Why's it so hard....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2007 10:18 PM GMT
    Whys it so hard to be gay and make friends. Yeah sex is great but just because someone is on a gay site and looks good or decent does that mean that they are just out for sex? Isn't it possible for someone to be gay and not want sex, I cant help the way I look, I take care of myself and that does not mean that you have to want sex or to be talked to like a whore. Why cant people be real and not give those stupid pick up lines and just get to know someone, really know them. Is that to hard to doicon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2007 10:23 PM GMT
    With 40000 member on this site you will run into some "real jerks" like any other site. Ignore, Ignore and Ignore them.

    AND DON'T RESPOND TO THIER MAIL.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 05, 2007 11:28 PM GMT
    try being less pretty and buff. ;)
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:25 AM GMT

    Oh Cory, I think I might have found the answer to your query, "Why cant people be real and not give those stupid pick up lines and just get to know someone, really know them[?]

    ???I am just your average hottie haha nah im a basic guy with basic needs. Love the outdoors, movies, music and just good old fun. Not looking for anything other than good friends. Not into random hook ups or having sex just to have it. Rather have good friends if its possible in this gay world.


    Who does this describe? You? Or just about anybody else on this site? Who does not enjoy outdoors (in some fashion), movies (of some category), music (of some genre)...and just good old fun (as defined by each of us in our own taste)? And who wouldn't like to have "good friends"...and doesn't thinks himself above "random hookups or having sex just to have it"...but wouldnt turn it down with a hottie?

    Well, it describes everybody, doesn't it?

    May I suggest that you take the time and trouble and make the effort to develop your profile to tell more specifically who you are. Give specifics to the outdoors, movies, music and good old fun, so others of like ilk can connect with you initially on the similar interests beyond your pic. Because, really, that is the only thing on your profile that distinguishes you from anyone else presently...oh, I am wrong...your pics just show a hunk of meat...handsome...but still only skin deep and indistinguishable from the rest of us. So dont be surprised that the initial contacts are only "skin deep."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:38 AM GMT
    Why? Because there are people who wish to reinforce the stereotype that all gay men want to do is fuck each other.

    Sorry for the language.

    My best friend is in the same boat you are. Really hot looking guy, very personable. Created a Myspace account to meet other gay men without having to do the club scene, etc. He started to 'make' a lot of new friends and a good number of them instantly pegged him to be their personal boy toy and he had never met them.

    One evening we were having dinner and this one guy started texting. My buddy was initially eager to meet the guy until the texts went from "Hey, how about a movie later?" to "Hey, I can't wait for you to get here so I can suck you off?", all in the course of 30 minutes. They had never met and only chatted a few times via email.

    My advice, ignore the ones you find offensive or strange, maintain your own standards and values and press forward.



    Good luck to you.

    -chuck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:42 AM GMT
    Cory, do what I do - live in Australia. Being halfway across the world from most of the other people on this site means that no one bothers hitting me up. Well, thats what I tell myself anyway. ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:46 AM GMT
    It's because you ate your kangaroo, cronker. ... icon_eek.gif

    Remember...

    CronkerAnd I don't have a kangaroo - I ate him.

    And he was such a fun kangaroo too ...oh my god! ... icon_eek.gif ... exactly what did you mean by "ate" him!!! ... icon_eek.gif ... no, wait. I dont want to know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 12:47 AM GMT
    Cronker, it is the drive. It would take too long to get to you. icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 1:00 AM GMT
    Cas - that is so wrong on so many levels. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 1:03 AM GMT
    Pray tell! ...icon_wink.gif

    I only call them as I read them. ... icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16305

    Nov 06, 2007 1:57 AM GMT
    I'm with you Cory.... What happened to good quality appreciation in others. I totally appreciate and am enthused by friendship with other gay men in which I can learn and broaden my understanding.

    I've made some on this site and am enjoying it, but I also get hit on.. Makes sense when your 1000 miles away...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 2:17 AM GMT
    "Isn't it possible for someone to be gay and not want sex"

    You rang?
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Nov 06, 2007 3:50 AM GMT
    Some guys are just jerks, I can't tell you how many guys email or IM me with offensive pick up lines. The sad thing is, I think some of these guys think they are giving me a compliment. I block them or ignore them. There are plenty of really cool guys that I have spoken to and who also happen to be very respectful and truely want a friendship and not a hookup. They are out there.

    Doug
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Nov 06, 2007 4:02 AM GMT
    i would be one of those guys who is not always looking for a hookup. there is a time and a place for that. it does get really old really fast. a great date every once in awhile would be nice. lol it is nice to run into a nice guy every now and then who doesn't ask me to send them a picture of my dick!! lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 4:11 AM GMT
    Cory,

    There are a lot of great guys on here (and elsewhere too). What I've seen played out here too much is that the nice guys tend to hang back, and most schmucks are on the offensive, so that's all you experience.

    I've been learning more and more that it works out best in life if you figure out what you want and go for it. If you're waiting around, you get a lot of flotsam float up on your beach. If someone here posts something that you like and you can say something to him that more than "You're hot (or cool)", you're more likely to get a response back with something meaningful. I get frustrated with guys who want to talk and then have three word answers to things. Have something to talk about guys!

