Disappointing Gift

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2009 1:35 AM GMT
    I just got my birthday gift from my boyfriend. Now I told him not to go too crazy because we are on a budget because we are getting a place together. He asked what I wanted and I told him i wanted a pair of shoes. We ended up going out to eat and then he gave me my gifts. A card, some candy and tickets to the Red Sox for a game 2 months away. Which would be ok but we are going with a group of his friends. The only thing I liked about everything was the restaurant which i picked out. I dont want to seem petty but for his birthday I took him out to eat and got him a couple of pieces of clothing ....and that was after being laid off for 3 months and only having a job for 1 month before his birthday.

    Should I tell him that i feel like he got the tickets for himself or should I just suck it up and pretend that i liked his gifts?
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:18 AM GMT
    IF he is on this site...well, you might not have to tell him after all! icon_lol.gif

    Will it cause a fight if you were to bring up the fact that you feel this way? It may easily come across as ungrateful but on the other hand it might bring to his attention any "selfish" behavior he might display. Then again... If money is an issue, he might have felt that you 2 haven't been out in a while and this was a fun thing the both of you can do. You bought him clothes for his b-day and then asked for an article of clothing for yours. Maybe he thinks clothes are boring and didn't bother saying anything to you?

    I say don't sweat the small stuff. You have a boyfriend who buys you dinner and gifts and plans things to do with you....That in itself is something many of us would love to even experience. All the best.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Apr 17, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    Gymguy, I have been in your situation before. It's uncomfortable to tell your guy you don't like the gifts he picked out for you. Each guy is different, I have found most would like to get feed back on the gifts so they will know your taste better, it would be the same if the roles were reversed, you would want to know wouldn't you? Telling him would also give you some much needed intel on how he would take hearing negative spins on the gifts he got for you. In a sense you would both learn more about each other in the process. In the end you know your man and how he would react better then anyone. You don't want something like you not liking a gift to cause a rift in your relationship either.
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    haha that sux

    id be pissed.
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:29 AM GMT
    Maybe you need to practice gratitude. His gifts seem thoughtful, if not $$$, what's more important to you? Him selecting gifts that are thoughtful, a card to tell you how he feels, personal, candy for you to enjoy, and togetherness, tickets to a game to attend together and time alone at the restaurant or the dollar total at the bottom of your gift receipt? Your bitch here comes off shallow and unappreciative.
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    hotshotcdn saidMaybe you need to practice gratitude. His gifts seem thoughtful, if not $$$, what's more important to you? Him selecting gifts that are thoughtful, a card to tell you how he feels, personal, candy for you to enjoy, and togetherness, tickets to a game to attend together and time alone at the restaurant or the dollar total at the bottom of your gift receipt? Your bitch here comes off shallow and unappreciative.


    is he unemployed?

    where are the seats for this game?

    are you into this particular sport?
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:40 AM GMT
    ...and you told him not to spend much.....if he had spent a bunch....then what? ....you may be mad at him for spending so much after you told him not to. ....You got what you got for sending the signals you sent.

    Trying being happy that you have somebody to share your birthday with....think of all the poor guys on here who would be happy just to have a companion to share life with ...fuck the presents.

    funny pictures
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    Apr 17, 2009 3:40 AM GMT
    Gifts are gifts. Its not something you earned and its not something you should think about in terms of a point system or a matching system. However it sounds like he did sort of get you a gift for you and himself. But maybe thats what he finds appropriate as gift giving? Just remember that thats what his expectations are and move on.
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    Sorry but it sounds like you are speaking out of both sides of your mouth - telling your BF not to spend money on you because of the future move in but then when he treats you to BD dinner and a future outing with friends you are upseat because you were expecting more material items. Be grateful and appreciative for the fact that you are in a great relationship. Who cares about quantities of gifts. I'd be happy to trade places with you.
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:09 AM GMT

    Suck it up, buddy. Bringing it up could go bad two ways: he could give you a perfectly reasonable answer.....Holy Cannoli, you'd look like a real piece of work then. Second, you could really hurt his feelings, which will not only mess up his night but sully your B Day!!

