A guy at my gym is possibly flirting with me ... what do I do?

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    Apr 25, 2009 9:11 PM GMT
    There is a guy at my gym who is possibly flirting with me, and I'm not sure how to respond.

    I tend to be a little slow in picking these things up. When I was at university a fantastically attractive friend came round to my room one night to ask about tutorial times. He was naked apart from his jeans. It took me three years to realise that he was maybe after more than timetable information. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Anyway, the gym isn't a particularly talkative gym, but there is one guy who speaks to me every time I see him. Usually he says something like "You are looking well" or "you have put a lot of muscle on" or whatever. On Tuesday, the last day I saw him, he spoke to me two or three times. At least one of those times he stopped his workout when he realised I was between sets; he wasn't just talking to me in passing.

    Walking home it suddenly occurred to me that maybe he was flirting with me. (You see, I've got better at observation now. It used to take me years to realise these things. Now it just takes a few hours)

    So, does it sound like he is flirting to you? And if so, how do I respond? (I'm very shy; my instinct is to speak to him, and then run away in terror, and move to another continent, where I will live out the rest of my days hiding under my bed.)
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 25, 2009 9:26 PM GMT
    Is he chatty with anyone else?

    You can fish around to see if he is flirting. Compliment him back and see how he reacts. Ask what his plans are the weekend, that kind of thing.
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    Apr 25, 2009 9:28 PM GMT
    BelfastAndrew said So, does it sound like he is flirting to you? And if so, how do I respond? (I'm very shy; my instinct is to speak to him, and then run away in terror

    What is this, a gym, or Miss Porter's School for Young Ladies? If you are interested, talk back. If he seems to linger about, ask if he'd like to get coffee after the workout. That's a perfectly casual thing that people do all the time, so there's very little lost if he says no. On the other hand, if he's interested in more than coffee, it will be easier to detect away from the usual gym routine.
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    Apr 25, 2009 11:15 PM GMT
    BelfastAndrew said
    So, does it sound like he is flirting to you? And if so, how do I respond? (I'm very shy; my instinct is to speak to him, and then run away in terror, and move to another continent, where I will live out the rest of my days hiding under my bed.)

    Why on earth would you react this way? Sheesh, it sounds like you're living in the bad old 60s when gays were raided and rounded up by the police and put on display for public humiliation. It's the 21st century... you're allowed to be gay now.

    If I think someone is showing interest I always try to probe a little to see if they're just chatty or if there's something there. This usually involves trying to find out if there's a girlfriend. (Which doesn't necessarily mean much). But if a guy indicates he's single with no girlfriend and is showing interest in chatting with you, I'd say it's a good sign he's interested. If you're interested in him, be sure to let him know, in ways that aren't overly obvious but still unmistakable.

    Mention a movie with a gay theme or something. He'll get the signal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2009 11:21 PM GMT
    Use your crucifix to ward him off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    McGay saidUse your crucifix to ward him off.
    LOL
  • sportsjockla

    Posts: 498

    Apr 26, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    Go for it. Ask him if he wants to get naked. If he says "Yes" then you know he's interested. If he hits you, you know he's not interested. Simple
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    Look him in the eyes when you speak to him and see if he looks back into yours. If he does, he's interested.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Apr 26, 2009 1:36 AM GMT
    Dear Belfastandrew
    Dear Dear BelfastAndrew...........
    Is he attractive? can you see yourself being his friend at least? and why would you run in terror and hide under your bed.. Life's too short for that my friend..Engage him in conversation to further see where his head really is, then judge wheather you want to be bothered or not.. Or should i purchase a ticket to belfast and straighten this out for you...
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 26, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
    Ask him if he has a profile on gay.com. He'll either punch you, say yes, or ask how to find it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:55 AM GMT
    you're working out... just work out.

    If you want to be a man, talk to him but not about gay shit. introduce yourself and ask to work in on a machine.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    ^ agree wit poster above me^icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 3:15 AM GMT
    call the police and report him for suspected sodomy before he denounces you.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    No, follow him to the changing room and let him watch you undress...

