Death by Bullying!!! Did You Experience Bullying? Were you a bully?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/po/20090409/ts_po/antigay_bullying_leads_to_childs_suicide icon_sad.gif


    Did you experience bullying growing up?
    Were you a bully?
    What could have saved him?
    If you were bullied, did it get to a stage where you felt like killing yourself?
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    Apr 14, 2009 9:51 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidhttp://news.yahoo.com/s/po/20090409/ts_po/antigay_bullying_leads_to_childs_suicide icon_sad.gif


    Did you experience bullying growing up?
    Were you a bully?
    What could have saved him?
    If you were bullied, did it get to a stage where you felt like killing yourself?


    What the hell is the world coming to? This is so sad.

    Experienced it once. Beat the shit out of him. That was the end of bullying

    I was never a bully

    Parents need to do a better job with their demon seed
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    Apr 14, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    I was bullied a little until I decked the fuckers and they were to scared to come near me hehehe

    I used to look after the dorky guys who couldn't/wouldn't fight and would get picked on by others, they'd come to ma lil circle and the bullies being scared of me wouldn't touch any of them, by mid year in a new school there was no one left for the bullies to pick on so they'd try new people and get the stuffing beaten outta them icon_biggrin.gif

    and gawd I'd never have passed anything other then science and art without them guys all there helping me learn that shit
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    Apr 14, 2009 10:23 PM GMT
    I read the whole story on CNN and the comments (which, I might add, are very supportive and gay-positive - nice to see a more enlightened crowd). What really bugs me is that most of us went through this because as males, we deviated from what is seen as normal - whether we admit that or not - and what is odd to me is that we are ashamed to admit it even to other gay people! There always has to be some twist 'I decked the fucker!' or something like that. I can guarantee you, the majority of gay boys did not experience anything close to that kind of 'victory' - if anything, it ruined their self esteem and stunted their emotional growth for 10-15 years. Which is why hardly any of us seem to trust other gay men and our relationships don't seem to get off the ground (with no trust or respect there's not much to build on)...

    Anyway, back to the story. With all these new laws and new ways of protecting children - to me, this is clearly a sex crime. When a child is harassed to the point where there are graphic details about his sexuality and what he supposedly does sexually, HOW is that not sexual harassment and how come these offenders shouldn't be treated like any other sexual offender? If these boys were talking about a girl's sexual anatomy and describing what she's doing sexually to the point where she can't go to school because she is in fear of her life, something drastic needs to be done. This has been going on for ages and nothing seems to get through to the parents of these kids who are doing this shit - my guess is they're the ones teaching their kids to behave this way - meanwhile these (usually) gay boys are not even 10 years old yet and never even had innocence - their sexuality, details about what they 'do' and how that equates to gay men and our lives - no child should have to be violated that way. And intervention? Yea, let's further traumatize this kid by bringing in parents and having the whole sex thing be public for everyone (counselors, teachers, parents, etc).

    It's tough because we as adults fool ourselves into thinking that kids are different today. They are no different today and they won't be any different in 30 years. They might be able to accept a black dad and a white mom producing a child, but when it comes to gender roles, boys being perceived as weak because they aren't like real boys, etc., that goes much deeper and for some reason that never seems to be forgiven...why don't gay activists get involved? In some cases you can't blame them - we are always the first to be called 'recruiters' of children, so of course we are going to keep our distance, often times we are not wanted or welcomed in schools because if parents find out they will pull their kids, and more than anything I think it brings up too many painful memories of our own that we never worked through that we don't want to remember.

    This boy's mother is going to need a lot of help and I hope she has the right kind of people around to listen to her when she is ready to talk.
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    Apr 14, 2009 10:54 PM GMT
    Yeah I read that... That sucks icon_cry.gif
    My condolences to his family

    Yeah I was bullied throughout elementary and junior high and gr. 10 + 11, moreso in high school because I was gay. And yeah, I had my moments where I wanted to die, because of all the teasing and such.Then gr. 12 came and I discovered the gym. lol. Let's just say some of those guys who were teasing me... wanted to hook up with me a year later. icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 14, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    I was bullied from 6th grade to 12th grade.

    Two kids (one a former best friend) that I helped, stuck up for, and protected from other bullies in junior high later bullied me in high school--after one joined the "cool" crowd and the other attacked me publicly to make himself feel better.

    The harassment at school and unwanted thoughts of being gay (amoung a few other variables) led to a suicide attempt.
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    Apr 14, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
    Sad story link.

    I was very badly bullied in grades 4-5. I was always told by my parents to stop being such a baby. teachers told me to turn the other cheek. I was never taken seriously and dreaded going to school.

