Door to Door Bible Thumpers

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    Apr 20, 2009 1:40 AM GMT
    I had just got in from work and was fixing dinner when there was knock on my door. There was a couple of women who were very polite and nice asking if I had time to talk to them about happiness or something like that. Anyway, I saw that on her notepad she had a pamphlet titled Awake. So I said "Is it about the church?" Which she replied "Um, well... yes." I said "No thanks" and shut the door.

    As I went back to preparing my dinner I started thinking about what I could have done.

    1. Have a Queer as Folk episode running in the background which could have happened since I started watching the series again.

    2. Invite them in and have gay magazines on the coffee table.

    3. Or the first part of this:



    4. Some people post 'No Solicitors' signs I guess I could post a 'No Religious Cults' sign.

    Tell me some ways in dealing with these people.
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    Apr 20, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    The only religious folks to ever drive out to where I live were the Jehovah's Witnesses, and after asking them to put me on their "do not call" list, they stopped coming out here.
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    Apr 20, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    Oh, I had great fun with some church ladies that kept coming around.

    Christians do not know their Bible. If you just do a little reading beforehand...almost anything by Bart Ehrman, but esp. Misquoting Jesus...or from the hilarious Good Book, by David Plotz, you can send them scurring on their way, fearing for their own religious beliefs.

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    Apr 20, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    growingbig saidThere was a couple of women who were very polite and nice asking if I had time to talk to them about happiness or something like that. Anyway, I saw that on her notepad she had a pamphlet titled Awake.


    LOL I had this happen once. I had just gotten out of the shower. I opened the door, and peeked around it. They couldn't see anything, but I was obviously naked behind the door. The two ladies were obviously nervous, and said, "Oh, um, we'll come back later." They didn't.

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    Apr 20, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    im kind but make it clear that i'm more than disinterested.
    one hot summer day i felt bad for the two cute young guys in black suites going door to door... i offered them some lemonade, but said that i was content in my relationship with the divine- to each their own. they were grateful enough to just thank me and move on without pushing the matter.

    though im often tempted to tell the pushy ones that i'm gay and practice sorcery lol just to watch 'em recoil in shock lol
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    Apr 20, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    chuck and I had a visit from the Mormons the other day and he promptly slammed the door in their faces LOL

    Before I moved down here, I was at my parents' house with my dad... A couple little old lady Jehova's Witnesses came to the door and started prodding me with all their questions/sales pitches trying to inch their way into the door knocking aside all my no thankses and my dad came up behind me, and said, "We're gay, thanks!" and slammed the door.
  • sportsjockla

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    Apr 20, 2009 4:21 AM GMT
    Tell them you are in the middle of a Satanic Sacrafice and they are welcome to return with their sons.
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    Apr 20, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    I usually just greet them butt naked.
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    Apr 20, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    I just kindly tell them that while I respect their path, I have my own path and I currently have no plans to change it.
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    Apr 20, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    I just tell them that I am gay and very happy with my life. They say thank you and so do I.

    Just mutual respect for others.icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 20, 2009 6:04 AM GMT
    A friend of mine told me the bible thumpers came to his door and asked him if he'd found Jesus. My friend responded, "Why? Is he lost?"
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    Apr 20, 2009 6:20 AM GMT
    luvjunkie saidI usually just greet them butt naked.
    Butt naked means assless chaps. You must mean buck naked.

    Which, when I was going door-to-door in your neighborhood I definitely appreciated. I'll be back with more Watchtowers.
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    Apr 20, 2009 6:34 AM GMT
    My mum is a Jehovah's Witness, and a doorknocker. Every couple of months she mails me the last 3 or 4 copies of the Awake magazine. Now when the JW's here knock on my door, I say sorry, already got it. But I'm always nice to them, god knows my poor mum cops a mouthful from someone everytime she goes out.
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    Apr 21, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
    I don't know. I started thinking about telling them "You seem like a very nice person. Kinda like the christian devil is supposed to be." icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 21, 2009 12:18 AM GMT
    jprichva saidThere's a little old couple down the street from me who stop by around once a month. They're very polite, very sweet. They bought their house back in the 1950s and watched as the sodomites bought up house after house in the neighborhood, and now they live amid a sea of sin and buttsex-lovers. So they've determined to show us the way out of our moral hellhole. Not with brimstone and fire, but with smiles and coffee cake.

