Top vs. Bottom

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 18, 2009 8:03 AM GMT
    Forgive my ignorance but I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex with guys. I was reading this forum www.realjock.com/gayforums/482988 (Don't ask the "top/bottom" question in the first date!). Anyways, from my very limited experience I have noticed that usually the guys that don't want to say what they are "role wise" are bottoms. Why is this? Oh and I didn't realize that saying the wrong answer to this question could be a deal breaker for some people. If you liked a guy would you really end it because you weren't compatible when it comes to anal? If both guys were bottoms couldn't they switch off? Idk just didn't make sense to me.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 18, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    No one??
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    Apr 19, 2009 3:19 AM GMT
    Ok I'll answer b/c I feel bad no one answered.

    Forgive my ignorance but I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex with guys. Me too I've never been with a guy, but I'll give you my opinion. I was reading this forum www.realjock.com/gayforums/482988 (Don't ask the "top/bottom" question in the first date!).

    Anyways, from my very limited experience I have noticed that usually the guys that don't want to say what they are "role wise" are bottoms. Why is this?
    I personally think it's about self respect. What I mean is a bottom is basically allowing another guy to take pleasure from his body, although the bottom may feel pleasure too, there's just a difference in allowing someone inside of you vs you being the one inside. I assume the bottom doesn't want to be seen just as an object for sex. Where as tops may think it's cool to show their dominance and let it be known they're looking for guys to please them.

    Oh and I didn't realize that saying the wrong answer to this question could be a deal breaker for some people. If you liked a guy would you really end it because you weren't compatible when it comes to anal? If both guys were bottoms couldn't they switch off? Idk just didn't make sense to me.
    I understand what you mean. Personally I think most are verstile and just prefer one or the other to various degrees. I don't think I could be with someone that was strictly a top, but the truth is maybe I could if I connected with him. I wouldn't stop dating a guy if I liked him and he was strictly a top, but it would be difficult for me to just bottom all the time and never get to be on top. I assume you're searching for a relationship and not a hook-up and that's why you're suprised by it being a dealbreaker if so just realize if a guy is willing to end a relationship based on that he would have been a lousy bf.
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    Apr 19, 2009 3:50 AM GMT
    I think its because there is a stigma associated with being a bottom some how not being manly... which is totally stupid since ever top needs a bottom..

    However in the gay community right now, there is this MASSIVE desire for every guy to be "masculine" which I think means they can't be submissive or be perceived to be submissive publicly, behind closed doors that's another thing..

    I personally don't get it and have gotten some funny looks when I've been very forward saying that i am a bottom, people just assume i'm a top and thats all I am when its not the case, I'm a top and a bottom and I love both positions equally.. mind you these people who give me funny looks generally come onto me hahaha

    Mind you, I like it all, so, I'm both, I versatile and love it icon_smile.gif and if that makes me less manly then damn it, I'd rather have my world rocked by a hot guy then live to someone elses standard
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    Apr 19, 2009 4:23 AM GMT
    Bottoming is awesome. You should try it, Rob. Also, yeah, I don't know many successful coupling where the partners are both tops or both bottoms. It just doesn't seem to happen often.
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    Apr 19, 2009 6:37 AM GMT
    oooobers icon_redface.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 19, 2009 7:15 AM GMT
    Thanks for answering.. I just don't see why it would be a problem because technically everyone can be vers. They may not like it but I thought that it might be something worth sacrificing for a relationship. If they are both bottoms they wouldn't have to bring someone else into the relationship, couldn't they just take turns fucking each other? I can see how it might be harder for two tops but if they really wanted they could suck it up and take it.

    As for bottom being fem.. I don't buy it. They most masculine gay guy I know is technically vers. but he likes bottoming. I thought it was a major turn on.
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    Apr 19, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
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    Apr 19, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    I'm versatile, but prefer being the top more than the bottom. There are 2 reasons: first, I've had prostate problems, and so usually feel no pleasure at best, or pain at worst. But I'll do it for his pleasure, and will get myself mentally into it, become hard and even cum.

    Second reason is that I'm much bigger than average, and only serious bottoms can handle me, and I never met one I really wanted to date. I've even had bottoms put their clothes right back on as soon as they saw my hard-on, saying "no way!" and sending me away, being guys who only bottomed and nothing else interested them.

    Funniest situation was a bottom who finally got me inside him after much time & patient effort, but my pumping still hurt him. Instead he asked me to stay very still and to merely "twitch" my dick while in his ass, which he really liked, moaning in pleasure every time I contracted my muscles.

