Men and their Disability.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    COLORED TEXT GOES HERERESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE
    How many guys out there have ever thought of Dating a guy with a Disability?
    Who would you date? Who wouldnt you date?
    Do you think we have the same feelings, desires, wants and needs as a able bodied person? Just because our physical being is affected, doesnt mean our mental side is as well.
    Cmon guys, open up, let this site see that we belong here as much as you doicon_biggrin.gif

    Take it easy.
    Be kind and considerate to others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    I could date someone with a disability as long as he doesn't become so needy that I'm his life line.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    I actually find men with disabilities (not mental - that's just...well...mental, and I have no idea how to do that) to be very sexy. I'd assume men that are disabled in any way have the same desires and needs as anyone. I'm sure disabled men are normal in everyway compared to other men. The only difference is the dissability itself, but most people learn to overcome that as an issue and learn to function normally by compensating in learned habits.

    Strength and the ability to overcome adversity in any way is extremely sexy to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 2:56 AM GMT
    That's a loaded question.

    I live with someone who faces daily challenges from a chronic disease they had nothing to do with (an auto-immune disease). I'm inspired by that person's ability to cope sometimes.

    That being said, I have zero use and compassion for folks who speak of a disability that isn't. E.g., being fat and out of shape. Drinking to much. Getting high to much. Being a self-pity person. That's just bad behavior and should never be supported. I have zero use for enablers of bad behavior.

    Of course, folks with physical disabilities have feelings. Folks with mental ones, may, or may not. That's a common sense thing to know that.

    This is an easy question for you to answer yourself.

    Strength, discipline, focus, persistence, are often characteristics of folks with a true disability. Laziness, excuses, lack of discipline are characteristic of folks who fuck themselves up. They're not much more than parasites looking for sympathy.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    May 01, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    Honestly, it depends on the disability, and what its effects are. I don't think it's possible to lump all disabilities into a single category when talking about what we'd be comfortable with in a romantic partner. The specifics of individual disabilities vary too much from person to person for that to work.

    For example, you're in a wheelchair. There are lots of different reasons that might be. The effects of your disability are going to be different if you're in a wheelchair because you don't have feet (either due to circumstances of birth or due to amputation) than if you're paralyzed from the navel down. That will change whether the mechanics of some types of sex are even possible, which is obviously going to be important to a lot of guys in determining who they're going to date. Being in a wheelchair can also change the possibilities of many leisure activities; you're less likely to be able to go hiking in the wilderness, for example, so a guy who wants to be able to go camping every weekend in the summer with his boyfriend is probably going to keep looking.

    It all comes down to the specifics and the context.
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    May 01, 2009 5:14 AM GMT
    Great question...

    I rarely agree with anyone's full post, but I think MSUBioNerd summed my thoughts up...through his...very well.

    I will add that there are many disabilities beyond those in the physical realm...or even the noticable mental realm...which many often overlook. Whatever the case, I think we're all disabled in some way...some of our disabilities are simply more visible than others... icon_biggrin.gif
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    May 01, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    chuckystud said I have zero use and compassion for folks who speak of a disability that isn't. E.g., being fat and out of shape. Drinking to much. Getting high to much. Being a self-pity person. That's just bad behavior and should never be supported. I have zero use for enablers of bad behavior.

    Do you really need to make every thread about how virtuous you are? Sheeeeesh.


    Aside from the paragraph you quoted, I agree with him.

    My brother has had a severe case of Cerebral Palsey since he was about 6 months old, or so. He is unable to walk, talk or really do anything for himself. I, being the oldest, was responsible for him the majority of the time. I learned patience, understanding and empathy from caring for him. I fed him, bathed him, played with him, medicated him, stayed by his side in the hospital...etc.

    Thought he is in constant pain, he almost always has a smile on his face. His laughter is his only real form of communication. He was dealt a bad hand in life, yet it hasn't effected his spirit. He inspires me to be a better person, and to go out and do the things that he will never be able to do. I don't feel sorry for anyone, because I can't allow myself to feel pity for him. I do, however have empathy, which I think is something that is much lacking in the world.

    Anyway, back to the subject, I could date someone with a disability, if the person were capable of doing for himself. Because I was, for most of my childhood, my brother's everything, I can't allow myself to be put in that situation again. It would bring back too many memories of me as a child fearing that my brother's next seizure would be his last.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 5:33 AM GMT
    I think everyone has a different approach to what a disability is and how it effects those who have a disability and those around people with disabilities.

    The severity of some is weighed differently then others. It really all boils down to you as an individual and what you are willing to deal with and accept/cope with in another person who has a disability. We all have at least one and some more then others whether they are aware of it or not. Perception is a motherfucker.

    With that being said there are few things I could deal with and a few things I simple couldn't. Would that make me a bad person? I'm sure in someone's eyes it would but then again I'm sure someone else out there is thinking the same of them so I don't really care. I think MSUBioNerd pretty much smoothed it out.

    To each his own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 5:47 AM GMT
    Yes, I'd date somebody with a physical disability. I had a close relative with a progressive and rare neurological condition where she lost the use of all of her limbs. She was a beautiful person on the inside and out. Very youthful, compassionate, and gentle natured. She never had a harsh word for anybody. She accepted life as it was and enjoyed it as an active participant.

    Most disabled people can do almost anything anyone else can do. They just have to go about it differently.
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    May 01, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    My fair answer, if I were single: I'd have to see photos of you, I'd have to correspond with you, and I'd have to have the opportunity to fall in love with your interactions in the forums, your wit, and your maturity (not necessarily in that order, but it's a start). Then we'd have to meet, and I'd have to see if you're generous, a good kisser, smell good...you know, just like every other meet-up.

    Can you risk failure, knowing that you got THIS close?

