Reaction to being Touched

  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Apr 19, 2009 6:38 PM GMT
    Just this past Saturday I attended a family function, everyone's having a good time until someone patted my butt. My reflexes went off and I mistakingly elbowed my uncle on his nose and just like in the movies, time seemed to have slowed down as he flew backwards and landed hard on his back. Sorry uncle* ! I myself do not like being touched in a way unless I know it's coming from my man, who couldn't attend due to a cable appointment.

    Enough background story! I just wanted to know what is your reaction of being touched by people? Do you recoil? Do you lash out? Or any other reaction to share as to why you act that way.

    *Note - my uncle is straight and is happily married, he just picked up the American thing of patting guy's butt like I witness guys do in baseball. I do not understand why men, doesn't matter straight or gay, pat one another on the butt for I never experienced or witness this growing up in the Philippines.
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    Apr 19, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    I recoil a little bit, too, if the touch is not from my partner. I've just learned not to be as violently reflexive about it as you.
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    Apr 19, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    When I hug gay men, I often pat their butts at the same time as well.icon_biggrin.gif I have to remind myself not to do this with straight guys.icon_redface.gif But at least nobody will freak out from surprise.

    When someone surprises me with a touch, I usually whirl around very fast to check out the offender. With a friend I'll share a laugh, but with a stranger I get very snippy. Unless he's insanely hot.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    Funny, i'm actually totally ok with it - i've been touched in plenty of weird places before - crotch, ass, legs, you name it - and i don't flinch or anything.


    *shrug*
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    No, I must be the one to initiate the touch. Be it on the shoulder, bum, anywhere....as Bernd termed it..I feel like that person is the "offender."
    Cheers.
    Keith
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:26 PM GMT
    Ok, I'm going to skip making a joke about your "straight" uncle patting you on the butt. icon_lol.gif

    I do get very sensitive about unwelcome touching at the bars/clubs. I have more than once aggressively grabbed a guy's arm, and told him never to to it again. And I have learned to look first, before I react, to make sure it's not someone I know who is joking with me. icon_wink.gif

    But just as annoying are the straight girls at gay bars who think they have the license to touch you. I always want to say, "If I had touched you like that at a straight bar, you would have called the cops."

  • handsoffire

    Posts: 178

    Apr 19, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
    cops might laugh at us for the same tho.

    I'm pretty open to touch, tho I'm a massage therapist, so I kinda have to be. icon_wink.gif

    Random touch I'm pretty cool with, my whole family is pretty touchy and having two uncles and a dad who all couch I'm pretty used to be tapped on the ass by guys who aren't interested in me.
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:45 PM GMT
    im pretty wierd when ppl touch me, just today we wrapped up a film and one of the fellow actors came by to shake me hand and i just saw him reaching for me from the corner of my eye and i reacted liek when u pretend to strike a dog. happens alot. i guess im just wierd
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:49 PM GMT
    I dropped a guy on the dance floor for pinching one of my nipples. I don't like being touch like that either unless it's welcome. It was a total reflex by the way.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 19, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    I flinch when I get unexpectedly touched by someone. The CEO at work touched my shoulder once and I jumped. It was embarrassing.
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    Apr 19, 2009 11:55 PM GMT
    even tho were gay men i think its instilled in our brains not to be affectionate with other men, so we dont do it. if u look at women they touch eachother all the time( not in a sexual way but an affectionate way) and no1 thinks anything of it, i think thats why i flinch whenever a guy touches me. society tells us its wierd when really its not
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    ass and crotch touching falls well into the category of inappropriate touching unless it's your guy doing the touching, I get really pissed when guys I don't know do that, and my friends know better... anything other body part than that is fine (i.e. arm, leg, shoulder, back etc).
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:02 AM GMT
    waxon saideven tho were gay men i think its instilled in our brains not to be affectionate with other men, so we dont do it. if u look at women they touch eachother all the time( not in a sexual way but an affectionate way) and no1 thinks anything of it, i think thats why i flinch whenever a guy touches me. society tells us its wierd when really its not


    No, I don't think it's because of how we were brought up. To me, it's a show of dis-respect and a violation of my space. The person isn't respectful and doesn't care about whether I want to be touched. And it's an unwelcome violation of my space.

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    Apr 20, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    NakedDevil said
    waxon saideven tho were gay men i think its instilled in our brains not to be affectionate with other men, so we dont do it. if u look at women they touch eachother all the time( not in a sexual way but an affectionate way) and no1 thinks anything of it, i think thats why i flinch whenever a guy touches me. society tells us its wierd when really its not


    No, I don't think it's because of how we were brought up. To me, it's a show of dis-respect and a violation of my space. The person isn't respectful and doesn't care about whether I want to be touched. And it's an unwelcome violation of my space.




    im not talking about groping or innapropriate touching, im talking about the occasional tap on the shoulder or hand shake.
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    Until a couple of years ago,I hated to be touched unexpectedly and could have a pretty volatile reaction if it happened. Now I'm fine with it. The one exception to that is in bars/clubs,etc, where I really don't like being, touched, pinched, grabbed or fondled by surprise.
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    I generally don't like the "buddy touching" like fake hits and butt patting. That stuff just seems stupid and meat-head-ish.

