck, to love, or just to be friends and that is all.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Apr 13, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    I don't wanna.
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    Apr 13, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    yes. friendship will trump recreational sex everytime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    Yup. I don't see what's so hard about it. For there to be anything more then just friendship you would need to have some sort of an attraction on both sides.

    Seriously, it's not always about sex.
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    Apr 13, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    Of course! Whenever you meet someone new there's the possibility of falling for them sexually, romantically, or platonically. It varies, and some due blend together, i.e.- friend with benefits, etc. It all depends on what the two of you are looking for and can accept!
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:07 PM GMT

    Not gonna happen. They all choose to be friends with just their fellow hot gay guys only. Fact.
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    For me the answer would be: Yes

    In general I feel that it is dependent on some initial factors. When you first met, was there a instant sexual attraction or did it evolve into that? What qualities do you value for in a friend and are they the same for a sexual partner? Do you make a distinction between the two?

    I have noticed that many people do not make the distinction between wanting to be friends and wanting to have sex with that person. They take what they can get... so to speak, I call it the "if it happens it happens" approach icon_wink.gif

    Eye candy isn't always sweet... and I tend to value less superficial qualities in people, but that's just me
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:35 PM GMT
    I don't see how it would be difficult to just be friends honestly. Just cuz one friend is hot, and both are gay, doesn't automatically mean that anything MUST happen between them.

    Personally, I look more for a friendship first. If that develops into something more, then it does, but I'm not about to become depressed if we just stay friends.
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:36 PM GMT
    yeah i love having hot friends so wen we go to the river all the girls r like ooo look at those studs and we can just be like bitch plz, we like dick... its a good feeling
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Apr 13, 2009 7:39 PM GMT
    xanadude saidI think it depends -- if you are ok with the fact your attraction will be unreciprocated, then that's fine. BUT if you're hanging around with him, hoping that if he spends more time with you he'll change his mind about being just friends (and I think most of us have done this), then it's time to move on.


    Did it when I was in 12th grade, turned out to be futile. Never did it again.
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    I hate this topic!

    It helps to carry along the stereotype that evey gay man will jump on the hottest thing possible. One of my best friends who is actually on this site, and quite popular, and I could NEVER imagine having more than a friendship with him.

    I honestly think it's a matter of maturity.
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    Apr 13, 2009 7:54 PM GMT
    I could easily be friends with a "hot" guy but I wouldn't be thinking they are hot.

    If asked I'd say they are good looking but since they are my friend I wouldn't think of them as hot.

    It all a matter of how you view them if you view them. If you want them then you probably really don't think of them as a friend.
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    Apr 13, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    danielryan saidI hate this topic!

    It helps to carry along the stereotype that evey gay man will jump on the hottest thing possible. One of my best friends who is actually on this site, and quite popular, and I could NEVER imagine having more than a friendship with him.

    I honestly think it's a matter of maturity.



    uh-oh...I am so immature.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    I think one can remain friends, but not everyone has the inner fortitude. Hence the evolution of fag hags.
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    Apr 13, 2009 8:37 PM GMT

    Ick. Maybe I don't really know I'm friends with hot gay guys 'cos I just don't see or look at them that way... except when the situation calls for an ego booster.
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    Apr 13, 2009 8:40 PM GMT
    why of course you can, in fact i keep most exes as friends because they make for excellent wingmen and we can relate to each other. platonic hotties fo lyfe!
  • treader

    Posts: 238

    Apr 13, 2009 8:53 PM GMT
    LifeguardGuy saidI could easily be friends with a "hot" guy but I wouldn't be thinking they are hot. If you want them then you probably really don't think of them as a friend.


    Exactly. Hotness implies that you're interested in being more than 'friends'. In my experience, I've have been able to become friends with guys who I thought were hot but only after a period of time (away from each other) has past. You can't turn off feelings like a switch. It's best to move on and let go of them so that friendship is a possibility later on.
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    Apr 13, 2009 9:07 PM GMT
    Hell ya... cause I'd probably have no chance with him anyways lol
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    Apr 13, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    Interesting topic- and one that I can relate to, from very recent experience, but still too early for final decision.

    Met an older man, 9 years my senior, this past friday. We had met online and have been emailing for some time, but until i went to his place, had not physically met. We had a very nice visit, even going to a local gay bar. But nothing, past mild flirtation on his part, took place. I said , or did, nothing that would lead him on. I was merely being me. He asked if I had plans for Easter-

    Being alone, and fairly new to the area, he had no one to spend Easter with. I had my own family functions to attend, but after much consideration,
    decided to share his day by going up in the afternoon. Well, things were headed in a definite direction, and sitting on the couch, he told me he was very sexually attracted to me..

    I took a deep breath, looked him in the eyes, and told him that I did find him attractive, for an older man, but not sexually, for me. I have always had a thing for guy's my age, or younger (best buddy is 18 years younger than me) It's not that I have not tried with older men..one, had a penile implant, due to prostate removal, and the other one insisted upon making weird animal noises when we had sex..neither, a big turn-on for me...

    I told him that I was sorry if my words hurt him, but wanted to be honest with him. He barely missed a beat, when he said that being friends, only, was fine with him. And as I was in car couple hours later, ready to leave, we made tentative plans for getting together again in couple weeks.

    So, at this point, the court is out, on weather or not a friendship can be fostered with another gay man that I do not reciprocate in sexual desire ....
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    Apr 14, 2009 2:30 PM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 saidHell ya... cause I'd probably have no chance with him anyways lol

    are you sure you understand the question right. i said ''a hot gay guy'' not '' a hot syr8 guy''