Sexual Fluidity - can the scales suddenly tip?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2007 8:02 PM GMT
    I believe that most people are to some degree bisexual, the whole kinsey scale deal.

    What I am interested in understanding is my friends who say there emotions keep shifting. One day they are more gay, the next more straight, the next kinda in the middle. Is this just confusion or is this legitimate for some people?

    Also, what about those who have been gay all their lives and suddenly marry the opposite sex? Like a full time lesbian who all of a sudden stops dating women. What are those situations about?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 2:01 AM GMT
    Has your taste in guys changed over time?

    If so, is it impossible to imagine that one's tastes could change even more dramatically over time... especially if their "initial predisposition" was closer in-the-balance, as it were?

    My is: just because I can't imagine *me* feeling a certain way, is absolutely no reason to assume that others might not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 2:15 AM GMT
    Today, I saw this referred to as "the pole to hole vault."
  • MarkX

    Posts: 101

    Nov 04, 2007 4:33 AM GMT
    sol·ip·sism [sol-ip-siz-uhm] –noun

    1. Philosophy. the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist.

    2. extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.

    New word for markx
    Thanks, NNJfitandbi!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 5:49 AM GMT
    ...I feel like dating girls every time I have a bad date with a guy LOL

    I've never gone through with it, though.
  • geebus

    Posts: 216

    Nov 04, 2007 6:06 AM GMT
    lol, same here but in the opposite sense (i get bad dates with girls)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 04, 2007 10:02 AM GMT
    I think what we're seeing as society's taboo against homosexuality relaxes
    you're getting the guy's who are somewhat attracted to men ... who in the past would have never ever have acted on these thoughts
    These guys are now hooking up and sometimes dating men

    But on the whole...
    once you've done it with a guy - you're hooked for goodicon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 11:53 AM GMT
    I am not really talking about straights who act on same-sex desires. I am talking about people who have identified as gay or lesbian and then later in life become more straight? I am not talking about ex-gays either. I am saying people who have a sexual shift.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 11:58 AM GMT
    I once had a wet dream about Cher (decades ago). It concerned me on many levels.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 12:03 PM GMT
    hippie4lyfeI am not really talking about straights who act on same-sex desires. I am talking about people who have identified as gay or lesbian and then later in life become more straight? I am not talking about ex-gays either. I am saying people who have a sexual shift.



    Surely that's a totally contradictory statement?


    You want to talk about people with a sexual shift?

    How do ex-gays, as you call them, not have a sexual shift? obviously from being gay, to not being gay?

    Or straights who act on same-sex desires? surely thats the same as saying, people who have a wide variety of sexual partners over the scale of gender, i.e a shift.

    People who go from gay/lesbian to straight is only ONE side of the scale.


    It seems to me that from reading all of your threads, you are only ever concerned with ONE side of a discussion, i.e your one. You seem to ignore any other input that doesn't directly answer or even expand on the ideas you put forth.


    And if there was anything to be learnt from the Kinsey Scale, its that there is no one or the other, no black or white, no my side and your side, it was a open plan that theorised that there was a vast scale of sexuality, that did work on line, there can be multiple influences and outcomes of a persons sexuality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 1:54 PM GMT
    Actually I am very interested in how/why some gays eventually become predominantly straight. Please don't jump to conclusions about me.

    I am not talking about ex-gays, because generally these are just closeted gays who claim they are straight because of right-wing christian propoganda.

    I am interested in hearing unbiased, non-religion reasons for why someone has changed. Reading the bible will not alter ones sexual orientation.

    Actually, reading a man shall not lie with a man in leviticus, turned me on so much, it made me gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 3:07 PM GMT
    I believe that it all originates with the individual personality of each human. Some people know what they want and are able to remain faithful to their dreams. Never wavering or wondering what could be better.

    Others, people like me, always wonder "what is truly best?" This continuating sense of uncertainty leads our emotions to fluctuate wildly. One day I love peanut butter and the next i gag at the smell of it.

    Thank god my sexual urges have never fluctuated like that, but they still do. I cant say that it fluctuates to the point of me turning back to straight, but there are times when I find myself feeling drawn to women in a more sexual sense.

    I am not a psychological doctor, so I could never come up with a medical explanation for the reasons one's emotions fluctuate. But what I can do, is definitely attest to the fact that such emotions as our sexual orientation does fluctuate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 3:24 PM GMT
    Is it possible that lets say for example some gay men who suddenly go into a relationship with a female, were perhaps bisexual and unaware?

    Our society pressures us to choose labels, gay or straight. I think many people who are truly bisexual call themselves gay or lesbian when bisexuality is probably the better fit.

    It would make sense than if a "gay" man who was really bisexual but maybe more to the gay side and acting on gay desires who suddenly goes with women. To me that is one way of accounting for some sexual fluidity.

    But to just randomly change, that is something I currently don't get, is it something in the environment that can influence orientation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 3:28 PM GMT
    surf warrior is very right. you choose to only look at one segment. he said that gays who become straight are one thing and straights who act on same sex desires fit into the same question and once again you come back with but i only want to hear about gays who go straight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2007 4:49 PM GMT
    I actually have a friend currently who is going through this similar situtation. He is actually pretty upset he cannot figure out who he is as far as sexual identity goes. Hes constantly grew up dating girls,however he believes hes gay but the experience with guys were not too exciting for him. Also he just is confused as to whether he likes men or women. Hes kind of seeing 2 girls and a guy and he doesn't really like get any kind of connection with any of them.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 04, 2007 8:30 PM GMT
    I don't think that there is any real sexual "shift"
    we all have the capacity for hetero and homosexual sex
    ...some more one way than the other

    thats why the ex-gays are also lumped into this group
    ...yeah they might be closet cases
    and very likely are the ones that you see having that sexual shift you're talking about

    to see human sexual behavior as so black and white misses the forest through the trees
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Nov 05, 2007 3:57 AM GMT
    i knew a guy in montana who was straight and married and had four kids, ideal life...then a logging truck he was following lost a log, and it flew into the front of his truck. He was on a coma for several weeks, and when he came out of it, totally no sexual interest in his wife anymore...

    After his divorce he found what was lacking in his life in another man...

    Makes you wonder, huh!