    While I haven't done it since, I did recoil on someone that was bothering me. My mother had invited our friends (a father and two sons) to church one week. As a result, I ended up going to the children service with my friends and brother. Sitting next to me was my friend, sitting behind me was my brother and his friend. My brother wouldn't stop tapping me on the back and cracking jokes. I had told him to stop, and eventually warned that I would shut him up if he didn't stop. I felt another tap and immediately reacted with backhanded punch. I turned around and realized I had broken our friends nose - IN CHURCH!
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:15 AM GMT
    Man. . . some of you guys are touchy icon_lol.gif

    Personally I like it when someone touches me. I don't mean anything inappropriate, of course. . . but pats / slaps on the back, friendly punches, arm around the shoulder, pat on the butt. . . it's all fine. I like being hugged and kissed and I don't care if someone else makes the first move. In fact, I prefer they do.

    I don't view it as an invasion of my space. I view it as an attempt to be friendly, kind, or to show concern or caring. If it's a woman or a gay guy doing the touching, there is probably some attraction added in there. That's fine too.

    I wish people did more of it, actually. Sometimes the world seems like such a cold place. I grew up in a home where my parents NEVER touched any of us kids. Never hugged us, never kissed us. I mean NEVER, EVER. Not once. Don't you think that's just a little weird?

    Touching and hugging is good.

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    Apr 20, 2009 12:21 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidMan. . . some of you guys are touchy icon_lol.gif

    Personally I like it when someone touches me. I don't mean anything inappropriate, of course. . . but pats / slaps on the back, friendly punches, arm around the shoulder, pat on the butt. . . it's all fine. I like being hugged and kissed and I don't care if someone else makes the first move. In fact, I prefer they do.

    I wish people did more of it, actually. Sometimes the world seems like such a cold place. I grew up in a home where my parents NEVER touched any of us kids. Never hugged us, never kissed us. I mean NEVER, EVER. Not once. Don't you think that's just a little weird?

    Touching and hugging is good.



    No, I don't feel it weird at all. Mother and father never touched me or my brother, nor I them. Our nanny did the touching.........and walloping too! LOL!
    Even Grandmother and Grandfather never touched or kissed.
    I like touching and hugging as long as I initiate it.
    -Keith
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    Wow...it's odd to me how many of you aren't comfortable with touching.

    My friends and I are all very touchy feely - some more than others, but if someone comes over, we hug upon arrival and departure. Kisses are on the cheek, and kinda hit or miss.

    Backrubs are voluntarily given. Privates are a no-no, and my friends steer clear of those.

    I'll curl up on the couch to watch tv with them, or just...whatever. Physical contact for me is normal. If a stranger touches me, I'll probably be surprised by it, but not react. I dunno. maybe it's a southern thing. There are some males that I don't hug, or wouldn't touch "affectionately" - most of them are straight. But a pat on the ass, or a light shoulder punch, maybe an occasional arm around the shoulder, that's all normal, and "allowed" in the straight world I live in. I have a couple of straight male friends who are very comfortable with themselves, and have curled up with me on the sofa and cuddled. The human touch is quite powerful. Simply holding someone's hand, or getting a hug, can really make your day. But I guess I'm a very physically demonstrative person...
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    I find that if I am comfortable with the person it does not matter if they touch me. If I am not comfortable with the person even if they walk behind me causes my back to flinch. I don't know why this is but it has always happened.

    I've broken up with guys because of this.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 20, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
    Unless you're an athlete playing a sport that involves tight pants or shorts (thank God for Canadian Football and Euro soccer) touching should be above the belly button in social or work situations.
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    Apr 20, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
    meh people touch me, I don't care.. mates pat me on the back, backside, arm, leg, what ever, I don't care, I like affection and I never recoil of flinch.. touch me, don't touch me, its all good
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    Apr 20, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
    In my book, a tap on the shoulder or the arm is perfectly acceptable social behaviour if you are addressing or conversing with someone you are not fully intimate with...a friend or acquaintance.

    But an ass slap, nipple twist, crotch grab...that's getting a bit too close.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 20, 2009 1:27 AM GMT
    How do you interpret a hand on the shoulder and a squeeze, or a hand on the shoulder and then it runs up and down the triceps, for a supposedly str8 guy?
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    Apr 20, 2009 1:42 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidHow do you interpret a hand on the shoulder and a squeeze, or a hand on the shoulder and then it runs up and down the triceps, for a supposedly str8 guy?

    My interpretation is that hes about to get one hell of a ribbing for wanting me.. and if hes not straight then I subtly ignore it and let him know that its kewl (if I like him) yes you can do both at once icon_razz.gif