spring fever

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2009 8:51 PM GMT
    i need to get laid.

    this may sound like the easiest thing in the world- i'm gay, and gay men love getting laid- where's the difficulty?

    the problem is two-fold:

    1) i live (for school) in Cincinnati, where there are no prospects- seriously, not a single man here i would consider getting with (who's gay), despite there being a frustratingly high ratio of hot men in the straight population. i'm out and open and put myself out there in public to be seen and approached, i scour the internet, i'm involved in greek life on campus, and have been doing all the right things for 4 years here now... but nada. this city is cursed.

    2) thus far my policy has always been that i only sleep with guys i'm in a relationship with (and my standards for that are high). yes, i know, i'm a prude- but hookups just make me feel hollow and dirty- i've tried a couple in the past to see what all the fuss was about. as an aside, trust is a major issue deciding this policy- i'm terrified of stds and i know first hand how easy it is for guys to lie convincingly to your face.


    that said, its spring- the air is temperate, the sun is bright and warm, men are shucking the jeans for shorts and the sneakers for sandals- jocks are lying out shirtless in the grass across campus, everywhere i turn there are attractive couples canoodling in public (as if to rub it in my face that i'm alone) and the rec center is overflowing every day with hot guys getting in shape for the season. i have spring fever in the WORST way. like, self-gratification 4 times a day bad.
    i seriously resent being hag-ridden by my hormones so distractingly, but i can't seem to help it and can think of little else lately- the question is, what to do with it?

    i've allowed that i may have to relax a little bit on item #2.... i'm sure there's a compromise i can reach with myself while maintaining my integrity....
    the issue is with item #1..... THERE ARE NO ATTRACTIVE GAY MEN in this city, or within a 3 hour drive of it, that i can discern, doing everything i know to.






    two questions, one for my sake and one for the sake of discussion:

    -what the hell am i supposed to do? thoughts? ideas? help?

    -who else is in this boat and cares to share or vent or offer insight?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2009 9:06 PM GMT
    Keep drinking until the guy looks good. icon_lol.gif

    beergoggles3.jpg
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    Apr 16, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    You need to move to a city with lots of hot single men to mingle with when you graduate in May. Like DC or NYC or someplace other than Cincinnatti.

    I was in the same situation when I was at JMU, in the middle of nowhere. Too many pretty boys that were straight walking around with little clothing on. Moving to a very gay town after graduation made life a lot easier

  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 16, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    It's not much easier in a city that's crawling with good-looking gay men, either. I don't want to hook up, either, but I can't seem to go out on more than one date with anyone. Result......drier than the Sahara over here. icon_evil.gif
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Apr 16, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
    Czarodziej, Bunjamon.... so I think we have a match. Now whos moving, and who pays for dinner? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 16, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    I really can't complain, because I'm not in your situations, BUT....I live in one college town and work in another college town. That means I'm around a LOT of fratboys all day, every day. My office building is next door to a frathouse, and I'm at the campus rec center every damn day. Half my job is working with the undergrads. These guys are hot, always outside playing in the sun, and increasingly barely clothed...and my poor boyfriend is about all worn out from the extra...attention...due to my spring fever.

    So yeah...spring fever isn't just an affliction you single guys suffer.
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    Apr 16, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    czarodziej said
    the issue is with item #1..... THERE ARE NO ATTRACTIVE GAY MEN in this city, or within a 3 hour drive of it, that i can discern, doing everything i know to.


    Ohio State University in Columbus is about an hour and fifty minute drive from your school. In a city like Columbus, with over 10 colleges and universities, gay sports leagues, nice areas for hiking and general springtime recreational activity, around 30 gay bars and clubs, are there no young gay men who may share similar interests and are physically up to your standards ?

    You can make friends there keeping in mind that it can lead to something, thus preserving your principles. Or you can go for a weekend rompabout in Columbus and break rule #2 along with various anti-sodomy laws; but midway through, it could morph into a weekend of meeting new people, potentially making new [gay] friends and promoting social networking instead, which may not immediately ameliorate your issues but certainly could in the long run.

    My two dinars. Good luck.
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    Apr 16, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    do you have any gay friends (if not, get some)? if yes, none of them are attractive? they might be in the same position as you. friends with benefits is the way to go if you don't want to feel dirty as you put it.
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    Apr 16, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    I wouldn't lighten up on your ideals and values just to satisfy your sex drive. I find that to be an attractive quality in guys: not-hooking up with every Tom’s Harry Dick. (*sigh* to avoid an unwanted flame war: I have no problem with promiscuous guys! lol)

    I would think having sex with you would be MORE special because of your ideals/values and the fact you save yourself for a relationship.

    However, I am skeptical of there not being ONE descent... hell… ONE HOT -looking guy in Cincinnati.

