Relationshipless

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    Apr 23, 2009 3:50 AM GMT
    Have you ever felt that you weren't meant to be in a relationship or even be one of those guys who just get's laid? To be one of one of those guys who just ends up alone never having anyone for simple pleasure or a meaningful relationship?

    The other day that's the conclusion I cam to when I replayed a dating experience that happened a month ago. I won't bore you with the details and no nothing even happened. I wasn't expecting it to but I was at least expecting a few more dates. Needless to say that didn't happened.

    I feel as if meeting a guy is extremely hard and that you damn near have to jump through rings of flame with an oil-soaked suit on just to be noticed.

    Do a few of you feel that way too?
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    Apr 23, 2009 4:03 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif

    perhaps there is nothing wrong with YOU at all, except that you keep selecting people that you aren't compatible with (and NO, you aren't compatible with them if they're not compatible with you!).

    look at all the "failures" and see if there isn't something they all have in common...

    also, is there anything in you that on some level expects/wants relationships to not grow/last? perhaps you should consider whether YOU want a relationship or to get laid, or whether you are trying to attain happiness in a way that is defined by other people. you know, there is such a thing as being a confirmed bachelor. there are people who are genuinely asexual. have you considered that maybe you just aren't wired to really want what everyone else does??

    i don't mean to ask these questions to knock you down, but to make sure you've considered whether or not you truly want what you think you're supposed to want.
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    Apr 23, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    You don't have to be a flaming flamer engulfed in flames to meet a guy; it might help.

    If you were expecting only a few dates with him, then what? Someone else next?

    And I enjoy my single life just as much as my double life, too. But I'm glad either way, I don't look for any boyfriends, though I like to watch.

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    Apr 23, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    I thought that was my fate quite recently. Though I'm currently engaged in probably my most healthy of relationships, I still feel that may be my fate. I just don't think men want someone like me. That's my opinion. I hope I get proven wrong.
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    Apr 23, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidI don't think the OP is indecisive as to whether or not he wants to date someone. I think he's just frustrated and is reflecting back and is realizing how much effort it's taking for him to have one or the either.

    If I recall correctly, I remember the OP has expressed his initial interest in dating someone. Sorry you haven't been having much luck. Dating isn't easy. Maybe step back and assess where you've been meeting these men. If it's in the same place perhaps try another route. Maybe a gay and lesbian youth center. Most people you find at gay and lesbian centers are much friendlier than what you find in night clubs.

    Good luck. Hang in there. icon_smile.gif



    what you're suggesting is part and parcel to what i already said: look at what they all have in common. it's very sentimental to try to soften this when someone is down, but ultimately people who have repeated failed relationships are often repeating mistakes. it's not much about luck, if you keep banging your head against the same wall.

    if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
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    Apr 23, 2009 5:53 AM GMT
    I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but it's not a necessity. I've decided that I'm a lone wolf. And for now, I'm just looking for a pack of fellow wolves to roll with. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 23, 2009 5:59 AM GMT
    howls at your moon icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 23, 2009 6:12 AM GMT
    The guy i just messed around with says not to call it a "date" and you won't scare potential fuck buds or hang out buddies away,
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    Apr 23, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    Wow, sounds like your'e on the verge of depression icon_eek.gif. You shouln't expect annybody to bring you happiness, concentrate that energy and and love into other aspects of your life like family, your friends, your career, yourself. Hit the clubs, hit the gym, hit the beach! have fun! Who knows what the future has for you?
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    Apr 23, 2009 6:35 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice.

    To be honest it's a mixture of both but definitely more towards the relationship side. I wouldn't mind having a little fun but before that can happen I would have to be able to find someone first. That's the hard part.

    DJ is right when he says that compatibility is need on both sides by both people. Obviously I like a few people but the feeling isn't mutual and vice versa in some people liking me but the feeling isn't mutual. it's really a double-edged sword.

    I don't know if I'm not wired for a relationship since I have never been in one ever. I would like to try it out but it seems difficult just finding one person to build up that type of relationship to even take it to that level. I find myself stuck at crossroads because nowadays everyone has this complex image of wanting guys with particular bods. I won't lie. I do want someone with a nice bod as well but I also what more then just that. I'm not that shallow or superficial.

    The date that I had went on with the guy was very nice and I feel we connected well enough but apparently he didn't. Meeting him in the first place was difficult enough and just getting a date was even harder but it happened and as quickly as it happened it ended twice as fast and I am back at square one.

