Need Help Socializing in Gay Bar/ Club

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    Hello.
    about a week a go I went to my first gay club. To start offf, gay clubs really don't fit my personality. I am really laid back and I find these clubs to be very loud and kinetic, which initially shocks me. But I eventually settle in. The problem is that I am very shy and don't know how quite to approach people I don't know. Plus the guys at these places are very clicky as well and don't seem to want to break away from their clicks to meet some one new. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even trying to hook up, but to atleast meet or talk to some people would be nice. I've tried giving guys the quick eye look several times but I feel like a freak doing it. I look like a complete outsider in these environment. So does anyone have some advise on how to be more social in these place? Maybe meet someone? Maybe a ice breaker or attention getter you may have know? Thanks
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    May 02, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    What you need to do, is get really, really drunk.

    icon_wink.gif
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    May 02, 2009 9:41 PM GMT
    Cliques exist for the protection of its members, so don't eschew how useful they could be for you. Their wall seems inpenetrable, but you'll appreciate it once you get in.

    A. For hook-ups, be flirty and up-front. Select your target and make your pitch, focusing on the gentlest approach to physical contact: a tap, non-sexual squeeze, handshake or bump. If it comes back to you, stay and move up the ladder to lingering contact, close body contact, embrace or massage. If it does not come back to you, move on or attempt B. If close contact is reciprocated, talk privately into your target's ear with light face contact (your cheek close to his); this should get him to hold you closer. Embrace, sway, move your hands around a bit. At any sign of discomfort or lack of reciprocation, back off one stage. If all is going well, close the deal with a pitch to find a make-out spot or select the mode of transportation to his or your place. Exchanging names and/or contact information is optional.

    B. For friendship, be talkative and smile at everyone (even "unlikely" candidates). Whoever responds is a valid friend candidate. For starters, pick a visible, well-traversed parking-zone, and hold your ground. It's best if you have something to lean against or sit on, to prevent awkward shifting. As people pass, confidently say hello. You're looking for a return hello, and for the person to remain in proximity to you. Begin with your name and a handshake, and ask them theirs. Topics to cover: clothing style (what you like about his), observational tidbits about the bar (music, lighting, crowding or lack of), questions about the bar (when do people such as him tend to show up, best bartender, likelihood of seeing him in this bar again). The topics should flow easily from one to another if this is a friend candidate. Exchanging names and contact information is essential.

    If you move around, make eye contact with everyone who you pass, smile at them, and let them say hello to you first before you respond. If they say hello, stop walking and engage them in the aforementioned topics.

    Do not be afraid to flatter. If it is returned, move up to section A, above.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 9:59 PM GMT
    Above poster said it al much better than I could, but remember MOST guys in gay clubs are shy. Nobody wants to be rejected. You are a "new face", so guys are noticing you, believe me. Be yourself, smile, talk to the bartender if he's not busy, nod to guys when you pass them or if you make eye contact. Walk up and say hi, introduce yourself. Don't be upset if you get rejected, everybody does. It's not your fault.
    Try other bars if there are several; vibes vary. Good luck!
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    May 02, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    Also, get really, really, drunk.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    May 02, 2009 11:02 PM GMT
    Rule #1. If a hot guy is near it's okay to break from the click...
    I hope your not looking as though you need a friend because thats the quickest way to get ignored and the only people to respond to that are the house trolls...Take your time and feel out the place, standing at the bar is always the best spot to get a conversation going...of course i dont do that but i'v heard..lol
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    May 02, 2009 11:10 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidCliques exist for the protection of its members, so don't eschew how useful they could be for you. Their wall seems inpenetrable, but you'll appreciate it once you get in....


    For my chatter about being a sociable bartender in another thread, I am crap at talking to strangers when alone. The whole entry is great advice Mickey. Thank you so much. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 02, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    mickeytopogigio saidCliques exist for the protection of its members, so don't eschew how useful they could be for you. Their wall seems inpenetrable, but you'll appreciate it once you get in....


