does anyone else have a bf who works WAYYYYY too much? :(

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 02, 2009 12:31 PM GMT
    my guy works three fourteen hour shifts for his basic work week. he also works as an RN on his off days. he is ALWAYS available for overtime, details, last minute sick call replacement shifts.

    at what point does one stop admiring his strong work ethic, his "go get it" "nose to the grindstone" attitude about making money....

    and see 'em for what they are...workaholics...who put the almighty dollar first and you and the rest of the world a distant second? icon_confused.gif

    it's difficult to have a relationship with a man who is seldom around.
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    May 02, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    I don't know your man at all, but speaking as a semi-reformed workaholic, it's not motivated by money. Usually we have a lot of our self-worth tied up in our job(s), so we feel odd and useless outside of work.

    If it really bothers you, talk to him about it. Maybe you can reach a compromised.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    May 02, 2009 3:30 PM GMT

    Christian73 makes a good point. Workaholics, myself definitely included, are not necessarily motivated by the ' all-mighty $, ' but instead by actively pursuing what we see for ourselves as a positive self-image. We want to work because our aims are most likely high and working hard intermixed with paydays may be forms of positive reinforcement; i.e., it's not so much the money itself, it may be that the through working and earning money that we workaholics may find a positive sense of achieving our personal goals, albeit incrementally.

    Again, Christian73 seems to have a logical understanding and I would agree with him and in suggesting that you speak with your mate about the particulars that are bothering you concerning his work ethic. But simply saying that he works too much may be too general, and possibly resulting in him not knowing where to begin in terms of improvement. Good luck!

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    May 02, 2009 3:34 PM GMT
    Some of us work long hours to keep our jobs, or at least not lose them due to the stupid idea that you are not a "company man"
  • metta

    Posts: 39158

    May 02, 2009 3:38 PM GMT
    have you discussed this with him?

    Tell him that he needs to schedule in time for you as well. You should be one of his priorities. icon_smile.gif

    I have no bf. But I'm a total work-a-holic. I love my work and I work from home so it makes it difficult to get away from. But being that I'm a 1 man household, I also feel like I need to work extra hard.

    Being that your bf is an RN, he sees first hand how quickly life can go by. See if he is interested in working on more of a balance.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 02, 2009 4:15 PM GMT
    metta8 saidhave you discussed this with him?

    Tell him that he needs to schedule in time for you as well. You should be one of his priorities. icon_smile.gif

    I have no bf. But I'm a total work-a-holic. I love my work and I work from home so it makes it difficult to get away from. But being that I'm a 1 man household, I also feel like I need to work extra hard.

    Being that your bf is an RN, he sees first hand how quickly life can go by. See if he is interested in working on more of a balance.
    yes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif
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    May 02, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    all i can say is work within his schedule. if you really like-love him...and i understand the part about seldom being around but you can probably try to make your lifestyle sync within his or both of you compromise for a special time that you both share. i have been in a relationship like that and it ended because i didnt take my own advice. Just develop a time frame within the week that you both can relax and enjoy each other.
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    May 02, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    yeap, it sucks...we only get to see each other at midnight when were both off work for a few hours, then a bit in the morning.......what to do what to do
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    May 02, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    No, but mine is CONSTANTLY on his Blackberry. I wish that thing was never invented!
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    May 02, 2009 5:16 PM GMT
    rnch said
    yes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif


    AWE, I'm sorry rnch! I have to say, it's hard to go without someone you want by you all the time. Sometimes you feel selfish, but sometimes you need to be selfish. Being in a relationship with a ghost is not reasonable. I've had similar situations and they ended quickly as I have little patience. Even if I did have patience, it's not reasonable to be put through that.
  • metta

    Posts: 39158

    May 02, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    rnch said
    metta8 saidhave you discussed this with him?

    Tell him that he needs to schedule in time for you as well. You should be one of his priorities. icon_smile.gif

    I have no bf. But I'm a total work-a-holic. I love my work and I work from home so it makes it difficult to get away from. But being that I'm a 1 man household, I also feel like I need to work extra hard.

    Being that your bf is an RN, he sees first hand how quickly life can go by. See if he is interested in working on more of a balance.
    yes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif


    Wow....does he realize how important it is for you to spend time with him? There must be a way to find some kind of balance. Healthy relationships take work, and if he values being in a relationship, he needs to make it one of the priorities in his life as well.

