Does it make me superficial if I only wanna date someone who is *basically* healthy?

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    Apr 18, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    There's this great guy who got introduced to me. I didn't really have butterflies meeting him but we got on pretty well. The thing is, he is diabetic. That sort of put me off already. I just know myself. I mean, if he got ill while we were in a relationship, I'd be all out to support him, but if it is sort of a foreseeable crisis, I'd emotionally back off. Do you reckon I'm being shallow for doing so?
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    Apr 18, 2009 5:13 AM GMT
    solemate saidThere's this great guy who got introduced to me. I didn't really have butterflies meeting him but we got on pretty well. The thing is, he is diabetic. That sort of put me off already. I just know myself. I mean, if he got ill while we were in a relationship, I'd be all out to support him, but if it is sort of a foreseeable crisis, I'd emotionally back off. Do you reckon I'm being shallow for doing so?


    Sounds like you need to research diabetes. I think you're responding from a place of ignorance. Talk to Flex89. I would bet he's healthier than you are.
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    Apr 18, 2009 5:36 AM GMT
    Ummm....its diabetes dude......unless he's like 65 and had it for years and years and years, i dont see any big issues in dating him....and its not the type of illness (when its properly controlled) that requires alot of effort on the part of others. If he's taking his meds and watching his diet, exercising and maintaining his hygeine, no need to freak out.
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    Apr 18, 2009 5:43 AM GMT
    solemate saidThere's this great guy who got introduced to me. I didn't really have butterflies meeting him but we got on pretty well. The thing is, he is diabetic. That sort of put me off already. I just know myself. I mean, if he got ill while we were in a relationship, I'd be all out to support him, but if it is sort of a foreseeable crisis, I'd emotionally back off. Do you reckon I'm being shallow for doing so?



    I have basically lost all my friends from ill health. Its not fate, its is not genes
    its simple unsustainable life style. My diabetic friend with the belt mounted insulin pump still does not see his health as a result of his lifestyle choices.. He used to live on pop tarts and probably still does. On my recent trip to the Bible belt i saw people so fat that they could not walk. i have a friend who has had his vertebra fused instead of trying exercise. LIfe style choices are not superficial they are core values.
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    Apr 18, 2009 5:50 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    solemate saidThere's this great guy who got introduced to me. I didn't really have butterflies meeting him but we got on pretty well. The thing is, he is diabetic. That sort of put me off already. I just know myself. I mean, if he got ill while we were in a relationship, I'd be all out to support him, but if it is sort of a foreseeable crisis, I'd emotionally back off. Do you reckon I'm being shallow for doing so?



    I have basically lost all my friends from ill health. Its not fate, its is not genes
    its simple unsustainable life style. My diabetic friend with the belt mounted insulin pump still does not see his health as a result of his lifestyle choices.. He used to live on pop tarts and probably still does. On my recent trip to the Bible belt i saw people so fat that they could not walk. i have a friend who has had his vertebra fused instead of i. LIfe style choices are not superficial they are core values.



    true..but if a person has an illness despite a healthy lifestyle (like in juvenile diabetes) and the person is really taking care of it then it shouldn't really deter a person from dating them. Of course if the person show total disregard for his health then i do agree that that individual's value system warrants some looking at. Disease is something that no one chooses to have but how one deals with it is defintiely something a person has control over.
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    Apr 18, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
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    Apr 18, 2009 6:49 AM GMT
    WOW.. how fucking small you are.. tell this guy what your thinking so that he can run away from you as fast as humanly possible!
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    Apr 18, 2009 7:15 AM GMT
    Most of the time people with diabetes do not get sick or die from diabetes. They get sick or die from the mismangement of diabetes.

    And if you are looking for a perfectly healthy person--good luck. Most people have some sort of condition/disease/illness whether they know about it or not. Learning to accept, cope, and fight one's health issue(s) can be quite admirable in a person.

    I wonder.... what if you were to get sick? Would you except to find someone who would stick around with you when you became ill?


    I wonder--why do you feel this way? You did not discuss that in your message. Why would you back off emotionally?
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    Apr 18, 2009 7:37 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidWOW.. how fucking small you are.. tell this guy what your thinking so that he can run away from you as fast as humanly possible!


    I second this. I'm a type 1 diabetic, have been for 15 years and I'm as healthy as a horse. If he doesnt take care of his diabetes responsibly and he gets sick all the time, that is one thing but to deny someone who is healthy with a sickness because your simply afraid your gonna have to check his blood sugar once or twice, well, that just makes you an ignorant shallow asshole.
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    Apr 18, 2009 8:04 AM GMT

    Rejecting him because he has diabetes...what are you, Species?!
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    Apr 18, 2009 8:27 AM GMT
    Health is the result of paying the highest health care insurance premiums. So always date and marry guys with the best health care.
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    Apr 18, 2009 8:57 AM GMT

    You guys are harsh to someone who's just being honest to himself. icon_redface.gificon_sad.gif
  • zakariahzol

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    Apr 18, 2009 11:52 AM GMT
    My ex once told me, he love me so much he will take care of me in the event I am old (his is 22 years younger) and cannot take care of myself. I told him "please dont make promises that you cant keep". Sure enough, a couple of years latter he dump me for another men. So I guess, if you think you dont want the commitment of taking care of him, probably you should tell him the truth. Frankly, I doubt it you will find any other normal men, with 100 percent perfect health. We all have our share of sickness, its part and parcel of being alive.
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    Apr 18, 2009 12:02 PM GMT
    solemate said
    You guys are harsh to someone who's just being honest to himself. icon_redface.gificon_sad.gif

    nawww didn't you get the answer you wanted.. nawww
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    Apr 18, 2009 12:12 PM GMT
    My partner occasionally tells me he'll stick by me no matter what.
    ...I bet that SOB is just saying that to get my pants.