    I have often thought, damn... that guy is hot! ... Later to learn that his ugliness on the inside made me (overtime) think that he was actually ugly on the outside as well. On the other hand, there have been guys who I had not been attracted to initially--actually "BECOME" more attractive on the outside due to their beauty on the inside.

    I don't know if that makes sense... someone made me realize that once after I complained I was "beaten" with an ugly stick earlier in life. lol And she was right. I can find a moderately handsome guy to be totally hot because of the beauty inside of him.

    That may take time. And there may be guys you are not into at all... after all relationships do involve a physical attraction component. But I doubt there aren’t ANY good looking guys-- or guys who may "become" better looking to you-- in your area.

    Perhaps you are not looking in the right places....Screw college-aged guys (not literally lol)... go for older (23+) guys who have a more stable life.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 16, 2009 11:56 PM GMT
    Well if you are out and about and yet it is difficult then I would suggest trying Columbus as stated earlier. I have had the similar experience my entire life and it is because I prefer to date rather than hook up. That make you a minority. It would sometimes drive me crazy when everybody had dates and such and yet I did not. But I have tried the hook up scene and it is more than likely less satisfying. Oh yes I can have a good hook up, but I am wired for more. Some people can handle it week after week after week.

    In todays scene, the hook up scene seems to prevail, yet you hear and read that everybody wants somebody, but the reality is they do not. They want a hook up- the majority, otherwise there would be different behaviors going on.

    I have recently lowered my standard on hook ups, but again, it is the same or worse, because that is the popular way to meet people. However, I respect the guy who is up front about the hook up, then the smo who says in his profile and then in emails that they are looking for more, but you can see his true colors.

    Overall do not lower your standards, even if you do decide to hook up more, because you never know. It is a hard market out there.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 17, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    I am not familiar with your city, but you might try a sport league, go jogging in the university area and or soccer field area, they appear to by cruisy areas, try your coffee houses and museum cafes. I do not go to the bars, but sometimes you meet people here during the day, and they are not always, mostly, but not always wanting just to hookup. Try an ad out but take it slow, chat a few times, before you call, then call for a week then do a date. But spring is a short seasons now so sometimes you just need to let yourself go.

    Be safe always and look before you leap and you will never catch anything, but if your guts says not, WALK AWAY
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:14 AM GMT
    thanks for the advice so far guys...

    well, in answer to some incredulity here, there really AREN'T attractive gay men in this city- and i'm not THAT picky, though i'm pickier than most... honestly, its like the twilight zone here. its a very small (almost town-like) conservative city with nothing to do, so any gay men who are from here initially move elsewhere as soon as they're old enough to, and there are only a handful of college kids out on campus.... and they leave a LOT to be desired. do a search of guys in this city on any gay website and see what you come up with. i know i know- those are only the guys who choose to be online... but i don't like club trash and the only other gays i know of in this city are the ones everyone else knows of... and have had sex with already. lol- not too into whores. i want a good, down to earth, jockishly attractive guy, and if they exist in this city, they're not out. there are no 'cruisy' areas- i try gyms, parks, grocery stores, coffeshops in spades, hookah bars, college bars, greek life events and parties, just sitting in the sun on campus and people watching- perfectly approachable.... and nothing.



    as for Columbus, it sounds like a good idea.... it IS a two hour drive away though so if i'm going up there for just a day, what do i do when i get there, alone? and i can't go for more than a day because i don't know anyone there and thus have no where to crash. i can't drink when i get there for the same reason. there aren't many attractive guys online from that city either, though there are more onliners than in cincinnati..... (i think ohioans just avoid the computer?) but i've already messaged the ones i've found and they either didn't write back, or have no intentions of driving here or meeting up... for more than a meet-and-fuck. so........ without an 'in' or any connections or things to do in Columbus, though the theory, being grounded in statistic probabilities, is sound... i'm not sure that a 2 hour drive up there would accomplish much for me.

    if anyone has advice specifically regarding that issue, it'd be appreciated










    and yes, i think bunjamon is cute- its a shame he's in canadia :p
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    and again, i'm NOT cruising for a hookup.... i'm imagining i could ease up enough to entertain a friends with benefits sort of scenario- but the trust has to be there, you know? unless the guy is a model with a tall perfect body and with manhood down to his knees, i'm just not gonna be tempted enough to sacrifice my values and personal integrity in having soulless hookups. i'm a relationship kinda guy- that's what i'm "wired for." its how i was raised. its what i want in life. i'm working, personally, on not 'needing' a relationship- on being happy alone and letting it come when it will...... but the sexual frustration part is what's gettin' me.
  • MusicMan87

    Posts: 305

    Apr 17, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    dude, I live in Harrionsburg, VA... in the middle of the Shenandoah Valley. I think I know what you're talking about. Sounds like you just need to wait it out until you are out in the real world, thats what I'm going to do haha
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 saidHowever, I am skeptical of there not being ONE descent... hell… ONE HOT -looking guy in Cincinnati.
    If anything is the commented for repeating in this thread.. this is it..
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:31 AM GMT
    czarodziej said soulless hookups.

