Relationship help please!!

  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 02, 2009 11:23 PM GMT
    So I've been with my current boyfriend for a month and a week now. We don't get to see each other very often though because he works and I go to school, he is quite a bit older than me, and I can understand that. He has a job, I completely understand that. I've stayed very true to him, i'm a monogamous person, but i tell ya, i get more offers from men than i dont know what! and so it can be quite difficult.

    And it wouldn't be difficult if it seemed like he were more interested in me and he also travels for work. He's going to Asia for 2 weeks in may, and 2 weeks in june.

    So here is the hard part, I ask him about where is this going, blah blah blah, and he gets very grumpy, now i love masculine traits, i LOVEEEEEEEE THEM, but this one is pissing me off a bit, is his wall around his feelings. he doesn't like talking about the relationship status, he doesn't like being emotional.

    We haven't had much sex at all, he said he wants to take things slow (although we were in the sac by the first date) but oh well) and so we don't have much sex, and i can understand taking things slow, i usually am like that, but i rarely see him! once or twice a week, if that! and so it's just one of those things where i wouldn't mind taking it slow if i saw him a bit more than i do...

    help please

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    A month and a week. Has he even told you 'I love you' yet? Or at least confirmed that both your relationship statuses are firmly off the 'singles' list?

    And who said what first regarding the relationship status? Have you talked about being monogamous with him?

    Has there been any confirmation at all that you're boyfriends aside from the sleeping together part? icon_confused.gif

    Being clingy is a real turn-off as well, if you're doing that, stop. So is comparing who sacrificed the most for the relationship (as per your mention of having to turn down other men simply to remain monogamous, that's a given in monogamy, not something to weigh against him). However, if there really is a legitimate concern that he may not be quite as into you as you are to him, then sit him down and TALK sans being all emotional and lovey-dovey about it.
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 02, 2009 11:38 PM GMT
    the I love you part, no, and i dont expect to hear not for a long time, but we agreed that we'd be monogamous. and i'm all for monogamy i want just ONE person, but as an 18 year old i have sex drives like no other, and if isaw him a bit more, i wouldn't be so needy over physical sexual contact.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 02, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    I find guys who want sex in the beginning and then say take it slow to be misleading in many ways...

    But have you sat down and talked with him? I mean, can't you say, "Hey, it's not your favorite thing in the world to discuss, but I have some questions about us. And this is really important to me so I'd appreciate if you could tell me what this is exactly, because I do like you, but I rather nip this in the bud if you don't want to pursue it."

    Any guy who can sit down and talk out a relationship problem with you isn't worth being in a relationship with. How do you expect to resolve any issue if he fails to let you address. Communication is so important to a relationship so I would think long and hard about his aversion to it.
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    May 03, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    xflipx said but as an 18 year old i have sex drives like no other, and if isaw him a bit more, i wouldn't be so needy over physical sexual contact.


    The distance he keeps from you makes your more needy (and more controllable). Not that he enjoys that control, god forbid!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    saying you want to take it slow after sleeping together on the first date is like stepping on the breaks after you have driven over a cliff.

    Sit him down. Tell him you have questions. And don't let him ignore that. When he ignores you and dodges questions about the relationship pretend that he just slapped you across the face.

    Though, from what you have told us, the guy sounds like an asshole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 12:17 AM GMT
    DTMFA!

    He isn't a boyfriend. He's a guy who likes to occasionally spend time with you. He obviously has no interest in anything more. Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea, who WILL show the interest in you that you deserve.
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    May 03, 2009 12:34 AM GMT
    I agree: DTMFA!

    If there are this many issues cropping up at week 5, it's unlikely to go much further; I wouldn't invest much more in this relationship. Date some of these other guys and find somebody with whom you're more compatible: schedule-wise, level-of-interest-wise, and sex-drive-wise ... you're much more likely to turn that into a great relationship.
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    May 03, 2009 12:40 AM GMT
    I guess my point is, he's passively telling you he's "just not that into you". He doesn't want to feel like a jerk by coming right out and saying it, and hurting your feelings. So instead of building a relationship with you, he just letting it fizzle and die a slow death.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    NakedDevil saidDTMFA!