    Didn't do much for me (except to challenge my self-control), but gave him smiles, and we did other stuff afterwards that got us both off. We dated for several months, but never did get past motionless twitching, and he ultimately wanted real bottom action, and by that time so did I! Maybe if we had been into Tantric sex or something...
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 19, 2009 8:00 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    DrobUA saidThanks for answering.. I just don't see why it would be a problem because technically everyone can be vers.
    As for bottom being fem.. I don't buy it. They most masculine gay guy I know is technically vers. but he likes bottoming. I thought it was a major turn on.


    DrobUA, you're assuming that because you can do it that anyone can. You have to realize that sexual roles aren't a turn on for everyone. There was a stage in my life that I couldn't get hard for other guys so that was why I liked being a bottom. And then I went through a stage where I had erections all the time and so I was a top.

    A lot of bottoms don't get hard at the thought of being a top. It simply doesn't turn them on. The ones that can become erect usually are versatile.


    Ahh.. yea I didn't know that.
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    Apr 19, 2009 8:18 PM GMT
    You know, I never thought the stigma of "bottom = fem/less of a man, etc." existed in the gay community. I always only thought that was a misguided straight attitude. You learn something new everyday...
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    Apr 20, 2009 4:28 AM GMT
    oh i thought this was about alien vs predator or sub zero vs scorpion..


    oops
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 20, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    theonslaught saidoh i thought this was about alien vs predator or sub zero vs scorpion..


    oops


    hahaha
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    Apr 20, 2009 5:58 AM GMT
    I usually go with whoever looks like they would be be a better job

    If they I well endowed and keep an effortless hard on I"m more than happy to have him fuck me but if he's smaller than me and goes soft his ass is mine.

    Problem is I seldom reach climax just from topping, guys think I'm not that into it because of such
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 20, 2009 8:52 AM GMT
    AMT87 saidI usually go with whoever looks like they would be be a better job

    If they I well endowed and keep an effortless hard on I"m more than happy to have him fuck me but if he's smaller than me and goes soft his ass is mine.

    Problem is I seldom reach climax just from topping, guys think I'm not that into it because of such


    Interesting.. I'm learning a lot. I never really got the whole top or bottom thing. I always just thought it was a preference.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Apr 20, 2009 10:41 AM GMT
    You dont need to do anal to have sex with other man. I was a non anal for years after quitting topping back in my twenties. Until I discover how fun a bottom can be. But thats truth to that. I dont think I can be happy with another bottom since I no longer tops. But we can always do non anal. But thats kinda missing something very pleasurable , isnt it.
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    Apr 20, 2009 11:54 AM GMT
    Royalchaos2 saidYou know, I never thought the stigma of "bottom = fem/less of a man, etc." existed in the gay community. I always only thought that was a misguided straight attitude. You learn something new everyday...

    Not every gay thinks in terms of masculine vs fem regarding being a top vs a bottom. And even if some did, the issue of a "stigma" could be argued as being a different matter. We've had some spirited RJ debates about whether being a more feminine gay man should be considered a negative at all.

    Being a gay top implies the traditional role of the straight male as the penetrator, whereas the gay bottom's role is similar to the straight female function of being penetrated. These 2 different roles have always been associated with gender identity in the straight world (it's even the symbolic basis of the international icons for male & female, the circles with an arrow and with a cross), so it's not surprising some of that attitude would occur in the gay world, too.

    But many of us have experienced enough exceptions to that "rule" to suggest it may not be a rule that actually applies to gays at all. We know there are masculine bottoms and less butch tops. I'm versatile, and I don't feel like my masculinity is changing as I perform one act and then the other, very often during the same sexual encounter.

    To me it's merely a matter of which gives the man the greater pleasure, and of which is he most functionally capable. In my case a bad prostate makes bottoming less enjoyable, or otherwise I'm sure I'd like to do it more often. I know some guys who get insufficient sensory stimulation from topping to make that enjoyable for them, so they bottom and do oral.

    Of course an argument could be made that sexual pleasure itself has a psychological component, essentially meaning you like what you WANT to like; it's not all physical. But even conceding that, knowing men and myself as I think I do, it still seems the greater incentive is the purely physical, even if colored by the mental.

    A gay man goes where his dick tells him to go, whether that's inside a mouth, or in a fist, or up an ass, or all 3. And if he gets additional pleasure being on the receiving end of a dick, he'll do that, too.