Does it mean anything who pays on a first date?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:04 AM GMT
    I don't strike out too often but I can think of a few times where I thought the first date (for a meal) went pretty well and he wanted to pay/treat (I am expecting splitting); but he doesn't respond any more after that. Is there something to that? I'm thinking if you're really not that interested, you'd let HIM pay?
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:28 AM GMT
    I think the person who asks out the other should pay.

    Never split on a first date.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Apr 26, 2009 1:33 AM GMT
    Hmmm, I generally have the same expectations as UPSGuy, that we'll split, unless the other guy insists. But there are times I've definitely picked up the tab. I go with the flow.
  • dreamer121

    Posts: 265

    Apr 26, 2009 1:34 AM GMT
    I like to pay dutch honestly. or do trade offs. regardless if the date was shitty, i still probably enjoyed the food/entertainment... i feel like i should pay my part.
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
    funny pictures
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    Apr 26, 2009 1:53 AM GMT
    i try to do the first date in a casual environment, not a dinner date, so that it doesn't matter who pays for the coffee.
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    Apr 26, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    NakedDevil saidI think the person who asks out the other should pay.

    Never split on a first date.


    Ditto...i also believe da person who pays, should not have to pick up da TIP, tho! I hate when i pay, and da other party doesnt get da TIPicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 26, 2009 3:36 AM GMT
    dreamer121 saidI like to pay dutch honestly. or do trade offs. regardless if the date was shitty, i still probably enjoyed the food/entertainment... i feel like i should pay my part.


    I agree with "trade offs"; one person picks up dinner, the other picks up the movie. Or some sort of scenario like that. That's "fair", with out being picky.
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    Apr 26, 2009 5:06 AM GMT
    The person who asks should pay. The other person could impress by saying Ok, but I will get the tip.
  • ROYCE13

    Posts: 315

    Apr 26, 2009 5:48 AM GMT
    it does not really matter, if you did ask out on a FORMAL date, then you pay, if the other person is making a scene, then let them and just be gracious, if you are an ego and need to pay, then give your credit card to waitress ,unknowingly to your date, and then it will not be an issue. This method is also good when doing business and you do not want to argue over the bill or with family members as well. But learn to be a gracious giver and receiver.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 6:16 AM GMT

    Whoever asks or suggests a restaurant should be paying. I think it's a little low class to split a dinner bill, honestly.
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    Apr 26, 2009 6:19 AM GMT

    He who pays tops after dinner.
  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    Apr 26, 2009 9:34 AM GMT
    I would say that when I thought we'd have a second date, that either we split the bill or he paid.

    When I have not wanted to see him, then I've paid the bill. (pehaps a little guilt there)... when it has been a mutual 'we don't have anything in common really or no attraction' then we split the bill.

    But I'm not sure if that's been a hard and fast rule... I just go with the flow I think.
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    Apr 26, 2009 10:29 AM GMT
    Darlings - Ms Post, the authority on all matters of etiquette says:

    "The financial arrangements regarding who’s paying for what should always be established upfront, when you’re first planning the dinner, so that everyone has a clear idea of what’s expected. If no one has specified that they’re picking up the cheque, it’s usually assumed that the tab will be split. Exactly how the bill is divided up, however, will depend on the circumstances:
    •If it’s an informal get-together, you can make the decision jointly to put everything on one bill or, if preferred, get separate cheques. Either choice is perfectly okay, as long as you decide when you first sit down at the table, before you’ve actually ordered: “Is it all right if we just put everything on one tab?” “Actually, Bill and I prefer a separate cheques.”
    •If you decide on a single cheque and both order food in the same price range, it often makes sense to split the bill evenly. A couple of dollars one way or the other is usually no big deal to anyone.
    •If, on the other hand, one person order dishes that are significantly more expensive than what their companion has ordered, or if one consumes two or three drinks while the other has one or none, the bigger spender should offer to cover a larger share of the bill. “I should put in an extra twenty dollars—don’t forget, I had drinks with dinner while you just had water."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2009 11:36 AM GMT
    Being in a relationship for over 10 yrs now, I have not done a lot in the dating dept needless to say. However when I did date, if I asked a person out..then of course I would pay.
    I use the same idea when I invite friends and family to visit. You don't expect them to bloody pay for anything do you? Your inviting them. They should be treated like they are at a hotel. Yet they don't pay.
    Growing up Mother and father had guests stay over all of the time. Sometimes for a couple of weeks. It was never expected of them to pay for anything. They would use the facilities, go to the club, etc...all at our hospitality. Then several weeks or months later, they would invite us and others to their estates or vacation homes.
    Remember, you invited them.
    Cheers,
    Keith
    icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 26, 2009 12:38 PM GMT
    I'm fortunate enough not to have to date anymore, but my partner and I do invite others out for dinner regularly, and I've found it's better to establish at the time of invitation who is going to pay. "We'd like to treat you and X for dinner..."; "How about dinner on Saturday? We'll go dutch." It just saves a lot of haranguing after dinner.