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  • Latenight30

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    Apr 18, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    as superficial as it sounds, if you don't think you can handle it then don't. When my family had health issues my brother went about life the best way he could. He tried not to get invovled. I was much more active. I think it's a safer bet to steer clear of someone if you don't think you can handle it when the shit hit the fan. On the surface does it sound like a less noble thing.. but is not being honest worst?
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    Apr 18, 2009 12:27 PM GMT
    I understand what you are saying. I probably would not get involved with someone whom I knew had health issues. I wouldn't want to deal with all of his drama. Plus it wouldn't be fair to that person who would expect and need the emotional support from the person he was involved with.
    However, if you are already involved with someone and then they develop a health issue you MUST stand by them through it all. Unwaveringly.
    Cheers,
    Keith
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    Apr 18, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
    The diabetic guy is far better off without the OP. Who would want to date someone so frightened by the possibility he might actually have to give something?
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    Apr 18, 2009 1:04 PM GMT

    Just to clarify further, we are not even dating at all. It was only me who entertained the "what if" thought. He doesn't even have the idea that being in a relationship with him is something that I actually thought about or considered. I mean, he's got some really nice qualities and then some but his diabetis does deter me from taking any further action. I don't really think there is something to discuss with him as I probably won't see him again, as in the case of living here in a highly transitory city like Dubai.
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    Apr 18, 2009 1:04 PM GMT
    I believe solemate, that what people are doing is that they are replying to your original question of "Do you reckon I'm being shallow for doing so?" with a hearty affirmative.

    If this guy doesn't have the discipline to manage his diabetes and watch his blood sugar and dose himself correctly, that's one thing.

    But it's another if he is treating it correctly and is otherwise healthy in life. Maybe you could benefit from researching diabetes more, or, here's a shocking suggestion, open a dialogue with the guy and discuss it with him.

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    Apr 18, 2009 1:45 PM GMT
    I'm conflicted over this issue. After losing a partner who died of AIDS, helplessly watching him slip away over weeks with nothing I could do, and finally passing away in my arms, I told myself at the time I'd never have another poz partner. I had knowingly and willingly accepted those risks, responsibilities & heartbreak once, but that was enough.

    And indeed, my present partner is neg, as I am, but he does have some medical issues that concern us, as I have myself, not unusual for our age group. Naturally every situation is different, and if my current partner had HIV when we first met, I'm not sure how I would have handled it.

    I really don't mind the inconvenience of living with someone with medical needs, provided they are within my ability to handle. In fact, since I present my own medical issues that HE must deal with, like epilepsy & heart disease, I like the idea that we are caring for each other, and prefer to think that we are mutually supportive, not mutually dependent. Neither takes, but both give.

    But if I knew a potential partner's life was at risk, his future uncertain, I would have to think long & hard on that. I know what the loss of one partner did to me; I'm not sure I could go through another, and be left alone at my age. Caring for someone doesn't frighten me; having to bury him does.

    Of course, all of life is a risk, and unexpected illness or injury could still take my partner from me at any time, or me from him. But I don't go looking for trouble, either, as they say, and so I guess I would selfishly consider serious health issues in my choice.

    At least for a partner. The OP question is about dating, which might or might not lead to an LTR. For purely dating I would hardly give it a second thought.
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    Apr 18, 2009 1:51 PM GMT
    Does the OP even understand what diabetes involves?

    It´s not leprosy
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:07 PM GMT
    It shouldn't matter at all. I dated someone who had testicular cancer. I found out about after we started dating, and it had already been successfully treated. While we eventually found out we made much better friends, when he told me, I had much more compassion.

    I suspect the OP, if presented with the fact that, odds are, you will eventually have some kind of "defect" - would you want people rejecting you on that basis, even though you know you're "basically" healthy... seriously. Hold up a mirror to yourself...

    I understand what Red Vespa is saying... and I think the difference here is someone with a manageable condition vs. someone with an illness that may result in heartbreak.

    We all take our chances in life - you can't predict who will die and who will not. My first and only LTR, my partner died at the hands of a drunk driver. It was so random.

    Yeah, I think the OP should tell the guy with diabetes what he's thinking so that guy could move on... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidUnfortunately a lot of people out there are cowards. I've met a lot of very well built men that were friends (or so I thought) but the moment I told them I had cancer they basically dropped me like a hot potato with not even so much as a "I'm sorry of your news, good luck, take care."

    You would think that these bodybuilders with their powerful looking exteriors would have some level of fortitude to match. But alas, it's not the case.



    Why would you think that someone who has spent an inordinate amount of time on the outward packaging would have fortitude? The two are supposed to go hand in hand? Most such guys are just as or even more insecure about themselves, I have found. Having little time for anyone else.

    But to the OP... I thought you were going to say he had a major illness- oh I dunno like the Ebola or colon cancer or some such.

    We all do have our thresholds, if you cannot deal with it then don't be around him. He would be better off without you.

    Just remember though, that life and karma can sometimes be really big bitchesicon_exclaim.gif
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
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