    That said, would I like a nice roll with a guy? Absolutely! icon_twisted.gif But I've found that that feeling is like eating too many cookies. Seems pleasurable at the time, but leaves you with a stomachache afterwards.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 4:44 AM GMT
    @ paradox:

    "Isn't it possible for someone to be gay and not want sex"

    You rang?

    paradox your hilarious.
  • puttputt

    Posts: 254

    Nov 06, 2007 5:02 AM GMT
    I think the problem of not being able to make friends online comes from the fact that proximity is one of the most powerful determinants of attraction (any kind of attraction, including platonic). If you want to predict who will make friends with whom, the first thing to ask is who is nearby... and that certainly doesn't describe most of us on this site. My best friends to this day are students who lived next door to me in my freshman year dorm... it also helped that they took most of the classes I took as well. The people closer in proximity to you are also more familiar to you, which plays an important role in mate/friend selection as well. Of course I'm not saying it's impossible to make really good friends online... it's just a lot harder.

    I have a friend with a similar problem. He's so good looking that he's often afraid that most of people who hang out with him only do so because he's attractive. Quite a lonely feeling icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 5:09 AM GMT
    I think gay culture is often pathetic via tradition, and it's also often pathetic because many gay / bi folks are deeply insecure and lead dual lives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 5:21 AM GMT
    consider yourself lucky. some of us don't even get offers that you so detested....
  • mv03

    Posts: 201

    Nov 06, 2007 5:29 AM GMT
    No offense bud, but there aren't many gay guys that look like you. I mean, yeah you're gorgeous, so obviously every guy that thinks he has a shot (and many of those that know they don't) are going to try. My suggestion to you, and take it for what it's worth, is to try and initiate some of the conversation yourself. Acknowledge that people are going to think you're hot or whatever, but try to have a conversation with them. If they continually are about trying to get you to show your c*ck on webcam, move on. There are good guys out there don't talk to guys like you though because (at least in my experience with guys AT THE BARS (which I know is a different scenario) because they are kind of concieted and rude to guys that aren't as attractive as them. It is rough though. Finding true friends in life, gay or straight, is extremely difficult. Add to that men that just want a hottie to mess around with and nothing more,it just adds to the difficulty. Anyway, I wish you luck. You're hot, and it makes you more attractive that you don't just want to hook-up, like many guys I know. Take care!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 5:30 AM GMT
    Do not mean to make light of your question, but don't gay guys make friends at work, or school, or in sports, or the gym, or just in the neighborhood? When I was young, I met lot of guys in these venues without either of us ever thinking of sex with each other, and have stayed friends with many for decades. Understand why you may not want to go to bars and clubs, but maybe consider other real-life ways to meet guys.

    Now, you are really good-looking, so maybe everybody hits on you. I didn't have that "problem". LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 6:29 AM GMT
    He is a looker.

    I'm sure you get penis pics, and any number of really weird offers, from some ugly folks, and some hot folks.

    It is what it is.

    Pull up your bootstraps. You're gonna' have to live with it or get ugly. It's part of the burden a genuinely good looking guy has to bear.

    The smile and some muscles...well, that makes most bi / gay guys damn near melt.

    Shit could be worse. LOL.

    Fuckers are classless, no doubt, but, you can blow them off, or be blown by them, depending on your mood. Hee hee.

    Every time I'm out and about...if I take my shirt off at the dance club... you'd think it was a dam petting zoo.

    :-)

    Dam queers. LOL.
  • puttputt

    Posts: 254

    Nov 06, 2007 6:39 AM GMT
    chuckystudYou're gonna' have to live with it or get ugly. It's part of the burden a genuinely good looking guy has to bear.


    Exactly. The problem is that smart/interesting people want to be told that they're beautiful and beautiful people want to be told that they're smart/interesting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 7:50 AM GMT
    i'm not necessarily smart or beautiful, each is a variable measure in another person's eyes. there are days when the "wanna f**k? emails come at me left and right and there are days when not a single soul even emails me.

    there are days when real good friends are so horned up that they're begging to get me in their bed. friend friends.

    and of course there are the guys from which the stereotype emerges; guys that want to sleep with as many guys as they can and whomever with little regard or afterthought.

    and to be honest, i've been one of those horny friends that is salivating all over his buddy plenty of times.

    often i think i can just chalk up most of the obnoxious horndogs to hormones and just affably converse. i'm not a whore, certainly not a prude, but i have my moments of sliding towards each end of the ruler =] tonight i'm fairly neutral and my sex drive is taking a back seat to other concerns.

    cory, you're very handsome, but to be honest i think i'd have more fun tonight just being friendly and maybe cuddly. the best part about waking up ... no, it's not the folgers in your cup, is realizing you fell asleep draped over a good buddy and not feeling like you need to sneak away.

    ahh, i dunno. some guys are just self centered asses and the rest are hard to find because they're hiding from the asses.

    cheers
    -david
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2007 8:09 AM GMT
    I think it's because gay men, just like straight men and women, have a hard time differentiating amongst friendship, love interest, or hookup. In other words, often times, I've found, we are not on the same page with one another because there is the possibility that one of us is attracted to the other, might read the other's behavior the wrong way, or any other various miscontstruance (is that a word?). Ultimately, though, it all comes back to the same thing: are two people on the same page? If not, trouble will likely follow. Why do you think gay men often have so many female friends? Ninety-nine percent of the time, they are on the same page: mutual friendship without any other expectation.