Judging your own attractiveness

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2009 12:32 PM GMT
    This is not an attempt at me to fish for compliments. This is not me having a pity party. I was thinking about this and wanted to see how other people think.


    How do you self-evaluate your looks? Do you compare your features to people that are considered good looking? Like celebrities, models, etc? Do you go on what other people tell you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    I always thought you could get a rough approximation by taking the average of the looks of the people who hit on you.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2009 12:40 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidI always thought you could get a rough approximation by taking the average of the looks of the people who hit on you.


    Do you think that people who feel more, less or the same level hit on you?
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Apr 29, 2009 12:43 PM GMT
    I think judging your own looks yourself is a lot like how you gauge your masculinity, you might be very surprised how others see you or don't see you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 12:54 PM GMT
    Timberoo said
    TexDef07 saidI always thought you could get a rough approximation by taking the average of the looks of the people who hit on you.


    Do you think that people who feel more, less or the same level hit on you?

    In a typical gay context "hitting on" someone means approaching someone in a club, at the gym, at a party, or other situation where you know little about them other than how they look. I think most people would hit on someone they thought had a realistic chance of responding favorably, i.e., someone more or less in their same zone of attractiveness.
    Not always - there would be outliers at the top and the bottom of the range - but in general I think my theory is sound.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Timberoo said
    TexDef07 saidI always thought you could get a rough approximation by taking the average of the looks of the people who hit on you.


    Do you think that people who feel more, less or the same level hit on you?

    In a typical gay context "hitting on" someone means approaching someone in a club, at the gym, at a party, or other situation where you know little about them other than how they look. I think most people would hit on someone they thought had a realistic chance of responding favorably, i.e., someone more or less in their same zone of attractiveness.
    Not always - there would be outliers at the top and the bottom of the range - but in general I think my theory is sound.


    I didn't mean in general, I was curious about your own experiences.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 1:30 PM GMT
    I extrapolated the theory from my own experiences, which were extensive enough to provide a good data set.
    But in the case of 2 of my LTRs, we'd often get asked if we were brothers. Does that answer your question?

    I hope the theory didn't sound too cold. But you need good analytical tools to navigate safely though the reefs, shallows, deserts, and false vistas of gay life!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidI extrapolated the theory from my own experiences, which were extensive enough to provide a good data set.
    But in the case of 2 of my LTRs, we'd often get asked if we were brothers. Does that answer your question?

    I hope the theory didn't sound too cold. But you need good analytical tools to navigate safely though the reefs, shallows, deserts, and false vistas of gay life!


    Not cold at all. I know I've seen where guys seem offended by guys that approach them and other times where they seem surprised.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    I've never been complimented on my looks by visiting relatives while growing up. How's that?

    Aunt: (To my brother) Oh my! You've grown very handsome! You'll break a lot of girl's hearts someday! (To my sisters) Pretty as always! You all get that from your mom! (Turns to me!) Oh my! Um... er... you've grown so tall!

    icon_cry.gif

    As I grew older most of the compliments I get are from female friends. And you know how they gauge attractiveness... not on looks. So...

    I don't like getting compliments on my looks either. It makes me feel dishonest if I accept it, I don't know why. I just hurriedly brush it off if someone does and change the subject, or run away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    As a "straight man", I never considered myself to be attractive. I was average - maybe. Women never really hit on me and rarely were my flirtations returned. (Should have been a strong signal at the time, but then again, I wasn't that perceptive).

    But life as a gay man has been great. I get hit on from time to time, and it's a great feeling. Somehow, I became attractive. Maybe it's the goatee, maybe it's the loss of 25 lbs and in much better shape, maybe it's a higher confidence level - I have no idea and maybe it's all of the above. But I am enjoying the hell out of it.

    I avoid comparing myself to others, in any category. People are individuals and I can be happy for someone else's success even if that success was something I wanted. So I don't really focus on who's cuter than who.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    i base it soley on the attention i get from other men.

    duh!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:11 PM GMT
    Frank_AZ saidAs a "straight man", I never considered myself to be attractive. I was average - maybe. Women never really hit on me and rarely were my flirtations returned. (Should have been a strong signal at the time, but then again, I wasn't that perceptive).

    But life as a gay man has been great. I get hit on from time to time, and it's a great feeling. Somehow, I became attractive. Maybe it's the goatee, maybe it's the loss of 25 lbs and in much better shape, maybe it's a higher confidence level - I have no idea and maybe it's all of the above. But I am enjoying the hell out of it.

    I avoid comparing myself to others, in any category. People are individuals and I can be happy for someone else's success even if that success was something I wanted. So I don't really focus on who's cuter than who.


    Im pretty sure its all of the above.... being in better shape breeds confidence, and confidence is attractive.

    Anyway, I dunno... my friends yell at me all the time because I say that I'm fat (haha, they really get pissed sometimes) which I think I am, compared to some of the guys on here.... though I'm learning that I am attractive in my own way, which is nice. It's always enjoyable to get hit on and be payed compliments, however, I definitely wouldn't consider myself attractive, nor would I hit on myself if I saw myself in a club, haha.

    I honestly think that people with "types" are missing out. Theres many attractive guys out there that arent what one might consider their "type"
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Apr 29, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    The simplest way is sometime when you're out in public, look around. There will be some men you would rather look like than look like yourself. There will be plenty of others you'd rather look like yourself than like them. Take a rough count (preferably just looking at the ones near your own age), and you'll get an idea where you fall in the distribution.

