What do do about coworker

  • turboman

    Posts: 22

    Nov 05, 2007 8:12 PM GMT
    I was out at a gay bar this weekend, and to my suprise one of my co-workers comes in. I don't go to the bar often at all, but just happened to be out. I am out at work, my coworker is not. We talked quite casually for about 20 minutes. He was there to meet a "friend" and they didn't stay too long.

    Now, I would never say anything to anyone at work, but should I have asked him about it? I just kept the conversation natural and didn't go there.

    What would anyone else do?
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    Nov 05, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    Let him take it from here.
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    Nov 05, 2007 10:35 PM GMT
    I think it's generally accepted that outside social contacts stay out of the workplace. Heck, I've worked for months with two different married couples before I even found out that they were married! It wasn't relevant to the job.
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    Nov 05, 2007 10:38 PM GMT
    Try to get an adjacent stall next to him in the men's room at work. Tap your feet three times and then move your foot into his stall. Things will progress naturally from there.
  • turboman

    Posts: 22

    Nov 05, 2007 11:14 PM GMT
    Hey gusy, that all sounds good. I had planned on not saying anything at work. When he is ready he'll deal with that in his own time. I guess my question is more along the lines if I see him out socially again. Should I just act like no big deal or ask him about his social life?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 05, 2007 11:17 PM GMT
    I'd treat it like it was no big deal. If it's an out of work friendship you'd like to cultivate, I'd just keep it casual and not go to in depth with conversation unless he leads it there.
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    Nov 05, 2007 11:31 PM GMT
    Guess, I have a different take. I make sure that he knows that you are available to talk if he wants to. I wouldn't make a big deal of it but make sure the door is open if he wants to discuss his sexuality. Something along the lines of...saw you out last weekend..where did you head off too? Or, "i don't get out much but I had a good time at "the eagle" (or whatever) last weekend." Innocuous but open. It may help him and it certainly doesn't hurt you.
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    Nov 05, 2007 11:39 PM GMT
    You did exactly what you should have and mind your own business, if he wants to tell you he will.
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:50 AM GMT
    Ditto
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    Nov 06, 2007 1:02 AM GMT
    Tell him you thought the guy he was with was hot. If he gets all jealous etc, you know your answer.

    Or, just mind your own business like I would.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Nov 06, 2007 3:11 AM GMT
    i have lots of straight friends who will go to gay bars/clubs with their not so straight friends. just because you saw him there does not really mean he is gay. the 'friend' he was meeting might very well be but that is between them.
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    Nov 06, 2007 6:15 AM GMT
    No big deal. Just go to work and do your thing. You're being paranoid. Stop. The ball is in your coworker's court.
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    Nov 06, 2007 6:30 AM GMT
    LOL I could tell ya some horror stories about closeted coworkers... Idaho's pretty f-ed up, here.

    In one of the better examples, I was getting some creepy-ass emails from a manager (he was my age) and it eventually got to the point where I just had to quit because I was so uncomfortable after that.

    I wouldn't sweat it with this guy, and if anything, i's probably better that nothing happens: it's his business and not part of THE business.
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    Nov 06, 2007 6:32 AM GMT
    Don't really get the don't ask don't tell policy that seems to dominate here. You saw a co-worked out of the work place. It happened to be a gay bar. I still would acknowledge seeing him with the subtext of opening the conversation of being gay (or not)IF he wants to have it.
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    Nov 06, 2007 10:43 AM GMT
    Using my own experience with this. I used to goto the gay bar myself before I came out. I was trying to figure out who I was. When ever I ran into a coworker I was terrified that they would tell. Now that I am out of the closet. I look back if someone would have said hey I had no idea. Then I would have had someone to talk to about what I was dealing with and may have come out of the closet alot sooner.

    Of course this conversation would happen if you ran into him again. I would never ask him about it at work.
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Nov 06, 2007 1:30 PM GMT
    I'm with McGay - check to see how wide his stance is...
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    Jan 08, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    Why should you change the way you treat each other. Just be the same.
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    Jan 09, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    Gay club, coles, target, cafe, restaurant, beach, pool

    Its all the same, your out in public, you get spotted, ah well, you just hope he doesn't come over and try to chat about work stuff with you cause its your time off!
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    Jan 10, 2008 12:22 AM GMT
    Just because he's at a gay bar doesn't mean he's gay. I know a lot of straight people (male and female) that go to gay bars because they think the atmosphere is better, or there's a drag show they want to see, etc. A lot of straight male friends of mine take their girlfriends to gay bars because they know none of the guys there will hit on her, and some go with me because they like to party with me and want me to be in the most comfortable environment... which would be a gay bar, naturally.

    If the guy is gay, its his business... and if he wants to have a conversation about it, he will when he's comfortable. If it were me in your position, I'd continue as normal around him and let him take it from this point. He knows you were there and I assume he knows you're out at work... logically, that would tell him the door is open for discussion. Your position of not mentioning it at work would logically tell him you're trustworthy, too. The ball is in his court to start that discussion with you, regardless of whether its on the job or socially.