Addicted to love

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    This researcher says 3 things that stuck out to me:

    1. The brain in love is like the brain on certain dopamine-raising drugs, like cocaine, only much more intense.

    2. The process is addictive.

    3. The brain in unrequited love is even MORE addicted than when requited.



    Taking this perspective, have you ever been "addicted" to someone?

    Is "addiction" enough to make a relationship?

    What purpose or good can come from unrequited love being even more "addictive"?

    Any thoughts?


    by the way, TED.com has some very interesting and inspiring talks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2009 11:55 AM GMT
    acuariosalvaje said1. The brain in love is like the brain on certain dopamine-raising drugs, like cocaine, only much more intense.

    2. The process is addictive.

    3. The brain in unrequited love is even MORE addicted than when requited.

    Nos. 1 and 2 are not exactly news to anybody.
    No.3 is problematic. We've all had failed relationships where we got dumped but couldn't rid ourselves of feelings for the ex until a much-too-long period of time had passed. Worse, some of us have been caught in a hopeless crush on someone who is straight or uninterested. Why? If someone can explain the persistence of unrequited feelings, and how to stop them, they'd spare the world a huge amount of wasted suffering.
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:22 PM GMT
    Humans are social creatures. And since being successful at totally single parenting, in the most fundamental circumstances, is virtually impossible to achieve, it instead requires long-term & reliable support commitments from others beyond the mother.

    It's long been assumed, therefore, that human emotions of love, affection, bonding and group loyalty were evolved to serve the survival of the whole species. And one would expect that such emotions would be very strong & compelling in order to be effective.

    As TexDef07 points out, this is not breaking news. Regarding addictive behavior increasing when love is unfulfilled, that could certainly be indicative of the positive quality we refer to as persistence. The alternative is to give up every time we encounter resistance, not a good survival strategy.

    But when does persistence become obsession, more along the lines of the "addictive" behavior which the researcher's use of that term implies? I suppose when it prevents us from "cutting our losses" and moving on to something, or someone, more likely to be successful. If we don't know when to abandon ship and get into the lifeboat, then we drown.
  • snoogle911

    Posts: 5

    Apr 20, 2009 12:42 PM GMT
    I think that we tend to persist when we believe that there is a good chance of scoring the goal.

    Obsession however, seems to be when there is a clear promise of something that is suddenly cut short with no satisfactory explaination as to why.
    No matter how hard we try we just never seem to get any answers.icon_smile.gif

    The best way to deal with obsession is to stop feeding it.
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    Apr 20, 2009 12:59 PM GMT
    after a bad breakup once while talking to my mom i asked why anybody bothers with love when it hurts so bad. she said that people put up with the lows because the highs are so incredibly high. then it clicked in my mind that its nothing more than an addiction lol. and when one is single and lonely, its withdraw. the bright periods are the highs, and the dark spells are the crash afterwards- its a pendulum swing. but better the swing from beauty to ugliness than the awful vacuum of being alone. i hate looking at it that way and feeling so jaded about the whole thing, but it makes sense. maybe i just haven't been with a good enough guy yet.
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    Apr 20, 2009 1:38 PM GMT
    And here I thought this was about Robert Palmer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2009 1:42 PM GMT
    i wanna be in love icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 7:33 PM GMT
    surfm0nst3r saidi wanna be in love icon_smile.gif


    Be careful what you wish for icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 13, 2009 7:58 PM GMT

    This just proves that love is a want and desire, more than it is a need. I think we all need love, but selfishness and obsession come in when it becomes a want. I find it telling that unrequited love is the most "addictive." We always want what we can't have. I try to keep love in perspective that it's a need so I accept it and I enjoy what I can get. But, the sickos WANT love: seek it out to excess, hoard it, adore it. Addiction is a sickness afterall. I'm a health minded person and this site is full of health minded people, you won't find those love sick zombies here...."love, loooovvveee, loooooove." But, I jest; we've all been caught under. My belief is if it starts to hurt, the want is something you don't need.
    .....................................................
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    Love is a sickness...

    Since pen was put to paper man and woman have been trying to explain it.

    Is it just a chemical reaction in the brain and nothing more?

    Love lost is the worse case of lovesickness.
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    Jun 13, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    Oh oh oh! I've definitely been addicted to someone! It took me about 2 years to get over him, too.


    I'd do it again, though. In many heartbeats, I'd do it again.
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    Jun 14, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    The withdrawal symptoms are hell
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Jun 14, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    No embedded allowed. Clicky:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0U5JfGYx4c
  • triniboy

    Posts: 305

    Jun 14, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    I am still in recovery from no.3 after almost a year. I almost kicked the habit but he came back around. I'm glad there is at least a scientific explanation and not just a 'Bitch you crazy. Hurry up and get over him already' explanation.
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    Jun 14, 2009 4:09 PM GMT
    #3 is definitely true for me. I used to get so pissed for suffering after a break-up way longer than the actual relationship lasted.
    Worst was a guy I met while on vacation far away. We only spent 2 days together, but I fell for him so hard that I was mourning the lost love for almost a year.
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    Jun 14, 2009 4:23 PM GMT



    We think 1 2 and 3 are too simplistic, a little like the McDonald's version of psychology...and spectacularly jaded...
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    Jun 14, 2009 4:28 PM GMT



    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rn2heEdRnf0
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jun 22, 2009 2:34 AM GMT

    the pursuit of something desired is like the release of endorphins. and, for that matter, what's not already possessed may be desired, thus leading the individual to want. it can be more fun to want than to have. which is why waiting for something real, rather than surreal, may just be the more appropriate - psychologically healthy - option.