    I have looked at my past and I have wondered about a few things. I don't have much to show for it in the dating department because I could never get past the first date and those are very far and few along with any sexual experiences.

    LOL. I'm aware of the confirmed bachelor but even they have experiences and being somewhat of a player or just someone sleeps around a lot is something I can't due though I do sort envy those who can do it. There was a thread the other day asking if you thought the guy above you was slutty. I wasn't kidding when I said I was prudish and I think that might be somewhat of deal breaker when dealing with most guys these days.

    I see lots of attractive guys where I'm at and even on here who I wouldn't mind getting to know personally but then I look at them and then I think would they even acknowledge me? I read profiles thoroughly (it's a habit) and I look at the hotlists and buddylists and I compare myself and really I just think I have no chance based upon what I see and read.

    That's just me though and I'm beginning to think that I'm one of those people
    who will just be alone for life or maybe things won't pick up for til I'm a certain age. I was honestly hoping by the time I was a certain age that I'd at least experience things that others have. I feel cheated being the age I am now and unable to add my two cents to certain conversations and when people say "Do you know what I mean" I feel as if I missed the bus and am left behind.

    But enough about me. The original question is has anyone else ever felt conflicted about stuff like this? Have you ever felt that you are going to be alone and not able to have anyone even if it's not a relationship?

    For me I feel this way and I feel the pressure of being unwanted and unappreciated. Do others feel that way?


    DJ, I don't think you talking down to me. I just think you are asking questions to help better understand me and for me to better understand myself. I can say that I don't know everything about myself and my emotions and mind are like the wind and blowing in several different directions on different topics. I don't know if I'm depressed but I know am tired of having no results from my efforts.
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    Apr 23, 2009 7:34 AM GMT
    I will be 47 in 21 days. I have not been in a relationship in over 14 years and in that time, I have been out on 2 dates. Is this your fate? Most likely not. I still hold out that I will meet and marry the guy for me, but a long time ago, I made peace with the fact that my dating life may be over and though it is difficult sometimes, I'm ok with that. The bottom line is the who 100 frogs to the 1 prince thing. More times than not it is true. Just keep yourself happy with you and keep putting yourself out there. Outstanding advise from a sensitive guy-DancerJack.
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    Apr 23, 2009 8:13 AM GMT
    Finding a "Mr. Right" is not easy...for anyone. We all have these special...terms...I guess the entire process is complicated. For me, all will work out.....that's what I feel~
    Food for thought.....

    A few days ago I was causally talking with a client of mine. She asked me.....Jon, your looking dam good. What have you been doing to get your self all spiced up. LOL...She said...oh, I bet you have a new hunny don't you? Something like that. She's an older gal from New York. Cool and up front...lol I explained that I was not currently dating anyone and I had no steady date.....BUT, when I do I WILL BE READY!!! :-) (bee's to hunny right??)

    Develop you! Take care of YOU! This implies a lot. Simple walks around the block. Change your diet, work on your personality traits, go on a cruise ship and socialize. Break away from shyness....hint...hint....

    To make the story complete...you will start to catch more when you love you!
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    Apr 23, 2009 8:41 AM GMT
    xrichx saidI wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but it's not a necessity. I've decided that I'm a lone wolf. And for now, I'm just looking for a pack of fellow wolves to roll with. icon_biggrin.gif


    2 lone wolves can make a good fucking KILL!icon_razz.gif
  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Apr 23, 2009 9:51 AM GMT
    Yeah, so far my dating experience can be summed up with two words...

    EPIC FAIL

    So yeah, I feel like I have to jump through +5 Flaming Burst Hoops of Geekbane with oil soaked leather armor just for someone to notice me.

    Unfortunatly the armory is all out of hoops AND armor. All I got is this +1 Silver Longsword of Chivalry. *sigh* Nobody appreciates Shining Knights anymore. Might as well go find a troublesome Evil Dragon to slay. Who knows maybe it will have a Prince stashed away somewhere in it's lair.
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    Apr 23, 2009 10:21 AM GMT
    I've learned so much from my own mistakes.

    The primary thing I learned is how to repeat those mistakes perfectly.

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    Apr 23, 2009 11:07 AM GMT
    bgcat57 saidI've learned so much from my own mistakes.

    The primary thing I learned is how to repeat those mistakes perfectly.