    In retrospect my Gr.5 teacher, was sensitive to realise this was a problem and would always pick me to be in charge of class decisions, making me pick the teams for gym so I wouldn't have to endure being the last one picked. Those little things she did built the self esteem necessary to cope.

    It did climax one afternoon after lunch. I was livid and during art class, wrote a letter of complaint to the teacher,principal and school board superintendent, listing all the bullies involved. I went a step further also writing letters to the parents of the bullies.

    The matter was very quickly rectified however, I was not spoken to by my classmates for about 4 months. Silent treatment was a little worse.

    I'm not proud to say after all that, I became a bully the next year. Lack of self esteem coming to grips with my sexuality? Have not figured that one out yet.

    Once junior high arrived, I was always very well respected, oddly.

    The best piece of advice( whether or not it's correct), from my life experience is to stand up to a bully, they really are just cowards.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Apr 15, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    I was bulled until i beat the shit out of the guy,,Afterwards i was the prince of JHS, In high school it was paradise,,all boys.icon_wink.gif
    I was on the gymnastics team[ talk about popularity], it was great..
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    Apr 15, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    I was bullied a little in US grammar school (Kindergarten through thru 8th grade, the system when I was a student). This one bully was taking lunch money from other students, threatening them with a beating if they didn't agree. And when he tried it with me a couple of times I finally punched the kid out, in 7th grade I think, and it ended. I've always been small in stature, but push me too far and I become fierce.

    When I entered a public high school in my Junior (3rd) year, having rebelled against my parents and deliberately flunked out of a couple of private boys prep schools, I faced the problem of being the new kid in class. Lots of rejection, lots of hostility from other students, little acceptance, unfamiliar with the public school system, making me a prime target for bullies.

    One day in the cafeteria a known bully, who'd ragged me before, started messing with my cup of ice cream dessert, sticking his straw into it and taunting me.

    "Here, you wanna play with my ice cream?" I asked him. And with that I shoved it right into his face, to great applause from the other students.

    He challenged me to a fist fight, which I readily accepted, and I invited him to step outside with me. The other students were jammed against the ground floor windows of the cafeteria to watch us on the lawn, and we exchanged a few punches before the teachers appeared, and hauled us both off to the Principal's office.

    He threatened us with expulsion and every kind of punishment. I calmly replied that I had been bullied & threatened, was merely protecting myself, and if I were punished over it, my family attorneys would make him a pauper, and see that the school board fired him. Mind you, this was in 1965, when teens never dared talk back to adults in authority.

    He acted all outraged, but in the end nothing came of it, and I received no punishment other than a warning. I don't know what the other boy received, but I was never bullied in that school again. Indeed, the bully himself tried to become friends with me, but being associated with a bully held no interest for me.

    Bullying is a real problem, and the response of many US schools continues to be totally inadequate. I never felt like killing myself over it, because I'm not prone to being a victim. But I know it's the bane of existence for many students, and I blame the adult educators who allow it to continue.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 15, 2009 1:38 AM GMT
    I was TORTURED in middle school, and then in high school people started miraculously leaving me alone. I did get therapy in middle school because I felt so shitty about myself, and it really helped me. I had perscription help for a little while, too, but I didn't need it for very long.
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    Apr 15, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    I was bullied all the time in school - at all grade levels - mainly for being overweight. That's a huge reason why I never came out in school - I didn't want to add fuel to the fire and give people more reasons to bully me. It doesn't stop after school though. Hell, there are even bullies on here. Some people just have to bully other people.
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    As a child I was bullied at first, but suddenly became the bully, before just becoming peoples buddies at twelve. At the tender age of fourteen I came out of the closet, much to my surprise I was in it; after I was asked who I liked, for the first time in Jr.High, by a girl who liked me. I had an overwhelming crush on her best guy pal, and did until he left town with his family to live in Phoenix. I was being bullied in a lunch line by some guys, and I let them. He came out of no where with his twin and consoled me, for no good reason, other than he felt it was right. We were friends, sorta, but didn't talk again. He and some select family alone have affect how I live my life to this day. But after I came out with that news, I was the target yet again, and even got jumped once. I was going to let them just have at me, but I changed my mind and fought back, verbally and physically. I won fights and arguments, made new friends and enemies, but I wasn't a bully or a victim any longer. I was a fighter. Some people said they heard about my, "coming out" and were inspired to come out themselves. Crazy shit, cause I didn't do anything other than act, as I believe, that being gay isn't very different than being straight, other than the parts involved. Noone could take my dignity and I was about to give to anyone either! The best thing I got out of being bullied and having had learned how to fight, is that I didn't have to fight an uphill battle. I didn't need to be accepted by other people to be content. Accepting myself made others accept me. Similarly, those I know whom vicitmized themselves, were victimized, most whom never were before. Sure, depends on where you are, and whom you know, but coming from an ignorant piss ant town bordering on old traditional Catholic morals, I think I did a good job, and proved a point; at least to myself.
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:36 AM GMT
    I remember when I was a sophomore, a senior twice my size pushed me into a locker. I turned around and shoved him into one as violently as I could, without thinking. No one tried it again. Mua-hahahaha
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    Such a sad and unfortunate event...icon_sad.gif It should make some think before acting. A lot of individuals are already fighting a inner battle and begin to submit to it. So I guess this was the straw that broke the camels back. Poor Boy...

