Can you ever really hate someone you have loved?

  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Apr 28, 2009 9:55 PM GMT
    I have heard it said that you can never hate someone you have loved.

    I have heard it said that you can only hate someone you have loved.


    I think about the fact that I am friends with just about all of my ex boyfriends, partners, etc.
    Some of them are my best friends today.

    I couldn't imagine not having them in my life.


    But maybe there is a deeper love that I have missed out on up till now?


    Heavy topic but I am curious about your thoughts on this.

    SF

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    Apr 28, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    in answer to the question in the title: yes
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    Apr 28, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    u come close.... and it doesnt have to be a bf.

    Someone you once loved just puts you through so much that one day you just hate them.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 28, 2009 11:09 PM GMT
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    Apr 28, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    I've always felt that I was angry towards those that I love and had hurt me..

    I can be incredibly angry at someone, lash out at them in ways I never thought I ever would, do things I wouldn't and behave in ways that aren't usually like me because I am so angry towards them..

    But I don't think I can hate someone I love.. and I don't think I ever stop loving someone I once loved, it just isn't as acknowledged as it used to be.
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    Apr 28, 2009 11:42 PM GMT
    Both love and hate are very intense emotions, so yes, I believe that you can hate someone you love/d.

    According to Bree van de Kamp (now Hodges) the opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference. Hate means that you are still emotionally involved but indifference means "I don't give a damn".

    I've never said this out loud to anybody, but I've thought this about an Ex:
    Whether you come or go, live or die, I don't care.

    We've patched things up a bit 15 years later.icon_smile.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Apr 29, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    Great comments here thank you.

    I also wanted to say that a few guys have responded to me personally here via email...they didn't want to put it out here....must have touched a chord.



  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Apr 29, 2009 1:11 AM GMT
    No-one could ever hate you SILVERFOX1, with those big blue eyes and that sweet smile..Now, get over here so i can spank that little fanny.icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 29, 2009 1:58 AM GMT

    You can hate someone you've loved, but it is often due to a remarkable change in that person that changes them drastically from what you knew them to be. Either that or a deception is revealed that educates you to the fact that you loved that deception not the person. From there, I think even if you love someone, if an act by them is vile enough, you can definitely hate them for doing that. From what you say: your exes remained who you knew them to be and ya'll split amicably.
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    Apr 29, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    silverfox1 saidI have heard it said that you can never hate someone you have loved.

    I have heard it said that you can only hate someone you have loved.


    I think about the fact that I am friends with just about all of my ex boyfriends, partners, etc.
    Some of them are my best friends today.

    I couldn't imagine not having them in my life.


    But maybe there is a deeper love that I have missed out on up till now?


    Heavy topic but I am curious about your thoughts on this.

    SF



    The opposite of love is not hate like most people think. You can only be angry or upset at somebody if you have some sort of investment in this person, be it emotional, professional, etc...

    The true opposite of love in indifference.
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    Apr 29, 2009 3:03 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    You can hate someone you've loved, but it is often due to a remarkable change in that person that changes them drastically from what you knew them to be.


    Or, you change and no longer have good use for them.

    I find hate to be a perverted form of love. Someone mentioned indifference. I'd add forgetting. When you no longer think about someone...you're done with them.
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    Apr 29, 2009 3:05 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    You can hate someone you've loved, but it is often due to a remarkable change in that person that changes them drastically from what you knew them to be. Either that or a deception is revealed that educates you to the fact that you loved that deception not the person.

    It is also possible to feel a sort of hatred for the fact that with open eyes you allowed yourself to love someone who was clearly unable to love you back. That hatred seems to be of the ex-lover, but it's really for your own willful blindness to the shallowness or narcissism or immaturity that were plainly visible from the first meeting.
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    Apr 29, 2009 3:14 AM GMT
    Yes you absolutely can hate someone you loved. After a while they become someone different and they are not the person you once loved, thus making it easy to hate them. I am going through that right now as we speak.

    My ex bf and I of over three years recently broke up in late November. We tried to be friends, but he either started to change or I started to see the real him (which I figured out is why my friends didnt like him). He has treated me so horribly that it become very easy to hate him.

    So yes you can hate the one you love. I hope no one ever has to go through it, but eventually we all do. It sucks, but you learn from it and move forward. Always remember that!
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    Apr 29, 2009 3:21 AM GMT
    Hate? Only once and it ate away at me for a long time..about 10 yrs. Thankfully, now it's just indifference.