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    Apr 17, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    I think I'd struggle with the criteria of "simple" and "shoes." Some people just aren't great gift givers, but it doesn't mean that whatever they do as assinine as it may seem isn't done with love. Isn't that what's important?
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:15 AM GMT
    Sorry, but I think you're just being selfish.
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:18 AM GMT
    A gift is a gift. Be appreciative that he thought about you. He could have given you nothing.
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:43 AM GMT
    Mny years ago I told my partner that I already had something similar to what he gave me for my birthday. He took it well and gave me a gift certificate instead. I have regretted that ever since, mostly because I spoiled his pleasure in seeing me love something he took time and energy and money to select.
    Cowboy up, smile and enjoy the game. Buy yourself a pair of shoes as a consolation.
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    Apr 17, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    sure what you did was cool but to question what he gives you and compare it to your gift, i hope he leaves you for being a faggot about this.
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    Apr 17, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    sounds like a cheap ass lover to me. not much thought seem to have been put into that gift.
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    Apr 17, 2009 11:37 AM GMT
    To answer some questions...

    Yes he has a job.

    We dont have seats....were in a standing room only area.

    Im mainly dissappointed because I picked a restaurant that I knew was inexpensive and told him the gift I wanted. Then if i was going to go to a game...why not invite my friends? Im doing something that is more fun for him than for me.

    Sorry for coming across selfish or inconsiderate.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Apr 17, 2009 9:04 PM GMT
    If it was me, the only thing I'd be thinking about is that he invited his friends, and not mine. Unless your friends aren't into baseball, then I'd be thinking the same thing as you. I'd want to bring that up.
    I'd try to do it in a non-confrontive way. Maybe he did ask your friends, or maybe he thought that they wouldn't want to go, or maybe he thought they were broke, or maybe he got a deal from one of his friends, but had to invite them... lots of maybe's. Only he can tell you what happened. If it isn't a big deal for you, don't worry about it. If it is a big deal, bring it up, because not bringing it up will turn it into a bigger deal.
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    Apr 17, 2009 9:06 PM GMT
    MadeNUSA saidsounds like a cheap ass lover to me. not much thought seem to have been put into that gift.


    agreed- gifts should show thought and investment in you. he may as well have bought you a cheap gift certificate somewhere, except that this way, it's benefiting him maybe more than you- lame. very lame. i'd be... not pissed, but certainly let down. and it'd give me pause to wonder just how invested in me he is, and in the relationship.
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    Apr 17, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    while I understand the disappointment maybe you should look at the spirit with which the gifts were given. You know your bf and hopefully if you are moving in with him you know or understand his intent.

    I have a bday coming up and it would be great to have someone special planning it for me. Thanks God for friends.

    Other than your disappointment... hope you had a happy bday.
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    Apr 17, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
    Are you sure that your friends won't be there? Your BF may have other surprises that you don't know about.
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    Apr 17, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    sixxfive saidSorry but it sounds like you are speaking out of both sides of your mouth - telling your BF not to spend money on you because of the future move in but then when he treats you to BD dinner and a future outing with friends you are upseat because you were expecting more material items. Be grateful and appreciative for the fact that you are in a great relationship. Who cares about quantities of gifts. I'd be happy to trade places with you.

    I tend to agree with sixxfive. Plus, giving shoes as a gift is something that would certainly challenge me with my own partner. Ya gotta try 'em on for exact fit, for one thing, both of us can vary a whole shoe size depending on the brand, and the nicest-looking shoes can surprise you with a tight spot.

    The best he could have done was given you a gift certificate, not sure shoe stores typically have them, more a department store feature. But as sixxfive notes, you told him to mind the budget, and that's what he did.

    I don't think you can complain under the circumstances.
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    Apr 17, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    My friends are bigger fans than me. I like baseball but they love it. He didnt invite my friends.
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    Apr 17, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    It wasn't a label maker was it?

    "Oh... a label maker... thanks" icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 17, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidMy friends are bigger fans than me. I like baseball but they love it. He didnt invite my friends.

    As Luckydog76 says: "Are you sure that your friends won't be there? Your BF may have other surprises that you don't know about."

    These are GIFTS, not a paycheck under contract. Anything you get is a GIFT, not an entitlement. And you still don't know, as Luckydog76 states, what you're really getting.

    I'd hold my criticism until it's all over. Complaining about your gifts before you're gotten all of them does indeed sound a bit petty, would you not agree? Especially when money is tight, and you TOLD him to be frugal.

    On my own birthday, I am satisfied to merely be remembered, and to get a kiss with a card. And we have scads of money. My partner is all the gift I need. icon_biggrin.gif