Meeting guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2007 9:25 PM GMT
    Hi guys
    I was just wondering how do you proceed to start talking to random guys who you dont know if they're gay or not.
    For excample i'm from south-africa in a small collage town but can't get the courage to start talking to guys at the gym i'm scared that they might not be gay. So how do you start up random coversations?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2007 9:39 PM GMT
    From my experience, all you need to do in the beginning is just introduce yourself. Learn names and make small talk. Bring up topics that you can relate to:

    Sports
    Food
    Nutrition
    Current Events

    Avoid making long conversations at first. The gym is where guys go to workout more and talk less.

    The more OFTEN you make small talk from one day to the next, the closer you are to their "memory bank". In other words, "constant flow is where friendships grow"

    Eventually, they guys you meet will then approach you about something you had mentioned a few days ago...or just ask about a workout tip.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 01, 2007 10:24 PM GMT
    "FormerFatso" has a pretty good grasp on the idea I think. Your there to learn the gym, introduce yourself, smile, ask questions, but DO keep it brief
    (I find long winded conversations more than irritating at times) and make it very generic. If the conversations allow, ask what they do for a living (or where they go to school or what their major is). I mean things I ask anyone, male or female. As you get to know people, you'll know whether to ask more.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 02, 2007 9:37 AM GMT
    Yeah...just talk about guy stuff
    which is usually whatever you happen to be involved in at the moment
    if you're at the gym...talk to guys about their workouts
    if you're at work talk to them about some job related issue
    Once you have broken the ice the conversation might go on to other things
    But be careful if you're talking to guys that you don't know are gay or not...a lot of them won't be
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2007 1:15 PM GMT
    I general start with a hello and it usually goes from there. I know how you feel I used to be painfully shy!

    Fear of rejection. Nothing ventured nothing gained.


    Good Luck to you.


    Chances are they guy that you want to strike up the conversation with is feeling the sam thing!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2007 2:44 PM GMT
    A good suggestion I've picked up is that you should just approach people with the intention of being friends and expect nothing more than being friends. It's always great to have friends, and once you become friends, you can feel out if there might be anything more. Especially at the gym, there are lots of things related to physical fitness you can bond over.
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    Nov 02, 2007 7:09 PM GMT
    ok well i'm a youngster and have a hard enough time relating to kids my age. let alone have a clue how to tell it some is gay or straght. how would i find some one to go out with, with out the fear of getting beat upicon_cry.gif or publicly humilated?
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Nov 02, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    CW: your fears are valid, but be careful not to let them total control and inhibit your possibilities at happiness.

    I would suggest finding a social group of open-minded people (is there a college near by that might have a gay group?)

    Or maybe one of your friends (if they know you're gay) might know another person who is gay - start networking!

    Or what about a a gay volleyball, bowling, or other sports team in your area.

    Is there an LGBT community Center?

    Any of you other seasoned homos want to chime in here? Give the guy some of your suggestions!

    Have a great weekend everyone!
    -JC-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2007 8:16 PM GMT
    An interesting dilemma has presented itself to me today. I got a half-match on Hot or Not from a very cute guy. I completed the match and then found him on myspace. So I shoot him a message there, his reply was that "he's not gay", and "it's weird" and "sorry if I offended you". WTF?!?!? I don't care if he's gay or straight, I could always use some more friends! Couldn't everyone? My only question is why he clicked on "meet me" if he wasn't interested? Anyway, meeting guys is hard enough, but now the straight guys are messing with my head too.
  • hash420623

    Posts: 2

    Nov 03, 2007 12:35 AM GMT
    Well, He may not be interested in you sexually but he may want to know you as a person better. And he may also be curious about you. Give him the benefit of the doubt but don't let your guard down at the same time.

    I have known straight guys who would be friends with me just to find out how gay guys tick as if i were a different species all together.

    All the best bro and you might get lucky. He may turn out bi. And even better, Gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2007 12:45 AM GMT
    If he's into you like you are him should go pretty smooth. Intuition "Gaydar" follow your gut feelings. I agree with the locker room crap.. I tell mgmt at my gym.. Usually married dudes anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2007 1:13 AM GMT
    I don't think meeting gay men in a big city like London would be any easier, unless you are into the generic gay man portrayed on tv. what if you wanted to meet a guy who was a bit more "reserved" and into rock and electronic (not dance there is a difference) music and who isn't so blindly gay you need glasses to shield you from the gayrays. Not that there is anything wrong with camp men, but they just aren't my choice for a boyfriend... they're great as friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2007 1:27 AM GMT
    I kinda show interest by giving a flirty look - checkin the guy out.
    If I make eye contact, and catch a little smile from the guy, then the ice has broken.

    But, be careful.
    If you turn to look back at a guy that caught your eye, you might wanna stay aware of your surroundings.

    For example, I was looking back at a guy at my university while I was walking outside. I was completely mesmerized by the smile he shot at me..then BAM!
    I accidentally slammed the door open, against the wall, and kinda rammed into the wall a little bit.

    But hey, it'll give me a reason to approach him next time we cross paths.