    He isn't a boyfriend. He's a guy who likes to occasionally spend time with you. He obviously has no interest in anything more. Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea, who WILL show the interest in you that you deserve.


    This is the truth. He is not a boyfriend. He's just a trick, unfortunately. For some reason, he's not being honest about how he truly feels. Skip him and look for greener pastures. Or, better yet, find a new hobby.
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    May 03, 2009 12:56 AM GMT
    Lmao...this one is easy...u put out on da 1st date, this kat got wut he wanted, now there's nothing to be curious about...Move on bro, stay friends! let homeboy travel to asia, all he wantsicon_lol.gif This one is rap.icon_eek.gif STOP PUTTIN OUT, ON DA 1st DATEicon_lol.gif
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 03, 2009 1:50 AM GMT
    I didn't mean to make him sound like he is a terrible person, he really isn't. He is one of the sweetest people really. Besides the stuff that has been going on right now with him, he cares. Like I know he's not hooking up with guys, like I have alot of trust in him...and he doesn't have the time to.


    Ugh.


    This is going to make me sound like a woman,but i feel like Olivia Newton-John when she is singin' hopelessly devoted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
    its been a month and a half.. how can he be your boyfriend.. its been a month and a half.. NO a month and a week...

    Umm.. its been a month and a week.. yeah.. I get I'm repeating that, I just am a little shocked.. cause.. its only been a month and a week..
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 03, 2009 2:18 AM GMT
    I don't get it liltanker? I've known him for about 3 months, we've hung out but that was with friends. so we never went on an actual "date." So it's not like i saw him and was like hey lets go out.
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    May 03, 2009 2:25 AM GMT


    Hey lilTanker, Bill and I exchanged vows after 3 weeks. There really isn't a formula you know.icon_wink.gif

    xflipx you're with a guy who's ability to communicate his emotions and put yours ahead of his own is hobbled for any number of reasons. Are you sure this is what you can live with?
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    May 03, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    sounds to me like you have to communicate your needs and desires more....He can't be a mind reader!........icon_lol.gif
    AKA...Tell him you need more Nookie, Nookie...lol
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 03, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    Not sure, I know this relationship won't last long, because i am moving to a different city in about 3 months, but it's still one of those things where I can't just up and say i'm done. I can't do that. I have too much of a bleeding heart. I couldn't be so hurtful.
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    May 03, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    Well........Honestly is the best policy....If your preaching Monogamy....ect.....Tell him because it will only nip you in the butt at the end.......LOL
    icon_eek.gif
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 03, 2009 2:40 AM GMT
    I guess it'll be one of those make a decision and never look back type deals, i got lots of thinkin' to do. thanks guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    I am confused...5 weeks or 3 months? if u like it, stay put, dont ask 4 advice! real simple...icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:44 AM GMT
    xflipx saidNot sure, I know this relationship won't last long, because i am moving to a different city in about 3 months, but it's still one of those things where I can't just up and say i'm done. I can't do that. I have too much of a bleeding heart. I couldn't be so hurtful.


    That is something you need to stop doing right now.

    If you let people walk all over you there will be many, many horrible relationships in your future.
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    May 03, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    I don't let people walk all over me, but I don't like hurting people. Now if he were to cheat on me, then that'd be a different story, or he'd to abuse me or what not, TOTALLY different story. But this is a little bit different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    Aw xflipx, you're a young man and discovering life and love, some of it will be bitter-sweet. Just conduct yourself like the man you'd like to fall for and go from there.

    here's an uninhibited hug - Doug of meninlove
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    May 03, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
    im going to make this simple. your not his boyfriend at this point. move on. And you see him rarely...--- i see him as just a hookup buddy to you .. i see this case countless times...guys rush into sex too fast and they forgot to discuss things and talk and try to get to know each other before they hop in the sack. i think your trying to beat this puppy into submission and he wont budge. sorry for being so frank. YOUR WASTING TIME.oooo i just say your age...i think the guy took advantage of you. move on focus on school that always work for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2009 3:09 AM GMT
    Dude, listen to me. Your relationship is going nowhere. He's going on some long business trips. You're moving in 3 months. While he might LIKE you, he doesn't REALLY LIKE you.

    Move on.