Is it shallow to be attracted to a guy for his intelligence or personality?

  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Apr 18, 2009 7:26 AM GMT
    Just curious what guys thought about this in regard to attraction.

    It is often considered superficial or shallow to be attracted to a guy because of his body, for example, but not his other qualities, like his intelligence or personality.

    Just as having a great body can take a lot of work for some and hardly none at all for others, the same can be said of intelligence, or even personality.

    So why is it considered to be shallow or superficial to like someone just because of their body but not to like someone for their intelligence or personality? They are all qualities about a person that are to a degree determined by genetics and the effort one puts into 'it'. They are also all qualities that will change in time as the body ages.

    At some point we all make a choice to decide upon one person over another, reducing them down to a set of traits we either want or don't want, it's just that for some reason liking someone for their physical body gets treated as wrong but liking someone for their brain gets treated as right, even morally superior than liking someone for their body.

    Couldn't you say it's just as 'shallow' to reject an otherwise great guy for not being intelligent enough as rejecting an otherwise great guy for not having the best of bodies or appearance?


    It seems to me that in the end, loving a person is all that really matters, for whatever collections of properties each of us happen to be that makes both people happy and that it is the judgment based on a particular trait like brains or body, which is better, which is superficial, is really the problem itself.
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    Apr 18, 2009 7:31 AM GMT
    looking for a way to validate your shallow nature huh.. tsk.. poor thing..

    its not shallow to be attracted to someone for there personality or intelligence because its looking well beyond the physical..

    When you look at a person you can't see there personality or there intelligence levels, you can only see what is there exterior.. you don't find much there.. a nice view yes, but there is only so long you can look at a view and stay interested in it..
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Apr 18, 2009 7:40 AM GMT
    liltanker,

    I'm not trying to validate a shallow nature. You can say that with just as much validity in regard to personality or intelligence over body.

    "When you look at a person you can't see there personality or there intelligence levels, you can only see what is there exterior.. you don't find much there.. a nice view yes, but there is only so long you can look at a view and stay interested in it.."


    See, think about it. It's like saying if you could see a person's personality or intelligence levels, then that would make them superficial as well just as seeing their body apparently does. What does the immediacy in awareness of qualities you judge a person for have to do with the fact that you are judging them or rejecting them for such qualities to begin with? I think it's the same logic and I think it's flawed.

    Intelligence is just as much about genetics and environment as one's body is, so why is it 'ok' to reject some guy simply because he doesn't meet your standards of intelligence? Liking someone for their body is just the same, and just as 'shallow', as liking someone for their brain. It's all still part of they body even, just the brain, as a organ is hidden, whereas the exterior of the body is not.

    If you reject a guy because his intelligence doesn't satisfy your needs it's no less 'superficial' than rejecting a guy because his body doesn't satisfy your needs, is it not?
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    Apr 18, 2009 10:03 AM GMT
    its super ficial for one and not the other because appearances can be deceiving and in 20 years ur personality and intelligence grows whereas one's looks "depreciate".

    think of it as an investment. u wanna retire not live off of social aid.
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    Apr 18, 2009 10:46 AM GMT
    Mate.. lets make something clear.. I honestly don't care how you want to live your life, I'm also not interested in debating on where you stand.. you wanna go after pretty things and think everything else is secondary great.. it wont get you very far though.. at least, it doesn't in my experience..
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Apr 18, 2009 10:54 AM GMT
    I don't think it shallow to be attracted to a guy because of his intelligence OR because of his body.

    We like who we like because we like em.


    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 18, 2009 11:00 AM GMT
    AntoSo why is it considered to be shallow or superficial to like someone just because of their body but not to like someone for their intelligence or personality?


