Coming Out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
    I have been thinking about coming out at school, only a one person my school knows. I going to to be the next student government president so im very well known on campus. well i guess i just wanted some advice
  • a2507

    Posts: 152

    Apr 22, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    CruzanBoy saidI have been thinking about coming out at school, only a one person my school knows. I going to to be the next student government president so im very well known on campus. well i guess i just wanted some advice


    What's your school like? Progressive? Tolerant? or....? Are there any risks to you in terms of any scholarships, etc.?

    Coming out can be really liberating and your openness can be a positive example to others, both straight and gay but you have to weigh what, if any, risks there are.

    Hope that's of some help. Good luck,

    PS, did my undergrad in Houston also, behind the hedges as it were.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Apr 22, 2009 2:11 AM GMT
    Well, coming out can be a tricky thing....Do you feel the atmosphere will be a welcoming one ? I dont want you to put yourself into a situation where your declaration can put you in harms way.. ..But i do applaude your decision...
    I didnt come out in school, the only people who knew were my fellow gays, i didnt feel the need to because it was really nobodys business...
    GOOD LUCK..
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    Apr 22, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    I can't really advise you because I don't know what your school is like.

    Does your school have a GLBT centre? if so, are they active in the student body? Having an organization like that at your side should you decide to come out is an invaluable resource.
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    Apr 22, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    Why? lol...r u willing to share ur banking account info too?icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 22, 2009 4:18 AM GMT
    masculine31 saidWhy? lol...r u willing to share ur banking account info too?icon_lol.gif


    What does his bank account have to do with anything?


    Anyway...If you have a strong enough support system and feel comfortable being so well known on the campus and also open with yourself, then go for it. No one can really tell you a better time than any other to actually do it...it sounds cliche, but listen to your gut instinct. If it seems like the time...go for it...if not, wait a while and see how things progress.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 22, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    If you are in high school I'd say no. People aren't mature enough to handle it. By college no one gives a shit.
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    Apr 22, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidIf you are in high school I'd say no. People aren't mature enough to handle it. By college no one gives a shit.


    In my experience, this is not true. There are bigots and immature people everywhere. However, college generally has a more accepting/tolerant atmosphere--depending on your school. For instance, my school is very liberal; so, I think most gays feel comfortable here.

    Anyway, you already have the job!
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Apr 22, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidIf you are in high school I'd say no. People aren't mature enough to handle it. By college no one gives a shit.


    Well sometimes they do.

    My best advice for you is to think about it. Is it something you are ready to do over and over and over again? You never come out just once. Also, think about talking to a GLBT friendly organization on campus and speaking one on one with someone there, or a counselor.

    This step can really help you prepare for, and decide if you are ready to live an 'out' life. Even if it's just to a few people the burden should be less. I can't really give you any more than that. If you want, send me an email, and I can try to help you more.
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    Apr 22, 2009 5:34 AM GMT
    CruzanBoy saidI have been thinking about coming out at school, only a one person my school knows. I going to to be the next student government president so im very well known on campus. well i guess i just wanted some advice


    I'm no expert, but here is what I would do/what I am doing now. Except without the whole student government president. I don't tell people I'm gay straight-up(icon_biggrin.gif). If it comes up, I say it. I think that can be a pretty powerful way of coming out. At least, give people time to know you as a person before they know you as being gay.

    But really the course of action is up to you. Might I suggest, as an alternative, bringing a guy up, make out with him gregariously for a few seconds. That should clear everything up. If anyone asks, just yell "Bitch please!" and move on to the next part of business.
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Apr 22, 2009 5:45 AM GMT
    There are tons of things to consider when you're coming out but the thing I've found most helpful was to have a safety net to fall back on. A friend or group of friends is always your best bet so you have someone you can rely on and help you through the tough times.

    If you're school is pretty accepting, you can make a pretty big impact by being in the student government and out of the closet. I know for me, personally, I was able to set an example for all the closeted kids in my school by being an active member of the student body.
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    Apr 22, 2009 5:46 AM GMT
    You will not experience a stronger sense of freedom and peace of mind than when you come out to yourself and those you care about. Only you can decide if now is the right time...you will know when that little voice inside you tells you that the moment is right. Yes, it will feel scary, but it will also be incredibly exhilerating and liberating.