    Also potentially helpful: get some good photos taken. I spent the vast majority of my life severely underweight. A couple of years after I started working with weights, I was talked into posing for a guy's photography hobby. The pictures did more to change my body image than anything else did. I'm pretty sure that works in both directions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    Frank_AZ saidAs a "straight man", I never considered myself to be attractive. I was average - maybe. Women never really hit on me.

    But life as a gay man has been great. I get hit on from time to time, and it's a great feeling. Somehow, I became attractive.


    I had the same thing happen to me. I was never hit on by girls. Part of the reason probably was that I wasn't trying to hit on them, but I still never got the vibe that any girl I met found me attractive.

    I think it's my height. Guys seem much more accepting (and some really like it) that I'm really short. I've never met a girl that was into short guys.


    I to have a cautious attitude to how I look. If a really good looking guy flirts with me, I'm always surprised. I think I'd rather err on the side of thinking I'm not as good looking as I am, than the opposite.

    Honestly, I think the most attractive guys are the ones that are good looking and don't know it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 29, 2009 3:26 PM GMT
    I think its based on how I feel at that moment.. on my comfort level, attitude, days events... my own perceptions. Many things enter into how "attractive" I feel at any moment.

    I think "measuring yourself" against others isn't wise and shows a lack of
    confidence in yourself as a unique individual. You can't be everything. There is always someone out there that may have something (perceived by others as attractive) that you may not have. I think projecting yourself as a strong, grounded, resilient individual has many positive facets. Being kind, friendly and outgoing helps...

    So being "attractive" is far more than mere looks... I'd much prefer to be around someone who has average "looks", but a fantastic personality that I value, than one who has "great looks" but a crappy personality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    I am my own best critic. I grew up around so many great looking people - and some of the best athletes imaginable. I guess I self-evaluate based upon all that I see every day - and all that I've seen all my life.

    BTW - I can tell you from first hand experience in Yoga class - that Frank_AZ (above me here) has some of the best looking skin on any guy you're likely to meet. Amazingly gorgeous!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:44 PM GMT
    I think it's very important to have a good inner monologue so that you don't beat your own self-esteem down too much. Besides that, I judge my attractiveness by the attention I get, and, unfortunately, that's not much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:48 PM GMT
    Just ask your mother.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Apr 29, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    I evaluate myself by looking at the mirror, looking at myself in the eye and telling myself my self-worth. Affirmations are the best to keep yourself moving worth while I remind myself to be grounded and not have delusions of grandeur.

    I tell myself that despite that I did have abs over 7 years ago, I CAN do it again! I know I can improve my body and develop a more positive mental state. Whenever I see someone good looking, I just tell myself,

    "This joe is the same as me, human... probably more fucked up."

    I keep all the good compliments and experiences I have with people and saw screw all the others who just want to piss everyone else to their level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    I base it on other's opinions about the way I look. I do really find so many things that physically dont look good on me though. But when I get acceptance and compliments from others it helps me to feel better about myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:56 PM GMT
    Lost_And_Found saidJust ask your mother.

    icon_wink.gif


    LMAO, thats the best answer icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    MSUBioNerd said
    Also potentially helpful: get some good photos taken. .


    LOL... that can backfire too. I once got talked into one of those "glamourshots" sessions. Then later, I needed a pic for my photo-visa card, and it was the only one I had. I got literally hundreds of comments from store clerks, along the lines of "Wow, that's a really good picture of you..." Meaning, "Gee, you look like crap in real life."

    The best course is just to not worry about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    i have to evaluate my external appearance constantly, but fortunately that has caused me to look inside too. having an accurate view of my appearance is how i make money. the problem is that there is a catch-22 involved: if you compare yourself to others you will either feel arrogant or defeated, because there are always people who are greater or less than yourself; however, if you do not use others as a benchmark, you can become complacent and lose whatever edge you might have had over the competition.

    having struggled with anorexia and dysmorphia simultaneously for about 8 years, i am finally at a point where i can say that (based on the feedback i get from others) i am attractive enough to survive in adult entertainment, but i am not at a point where i can genuinely own some of the affirmations i'm given. i can own cute, but hot makes me raise an eyebrow, and stud makes me giggle. i prefer moderate terms like sexy, because hyperbole seems disingenuous.

    i don't see what other people see.

    i consistently give myself a 7-8, based on comparing myself to others in the field. but, depending on whether or not i'm your preference, i get people telling me i'm a 9 or 10. then there are people who don't care for me, and to them i'm invisible. so it really is difficult to gauge. it's all so subjective.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    When talking about comparing yourself, I mean your features. Let's take a celebrity for example, like Brad Pitt. Many people would say he's attractive. Do you look at someone like that as say to yourself "Ok, I have similar features, so I'm good looking too?" Do you try to see any similarities with other people you are told are attractive?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    I go by what people compliment me on. Been told I'm amazing by some, while 'ehhh' to others (similar to jack's observation).

    From personal experience though, people used to always tell me I looked like Matthew Macconaughey, especially at work. One of the customers even thought I was him and when she first approached me she was shaking because she thought I was actually him --- yeah, working at a grocery store lol. Anyhow he went on to be nominated as sexiest man in people magazine or something (haha a really 'reliable' source, you know). That was very very flattering.