    For my chatter about being a sociable bartender in another thread, I am crap at talking to strangers when alone. The whole entry is great advice Mickey. Thank you so much. icon_biggrin.gif


    Ditto.

    You should write a book, Mike! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    Mickey,
    can we chat about this sometimes? perhaps over IM?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:58 AM GMT
    first of all you cant socialize in a club.. the loud music prevents this. Second as for gay bars wear something that will make you the center of attention. like a bright white shirt or red...make is fashionable. and you go to the bar order your drink. as your walking to the bar trust me. if you look good in that shirt.. you will get a guy saying hi by the time your drink is prepared....another thing is if its a bar there are usually some form of discussion going on to the side so you pay attention and when its time you just go over "say excuse me, don't mean to be rude i couldn't help but hearing" and you put in your input...etc. that's what i think might work.
  • clof

    Posts: 23

    May 03, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    Lost_And_Found saidWhat you need to do, is get really, really drunk.

    icon_wink.gif


    Really? Does it work?

    I went to a gay bar with friends last year, for my first time. Before entering the bar, a friend of mine who visits gay bars a lot told me this:"Be careful not to be drugged !!! " And i asked him why, he said he was drugged once, and got fucked unconsciously icon_wink.gif

    So i didn't even drink anything that night, just danced and chatted a little. It became better when i went to gay bars later, but still have never got so drunk...
  • bravehound

    Posts: 73

    May 03, 2009 3:18 AM GMT
    Might try heading there with a buddy. You'll feel less out of place, have someone to shoot the shit with while you scope the joint. You'll probably psych yourself out less too.

    Whatever you can do to be comfortable and enjoy yourself, you'll come across less forced and more genuine to the people you meet or flirt with. And whether you're in pursuit of a new friend or a new beau, that's always a good thing.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 3:21 AM GMT
    You just need to step out of your comfort zone and have a little backbone. A gay club is no different then walking in a park, a library or any other place that is filled with people. Once you show confidence in yourself and take a step forward other will see that and a few may even gravitate towards you like moths to a flame (LOL. I mad a funny).

    In short you gotta start with you and show yourself that you are a fun person worth getting to know and then the rest will happen. Just think about how you meet some of the friends you already have. I'll assume you have friends and how you met them shouldn't be any different or harder then meeting anyone else out in a club. Drinking is a nice thing because it helps loosen you up a bit and takes the tension off but don't be so quite to rely on it because somethings can go wrong with it. You look like a smart guy so I'll let you figure out what I mean.

    If the gay bars aren't your scene then that's cool buddy. Not everyone is even meant for that scene. Nothing says you can't be happy at a Coffee Shop, a mall, a sporting event or even just by walking around. Once you know what you want from from yourself as well as others then things become much each in the simple "meet n' greet" field. After that what happens happens.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 3:49 AM GMT
    Um, if you want some attention, you can always take your shirt off icon_cool.gif
    In all seriousness, like was said above, go with a friend and be confident. If you are not confident, you could come off as creepy. Or worse, if you are quiet and shy you could be considered stuck on yourself and unapproachable.
    If all else fails, get some liquor in you...



    ...and then take your shirt off icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 3:50 AM GMT
    Oddly enough, I'm super shy at bars and clubs. In fact, if a hot guy walked up to me I would probably shriek and run in terror. It doesn't help when my friends are all way more attractive than me by several orders of magnitude. I feel like a remora desperately waiting for the scraps. As a consequence, I don't get out much.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    I can't even remember the last time I went to a club let alone actually wanting to go to one.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    May 03, 2009 4:03 AM GMT
    I don't get out much either, at least not to gay venues, because I just end of feeling uncomfortable. When I'm at a straight venue I'm like a straight girl in a gay venue: no pressure to "find" someone, you can ignore everyone around you and just enjoy the music and moving your body. That's the best part about going out, anyway! icon_biggrin.gif
  • mv03