    I was bullied at times growing up by school mates and some family members. Especially since I was always quite and polite. But when you finally snap and do something crazy...they finally back off and realize there's a little tiger inside that you don't want to see LOL.
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    ok I guess I'll be one of the first to admit it. I was a bully, specially in middle school.

    no, i dont know why I did it.

    I dont know that I regret it.
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:57 AM GMT
    I was bullied throughout elementary school and in sixth grade. I was called a faggot, sissy, everything. I dreaded going to school, and spent all of my time on academics. I had no friends and my parents were like, "Well they talked about Jesus Christ. What do you expect?"

    It took my family moving from the small town to a city three times the size. That whole summer before we moved I spent time analyzing my mannerisms and everything to make myself be the cool kid. It worked. I was never bullied again.

    When I graduated college, I started teaching elementary school. I heard student call another kid a faggot, and I lost it. I was like, "I never want to hear that word out of your mouth again. Or I will personally make sure that you are suspended. Do you understand me?" The kid started crying, and the other kid looked so grateful. Since that day, I make sure that the kids getting picked on don't have to be afraid.

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    Apr 15, 2009 3:09 AM GMT
    Bullies don't stand on their own, they always need others around, and who agree with em. I myself have no trouble standing on my own, and don't need others to agree with me.

    Look at the bulling and abuse I've received from here, for being an individual!
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    Apr 15, 2009 3:30 AM GMT
    I think we only hear a fraction of incidents like this. But it has been said that gay youth are 8 times more likely to commit suicide:
    Study: Tolerance Can Lower Gay Kids' Suicide RiskThey found that kids who, by Ryan's measure, experienced high levels of rejection were nearly 8.5 times more likely to have attempted suicide. They were nearly six times more likely to report high levels of depression and almost 3.5 times more likely to use illegal drugs or engage in unprotected sex. That was compared with adolescents whose families may have felt uncomfortable with a gay kid, but were neutral or only mildly rejecting.
    Also
    Lawrence King's death touches home, yet so few know his storylAccording to the 2006-released report - the first time the pervasive problem had ever been studied in any depth - more than 75 percent of students reported hearing strong, derogatory, anti-gay remarks, such as "faggot" or "dyke," on a daily or frequent basis. Over a third of students had experienced physical harassment based on their perceived or actual sexual orientation or gender expression, and one out of five students reported being physically assaulted because of it.
    For some it is easy to dismiss these things when they haven't been personally affected, but this kind of "bullying" starts with the very adults who see homosexuals as defective, morally reprobate, etc The very message that anti-day laws (like marriage bans) send is that gays are "not acceptable", not normal, and their relationships/love is second class or worse when compared to heterosexual ones .. as these prop h8te supporters said:
    Proposition 8 moves Christian couple to action"The thing that affected me the most was knowing that my grandkids are going to be taught this ungodly and sinful act as if it's OK," Robbie said. "I thought from that point on, 'No. I will fight for them. I don't have them yet, but I'm going to fight for them.' "
    It is all about putting gays in their place.

    Like I said before, the very people who claim to be protecting their children from homosexuality are the ones who are killing them.

    Even the gays that don't take their lives undoubtedly suffer a future of some level of self condemnation, repression, and unhappiness until they get a grip (if they even do) on the truth that there is nothing wrong with them. When we speak out on behalf of our own sexuality, we are speaking out for these young people too!
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    Apr 15, 2009 3:49 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidI was bullied a little until I decked the fuckers and they were to scared to come near me hehehe

    I used to look after the dorky guys who couldn't/wouldn't fight and would get picked on by others, they'd come to ma lil circle and the bullies being scared of me wouldn't touch any of them, by mid year in a new school there was no one left for the bullies to pick on so they'd try new people and get the stuffing beaten outta them icon_biggrin.gif

    and gawd I'd never have passed anything other then science and art without them guys all there helping me learn that shit


    So what happened?
    You have growen up to be an intolerant bully!
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    Apr 15, 2009 3:59 AM GMT
    This is so sad. I have a lot of empathy because of this stuff.