    TALK TO HIM.

    icon_eek.gif
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 26, 2009 6:01 AM GMT
    sorry but you sound a bit passive aggressive, and you alone need to determine what to do , cannot infer with the info you gave about the gym, but the guy you said flirted in the dorm for three years, FYI, maybe he was not flirting, I used to be slow to action, but not a year let alone three years slow,
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 26, 2009 6:03 AM GMT
    i am half irish, but glad i am not full irish, i know there is a bit of denial there as well
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 26, 2009 6:06 AM GMT
    Caslon10000 saidLook him in the eyes when you speak to him and see if he looks back into yours. If he does, he's interested.



    no in europe they still look at you in your eyes when they speak, so not a good indicator

    and if he is true 100% Irish he will knock you in the face a few times before he rapes you. You need to know the demographics of your target group now guys.
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    Apr 26, 2009 12:51 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen said
    Why on earth would you react this way? Sheesh, it sounds like you're living in the bad old 60s when gays were raided and rounded up by the police and put on display for public humiliation. It's the 21st century... you're allowed to be gay now.


    Its not really a gay thing, its more a "massively shy" thing; if I was straight and he was a woman, a bed on another continent would still feel like a good place to hide!

    For all sorts of reasons I'm really shy, and I'm not good at making small talk or thinking on my feet. I'm openly gay, and have asked guys out before, but there is just something about this particular situation that is way outside my comfort zone.

    But I am going to make the effort to talk to this guy. Even if nothing comes of it, it will be easier next time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:17 PM GMT
    BA, I have a good friend that is the same as you. Out going, well spoken, gregarious, aggressive, smart, handsome... Butt there are times when he sees someone that he might be attracted to that he is not sure is gay, he completely falls apart. I just tell him, Just say hello to this guy. You just have to start the conversation. Ya gotta start somewhere and you want to get to know this person better. Be strong buddy... Ya never know what/who you may find...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    jeez, you guys, he's obviously very shy...fucking lighten up.

    why don't you say something like this..."hey, what body part are you working today?" (he'll say whatever...like chest). You reply, "Me too, why don't you lift with me? Then we don't have to look for a spot when we need one."

    now, that means you'll have to do whatever body part he's doing, so worse case scenario is that you're doing chest the day after you did chest and you'll look like a puss cause you're still sore from the day before, but that ALSO means you'll need a spot more and he'll have to help you out a lot which is hot.

    and, theonslaught is right...talk to him about non-gay shit. If he just wants to be friends there's no real reason to drop the "well, do you like to suck cock?" just yet. give it some time...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 2:21 PM GMT
    Hey Tommysguns - nice reply! Yeah I am the same way at the gym, not all that talkative. I have figured out who is hitting on me and who just is nice. The one guy I was interested in turned out to be a hairdresser. I thought bingo!! Just my luck I would find the one hairdresser that was totally straight!!
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    Apr 26, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    Well, are you attracted to him? I can't tell from you post. Your attraction for him should determine whether to inquire any further. If you do like him, then initiate the conversation before he does - get together outside of the gym for coffee/food. Enjoy.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 26, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    I think Tim's suggestion in the first post was really a good one. I'd watch and see how he acts with other people. Is the behavior he shows you, only you... or is he friendly and outgoing with everyone?'

    I'd also test the waters..... you take the initative and ask HIM questions sometime soon, something about his workout... or get advice from him about something you are doing. See how he comes across.

    What I'd look for is something to serve as a "bridge", meaning something that you both are interested in that you can encourage something away from the gym.. like a common interest in a movie or something else... then you can ask if he'd like to do it with you.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    BelfastAndrew saidThere is a guy at my gym who is possibly flirting with me, and I'm not sure how to respond.

    I tend to be a little slow in picking these things up. When I was at university a fantastically attractive friend came round to my room one night to ask about tutorial times. He was naked apart from his jeans. It took me three years to realise that he was maybe after more than timetable information. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Anyway, the gym isn't a particularly talkative gym, but there is one guy who speaks to me every time I see him. Usually he says something like "You are looking well" or "you have put a lot of muscle on" or whatever. On Tuesday, the last day I saw him, he spoke to me two or three times. At least one of those times he stopped his workout when he realised I was between sets; he wasn't just talking to me in passing.

    Walking home it suddenly occurred to me that maybe he was flirting with me. (You see, I've got better at observation now. It used to take me years to realise these things. Now it just takes a few hours)

    So, does it sound like he is flirting to you? And if so, how do I respond? (I'm very shy; my instinct is to speak to him, and then run away in terror, and move to another continent, where I will live out the rest of my days hiding under my bed.)


    Simple: flirt back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    Here is my technique:

    First stare at him with your mouth hanging open. Now break eye contact and avoid it for the rest of the encounter. Act like you're unable to speak despite obvious effort. Try hyperventilating: breath deeply and rapidly till your fingers tingle. Identify all the available exits and hightail it to the nearest one.

    Results are predictable and consistent.

    You may wish to try tommysguns suggestions first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2009 8:41 PM GMT
    REALLY, Belfast, REALLY!icon_rolleyes.gif