    Posts: 201

    May 03, 2009 8:19 AM GMT
    I need to stop going to gay bars. I try to talk to people, and they run like I'm the most disgusting piece of trash ever. I wanted to ask one guy if he went to my gym, so I tapped his arm. He kept walking. So I grabbed it real quick and said, 'Hey bud.' Without even turning around hejust kept walking, turned around a little while later, and gave me a dirty look. My advice? Socialize somewhere where guys aren't so up their own asses all the time. Go to a straight bar. Or go with a group of friends/girls. Focus on having a good time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 8:34 AM GMT
    mv03 saidI need to stop going to gay bars. I try to talk to people, and they run like I'm the most disgusting piece of trash ever. I wanted to ask one guy if he went to my gym, so I tapped his arm. He kept walking. So I grabbed it real quick and said, 'Hey bud.' Without even turning around hejust kept walking, turned around a little while later, and gave me a dirty look. My advice? Socialize somewhere where guys aren't so up their own asses all the time. Go to a straight bar. Or go with a group of friends/girls. Focus on having a good time.



    If I saw you at the bar, I would totally get in your business.icon_wink.gif

    For going to a straight bar that is just a waste of time. Straight people want tail just as much as gays do.

    Just walk in and observe. You don't have to do a damn thing. When you feel like chatting it will come natural.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 8:36 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidCliques exist for the protection of its members, so don't eschew how useful they could be for you. Their wall seems inpenetrable, but you'll appreciate it once you get in.


    Not only do you make me swoon a bit, you also give outrageously good advice. That whole second point was just the kind of info I was hoping to see here.

    I was thinking about making a connecting thread about casual conversation in general anywhere (I never seem to be able to really get talking unless it's a political, religious, philosophical, or other similar topic), but perhaps your reply has answered that question a bit. I still am consistently unsure about how to go about that process of casual conversation, however. Maybe I'm just terrible at asking questions.
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    May 03, 2009 9:20 AM GMT
    I snagged a real hottie to night...arrived late...looked around...smiled and was feeling and looking good. He follwed me to another area of the club..sat down and said hi and asked me a question or two...pow....we looked at each others tan bods...smooth skin...and started making out. He has my number, cuz he left with his friends. I liked it~
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    May 03, 2009 9:30 AM GMT
    samerphx said
    mistic_man saidI snagged a real hottie to night...arrived late...looked around...smiled and was feeling and looking good. He follwed me to another area of the club..sat down and said hi and asked me a question or two...pow....we looked at each others tan bods...smooth skin...and started making out. He has my number, cuz he left with his friends. I liked it~



    Sir...Why aren't you in bed? lol j/k Nice... he is good looking, hot, sexy? How old is he?


    hey...

    lol After my last post and email to you I just jumped in the car ( I am not that far) and went to club forbidden for a few, I just needed to get out..since I have just started going out again..

    I am not sleepy..BECAUSE.....LOL

    He's blond...tan and maybe 23. For some reason when He touched me I got hard instantly!!

    Oh what a night....

    But like a good boy I am home and no fast fucking here~
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    May 03, 2009 9:31 AM GMT
    clof said
    Lost_And_Found saidWhat you need to do, is get really, really drunk.

    icon_wink.gif


    Really? Does it work?

    I went to a gay bar with friends last year, for my first time. Before entering the bar, a friend of mine who visits gay bars a lot told me this:"Be careful not to be drugged !!! " And i asked him why, he said he was drugged once, and got fucked unconsciously icon_wink.gif

    So i didn't even drink anything that night, just danced and chatted a little. It became better when i went to gay bars later, but still have never got so drunk...


    yeah, there's actually a guy on here (RJ) who picked up HIV from getting drugged and the fucked. watch out. you should search HIV on here
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 9:51 AM GMT
    I think if you go by yourself everyone will think you're just after sex, which is fine if you are, but you're best off using manhunt and dating.

    That way, at least you might get him to buy you a coffee first (j/k).

  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    May 03, 2009 9:58 AM GMT
    To the Original Post and author. You're describing me to a 'T'. What do I do? Well there isn't a gay bar within 200+ miles of me so I do nothing.