    Because it suggests you just want to f**k and aren't too bothered about the candle lit suppers. But, whatever - what you look for in a boyfriend is your call.
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    Apr 18, 2009 12:48 PM GMT
    So why is it considered to be shallow or superficial to like someone just because of their body but not to like someone for their intelligence or personality?.
    Caring only about the body indicates you care nothing for the 95% of the relationship that happens outside the bedroom. Do you enjoy talking about things with him? Do you have fun together? Do you have goals in life that you share? Would he be there for you in sickness or hardship? Do you feel you can trust him with the inmost secrets of your heart?
    If you think it's superficial to want any of the above, then sure, go only for looks. Otherwise you may want to rethink this.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 18, 2009 12:56 PM GMT
    Absolutely not... thats what "holds the attraction" in my opinion. Thats what we should all strive to be attracted to.. looks change, personality, humor, intelligence.. we hope doesn't. Just the opposite, not shallow in the least.
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:18 PM GMT
    Anto has presented an interesting perspective since we are born with our intelligence and to some extent our personalities.

    People are attracted to someone who is a match for them physically and mentally...someone who will engage them as an equal on both levels. Shallow? Maybe you could argue that it's shallow to select for intelligence....as a lower degree of superficiality than the physical.

    But personality? That's what defines us. It's the one enduring thing about a person. There's nothing left after that...nothing deeper that would make personality superficial by comparison...So that ain't shallow.
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    ^ I agree with this Beaux chap.

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    Apr 18, 2009 2:25 PM GMT
    Intelligence and personality = no
    looks = yes
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 18, 2009 2:29 PM GMT
    Hmmm, I agree with the end of your statement... that one would be considered shallow if he disliked a guy for his lack of appearance/intelligence/personality.

    Unfortunately that's the way the world turns... people look for a good mix of those three qualities, along with some others. Even right now saying this I feel kind of shallow, and honestly I've always looked for the looks mainly, the first quality needed for me to be interested in a guy.

    On one hand we should not be so picky about guys, but on the other hand the latter mentioned guys should also try to fix themselves up a bit. Work from both ends. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    I like a combination of both. I won't lie when I say that usually physical attraction is what grabs my attention at first glance since you can't really see a person's personality until you get to know them but I like to give myself some leeway and leave room open to attraction on sides

    I like a hot bod, no doub,t but I also like a hot mind and if I had to choose between the two I would probably be 60 on looks and 40 on personality. Sue me.

    I would have to agree with you and say that it is just as shallow to reject someone for not being intelligent as it is for rejecting someone who isn't hot according to your tastes.

    Everyone is guilty of this. I would like to believe that everyone can overcome certain things and just get along with one another but the fact is we are who we are and we like what we like. It's not perfect. It's just the way things are and you can't really fault people for their tastes in others.

    Would you date and have sexual relations with a guy who is 600 lbs but considered the world's nicest and smartest person or would you date and have sexual relations with a reincarnated Adonis look-a-like who was literally as dumb as a box of rocks with a with a bad attitude?

    You don't really need to answer this (not here anyway). That's just one of things we as humans deal with every day. Everyone has a little bit of shallowness in them and to say you don't would be a lie since everyone has particular tastes and specific things we like about others be it a physical or mental attractions. As soon as you are capable of pointing out someone else flaws you and judging them you are automatically shallow by default. Such is being a human.

    To each their own.
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    Apr 18, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    Lost_And_Found said^ I agree with this Beaux chap.



    Thanx, John.
    And the candle-lit dinner sounds like a winner.
    When should I be there?
    icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:03 PM GMT


    OK Anto, I get it. Here's a story: When I was single I had a lesbian roommate from up-country. It was her first time living in a big city and all those women in one place had her head spinning.

    She wanted looks and personality. So here's where it became superficial and shallow. She found one.
    Now she knew herself; she was a rather self-centered and grasping social climber. She liked to dabble in drugs, sleep around, drink and party, often calling in sick to work and laughing over the 'scams' she had happening with employment and the several women she was dating that all thought they were 'the one'.

    When she met this woman, she found out all she could about her. She called Ms X on a daily basis. Ms X liked to take things slow. She was pretty, kind, compassionate, intelligent, dedicated, honest, loving, in short everything my roommate was not.

    For some, getting a partner like that is a status symbol and a prize (even though they haven't a clue what to do with a person like that once they have them:rollicon_smile.gif Now that's shallow.