    I do understand how work can take over, but it really should not be a permanent thing. (eeekk...I'm one to talk. ;) )
  • xysx

    Posts: 306

    May 02, 2009 6:15 PM GMT
    Hey there mch,
    My take is from a different angle. Health care is a feild that comes in teirs. there are those aspects of nursing that can be viewed as a job, on an 8 or 12 hr. schedule. there are those areas of nursing that are more of a professional carreer, with greater responsibility than just passing a cup of pills or handing someone a preprinted sheet of "educational" instructions, The people in this category put in more of an investment into what they do,require more onging education, and hence, have more of a committment for those who they are caring for.
    Then, there are those inthe field of healthcare not as a job, or carreer, or profession, but as a vocation . For this, I'm sorry to say, is not where you will likely change your partner. Nursing is an odd-duck field. More than MDs, we deal with people's lives in a very intimate "to the core" way. We are thesynthesis of the other people involved in their health care circle. We are the ones who catch the mistakes make by MDs, notice the lab results that require follow through before they turn catastrophic, Pharmaceutical errors, Social work needs, Nutritional deficits, Mental Health problems, etc, etc, ad nauseum. I'm sorry, but our degree of committment, dedication,mindfullness in what we do, is hopefully, from a more altruistic level, rather than being $$ motivated, therefore, it's not something easily changed. It's something that comes from a place of who we are, what we feel our place in the world is, It's our "human-world fit"
    The worse part is, Much like a Dr.'s family, it's not the hardest on the nurse. it is the hardest on the nurse's other half.icon_sad.gif
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    May 02, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    I am the worked too much bf. My husband is a flight attendant and he has good control of his schedule. I work in the production lighting industry and things change and the job is there until it's done. I've got to do something but it's hard to find a full time gig..even thou this one is 50+hours.
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    May 02, 2009 7:31 PM GMT
    In the process of ending mine - with a pilot for Delta. Gone a lot but that isn't the problem..........really. His moodiness has caused us to drift apart though.
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    May 02, 2009 9:31 PM GMT
    rnch saidyes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif

    you can't be serious.. he works to much so your gonna go find someone else???

    talk about demanding everything and settling for nothing..

    but then you obviously don't really care for him all that much if you aren't willing toput in the effort.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 02, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    rnch saidyes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif

    you can't be serious.. he works to much so your gonna go find someone else???

    talk about demanding everything and settling for nothing..

    but then you obviously don't really care for him all that much if you aren't willing toput in the effort.
    STFU! if i didn't "care for him" then it wouldn't bother me that he's never around .

    what turnip truck did YOU just fall off of? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2009 2:01 PM GMT
    Is money or career advancement an issue for him? Does he need to work these long hours? If so, you just have to talk to him about carving out a little time together. For example, make Sunday's your holy day where it is just the two of you and never work, not ever.

    But, if money isn't tight and his long term career goals aren't an issue then you need to get on his case. If you have talked to him about how much this bothers you and he is unwilling to compromise with you then he needs an ultimatum. If he is willing to compromise but you still want more after he met you half way, then you need to get a hobby and let your boy work.

    My boyfriend works 60 hours a week. I have a 40 hour a week job plus I work on two campaigns right now. Our scheduling is fucked, but we make time and we make it work. You two have to be adults, talk it out, and make it work or move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2009 2:24 PM GMT
    I actually enjoy the fact that my bf and I have busy lives. He is a MD and I work in Finance, and the time we have together is bolstered by the time we spend apart. If we were spending every waking moment together, I think I would grow to hate him at this stage of our relationship. But he loves what he does, I love what I do and we love each other...

    Doesn't get much better than that.
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    May 14, 2009 2:30 PM GMT



    Well. while people are telling rnch to suck it up in a pleasant and not so pleasant way, my Dad was a workaholic. Then he retired and came home to a woman he didn't know. My Mom.

    I put this in here to add some balance. It does appear to explain a bit of the recent see-a-movie-the-first-time date fiasco rnch described recently.

    Dad's tiny bits of time off was spent between his friends, what he liked to do as hobbies, and Mom-and-us-kids. When he retired, that was it. All those work comrades either went sailing off to their well rounded lives (they were not over-workers like Dad) or continued working (the younger ones) and as they were work friends gradually faded out of Dad's life. Mom finally had to tell him to stop calling into the Central Office to check on things - one time at 2AM.