    "hey, I'm Cody- and here's my number. Any guy who can make me a total fuckin klutz is completely worth my time."
  • qalbi30

    Posts: 116

    Nov 03, 2007 6:31 AM GMT
    May I suggest the you try to make friends first,find a topic that you can use that will not give any clues to your sexual preferences.
    Why reveal too much in the beginning ? a warm smile and an interested gaze will say a lot to the right person.

    It is interesting,I have found and am sure other Rj members have found the same,you meet somebody and the attraction is strong and sexual,then after the first surge of lust friendship develops and the sex is not so important.

    Of course if you find both you are in luck !

    Wishing you good luck.

    Regards,R.
  • Falconcc_24

    Posts: 75

    Nov 03, 2007 9:43 AM GMT
    As you have your small talk, LISTEN icon_exclaim.gif to what he is saying. str8s will talk about girls and various parts of their anatomies w/in 1-3 conversations. What comes out of their mouths w/o thinking of who they're talking to, other than "another dude," will quickly tell you what kind of guy they are.

    If he doesn't mention anything about a girl, or doesn't check one out, suggest to hang out somewhere public other than the gym. Then get to know him a bit better.icon_cool.gif
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Nov 03, 2007 7:36 PM GMT
    You have recieved some good feedback. I agree talk at the gym needs to be small talk. If I was going to try and get to know a guy at the gym or even from class I would see if they wanted to do some type of physical activity outside. During a workout I might say how much horseback riding has strengthened my legs. If I was going mountain climbing I might invite him. Once we do something out side of the gym we will get to know each other better. How I night bring up the activity; I would make mention how some particular exercise has really helped with an activity then I might ask if he has ever done that activity etc. etc..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 6:28 AM GMT
    I disagree Falcon. I'm gay, and i still check out chicks an junk when im with people. Me and most the gays i know don't make a show of being gay. Only the Fems do. Besides, my first boyfriend, who i met at my tae kwon-do club, would always talk about havin sex with a really hot chick... then he came out to me an we started dating.


    I go by my Gaydar quite a bit, because it's never led me astray. I have 95% accuracy rate. All the suggestions of Making friends first is a very good idea. You can usually gauge their orientation and how right your gaydar is by their answers.

    I always eventually end up asking them about their family, school and such. you can usually get alot from that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 11:46 PM GMT
    I have discovered gay guys working out at my gym thanks to online dating sites; my "gaydar" is pretty bad as I can't tell who is straight or gay unless they make it a point for others to know their sexuality. In any case, I'm too focused on my exercises to bother small talk or eye contact. This said, I do notice guys staring at me and trying to gauge any reciprocity but I prefer to ignore them and spend my time working out. The same holds for women who are looking for male partners.
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    Nov 06, 2007 11:55 PM GMT
    Seattle has a very large gay population, and it is impossible to meet guys outside the chat rooms. Unfortunately, this is getting more common anywhere all over the world. This is happening in small as well as large cities. Yes, in small cities would be an issue of being openly gay, in big cities is an issue of insecurity.

    As an example and I guess it had happened to almost anybody; after hanging out at night and you did not meet anybody besides chatting with your friends, you go home, get online and find the same guys that you saw there, and they start chatting with you...

    Everybody is getting used to this technology that we are forgetting how to behave in person, specially the young ones who came to this world typing on computers already. I miss those days when you met guys at the market, on the street, at the bars, at the bank, a little flirt on the bust, etc. I am not even 40 years old yet!
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Nov 07, 2007 3:52 PM GMT
    I think galbi30 is on it. A brief conversation w/o any sexual interentions will get you farther. And as far as gaydar goes...I never rely on it, as I have about a 15% accuracy. I'm hot for straight guys, or gay guys who are really masculine.

    The flamboyant guys, I think, are easy to spot thus hook up more in these places.

    I was just told that I'm intimidating to people, especially other guys, as I am too masculine! HA! "You confuse people," I was told. But because of this straight guys talk to me all the time, thinking I'm one of them. This then makes me think they are gay and into me cuz they are being so cool.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 10, 2007 7:33 PM GMT
    I just came back from GNC in Kerrville.

    I struck conversation with the clerk (not HOT, but cute enough to give head)...he asked me how my Halloween night was, since last time I saw him was a week before Oct 31.

    That was a good sign...he remembered me and and the event from our last conversation. Being the blunt gay man, I just told him how my night was and even included all the sexual details. When a customer would come in, he'd rush them out quickly so that I can continue my story.

    He even went on to tell me his sexual prowess as a straight man and all the chicks he "got into"...that was fine with me, I just knew that this young dude was a very sexually stimulated specimen.

    He'd go on about how secure he is with his sexuality, but another detail I noticed is that he always ends his anecdotes with a follow-up question about my lifestyle... "How did you know your were gay?", "Have you tried being bi-sexual?"...

    Before his shift was over, we exchanged numbers and made arrangements to meet again tonight for my "imaginary" Going Away Party I mentioned. All I have to do now is make a party.

    Oh, and another way I meet guys (at the library) is to ask how to spell elusive words like "Elongate" or "Engorgred", or even "Endowed"... LOL At the computers, I act dumb and ask the guy next to me "Does the word "endowed" spelled with 'ou' or 'ow'?"

    After correcting me, they almost always ask back "Do you have any gum?"...you bet I do! I just sit back and let the digits come rolling in...