    LOL.. Preaching to the Choir Brother

    I don't think i know a single person gay or straight that doesn't tend to repeat those mistakes.
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    Apr 23, 2009 11:48 AM GMT
    To all the commenters who say people don't notice them: why sit back and wait for this to happen? Try cultivating a litttle more ordinary friendliness in your daily life. If you have more social contacts you improve the odds that at least some of them may be interested in you for more than social reasons.
    Good luck.
  • Little_Spoon

    Posts: 1562

    Apr 23, 2009 12:10 PM GMT
    I haven't been a relationship yet...


    I feel like that all the time.

    Mostly because I'm going to be very picky about who I give it away to.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Apr 23, 2009 12:46 PM GMT
    My last bf leave me for another men , three year ago . How hard I try I cant get him out of my system. Sometimes I feel I not going to get into a relationship again and probably will be relationshipless for the rest of my life.
    I sorta giving up on falling in love, trusting a men and offering my heart only to get it broken.

    I have been in a couple of relationship before and for some reason of another something will happen, that will lead to failure. Is that mean , I will be relationshipless from now to the end of my life. I dont know...I hope to find someone so I will not be so alone like now . Nothing like having some one to come home to, hold and hug, share my dream and trouble . Probably I should leave it to faith.
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    Apr 23, 2009 1:40 PM GMT
    wow!!!!!

    are we sure this is not the universe's way of saying there's something wrong with being gay????

    i sense gret unhappiness
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    Apr 23, 2009 1:48 PM GMT



    Guy101 said, "But enough about me. The original question is has anyone else ever felt conflicted about stuff like. have you ever felt that you are going to be alone and not able to have anyone if it's not a relationship/

    For me I feel this way and I feel the pressure of being unwanted and unappreciated. Do others feel that way?"


    As a matter of fact, yes. We both felt the way you do.


    Then we met.


    Bill was 32 and I was 34. Up til then dating was much like you describe.
    Bill I suppose was luckier (not really because it was a bad one!) being in a relationship for close to a dozen years.

    Be good to yourself, get out there and meet as many people, any kind of people as much as you can. Men and women, ugly, pretty, old, young, Tall, short, skinny, fat, straight, gay, bi, the whole shamooze. This is how I met Bill. I decided to try and truly understand, with a compassionate eye, the human condition. On the surface I kept things light as casual 'surface' conversations and explored any remark made by another with a happy curiosity. Your odds change when you throw these many variables (different people) into things. Eventually I got so good at 'breaking the ice' and not taking a brush-off seriously that I believe it began showing and my first words to Bill tripped off my tongue as easily as answering the phone.



    Hang in! -Doug of meninlove
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    Apr 23, 2009 7:03 PM GMT
    LibidoExspurt said
    xrichx saidI wouldn't mind being in a relationship, but it's not a necessity. I've decided that I'm a lone wolf. And for now, I'm just looking for a pack of fellow wolves to roll with. icon_biggrin.gif


    2 lone wolves can make a good fucking KILL!icon_razz.gif

    Absolutely! icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 23, 2009 7:12 PM GMT
    junknemesis saidYeah, so far my dating experience can be summed up with two words...

    EPIC FAIL

    So yeah, I feel like I have to jump through +5 Flaming Burst Hoops of Geekbane with oil soaked leather armor just for someone to notice me.

    Unfortunatly the armory is all out of hoops AND armor. All I got is this +1 Silver Longsword of Chivalry. *sigh* Nobody appreciates Shining Knights anymore. Might as well go find a troublesome Evil Dragon to slay. Who knows maybe it will have a Prince stashed away somewhere in it's lair.

    * Gives Healing potion --> junknemesis
    + 10 HP
    * Casts Courage magic --> junknemesis
    + 50 HP

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 24, 2009 2:40 AM GMT
    Tex, That's just it. I'm a very social person. I'm pretty outgoing and enjoy keeping busy by doing things with my friends and by myself. However it doesn't seem to be a winning quality among most men that I've come I've come across which is why I feel the way I do.

    I'm not the type to just sit around and wait for things to happen but I get really tired of putting forth a decent effort only to get results that I'm not generally fond of and these results are too frequent to my liking.

    I understand what you are saying by being social but that clearly isn't my problem.
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    Apr 24, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    Guy 101, I usually try to leave a very well written answer that I've put meaningful thought into. However, for your questions here.......

    ......my answer is a simple yes. icon_sad.gif