    I never slam the door on them. I smile, say 'no thanks' and close it gently.


    Way to go dude. I'm studying Kabala which is even older than the Bible. It says, "NEVER say a harmful word". And... "don't bother to study Kabala if you can't get this concept into your head" .
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    Apr 21, 2009 12:23 AM GMT
    I'm always kinda flattered when someone tries to save me...
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:12 AM GMT
    I imagine two mutually exclusive possibilities:

    A: they do this because they are very happy with their religion and they want to share this happiness with you. It's too lonely to be alone in their bliss, so they genuinely want people to be at their level, as they will feel less isolated once they find someone with which they can talk about spiritual wonders that mundane people just don't understand. I'm in this state when I want my single friends to find a partner.

    B: they do this because they want someone with which they can share the suffering of living under the stiff rules of the bible. When we suffer together, we suffer less, as seeing others suffer what we suffer it's a universal consolation. Even absurd beliefs sound more credible if we can find enough people to believe them.





  • BeingThePhoen...

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    Apr 21, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    My boyfriend just recently told a group of Jehovah's Witnesses that we were gay Pagans. It was kinda fun watching all of the color pour from their faces as they slowly walked backwards off the porch.
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    Why do people get so angry when people knock on ur door to discuss religion? lol i am not clearicon_eek.gif
  • BeingThePhoen...

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    Apr 21, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    masculine31 saidWhy do people get so angry when people knock on ur door to discuss religion? lol i am not clearicon_eek.gif

    Being from the south, I was raised in church to some extent, all I heard about was damn the witches, damn the blacks and damn the gays. Every church I went to was the same, and it eventually drove me away from all religions, because I saw exactly how dangerous church and religion can be. It is a bit disconcerning to me that churches have so much power. Example: every time a nightclub wants to open up in my town, a new church is rushed into development nearby so that the club can't be opened because of proximity laws.
    I wouldn't consider myself an athiest, but I am definately anti-religion. I am as respectful when speaking about religion as I can be, but I don't like the idea of people coming to my home speaking about the wonderful life I could have if I would only change everything about myself. I wouldn't say it angers me, but it definately strikes a nerve.
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    They're cute. Put on a pink sheet and yell BOO! See how they react...it could get fun.
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    masculine31 saidWhy do people get so angry when people knock on ur door to discuss religion? lol i am not clearicon_eek.gif


    It's bad enough that they try to impose their sense of 'morals' on me/us but when it comes to knocking on my door they should be glad I'm as nice as I am.
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:45 AM GMT
    masculine31 saidWhy do people get so angry when people knock on ur door to discuss religion? lol i am not clearicon_eek.gif



    because they are not looking for casual conversation between equally sovereign belief structures- they are saying they are right, you are wrong, and you'll burn in hell forever for it if you don't jump ship asap. most people resent that kind of sanctimonious self-righteous bull. the very idea of needing to be saved, let alone that another person can take it upon themselves to save you, is just plain insulting.
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    Apr 21, 2009 2:57 AM GMT
    In general I just do not like solicitors be the type to knock on your door, the kind that hit you up in the street asking you for a moment of your time or the kind that likes to call you at the worst times possible like right after you get off from working a 12 hour day. Very annoying.

    By nature I am not a rude person but I tend to be one of those people with a short fuse for solicitors since I find them intrusive and annoying.

    My answers: "Thanks but no thanks"
    "Sorry, not interested."
    "I appreciate the offer but it's not my thing."

    No matter what I say i always say it with a smile and I tell them to have a good day. I'm one of those people that will cut a person off before they get halfway through a sentence because quite frankly I don't want to hear it and I'm just basically not interested so I figure why bother having my time wasted by pretending to be intrigued. I cut them off at the pass.
  • BeingThePhoen...

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    Apr 21, 2009 3:04 AM GMT
    Invite them in and show them this:



    To jump past the BS ranting, skip to about 1:50 into the video.