"Bromance" - Is it more difficult for straight men vs. gay men?

  • athlftlguy

    Posts: 26

    Apr 15, 2009 11:14 AM GMT
    Saw it on CNN this morning...since the movie "I Love You Man"...finding out whether it is difficult for straight men to be more loving, and closer to their fellow straight men in a non-sexual fashion.

    I get that...but I can actually think of gay men that I've befriended...in a completely platonic manner, hence posing the question...is it equally difficult for gay men to do this as well?
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    Apr 15, 2009 12:23 PM GMT
    what the hell is bromance?? sounds sorta like that f'd up goy thing that I heard about...

    Daft peoples..
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    Apr 15, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    LilTanker-

    I agree with you. Bromance please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 15, 2009 4:47 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidwhat the hell is bromance?? sounds sorta like that f'd up goy thing that I heard about...

    Daft peoples..


    LOL!!! Yeah what's that?
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    Apr 15, 2009 4:51 PM GMT
    It's when two metrosexuals hook up and have safe sex by rubbing their naked backs together. Hunchbacked metrosexuals are in high demand in the Bromantic Commnuity.
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    Apr 15, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    Bromance is basically when you best bud is a guy... In this case, gay/straight. I find it can be a little bit more challenging to have "bromance" with a gay man b/c you both know you prefer men. Where as having that relationship with a straight man... you automatically know there's no chance and that there's no what ifs....
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    Apr 15, 2009 5:30 PM GMT
    From Wikipedia:

    A bromance or "man-crush" is a close but non-sexual relationship between two men, a form of homosocial intimacy. Coined in the 1990s, the term has historically referred to a relationship between heterosexuals, but the term has gained currency in describing such relationships when one of the men is gay.

    Editor Dave Carnie coined the term in the skateboard magazine Big Brother in the 1990s to refer specifically to the sort of relationships that develop between skaters who spent a great deal of time together.

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    I'm intrigued by this because I've recently been developing many close relationships with straight men. In the last few years, I've been playing more sports, and consequently, hanging out with more straight men.

    Quick info. on me: I get the "I would never guess you were gay" comments all the time, and I'm built kind of like a football or stocky baseball player. This information is important, I think, because straight men seem to be more comfortable getting close to men who are "like them".
    Known I was gay since I was 5. Been out since I was 16. 34 now. 13 year committed relationship.

    Back to my story: I've been noticing that many of the straight men that I've been hanging out with have commented that they like hanging out with me because I don't have a lot of the "macho" or "competitive" crap that many straight men have. I'll get them to bring their girlfriends to the gay bars with them, and they'll make the same comments about the gay bars...that it seems open, friendly, and without macho attitude.

    Many of the conversations I have with my straight male friends (usually after racquetball, running, swimming, or dodge ball...God, I love dodge ball) get "deep"...deeper than they'll often get with their other straight male friends. I assume this is because its often important for straight males to keep a "macho front".

    Honestly, I'm a little confused on the rules of a gay/straight "bromance" myself. Drinking with them often brings 'arms around the shoulders', 'head rubs', 'back slaps', and even wrestly/horseplay. I was raised German Catholic so all this touchy feely stuff is kind of new to me. lol. But I'm growing more comfortable with it. I'm sure my straight guy friends feel the same about talking 'deeply' with other males. My favorite is my partner's grandfather who holds my hand (and even swings it a little bit) while he talks to me. Isn't that cute?

  • gymguy81

    Posts: 455

    Apr 15, 2009 5:38 PM GMT
    i dont know if its harder i think its just dependt on your buddies i had a "bromance" with my str8 best friend buti have never had anything like that with a gay man
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    Apr 15, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    oh for crying out loud what was wrong with mates then? why they trying to change it to some stupid bromance? Good lord its to long to type, its painful to say.. I'm staying with mate..

    My mates are my mates are my friends..

    Mr Rockbiter, your hot and I like da way you write icon_smile.gif my mates are the same with me too, no pretenses no games no guards no faces or masks just them as they are..

    Bromance my arse.. what a load of garbage..
  • athlftlguy

    Posts: 26

    Apr 15, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    Funny. I'd actually never heard the term "Bromance" before CNN did a story on it this morning. Maybe it has something to do with that movie "I Love You Man" (Didn't see it).

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    Apr 16, 2009 4:11 AM GMT
    Is Bromance like Bro Rape?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:16 AM GMT
    I think terms/titles like this are used to make the topic more acceptable/easier to deal with (for the general population).


    Personally I think it's dumbdedumdumb.
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:22 AM GMT
    Athlete- Count your blessings for your straight buddy. Then again you must be a great buddy to him as well. Way to go!!!!icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:27 AM GMT
    Oh fo bro-fucking sake, what is the matter with all you bro-rons, there's nothing brong with a little bro-fection. There enough bro-nimosity in this world - spread the love - spread it at least as deep as the bro-ll shit
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    zach206243 saidIs Bromance like Bro Rape?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8
    Oh geez. That was funny.
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    I believe men are men, no matter how effeminate or masculine; straight or gay they may be are capable of plutonic love towards one another. It's part of nature, nurture and individual make up. Sure, there are some guys whom have a higher capacity for sensitivity towards others, but they're not always flamers, gay, or effiminate for that matter. It's also a matter personal choice with oneself. A guy can choose to be loving towards others and sensitive to their needs.

