Asking guys out, outside of a gay environment.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 3:17 AM GMT
    For the first time ever, I asked a guy out. The checkout guy at the grocery store and I were vibing nicely. I found him to be quite attractive, and I noticed him giving me the eye a bit.

    Before I walked off with my groceries, I asked if he was gay, when the answer was yes, I asked him out, and he said he was seeing someone.

    I walked away with a big smile on my face. I've been in a relationship virtually the entire time I've been actively gay. I was finally single for the first time early in the summer, and I now feel ready to date. While I would have preferred he said yes, I was very happy with myself, and if I run into him again, I imagine it is likely we will be friends.

    My question here comes to technique. I had confidence this guy was gay, but if I didn't, should I have changed my approach? What is an approach you guys find works for you?

    I'm thinking I would cut out just asking if a guy is gay and just straight up ask them out. Keep in mind, the majority of guys I would ask out are going to be out in the park, at school (college), or my cashier.

    In other words, how do you ask someone out that you aren't sure is gay, outside of a club or bar.

    Feel free to weigh in with your opinions, but I would prefer to hear mostly from those experienced with the subject.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 3:33 PM GMT
    "how do you ask someone out that you aren't sure is gay, outside of a club or bar"

    The latest signal is tapping your feet on the floor and then touching the other guys foot and passing it off as a wide stance if he reacts poorly.

    HEHE!

    Actually, sounds to me like you did everything right, including asking the guy first if he's gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 3:38 PM GMT
    I ain't asking guys out anymore... too much hassle! HA HA HA
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Oct 31, 2007 4:52 PM GMT
    McGay McRocks !!!! You can usually tell if someone else is gay or not. Body language, gaydar, i guess just that sixth sense we all have. I believe there is always a 50/50 chance he is. My straight friends always say i think most guys are gay and i say NOOOOO i just think not everyone is STRAIGHT!! Hell they are the first to complain that all the good looking guys (at least my straight female friends) are gay, so i figure OKAY!!!!!!!!! I have asked guys out at starbucks, the bookstore, i mean the REAL bookstore, LOL and especially the gym. Sometimes you just gotta take chances. Most gay guys are afraid to ask someone out or approach them out of a gay environment because they are afraid of OUTTING themselves to someone who may not be gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 7:52 PM GMT
    So, liftordie, my question to you is:

    What do you say? Do you ask if they are gay first? Or do you start some small conversation and then work up to asking them out? Do you just straight up ask them out? What have been the results? Generally successful?

    I'm very curious what other people have to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 8:58 PM GMT
    It's all in the eyes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 31, 2007 9:25 PM GMT
    Great topic. I go to college, have liked a couple of guys, but never had the courage to ask them out for that one reason...that the answers could be a scornful "no, I'm not gay!". I even eye-danced with this guy for a month- but nothing.Now he ignores me and responds so rudely to any question I ask him ( I have however started ignoring him too- I can't cry over a man like he is the only one!) The other guy- he even asked if we could study together (we did), smiled at me a lot initially, but now simply ignores me. Talk about missing the bus twice.
    So this again is a really good topic. I am curious as to the best way to handle the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2007 2:26 AM GMT
    It's weird. My gaydar is usually pretty good, but I have never had the confidence to test it out personally. Not from fear of rejection or anything like that, just that I haven't worked up the courage to put myself out there like that. Meh, maybe I have missed out, who knows?

    Congrats to you Sureshot for having a sense and going for it. You have given yourself a confidence booster and will probably end up with a new friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 01, 2007 2:30 AM GMT
    "You seem cool...do you like boys or girls?"

    ...always wanted to try that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 02, 2007 1:53 AM GMT
    Rugger, I might actually try that one of these days. icon_biggrin.gif, I'll let you know how it goes.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Nov 02, 2007 2:23 AM GMT
    A hottie from my gym dressed up as Karl Lagerfeld for Halloween; I don't think a straight guy would do that. Now I'm starting to see him in a whole new light.

    I should ask him out. I always feel weird about being on the prowl in the gym, because I swear I go to the straightest gym on the planet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 7:23 PM GMT
    Where do you shop.. I am on my way! ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2007 5:29 PM GMT
    It depends on what you are looking for. Don't bother with the ""are you gay" question unless you're only goal is to find a date. The most innocent way is to find out first if you have anything in common. Then see if he doesn't want to join you for a drink or coffee.

    I've been doing this for years but there are some drawbacks. I've picked up several straight (not curious) guys many of whom became friends. I've also been the first gay experience for many guys. Sometimes it’s hot but frankly I'd rather meet a guy who is at home with his sexuality. I recently met a hot divorced guy who dates only women. He is in his 40 and has had very limited gay experience. We hit it off but when it came to sex he gets hard as a rock just talking about it but feels conflicted and guilty during and afterwards. You will also discover there are more truly bi men (not closeted gay men) out there then gay men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 17, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    It's been my experience that you can never really tell for sure. I'm a magnet for straight guys that love to flirt with gay guys - I've had too many experiences where a straight guy has been so bold that my friends and I are like, " he must be honestly interested," only to realize he's just an open-minded straight guy. I don't know if it's because I live in LA or because I grew up in all-boys environments with predominantly straight guys so I'm sending out some kind of straight-man honing signal, but I've found it uncanny how many times this happens to me in adult life. At the end of the day, you're taking always taking a bit of a risk - but it is a risk worth taking!