I was really curious what people might say about this topic. I love listening to anyone talk about who they are and what makes them up, and am very interested whether or how people are happy. Love is one area where we seem to want to be happy.
This site, for instance, in a way is about community, community can be about acceptance, an extension of grace, and a strong sense of belonging and being cared for. I'm not saying this site offers all that as such, it is just what community tends to be about. But this site is also about sexuality and in some cases love and attraction. Underneath the surface of working out or being a "jock" (or merely associated with it), seems to be this current of many things that are apparent in the forums, the pictures, and the profiles, even the simplest of them. This current is made of multiple desires and longings, love, romance, attraction, sexual passion, getting off, and lots more. The very choices of self-definition available on the profiles reveal this.
So when I listen to people talk about love and happiness, invariably the term "need" comes up, employed in many ways. We talk about what we need and at the same time talk about a fear of neediness, either in others or sometimes ourselves.
Need tends to be one of those ideas that we get stuck on. Its not well defined but we all can mention it and seem to have a general common understanding.
So anyway, I was hoping lots of people would contribute to this topic so I could see a clearer picture of what we mean now by neediness. Sometimes need is discussed as if it were on this continuum. On one side is not needing anything, a place many people seem to want to associate for themselves, and on the other is something like co-dependence or desperation. I'm not so sure this idea serves us well, as one person's idea of balance might be another's idea of too much to one side. And I never liked the idea of balance anyway. Harmony is a better word, and in harmony there can be many loud voices or many contributions to what makes a pleasant sound.
So I think we are delusional when we think we need nothing, and we are delusional when we think we need someone to make us happy. But what would be cool would for us as gay people to have this open and ongoing conversation about how we make our happiness in love since it is not only something we seem preoccupied with, but that it tends to be elusive since a lot of the general population is not too cool with gay love in the first place (little social support - as they may be for straight relationships).
No one has cornered the market on it, and there definitely is no formula, but I would love to see gay people leading the conversation in a healthy and wise way for the world at large of what it means to be truly happy in love and to navigate ideas such as need and neediness.