    She pretended to be all the qualities Ms X was. She found out Ms X was Cancer and that Ms X believed in such things, so the roomie borrowed an astrology book and read out parts of Cancer to Ms X, saying, "I'm really.... (fill in blanks with Cancerian personality traits)."

    Ms X fell for it hook, line and sinker. Poor Ms X. It wasn't too long, just a heartbreak later, for Ms X to find out what this roomie of mine was really all about. Me too.

    I paid her to move out........

    -Doug
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    Beaux said
    Lost_And_Found said^ I agree with this Beaux chap.



    Thanx, John.
    And the candle-lit dinner sounds like a winner.
    When should I be there?
    icon_smile.gif


    Hahaha, you've not tasted my cooking.

    Perhaps we should go out.

    Unless you like beans on toast?
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Is it shallow to be attracted to guys that have cookies? 'cause I saw a guy with some mint Oreos and I was all over that shit.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Apr 18, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    I believe that it is equally important to be attracted to guy because of his intelligence and personality as well as his body. The success behind attraction is the whole person not just certain separate aspects of the person.
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    Lost_And_Found said
    Hahaha, you've not tasted my cooking.

    Perhaps we should go out.

    Unless you like beans on toast?


    My fav!

    Wait, what's this I hear about a guy with cookies?
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:19 PM GMT
    Beaux said
    Lost_And_Found said
    Hahaha, you've not tasted my cooking.

    Perhaps we should go out.

    Unless you like beans on toast?


    My fav!

    Wait, what's this I hear about a guy with cookies?



    Hahaha, I'm tempted to start a 'Is it shallow to be attracted to a guy just because he can cook?' thread.

    Whatever. Here's some eye candy.

    hunky-chef.jpg
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    Would it be shallow for me to say...I just got 'up' this morning?
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  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    Apr 18, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    For me, good looks get you in the door, intelligence and personality will determine if I let you stay, and if you can cook on top of that... I will probably try to marry you.
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    Apr 18, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    Beaux saidWould it be shallow for me to say...I just got 'up' this morning?
    icon_razz.gif


    Hahaha, It's a hard call.
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    Apr 18, 2009 4:12 PM GMT

    First, you answered your own question: is it shallow to be attracted only to someone's superficial qualities? Duh, being attracted only to someone's physical quality and that's all you do habitually is (because I'm the queen of metaphor) like buying a car without looking under the hood, asking questions about history....inquiring about mileage. What would you think of a guy who did that? You'd think he was a fucking idiot, right?

    Secondly, you feel like you are wrong. Ok, human beings have this untangible something inside them called a conscience, you have one too and its tingling means something. To try and split hairs: "but disliking a guy's personality/intelligence isn't shallow"....uh no, it's not so what exactly is your point?

    However, you're fine, gays like you are everywhere. Noone was really judging you in the first place, but your identifying yourself as shallow...it's just sorta tempting to throw rotten fruit at you, that's all. Shallow guys make me sad because I know how I feel about men: I like the whole creation, that includes the outer shell, inside: his interest, intelligence, values, likes, dislikes, etc;. I'd be hard pressed to just limit myself to exploring just his superficial shell, but ofcourse, I like to enjoy a man's company and I enjoy a little competition intellectually and physically. If I had the ability to be shallow, I'd hate to exploit it because I'd hate to harvest that from other guys. I think the object of your superficial affection knows about it and thus puts a guard up allowing you only to get access to what's outside.

    I'm not proclaiming to be as deep as all that, but even if the motive is sex, even with a trikk it is more satisfying if he let's you in a little. Otherwise it's a lot like humping a manequin. Plus, being shallow limits your future prospects, as I said, what you are doing is like choosing a postcard of Paris over traveling and exploring Paris.

    In closing: you're shallow and that's going to be ok unitl it ceases to be ok. Your reverse psychology could work well here so :if guys are hurt when they are only judged by their superficial qualities and not there achievements, personalitiy, character, charisma....inner qualities (and believe me, it crushes them), why wouldn't other guys be hurt/annoyed/frustrated if only judged by their superficial appeal, their inner talents, sexiness, and appeal ignored? Does not a happy camper make which might explain why attractive men can be so bitter.