    But for the most part, I think men are meant/designed to bond with one another; whether it's through sports, shared traumatic experience, warfare, father to son, or long term friendship. It's what all men want in their lives. It's why we hate our suppresive fathers/parents/gaurdians when they don't make an effort to bond with us like others do. We search it out elsewhere; even in the best living situations, from friendships, gangs, school clubs, sports, academia, or as a soldier in the military. And for that we are capable of showing, desiring, and aspiring for love/comrodery/friendship/partnership.

    If it weren't for this undenyable feeling working through me; I may not been able move myself passed being a loner/narcissist and become a more group oriented team player/altruistic person. To quote a Celine Dion song:

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    Apr 16, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    sixxfive saidI think terms/titles like this are used to make the topic more acceptable/easier to deal with (for the general population).


    Personally I think it's dumbdedumdumb.
    What was wrong with the term mate? or friend? OR mate?
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Apr 21, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    Anyone have a pic of Bruce Jenner's son Brody. He is a bromance type guy.icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 21, 2009 8:18 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    zach206243 saidIs Bromance like Bro Rape?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8
    Oh geez. That was funny.


    Haha. I went to college with those dudes. The black dude writes for 30 Rock and has an Emmy (he's only 25). The one with the long hair who looks like Bullwinkle just sold a novel. The scruffy one's on SNL.

    Them's some successful guys. I spend my nights envying their good fortune.
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    Apr 21, 2009 8:29 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    sixxfive saidI think terms/titles like this are used to make the topic more acceptable/easier to deal with (for the general population).


    Personally I think it's dumbdedumdumb.
    What was wrong with the term mate? or friend? OR mate?


    Tanker - I was not referring to the term mate or friend, I was talking about the term "'bromance"....chill out bro! icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 21, 2009 10:37 PM GMT
    sixxfive said
    lilTanker said
    sixxfive saidI think terms/titles like this are used to make the topic more acceptable/easier to deal with (for the general population).


    Personally I think it's dumbdedumdumb.
    What was wrong with the term mate? or friend? OR mate?


    Tanker - I was not referring to the term mate or friend, I was talking about the term "'bromance"....chill out bro! icon_twisted.gif

    I don't see the difference between the two.. at least by my understsanding
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    Apr 21, 2009 11:35 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidwhat the hell is bromance?? sounds sorta like that f'd up goy thing that I heard about...

    Daft peoples..


    Straight guys that love each other, but as brothers. God forbid there is any hint of gay sex. They might lose their precious masculine cache with other heteros. Hetero males are probably the most insecure creatures on the face of the earth.
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    Apr 21, 2009 11:44 PM GMT
    I agree with Rockbiter, very similar to my expieriences
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    Apr 21, 2009 11:46 PM GMT
    Gay men are competitive in the same way that image-conscious suburban straight women are. It's kind of the 'mean girls' attitude - 'you're gaining weight, oooh that's too bad (WIDE GRIN)...'oh you found a great job and a boyfriend, that's terrific (GRITTED TEETH & FAKE SMILE). Gay guys, like a lot of women, don't let things go - they hang on and on and on and drag it forever. Straight guys just let things go, they wear whatever they want, they do a lot of stuff without thinking, they don't use big fancy words to impress themselves and try to sound more sophisticated than each other; they go out and do stuff meaning sports and just 'doing' things. It's a lot less complicated. It might not look like much, but there is something going on there. Typically they might not get together as often but they do care about each other nonetheless. Often they are married so they do things with other couples whereas gay men (not all but most) are single and don't have that same support network, and often times are too self-involved to really notice if the other guy is going through some major stuff emotionally or simply neither guy really cares about the other unless the story is about him.

    Just an observation. Any two people could look at either group and say that they are lacking in maturity or basic scruples in terms of how they treat each other. I don't think that straight men are as downright mean and ruthless towards each other whereas gay men tend to be very good at smiling, looking you right in the eye the whole time while lying about nearly everything; only a year later after you never see him again do you find out that he was either figuring out how to screw your boyfriend or how to rip you off or get you fired or something like that. It's much more underhanded and well-crafted. That's what's so scary. All those years spent in the closet we learned great skills on how to act and how to lie almost to perfection. Unfortunately after coming out we don't simply quit lying; it just morphs into other huge lies we now tell other gay people about our health, our relationship status, our intentions, etc...it's almost a sociopathic mindset that is in a small minority of the gay community but definitely you know it when you're talking to the guy. They make great sales people and attorneys, that's for sure!