    I notice in a lot of the responses above that posters "assume who is supposed to pay", "think who's going to pay", "this is how it's always done"...those assumptions, thoughts and presumptions get you into a lot of trouble, particularly when the other person/couple doesn't assume, think or presume the same way.

    I learned that lesson the hard way: My partner and I were at a mid-sized cocktail party given by some very nice guys who had just moved to Fort Lauderdale. Toward the end of the evening, one of the hosts invited us to join them and the rest of the guests at a local restaurant "which we've taken over for the night" for dinner. We agreed and went to the restaurant. The tables were arranged as normally in a restaurant (i.e., not in large blocks, just four-tops and six tops) and we were seated with a nice couple of guys that we'd never met before that evening's festivities.The meal was from a limited menu, wine included. After desert, we got up, thanked the hosts and went home. The next morning, around 8 AM we got a call from one of the guys at whose table we had sat, saying "You ran off without paying your bill. I paid it and you owe me $150. When can I expect it?" From that point on, I have always made it clear who was going to pay.
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    Apr 27, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    UPSGuyMO saidI don't strike out too often but I can think of a few times where I thought the first date (for a meal) went pretty well and he wanted to pay/treat (I am expecting splitting); but he doesn't respond any more after that. Is there something to that? I'm thinking if you're really not that interested, you'd let HIM pay?


    If you pay for the first date, it means one thing and one thing only: you have less money than you had before you went on it and the other person does not have less money.

    Everything else is just bullshit. Did you have fun? Do you want to see him again? Those are more important questions.
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    Apr 27, 2009 8:23 PM GMT

    If I feel like I'm in a position to know that there isn't going to be a second date, then I will go along happily with any offer to split the bill. If there's no offer to split, then I will pay.

    If I think there is a good chance we will see each other again then I offer to pay for this one and tell my date he can get the next one.
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    Apr 27, 2009 8:33 PM GMT
    If I invited someone out to dinner I paid that included the tip, if the other person offered to or even to pick up the tip. I would say You'll pay the next time if there is no next time that's ok too. You picking you the dinner tab is going to leading to bankruptcy court then maybe you should not be out to begin withh otherwise it's just tacky! Now if it's a gang of friends we split the meal even among all of us. There is nothing more insulting when yoou are with friends and the itemize the bill.icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 27, 2009 8:40 PM GMT

    It is proper for the person who invited the other to dinner to pay. On the other hand, the tone for future dates is often set if the person who was invited does not at least offer to pick up the tip.

    I personally, have had a tough time with guys who who expect you to foot the bill for everything, often including $$ support if a relationship shoul evolve.

    Always start off dating a guy who is a peer even if he is not the hottest man who ever walked the face of the earth.

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    Apr 27, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    What doe you mean by peer, do you mean income???? I have dated guys who made more more than and I have dated guys who I made more money than them. We compromised in each case. When I pay we would to a resturant of my choosing that I could afford and we would go to resturant of their chosing that he could afford. just so long as the each person feels like they and contributing that's what important. I did have no lover who just would not let me pay for dinner at all. I was still college and he was two years older. It's all about what you agree on.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 27, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    The person who ask should pay! First date should just be light ! like coffee/dinner or matinee movie! Obviously the guy who ask the other guy for a date is showing his interest! thus in return, the other guy should be nice and polite about it like pick up tip or something. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2009 12:04 AM GMT
    I always go dutch, even if it's someone I've been dating for a while. I don't like having my half paid for, and I assume the other guy feels the same way.