Finding a friend who is impossible to locate

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    Apr 14, 2009 9:59 PM GMT
    At the risk of sounding like a stalker, I will tell my story in hopes that someone has gone through something similar and can help me out.

    I was in (what I thought) the best relationship of my life, with someone who turned out to be an extremely depressed person who would disappear for days at at time. When we met, people who knew him said he never had been happier - but over time I found that his depression was something I couldn't help. I still love him - maybe I'm still in love with him, I don't know. I just know that after he came out, his family no longer acknowledges they have a son (this was Thanksgiving 1995) and they're no different today. So he has nobody and to make a long story short I really want to find him as I have a sense that something is wrong, and I am the only person he is going to talk to. He has a very common name which makes it difficult. I've done searches on these people finder things; all of them are rip offs - on a couple of them their most recent contact information is 1997 - that's over 10 years ago!

    I guess my question is how do you search for someone who probably has no phone, no way of really being found, who doesn't use the computer much (I'm assuming; the first place I checked was Facebook and MySpace, etc., - nothing)...I keep having dreams about him. I don't know if this is a case of truly wanting to reconnect with him or if the fact that he is so hard to locate that makes me even more eager to find him. I mean, it makes no sense. In real life he is very evasive, selfish and standoffish - but I still really love him a lot. I feel weird contacting the police because again I don't for sure know the circumstances (chances are he is in the Minneapolis area; 165 miles away so he's not right here in my city), these searches are turning up nothing, and I doubt he has my contact information today.

    Any sage advice would really be appreciated.
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    Apr 15, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    If he might own real estate, you can go online for the city or county and search the public records for any property under his name.
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    Apr 15, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    call his mom?
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    Apr 15, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    hotshotcdn saidcall his mom?


    "I just know that after he came out, his family no longer acknowledges they have a son (this was Thanksgiving 1995) and they're no different today."
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    NakedDevil said
    hotshotcdn saidcall his mom?


    "I just know that after he came out, his family no longer acknowledges they have a son (this was Thanksgiving 1995) and they're no different today."


    14 years ago, time heals. It's worth a shot.
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    Apr 15, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    www.zabasearch.com

    many county auditor's have online sites that are free to search, too.
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    Apr 16, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    Thanks. I will try zabasearch - I have seen some things about that. I did try calling the (adoptive) parents who again act is if they never had a son...pisses me off...

    In all truth he is very transient and my guess is by now his credit is shot, so he is probably living underneath the radar and can't get an apartment in his own name and certainly can't get real estate...which makes it all the more difficult. Part of me really wants to see if he's alright. But I remember how evasive and self-centered he can be, and I wonder if I really want to get into all that again. At the same time, this is someone who has nobody. Parents are dead, adoptive parents rejected him, no siblings, etc...I know that if I do find him he might not be anything close to the guy I remember and fell in love with but just to be able to solve the mystery of where the hell he is and if he's at least okay...I would feel better knowing that. Even with all the internet technology and whatnot, some people are still really hard to find.
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    Apr 16, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    Good luck finding him!

    It might cheer him up quite a bit if he's still depressed.
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    Apr 16, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    i found all my old friends on facebook, myspace, and classmates.com. why not give those a shot?
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    Apr 16, 2009 10:32 AM GMT
    wow man... you must love him alot to try and find him.

    If he isnt in contact and you cant get ahold of him, im sure he wants it this way. If he wanted you or anyone to know where he was, hed let be known.

    Its best to let the love go and try not to contact them again. To much pain can come from past experiences if you find him or they come back