    We are living in a period of time where society is significantly more supportive than ever before. It may even seem anti-climatic. Either way, you will be a better man for it, and if I learned anything about the process is that I should have done it sooner.

    Keep us all posted and best wishes -- we have all been there and its probably one the most compelling shared experience that all gay men go through. Hugs.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Apr 22, 2009 6:52 AM GMT
    Simply_Drew said
    DrobUA saidIf you are in high school I'd say no. People aren't mature enough to handle it. By college no one gives a shit.


    Well sometimes they do.

    My best advice for you is to think about it. Is it something you are ready to do over and over and over again? You never come out just once. Also, think about talking to a GLBT friendly organization on campus and speaking one on one with someone there, or a counselor.

    This step can really help you prepare for, and decide if you are ready to live an 'out' life. Even if it's just to a few people the burden should be less. I can't really give you any more than that. If you want, send me an email, and I can try to help you more.


    Ehh I don't really agree.. In my experience if you are confident and secure with who you are people respect you. Not everyone knows I'm gay because I don't wear a sign but my friends know. I was at a frat party once and one of my friends made a sarcastic gay joke towards me and I said something gay back and one of the guys asked if I was gay. I said yea, but he thought I was kidding. I just said, no seriously I am I just left my dress in the car. We laughed about it and a bunch of guys came up to me throughout the night to see for themselves. Just have a sense of humor with yourself and be patient with people. Most of the guys were more curious than judgemental. I was invited back the next weekend and no one had a problem.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Apr 22, 2009 11:57 AM GMT
    Go with your gut. But always know if you come out or not.. you were the Gay Student President. It's a very notable thing. Good for you. Luckily in student govt. there aren't sides. You are representing everyone. Knowing what you know, being a gay man, you can use that to support other gay students with out seeming like you are bowing to an intrest group. We can't even do that in our own national govt.
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    Apr 25, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidIf you are in high school I'd say no. People aren't mature enough to handle it. By college no one gives a shit.


    I disagree. I was out in high school. No matter what age you are, some people are just not going to be okay with it. There were people in my school who were homophobic, there will be homophobic people in your college, and there will be homophobic people in whatever career who choose to become apart of as an adult.

    If you come out, you come out because you are ready to be out and because you are tired of lying/hiding.

    Yes, some people may not like it. Yes, you may loose a friend or two, but if you do, they probably weren't really your friend to begin with.


    Like I said, I was out in high school. A lot of people hated the fact that I was gay and out. I was never beaten up, but someone threw a rock at my face once (no they didn't miss).

    Over all, if you're well know and have good friends, people should get over it and accept it, or at the very least tolerate it.

    If you're ready, go for it! And good luck!
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    Apr 25, 2009 5:52 AM GMT
    Or just wait for somebody in your town to find your profile on here and out you. That's what happened to me. They did all the hard work for me. What they meant for evil, it was turned around and it backfired. Nobody treated me any differently.
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    Apr 25, 2009 6:49 AM GMT
    WickedFast said
    masculine31 saidWhy? lol...r u willing to share ur banking account info too?icon_lol.gif


    What does his bank account have to do with anything?


    Anyway...If you have a strong enough support system and feel comfortable being so well known on the campus and also open with yourself, then go for it. No one can really tell you a better time than any other to actually do it...it sounds cliche, but listen to your gut instinct. If it seems like the time...go for it...if not, wait a while and see how things progress.


    Its called *PERSONAL BUSINESS* keep it to yourself, most do not need to know it.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 25, 2009 7:51 AM GMT
    [quote]
    Its called *PERSONAL BUSINESS* keep it to yourself, most do not need to know it.icon_rolleyes.gif[/quote]

    Do all the straight boys keep their "personal business" to themselves? Or do the drivel on constantly via flirting, dates, girlfriends, sexcapades, locker talk, etc. Why should being gay be any different? Hiding behind 'privacy" can only get you so far. The strides we've made today are due in large part to LGBT folk across the country living openly and honestly.

    @CruzanBoy ~ There is more I'd want to know before giving you credible advice. While I believe living openly shows integrity, careful thought should be given to the repercussions in your current situation.

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    Apr 25, 2009 9:22 AM GMT
    It really depends on how you feel right now. You have to feel ready for it. Do your parents know? What would be their reactions? Will they be paying/are paying for your education?

    Note: If you come out at school, that means everyone will know sooner or later.