    I was bullied from kindergarten to gr.8 by everyone, but by grade 4 i was labeled gay and fagot.

    By grade 9 the girls stopped because they wanted to mess around/date me but the guys continued to either cough out a "fag" while I walked by or ignored me altogether. By OAC (gr.13 in Ontario/Canada) the guys hated me and the girls loved me which made the guys hate me more. I had no friends, sat alone and went home at lunch so I wouldn't be centered out in the cafeteria. I didn't fit in with the girls. I've had FAG written on my desk in white out and on my locker door.

    University brought the first male friends I ever had but after 2 years they became very jealous of me and bullied me so much I switched programs and schools. They don't talk to me anymore.

    College was the worst. 3 years of death threats/letters left on my desk and being called fagot by this one guy who tortured me day in and day out. They made fun of my appearance by insinuating that I looked like a model and so therefore I was a fag or c*ck-sucker or sh*t-pusher. They took the one thing I liked about myself and made it something to be ashamed of. I started to dress bad so they'd leave me alone.

    Without sounding melodramatic- school was really lonely and tough and its the reason why I can't even show a public face picture. I'd really like to have a face pic up and I'm proud that in spite of it all, I'm still standing somewhat. I can fight pretty good but I would have been thrown out of school for fighting as there was a ZERO TOLERANCE policy. aka. You throw a fist- YOU'RE GONE

    Always thought about suicide. never did it.

    I would have loved to have gone to school with lilTanker- I'd have LOVED to hang out with him and the guys.
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    Apr 19, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    I was a good junior tennis player and one day I went to the local public tennis courts where I always played and saw the words "tennis sissie" and my last name written on one of the courts, and that scared me and hurt me very much . . . and once the seat of my bicycle was slashed while parked at those same tennis courts . . . but I still became the #1 junior tennis player in that region . . . and the people who persecuted me live in trailer parks . . . so to hell with them, is the moral of the story . . .
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    Apr 19, 2009 5:06 AM GMT
    I had a little bit of bullying, until in the 4th grade I tackled a kid that was annoying the hell out of me all year and beat the crap out of him. Of course I felt terrible about it and being a young little guy at the time I started crying. After that I was never bullied. This shit makes me sick. I hate bullying, it leads to so many problems. I was the floater, everyone knew me and could easily get along with me, so I never had a problem. But then again when someone would try to bully me I'd show them how it feels by being just as wicked and jumping on every little insecurity they had. So in a way I could be considered a bully, but I only did it so they could understand how others feel. Bunch of little bitches to be honest, they talk and talk but when it came down to it they never wanted to fight. But then again being on the wrestling team and having a good build help a lot there icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 19, 2009 8:12 PM GMT
    I've been bullied four times: when we moved to New York when I was in second grade. One Saturday the bully-in-chief found me riding my bike somewhere and started taunting me (this was right after an older cousin of mine, who was visiting me from Boston convinced me that the bullying would stop if I fought back). I tackled the idiot bully pinned him to the ground and pummeled his head until I was sure he got the message. Problem solved.

    A year later when we moved back to Boston something similar started. I nipped it in the bud. The kid who came at me wound up with a broken arm and there was a big conference at school. Luckily my teacher backed up my story that I was defending myself.

    When I was a freshman in boarding school, a kid who (later turned out to also be gay and became a good friend) taunted me endlessly for a few weeks. I lost it, wrestled him to the ground and had him pinned, when a teacher grabbed us. I think we both got put on some Saturday morning work detail.

    The last one was actually this summer at an ice cream stand when a thoughtless PDA between me and the guy I was with set off a nasty threat from some idiot homophobe. I stood my ground and he backed off with no physical violence. I think it helped that there was no question in my mind of backing down and very little doubt in my mind that he would end up worse off than me if he dared strike.

    Bullies suck and there's usually only one really good way to stop them; unfortunately that's confrontation.

    Some kids don't have the training or the confidence to confront their tormentors and that's where parents and teachers really need to step in.
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    Apr 19, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    I gotta admit, i fault the mother 1st, school officials 2nd, and the bully himself 3rd. Something else was bothering this kid. We'll never exactly what it was, but his mom should really be responsible.
    I ask myself sometimes, WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE KIDS? Especially more than one, when you do a bad job of parenting in the 1st place.icon_rolleyes.gif
    Granted bullying is terrible and has no place in society, but the parents should remove the kids from the situation, there are a ton resources out there.
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    Apr 19, 2009 8:32 PM GMT
    I was always bullied...that was probably the reason why I was always getting into a fight with anyone at high-school...


    I read that story a couple of weeks ago, there is a thread somewhere on RJ about it