zdrew shall most likely die this weekend...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 1:31 PM GMT
    After a year and a half of being kept carefully at bay, I'm meeting the boyfriend's extremely conservative fundamentalist Christian parents this weekend. I suspect they'll come after me either with pitchforks annointed in holy water or 'special' Kool-aid. So yeah....nice knowin' y'all.

    But seriously........any of you have particularly traumatizing 'meet-the-parents/future-in-laws' stories? Interesting ones? Funny ones? Share, share, share....cuz misery do love it some company.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 16, 2009 2:06 PM GMT
    they do know their son is gay, right? If they are willing to meet you, I'm sure they will at least be polite, but probably a bit cold.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:17 PM GMT
    cat ... things dont look good for you ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:18 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidthey do know their son is gay, right? If they are willing to meet you, I'm sure they will at least be polite, but probably a bit cold.


    Ah, there's the twist. They do indeed know, and have always adopted a 'lalala we don't wanna know anything' attitude. I think they'd be just fine not meeting me, but the happy occasion is his grandmother's hundred billionth birthday....and all the rest of the family insists I must be there. We are kinda roped into going to this little shindig, and are hoping mightily that everyone can mind their p's and q's.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 16, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    zdrew said
    Timberoo saidthey do know their son is gay, right? If they are willing to meet you, I'm sure they will at least be polite, but probably a bit cold.


    Ah, there's the twist. They do indeed know, and have always adopted a 'lalala we don't wanna know anything' attitude. I think they'd be just fine not meeting me, but the happy occasion is his grandmother's hundred billionth birthday....and all the rest of the family insists I must be there. We are kinda roped into going to this little shindig, and are hoping mightily that everyone can mind their p's and q's.


    ah

    I'm guessing strained politeness will be the order of the day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    "strained politeness" ....right ..... icon_rolleyes.gif

    At the first sign of 'tude, tell the mother...Listen, bitch, I dont want to be here for grandma's hundred billionth birthday anymore than you want me here. So just STFU and we'll both get thru this weekend alive....and I will get thru this weekend alive in any event....so do the math .... icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    My parents, to an extent, fall into the conservative ultra-Christian category. They had the same "lalalalala, I can't hear you" approach to sexuality.

    The first boyfriend of mine they met was this horrible man who actually used the word 'cunt' in front of my mother (in reference to an actual vagina, not my mother). I thought the whole thing was a disaster.

    But after meeting him they were able to put a human face on the people I dated. I wasn't dating Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. I wasn't dating the violent pedophiles of popular Christian myth. I was dating an actual person. Ever since then they really loosened up, even though they met a creep.

    You, sir, are a much finer gentleman though and should dazzle them. Let us know how it turns out.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 16, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    Caslon10000 said"strained politeness" ....right ..... icon_rolleyes.gif

    At the first sign of 'tude, tell the mother...Listen, bitch, I dont want to be here for grandma's hundred billionth birthday anymore than you want me here. So just STFU and we'll both get thru this weekend alive....and I will get thru this weekend alive in any event....so do the math .... icon_evil.gif


    that's amusing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    Just don´t dress like this

    14268536spasulka68200713315pm.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:51 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidJust don´t dress like this

    14268536spasulka68200713315pm.jpg

    But those are the only clothes he owns!
  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Apr 16, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidJust don´t dress like this

    14268536spasulka68200713315pm.jpg


    Whaddya mean? That's perfect for a hundred billionth birthday celebration! icon_lol.gif

    Unfortunately, I have no amusing nor disastrous anecdotes to share...what a boring life I lead. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    One of my ex'es parents definitely had the DADT policy around his relationships so when his mother got to town, he told her "WE will be coming to get you for lunch." So in fairness to her it was sprung on her a bit but he'd been gay and out his whole life. She completely ignored everything I said for the entire meal and talked about inanities for the entire meal and was a complete bitch. I told him that either he called her and told her it was a disaster...or I would. To his credit he did. It turned out that she felt very put out and that the meal had been forced on her and she apologized for being rude. It took about 5 years until his parents began to ask about me. On the other hand, my parents have met two of my boyfriends. I think my Dad really liked one of them because he kept asking about him after we broke up, to the point that I had to say "Dad, he's gone, he's not coming back, you need to move on..." :-)

    You'll do great zdrew. The rest of the family will love having you there and the parents will just have to suck it up.

    Let us know it goes.
  • coloboyz

    Posts: 43

    Apr 16, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    Both my last partner (17 years together) and my current partner come from right-wing fundamentalist families. My last partner's father was a fundamentalist Baptist Minister in Texas. My current partner's father is a Pentacostal minister. So I'm well versed in conservative in-laws.

    My suggestions for surviving the conservative in-laws: From my experience, the first meetings will be cool but polite. Realizing that fact going in makes it easier. Kill them with kindness, be polite, respectful, helpful all that sort of thing, and don't take it personally if comments are made. I would always be the first one up to help with dishes, suggest we did activities his mother enjoyed, etc. Over time, they will get to know you and respect the fact that you are a good and decent person and they will warm up to you. You just have to have a thick skin in the beginning and remember - your partner is worth the effort!

