Let's Indulge

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2009 3:47 AM GMT
    I'm not really the type to engage in a lot of small talk when hanging out with someone I may like or even friends, but that doesn't mean I'm totally locked in my shell. I would be considered an ambivert

    Anyway, I was hanging out with I guy I kinda like and everything seemed fine until he told me that I don't really like to indulge. I always found it easier not to overindulge with small talk because I may not have a lot to say and I don't want to seem awkward in any given social situation, especially if I'm out with someone who is naturally more outgoing.

    When people point out these things I feel that something is wrong me and that I have to change in order to seem more interesting and not so introverted; this makes it more difficult because the two of us are going to hang out tomorrow and I feel that no matter what I say or don't say I'll still come across as boring and/or awkward.

    Any advice will greatly appreciated?
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Apr 16, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    people learn about u thru small talk.... maybe if u feel confy hangin w/ sum1 u shud at least let him know sumthing bout ya!!!
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    Apr 16, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    PRDGUY saidpeople learn about u thru small talk.... maybe if u feel confy hangin w/ sum1 u shud at least let him know sumthing bout ya!!!
    I do, but sometimes I've heard that its not enough. I may not laugh at every joke or have a witty comeback at every turn, but that doesn't mean I don't indulge a person right?
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    Apr 16, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    small talk isn't about being witty or always having something to say.. although it helps..

    lots of people like to talk, letting them talk and asking pertinent questions about the topic they are enjoying will show encouragement to them to keep it up, leaving you to listen and think about what they are saying..

    Unless they are like me, people love talking about them self, what they do, things they enjoy, stuff thats irritating to them and on and on the list goes.. I'm not someone who talks about my self in social situations very much unless directly asked a specific question, but people like me brush aside general questions and get others talking..

    I've found with gay guys who rock up to a party dressed real flash like, ask them where they got there watch from, what type of watch or what ever, most flashy dressers are always happy to talk about where they find things and shit... its as boring as hell, but its gets there clothes off icon_razz.gif but the same thing applies to everyone.. With women, ehll, they'll give you the topics, just ask them questions..

    The best ones to talk to are hetro males, the fun goofy ones, they'll drag you into the conversation with other people and get you talking about all sorts of stuff..

    well thats just stuff I've observed about the people I've been around..
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    Apr 16, 2009 1:42 PM GMT



    Given the massive number of topics on this site, the thousands of comments, the huge spectrum of personalities, you have a lot of material at hand to work with(- hmm, Freudian slip?icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif:lolicon_smile.gif

    Heck you can even use us.

    smalltalk "Two guys I know calling themselves meninlove like to chase other guys around on a website with a 'virtual' paddle. Are they still monogamous or playing virtual open relationship? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    It's supposed to be fun, and is also known as 'bantering'. Being a quiet sort of man, listening to how casual conversation rolls along should give you opportunities to interject with something funny or though-provoking and clever.

    They'll be eating out of your hand....
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    Apr 16, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    jprichva saidPeople who don't like social interaction always dismiss "small talk" as if it's petty and beneath them.

    But "small talk" is the way people start to feel each other out socially. It can lead to nothing, or it can lead to a deeper conversation. But if it were not for the "small talk", there would be no way of building the first bridges to getting to know each other. Otherwise you'll be standing there in glum silence the whole time.

    Which seems to be what you're saying happens to you now. The ability to make light conversation is a skill, and it can be learned.
    I have no problem starting light conversation, but what happens when I run out of things to say? People then perceive me as awkward and as someone who's not enjoying their company.
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Apr 26, 2009 10:50 AM GMT
    tryingtolive said
    jprichva saidPeople who don't like social interaction always dismiss "small talk" as if it's petty and beneath them.

    But "small talk" is the way people start to feel each other out socially. It can lead to nothing, or it can lead to a deeper conversation. But if it were not for the "small talk", there would be no way of building the first bridges to getting to know each other. Otherwise you'll be standing there in glum silence the whole time.

    Which seems to be what you're saying happens to you now. The ability to make light conversation is a skill, and it can be learned.
    I have no problem starting light conversation, but what happens when I run out of things to say? People then perceive me as awkward and as someone who's not enjoying their company.



    I'm thinking that perhaps you are NOT understanding... as others as well as myself stated, the vast majority love to talk about their likes, dislikes, basically ANYTHING.

    All one has to do is make occasional eye contact and a slight nodding of their head. Thus the party talking feels compelled to continue which pleases them greatly!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    Good advice already.
    You don't have to talk much if you ask questions and appear interested.
    At the level of an art form, you steer the subject to things you give a rodent's behind about.
    Example:
    Random Person: "I have 4 kids"
    (UGH! Spawn-talk nightmare alert)
    Beau: "Can they still fit in the trunk or did you finally trade the Miata for a van?"
    (Ahh...car talk. Shew, that was close.)

    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 12:21 PM GMT
    jprichva saidPeople who don't like social interaction always dismiss "small talk" as if it's petty and beneath them.

    But "small talk" is the way people start to feel each other out socially. It can lead to nothing, or it can lead to a deeper conversation. But if it were not for the "small talk", there would be no way of building the first bridges to getting to know each other. Otherwise you'll be standing there in glum silence the whole time.

    Which seems to be what you're saying happens to you now. The ability to make light conversation is a skill, and it can be learned.


    This.