    I think there's a ton of guys on this site who feel, for one reason or another, that they are also disabled. You may have more company than you thought.

    My advice: un-private your photos, write a little about yourself in your profile, and then start swinging it in the forums. You'll make friends, and maybe someday a hook-up.

    Oh, and by the way, forum responders are ragingly empathetic and quick to defend.
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    May 01, 2009 7:04 AM GMT


    Hey welcome to Realjock wheelie!
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    May 01, 2009 7:29 AM GMT
    Funny that this topic was brought up today. I just received an email from the excecutive director of Reach out USA. "There are an estimated 4 Million LGBT Disabled in the United States."

    They are looking for a LGBT organization that would encompass ReachOut USA’s programs and bring it on as the disability aspect, so more effective outreach and awareness is possible.


    http://reachoutusa.org/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2009 8:24 AM GMT
    Date one? Hell, I married one! LOL! And he did the same when he married me. icon_biggrin.gif

    That was my late partner, and I thought we were a good match on many levels, not the least of which was the fact that neither of us minded helping the other. And we had similar health problems which required monitoring, that we were good at because of our own personal experiences with them.

    My present partner needs help around the house, too, so once again we're a couple that works well together with our health issues. Though unlike me, he's been slow to get around to acquiring a blue handicapped parking permit for himself.

    BTW, that mirror hanger thing makes me very popular with friends when I need a drive (some days I can't even ride the scooter or drive my car, and hubby's busy). Parking is so bad in the Fort Lauderdale area they'll gladly take me along on errands so they can legally park in free handicapped spaces with me as a passenger. LOL!

    No, seriously, our friends aren't quite that calculating. But good parking really is a bonus when they offer me a ride somewhere, especially when we're all going out together for dinner, movies, functions & such. They'll generously let us be their passengers because we often like to limit our driving (and to maximize our drinking, perhaps?). icon_wink.gif

    I'll mention, though, that I'm not disabled sexually, and that could make a difference in dating a man. There are disabilities and there are disabilities, and I suppose that needs to be considered in this discussion thread.
  • ursa_minor

    Posts: 566

    May 01, 2009 9:55 AM GMT
    if im looking for an LTR maybe id date with a disabled guy, still depends on his personality though.

    of course it varies with the type of disability, but in the end the person becomes the sum of his strengths and weaknesses. there must be someone out there willing to embrace the whole package.
  • BeingThePhoen...

    Posts: 1157

    May 01, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    Yeah, I guess the question parameters are just a bit too broad. Would I date someone who is blind or confined to a wheel chair, but is otherwise healthy, sure. Would I date someone who is permanently bedridden, probably not but who really knows until it the situation actually comes up. too many variables.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 8:18 AM GMT
    Hi Guys, there are a few different views on what you would do and why, I think that your views are very interesting and I appreciate very much the honesty of you all icon_biggrin.gif Thankyou.
    Keep it up and come say hi to me/message me anytime and lets catchup.icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 8:19 AM GMT
    wheelie saidHi Guys, there are a few different views on what you would do and why, I think that your views are very interesting and I appreciate very much the honesty of you all icon_biggrin.gif Thankyou.
    Keep it up and come say hi to me/message me anytime and lets catchup.icon_razz.gif
  • underbearboy

    Posts: 74

    May 02, 2009 5:28 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    Hey welcome to Realjock wheelie!


    Ditto. Welcome!

    We look forward to knowing more about your interests... and to see who we're talking to!

    And yes, I dated a guy in a wheelchair when I was in my early (cute!) 20's for a few months - never got to the sex part, as HE dumped me icon_cry.gif... just another in a long line of men who dumped me! icon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gif

    Great men come in all different ways I've found.

    Huggz,
    Brian
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    As always it depends on whether there is attraction or not. But if I fall in love with a disabled guy, sure!

    Oh... and I've noticed that they're often some of the most emotionally sensitive people ever. Hawt! icon_wink.gif
  • Sparkycat

    Posts: 1064

    May 02, 2009 6:46 PM GMT
    Having a mental health disability does not mean being a raging psychotic. My mental health disability consists primarily of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder, most of the time controlled well with medication. Most people with mental health disabilities act like everyone else. You probably know some and don't even realize it. So, please don't shy away from people with mental health disabilities for fear of getting involved with a head case. We need luvin' too!
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    Dec 13, 2009 6:57 AM GMT
    Looknrnd saidI actually find men with disabilities (not mental - that's just...well...mental, and I have no idea how to do that) to be very sexy. I'd assume men that are disabled in any way have the same desires and needs as anyone. I'm sure disabled men are normal in everyway compared to other men. The only difference is the dissability itself, but most people learn to overcome that as an issue and learn to function normally by compensating in learned habits.

    Strength and the ability to overcome adversity in any way is extremely sexy to me.



    Thanks buddy, come say hi to me and lets chat somemore.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 7:04 AM GMT
    I don't think dependency is a disability...




    ..But I do think glasses are hot!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 13, 2009 7:59 AM GMT



    MERRY CHRISTMAS WHEELIE!

    -your friends, meninlove
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    Dec 13, 2009 4:51 PM GMT
    I work in a nursing home (dementia and disabled specific) and have to deal with all sorts of disabilities on a daily basis, personally I think I'd date a guy with a disability but then again it depends on what the disability is.... I love caring 4 people with disabilities it brings a sense of satisfaction to me as I know I'm helping someone to live the rest of the life happy and I hope to think I'm helping to pro-long thier life to I LOVE IT....icon_biggrin.gif

    Scott HamiltonThe only disability in life is a bad attitude.
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    Dec 15, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    I would. And have. The only thing that is necesary is that he be reasonably financially secure and has health insurance. If he doesn't, he will end up sinking you emotionally and financially...all in the name of love,