    I'm a person that looks on something like nursing with huge and deep respect. However, I've met my share of burnt out health care people in my volunteer work. I watched an exhausted nurse try to insert a needle into Mom's wrist for plasma drip. Blood shooting everywhere after missing the vein twice. Another raccoon faced (those tired purpled eyes) nurse picked up Mom's nose insert for oxygen OFF THE ER FLOOR and shoved it up her nostrils. The ER floor was not clean...

    If your job becomes an endurance test you can very easily begin making mistakes.
    BUT rnch, I think you're thinking too quickly about ending this relationship. There is something called a work/life balance and there are books out there on the subject that perhaps your bf will read. Do a google with 'work/life balance books'....

    In the meantime there's this:

    http://www.cmha.ca/BINS/content_page.asp?cid=2-1841


    I'd really like your relationship to work because you guys so love each other.


    -Doug of meninlove
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 14, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    Michael_Mccarry saidNo, but mine is CONSTANTLY on his Blackberry. I wish that thing was never invented!


    I'm so glad I don't have a Crackberry.

    I take my job seriously and I'm basically always on call, but I don't let it run my life.
  • dh__

    Posts: 143

    May 19, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    both me and my bf are workaholics. but for different reasons.
    I work almost 3 jobs and I love what i do. I don't get much money, but i'm completely happy and really enjoy myself, so i realy spend a lot of time working. sometimes 8 am to 11:30 pm or later.
    my bf on the other hand is taking a really hard program and i know although he won't admit it doesn't like it at all and he's doing it cuz he wants the good job to bring home lots of money etc etc.
    and we both get into so many arguments critizicing each other about the way we work lol(among other things)
    overall we see eachother maybe once to three times a week if we're lucky and most of the relationship goes on the phone. we've been doing this for three years now.
    So i know what you mean, it's hard to have a relationship with a basic absentee partner, and he gets mad at me more cuz my jobs are almost more of hobbies than anything else so i don't need to do alot of the hours i put in. but i think, that neither of us are wrong.
    I mean we're just doing what we think is right, and so long is after all the absense and the aggrivation and the arguments you still can't wait to crawl into each other's arms and rest in comfortable silence then none of anything else matters you know?
    It's all about finally getting to that special connection together, so long as you still have that, in my opinion, everything else doesn't matter.
    if you dont' have even that. you have nothing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    Not trying come across negative but most people who work long hours are hiding from something, if u dont believe me, just ask a neuro-psychologisticon_eek.gif most people are in debt, hiding from bill collectors, not happy with their relationship or creeping. Check these behavioral signs out:

    1) Work schedule changes, more trips are being taken.
    2) Work attire changes, dressing up becomes more frequent.
    3) Cologne is being worn or a change of cologne is worn.
    4) When u call the place of work, ur frequently let off the phone quickly.
    5) *There are more late hours at work*.
    6) Attitude changes, including less patience and more anger.
    7) A distant and unavailable presence of mind and body.
    icon_cool.gif A trip straight to the bathroom to cleanup upon arriving home.
    9) The cell phone is turned off when around u.
    10) Exercise habits change/increase.

    If ur in a relationship and u want it to workout, just remember when u fell in love with ur partner, he/she was your entire world. Don't let that change. Always stay interested, no matter what it takes. It is worth the time you invest!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 19, 2009 2:52 PM GMT
    You need to drop your smelly, workaholic, goes-to-the-movies-without-you bf and find someone else.
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    May 19, 2009 3:04 PM GMT
    rnch said
    lilTanker said
    rnch saidyes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif

    you can't be serious.. he works to much so your gonna go find someone else???

    talk about demanding everything and settling for nothing..

    but then you obviously don't really care for him all that much if you aren't willing toput in the effort.
    STFU! if i didn't "care for him" then it wouldn't bother me that he's never around .

    what turnip truck did YOU just fall off of? icon_rolleyes.gif
    Damn... forgot about this thread..

    Anywho, dear, I didn't fall out of any truck.. you stated and I"m quoting you

    rnch saidyes, we have discussed it. this is just how it's going to be. icon_sad.gif

    time to start opening my eyes and looking around again. icon_neutral.gif

    He works to much

    You are going to start looking else where..

    What am I suppose to read into that? that your going to stick around, make flowers and babies and live happily ever after??