What do you do when a girl falls for you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2007 4:53 PM GMT
    So I like her as a friend and everything, but I'm gay and not dating girls right now. She doesnt know about me being gay yet cause I havent known her for very long and I dont want to spread it like wildfire. This has happened to me all through school and work since I was about 13. I'm really getting tired of having girls being hurt because of the rejection. How do you just be friends with them??!!!!
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    Nov 04, 2007 6:17 PM GMT
    Tell her you'll go out with her after her sex re-assignment surgery.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    when it happend with me I just waited for the graduation and now I don't see her anymore (YAY!!)

    If you want to befriend a girl i think you should let her know that your'e gay before she fall in love with you and become an obssesed fan ..icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 04, 2007 6:36 PM GMT
    Well in my case, this has happened to me plenty of times back in high school years. Usually because they're more prone to laugh at my humor therefore causing them to get attached to me little by little without the expectation of them actually developing feelings for me -- assuming they'll know eventually that I'm gay but that wasn't the case.

    Even after telling some about my sexuality, they didn't believe it others want to set me "straight" by sleeping with me which never happened. And some that have stalked any "gay" activities I might be doing just to ensure that my sexuality wasn't an excuse for their "rejection".

    After all that, I just cut off any means of communications with them. Though, I still have some friends from that high-school-era that I'm still friends with and still wishes I'm straight. icon_razz.gif
  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Nov 04, 2007 6:47 PM GMT
    If a girl is falling for you then you should have no guilty feelings for taking her boyfriend

    icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 04, 2007 8:22 PM GMT
    Tell her you do not date friends, colleagues etc..
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Nov 04, 2007 8:52 PM GMT
    This is the kind of problem that hiding from your sexuality causes
    ...well, you have the choice of telling her that you're not interested in her and you wanna be friends and you know how that will make her feel
    she'll feel hurt and you won't be her friend either
    ...if you tell her that you're gay
    she'll say ... Oh that's why...
    and then you both can go shopping together for some skinny jeans
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Nov 04, 2007 9:06 PM GMT
    This isn't more complicated just because it's a girl; we all have to deal with advances from people we're not attracted to. Just say, "I like you but I don't feel that kind of chemistry with you." If she asks why, say, "I don't know, it just doesn't feel like that for me."

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Nov 05, 2007 12:44 AM GMT
    This happened to me a long time ago. This girl at work really liked me, but I told her that I have a rule against dating anyone from work. She asked me if I would date her if she quit, which I knew was just a bluff. A friend of mine finally told her that I would not really date her because I could not stand her mother who also worked there. I was not out to my friend and I never said anything about this girls mother to him, so I don't know where that came from. I told the next woman who asked me out at work that I was gay. I just did not want to keep lying about it.

    PS- Why is it always the women who fall for you instead of the men? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2007 12:58 AM GMT
    My personal favorite when I am asked out by a guy that I am not that interested in is to say something like, "I'm actively not dating right now - I'm spending time being single so I can focus on myself." I like it because it is a firm, definitive "no" but it is completely not personal so no feelings are hurt.
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    Nov 05, 2007 3:42 AM GMT
    Turn, walk away, and pretend you didnt notice. And keep pretending, no matter what.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Nov 05, 2007 3:46 AM GMT
    I've found in my experience that it's less painful to tell them the truth than it is to lie.

    It's not their fault you are gay, and it's not any shortcoming of their own...so being honest helps them from blaming themselves.
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    Nov 05, 2007 5:04 AM GMT
    A problem with telling them that you're gay is that if you're not "out" with everyone then they could feel angry or embarrassed and "accidentally" let it slip in a conversation that you're gay. Also I have told a girl who was friends with me that also fell in love with me that I was gay. she then said it was her fault and that she must be so fat or ugly that she turns guys gay! That is really screwed up and I dont like to tell them I'm gay because of those reasons.
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    Nov 05, 2007 5:10 AM GMT
    Just do what Squarejaw mentioned and say you guys wouldn't work.

    If she starts to hate you because you wouldn't date her shes not a worthwhile friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2007 5:12 AM GMT
    icon_confused.gifI like you but your not my type.icon_confused.gif Don't explain it.
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    Nov 05, 2007 5:24 AM GMT
    Why not just tell her that you're Gay? icon_neutral.gif It's much easier to just be out to everyone from the get-go. It doesn't have to be something that's "spread like wildfire," any more than a straight guy talking about his girlfriend spreads his heterosexuality.

    I see no reason why my being gay can't just be an established fact.

    I feel like keeping it a secret makes it seem like something I should be ashamed of, when we all know that it's not.
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    Nov 05, 2007 5:33 AM GMT
    I tend to agree with telling her that you are gay. My reasons are that the longer we continue to feel uncomfortable telling people about our sexuality, the longer we are perpetuating the idea that there is something wrong with being gay.

    I understand your reluctance, for whatever personal reasons, but if she can't accept your orientation, then she isn't really much of a friend. You might also find that you become better friends because she will have a male she can have fun with and confide in, safe in the knowledge that you aren't going to hit on her.

    Certainly that has been my experience, and I have many wonderful female friends in my life.

    good luck
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    Nov 05, 2007 6:15 AM GMT
    Honestly, anything that isn't the truth will play as a lie and will usually result in hurt feelings and/or major drama. If they can't (or won't) accept the truth, then that's their problem. That might sound cold, but its the reality of it. More often than not in my experience, telling them the truth results in a new friendship (and someone to go shopping with).

    Its your choice if, when and to whom you come out. I do understand the reluctance to tell people... been there myself in the past. Someone had threatened to call my parents and out me... so I outed myself first and the result was nothing even close to what I had feared. I've never regretted coming out and I would never go back in that closet for any reason.

    The truth is always the best policy, in my opinion, and any drama that might follow is usually not as bad as the drama of being caught in a lie. Likewise, from the girl's perspective, its usually much less hurtful to hear the truth from the beginning than to be lied to and find it out later. That whole "I turned you gay because I'm so fat and ugly" routine is a symptom of low self-esteem for which she should seek counseling immediately.


  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Nov 05, 2007 6:46 AM GMT
    Just say, "Ewwwwwwwww!"
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    Nov 05, 2007 3:07 PM GMT
    NativeDudeThe truth is always the best policy, in my opinion, and any drama that might follow is usually not as bad as the drama of being caught in a lie.


    Amen to that! And when I have had to tell a girl who is attracted to me that I don't play on her team, I always find that the kinder I was to them when I told them (i.e., telling them that I was flattered and that it pained me to have to say no), the easier it was to be friends later.

    Just my $0.02.
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    Nov 05, 2007 3:25 PM GMT
    CaslonTurn, walk away, and pretend you didnt notice. And keep pretending, no matter what.


    *cackle*

    So, basically, act even more straight?
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    Nov 05, 2007 3:37 PM GMT
    You tell them you love them treat them like dirt and then pimp them out.
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    Nov 05, 2007 3:42 PM GMT
    Do what I do. I first tell her I'm gay and then turn her attention to my straight brother, who happens to look exactly like me.
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    Nov 05, 2007 4:04 PM GMT
    PantalonesDo what I do. I first tell her I'm gay and then turn her attention to my straight brother, who happens to look exactly like me.


    Yeah, I think Pantalones has the best "exit strategy," StrongBolt! Best to follow his advice. icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 05, 2007 4:11 PM GMT
    @ sahem62896, I was kinda unfair because my brother is my twin. But my strategy still could work.