    With my first partner, he had two brothers who were married. About year 10 when we were together, his sister-in law told him, "If Charlie had a twat, he'd be their favorite daugher-in-law." icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 3:00 PM GMT
    I'm not sure what is worse - ultra conservative bible thumping parents - or the kind like mine - a bit overzealous - trying SO hard to be politically correct - affably saying things like, "Oh Darling - you must be Gregory's newest boyfriend - or - oh dear - do we say *partner* now? Or is that just too-too country and western?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Jockbod - you're parents sound like a LOT of fun. Gimme overzealous anyday.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 16, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    My experiences, whether with my girlfriends when I was in my 20's as well as my bf's parents have always been excellent. Never really had any issues at all.

    Zach, you "go with the flow" very well, you won't have problems with his parents and if there are some trying moments, I'm confident you will handle them very well. If they have any smarts at all (I'm sure they do, its just not politically), they will realize how lucky their son is......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 3:10 PM GMT
    Other than the fact that my ex-lovers family like me more than they like him and felt that I was tooo good for him. Months later that turned out to be so very true. LOL! My ex family were wonderful to me. Good Luck Zach!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    When I first met my ex's whole family, he hadn't come out to them yet. Here's the scene: Italian catholic family, Chistmas Eve Dinner, lots of people (only 4 of which, including myself, weren't relatives). I am introduced by one of the few nonrelatives, who I met coming in the door as my partners 'friend'.

    "Bob, this is Mayor ______, Bishop_______, Father_______, " and then the rest of the family.

    Most uncomfortable dinner EVER!
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Apr 16, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    Dress like this (and practice the pose):

    glovepassionsplash.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    zdrew saidAfter a year and a half of being kept carefully at bay, I'm meeting the boyfriend's extremely conservative fundamentalist Christian parents this weekend. I suspect they'll come after me either with pitchforks annointed in holy water or 'special' Kool-aid. So yeah....nice knowin' y'all.

    But seriously........any of you have particularly traumatizing 'meet-the-parents/future-in-laws' stories? Interesting ones? Funny ones? Share, share, share....cuz misery do love it some company.


    I think it's one thing if they are card carrying zealots or tea-baggers... otherwise I come from a small town with lots of "fundamentalist Christians" who generally are not polite on purpose. I am always welcome at their dinner table. Respect, dignity and basic human decency go a long way. Boil it down to that and you should be fine.

    I would probably cringe if it became a sermon visit. Awkward :-/

    I hope you have a great time though... you never know icon_smile.gif especially if they have a bottle of wine to share!
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Apr 16, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidJust don´t dress like this

    14268536spasulka68200713315pm.jpg


    Or like this:



    No stories myself. Both our families were great.

    I'm sure you'll do fine Drew.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 5:38 PM GMT
    My parents welcomed my partner with open arms. I think my Mom finds it easier to talk to my partner then me (amazing what a lack of history can do for human relationships). My partner's Catholic parents were, and still are, more circumspect. I don't think it has ever been publicly stated that we are a couple in their presence.

    Remember Zdrew to stay away from queer politics, creationism and religion as topics and you should be fine.

    And if they state that you chose to be gay and corrupted their young son, who has a little hetero inside him waiting to bloom, well just smile and nod you head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    Just watch out for that crazy Aunt who wants to pinch your cheeks and then make out with you.

    I met the ex's fam a few months into dating and it went well. I didn't pretend to be anything I wasn't and just let the conversation flow. I knew some of his family wasn't comfortable with the whole gay thing and were fine.

    Just be yourself and have the best time possible. People will always surprise you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 16, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    My mom can be a psycho Catholic sometimes...so she met the first bf not knowing he was the bf...and adored him. "He's so nice." Helped that he gave her an expensive bag and was kind of white trashy like a lot of my family. Gifts will do that.

    Next bf she met - slightly older gorgeous black guy with big muscles - she was little more frosty toward...not sure I wanted to analyze the reasons, obvious as they might have been.

    She was going to meet the most recent one in 2 weeks, but oops, it ended so not happening.

    Gifts. I recommend gifts.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Apr 16, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    zdrew saidAfter a year and a half of being kept carefully at bay, I'm meeting the boyfriend's extremely conservative fundamentalist Christian parents this weekend. I suspect they'll come after me either with pitchforks annointed in holy water or 'special' Kool-aid. So yeah....nice knowin' y'all.

    But seriously........any of you have particularly traumatizing 'meet-the-parents/future-in-laws' stories? Interesting ones? Funny ones? Share, share, share....cuz misery do love it some company.


    Well it was nice to *sort of* know you. icon_razz.gif lol No horror stories here, as my family would be the one to do the killing... Man that sucks.


    Best of luck to you!


    Ooh! Wear a bullet proof everything just in case.