Aquanerd: Yeah, I really wasn't at that time sure WHY I went to OA - it seemed like the 'right' thing to do - be in a supportive environment for staying on a diet. Perhaps after 2 1/2 months of dieting and losing 21 lbs and getting more into a lifestyle/eating change, perhaps OA isn't for me.
Caslon: You really know how to cut through the bull... and make me laugh. You're right... if I go to a gym local to me (outside of Manhattan, and not 'gay') no one is going to be looking at me, and I don't give a damn what 'straight' folks think about me as gay (and I'm certainly NOT going to be wearing rainbow-colored shorts to any place I go to! LOL. Local to me I've found 2 gyms online... one the pretty spa overlooking the Hudson, the other a supermarket-size 'working-class' joint open 24/7. So I plan to check them out... once I look over any RJ forums on 'Choosing a Gym'... what to look for, what to ask about, what to figure out what I need in a gym.
I know the basics of dieting... I know the foods that are bad. I need to craft good daily menus, and that is what I'm bad at. Since I work out of my home, I can do the 5-6 mini-meals (and so I can get all the proper food groups in). I did start calorie-counting on Monday, and as I guessed, I'm under-eating what I should be, which is not a good thing. Psychologically, food is interesting me less and less (and my stomach doesn't growl), and so I don't want to go in the opposite direction with my (non)eating (for obvious reasons). I guess shedding pounds has inspired me more than a large bag of potato chips or 6 donuts at one time. Anyways, thanks for the book recommendation... Actually, I could use a good basic one on exercise as well, if you know of any?
Ruggie: And I quote him "If I look at myself, groups like OA don't help me, because first I'm mildly antisocial, and second, I don't want to commiserate about being fat and unhealthy, I want to take steps, here and now, and not be reminded of how good bad food tastes. Talking about being fat (to me, while working terrifically for others) feels lazy and a waste of time. You've already been losing weight, so you don't need "permission" or "enablement" to continue to do so (probably)."
Ahhh, I think you hit the nail on the head of why I was uncomfortable there. Those reasons you give are true for me also... and I also have a limited amount of free time, so I COULD spend it at the gym or walking or bicycling, and not shlepping into Manhattan, when I can get support from RJ folks here, or my friends who are supportive of my losing weight (fortunately I don't have family pushing rich food down my throat!). Almost any one of the guys I met at OA, I'd be willing to chat with on the phone or online... but all together it just wasn't happening... and that does stem from being a very one-on-one person... I don't like groups, UNLESS I'm put in the position of host and then I become very gracious, outgoing and friendly.
GuiltyGear: You raised interesting points, and yes, I am trying to deal with 'unresolved issues'... like many I've been blessed in my life, and I've had my share of tragedy. After my first partner died I did individual therapy for a year... but my therapist never even hinted about my weight, or had me explore it... and clearly it was increasing due to grief issues. And after my second partner died (suddenly after 6 months) I decided to do GROUP therapy, and again weight issues never came up (and certainly I was dealing with grief and guilt issues over his death). Maybe they didn't bring it up because they expected me too, I dunno... really not sure how much therapy of either kind helped me... only time and one good friend have seemed to help me sort shit out.
I'm am/was an overeater because of how I was raised by my family to eat and enjoy good, rich food AND disinterest in sports with a real klutz factor (always falling and breaking a bone here, or spraining an ankle there) AND that my peers and coaches in middle- / high school were insensitive homophobic jerks AND I became lazy in not doing enough physical activity (other than walking, hiking and bicycling back then). Actually, if the school had had weight machines and a supportive teacher, I (and I'm sure many other 'fatties') wouldn't be in this predicament. But I now know 30 years later, that all I have to blame is ME for staying in the predicament... I had certain priorities in my life in my 20's to 40's and now a new one for my 50's (which is attempting to live life longer... I guess I thought being gay I might not live this long with AIDS all around me... now that doesn't scare me as much as heart disease, as that is what my partners both succumbed to.
Sorry for the long post... maybe I should blog... though I think I've gotten out all I need on this topic.
Thanks for all your thoughts, guys... I appreciated your time in posting them.