    That's way too puritanical. Under the right circumstances a hookup can be hygienic, therapeutic, and mutually satisfying. As long as the proprieties are observed -- no false pretenses and nothing unsafe -- there is nothing 'soulless' about giving and receiving pleasure as the body was intended to do.
    For spring fever I recommend a long weekend in New Orleans. Thanks to the food, drinks, culture, and sultry, miasmatic atmosphere, it's impossible not to get lucky.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    cjcscuba1984 saidHowever, I am skeptical of there not being ONE descent... hell… ONE HOT -looking guy in Cincinnati.
    If anything is the commented for repeating in this thread.. this is it..



    ... you're lookin at him. albeit descent, not hot. but u get the idea.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:36 AM GMT
    czarodziej said
    lilTanker said
    cjcscuba1984 saidHowever, I am skeptical of there not being ONE descent... hell… ONE HOT -looking guy in Cincinnati.
    If anything is the commented for repeating in this thread.. this is it..



    ... you're lookin at him. albeit descent, not hot. but u get the idea.

    well.. I couldn't have made my point any clearer had I even drilled through you skull and started using the mush inside as streamers..
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    Just come down to Raleigh...

    I can help you out ;-)

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    Apr 17, 2009 12:38 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    czarodziej said soulless hookups.

    That's way too puritanical. Under the right circumstances a hookup can be hygienic, therapeutic, and mutually satisfying. As long as the proprieties are observed -- no false pretenses and nothing unsafe -- there is nothing 'soulless' about giving and receiving pleasure as the body was intended to do.
    For spring fever I recommend a long weekend in New Orleans. Thanks to the food, drinks, culture, and sultry, miasmatic atmosphere, it's impossible not to get lucky.


    maybe it is puritanical but that's how i was raised. and (thanks mom and dad) the pangs of guilt- justified or no- after a hookup are just not worth it. also, its counter-intuitive to me: if the sex is GOOD, wouldn't i want more of it? and not just once? and then if i want more, and like him, which i would have to in order to have sex at all obviously, i would likely get jealous of the idea that he's out doing other guys too, or at the very least i'd feel insignificant to him as just another notch on his bedpost, which is a rotten feeling. in any case, say he does agree to subsequent fucks? well then, for safety as much as for possessiveness, i'd want to be the only guy he's fucking regularly. and then i may as well date him lol. not that he'd consent to taking it that far if all he want's is sex. anyways, u see how tortured my upbringing in solid traditional values has made my psyche lol
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    "i try gyms, parks, grocery stores, coffeshops in spades, hookah bars, college bars, greek life events and parties, just sitting in the sun on campus and people watching- perfectly approachable.... and nothing. "

    Maybe that is the problem: You are waiting for someone to approach you. Why not approach somone else?

    OR....

    are you saying there aren't guys in those areas as well? How's your gaydar? Most wouldn't know I'm gay. Do you have a sign by you (when you sit down at those places) that says, "Hey I'm gay, come hit on me! :O)"?

    A.) Some may not know you are gay. [Metro]
    B.) Some of these other hot guys you spoke of may be gay but seem str8.
    C.) If I lived near you, I wouldn't have the balls to appoarch you; I'm sure other feel the same.

    Is there an activity/organization you can get involved in... some place to meet people and make friends? Anyone you know who can connect you with someone?


    Otherwise I'd say.... start looking for a new place to live after college. That can be quite exciting.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    czarodziej said soulless hookups.

    That's way too puritanical. Under the right circumstances a hookup can be hygienic, therapeutic, and mutually satisfying.


    Not for those crave more. That is the difference. Monogomous guys want more than just physical intimacy.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    I think your problem is that you're a very good looking dude. Guys are probably afraid to approach you for fear of being shot down. God, some handsome, straight guys would love to make out with you, I'll bet. Don't take this the wrong way. But you are probably prettier than their girlfriends. Pretty in a handsome sort of way.
    I think one guy in the thread had a great idea. Try Columbus. At least make some new friends there. Go to some coffeehouses or such. Not bars.
    I understand your fear of STDS, too, so play it safe if you make some new contacts, and even take time to get to know them.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    cjcscuba1984 saidDo you have a sign by you

    May I recommend

    colors_i_m_gay_and_proud_just_look_at_me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2009 12:52 AM GMT
    czarodziej said its counter-intuitive to me: if the sex is GOOD, wouldn't i want more of it? and not just once?

    That's precisely why a trip out of town is ideal for this purpose. It's self-limiting. You needn't be concerned about what happens afterwards, and you can focus on the joys of the moment.
    As for the pangs of guilt, haven't you cast those aside by coming out to yourself?