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Meeting/Dating Multiple Guys at One Time

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May 05, 2009 4:06 AM GMT

I JUST finished a long debate with a friend on the so-called "Art of Dating".

I argued that meeting and/or dating multiple men at one time is not a mortal sin. Especially if sex isn't involved. For instance, going to a club, getting a few numbers and then meeting/dating those three guys (separately) to see who's more compatible...I always assumed this was just normal dating practice: The Numbers Game...the best man "wins out" so to speak...I mean, we're talking about an eventual life-partner...I'm not saying ditch everyone you meet for "The next best thing" but until you do find Mr Right is it wrong to have other options?

My friend's viewpoint was that dating on that level kinda makes you a whore and you don't get to invest in the proper time/energy to get to know a person if you're juggling between multiple suitors. He said that when he meets a guy he's interested in, he ONLY sees him until he knows its not gonna work out...Basically putting all his eggs in one proverbial basket...

Am I wrong?

What do you think?

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May 05, 2009 4:11 AM GMT

Oh, my first! ....

...

ok...it's really more like ...

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May 05, 2009 4:15 AM GMT

When I'm single (between monogamous relationships) I see nothing wrong with dating a few guys simultaneously........so long as you've disclosed the fact, and neither of you is wanting a commitment. In fact I think it is a good - positive situation to meet more of the male population when you're free to do so. Then, later - if you find yourself meeting someone who is really right for you - stop seeing the others and concentrate on the special top candidate.

DrewT

Posts: 1327

May 05, 2009 5:40 AM GMT

Hahaha!

I wish I had to worry about this.

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May 05, 2009 5:44 AM GMT

I see a lot wrong wit it...for starters u dont give da right one, quality time. The loser wins out, and eventually, it doesn't work out in da end. Is it worth it?

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May 05, 2009 5:50 AM GMT

i think dating multiple people does make you a a whore. as i know if you date multiple people you will be having some form of sex with all of them and ill be dammed if i allow myself to fall into the statistic of being the guy who is sleeping with everyone that you have slept with because i choose to give it up to you...(understand)-- i think the right way is to date one man. It is quite easy to know if you will like the guy or see yourself with him in the long run. If not you cut it off and date another guy. Men are too greedy and thats why there is no real true relationships in the gay world...my example..-open relationships..stupid concept.

bigtallguy

Posts: 243

May 05, 2009 6:06 AM GMT

once, back during my reckless youth, I was dating 3 different guys at the same time. None of the relationships were very serious so I didn't see the need to inform any of them about the others. Then, by some cruel twist of fate, they all happened to show up at the same New Years party I was at.
You can imagine the rest...

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May 05, 2009 7:06 AM GMT

I'd rather date one person at a time until it is clear we are not made to be with each other.

I once dated a guy and I thought I was the only one he was dating at the time.. he even started to cuddle at the second date (after we hadnt seen each other for 1 month due to life circumstances) but I didn't take things further that night... thanks god later I found out he was dating a few men at the time and I'd have been like a peon. I stopped seeing him after learning that.

Felt like i was a contestant in an episode of Survivors.

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May 05, 2009 7:17 AM GMT

Do you really think there is a option about this? Are you supposed to sit around alone and watch TV because your schedules don't sync up one week or two weeks when other guys are having the same problem so that everybody is lonely?

nv7_

Posts: 1453

May 05, 2009 7:41 AM GMT

I guess it just kinda depends doesn't it? Let's say you're dating 3 guys, and your number 1 is dating 3 guys. He's your number 1 because you really like him etc, but you're his number 3.

Couple months go by, you have 3 new ones, same situation.

For everyone who says this is the way to go, I point out all the single hot guys on this web site. Do what you want but I don't think your chances are any greater dating several at a time or just one. Sorry.

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May 05, 2009 7:47 AM GMT

I agree with your friend. When you date multiple guys are one time you run the risk of being distracted from a great guy by a better bod or prettier face. Then, when shit hits the fan, you'll end up wishing you had stayed with the first guy.

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May 05, 2009 8:14 AM GMT

i don't intend to be one of the guys on here that says they haven't had a date in month's because ...blah blah blah. Your chances are better no matter who or how often you date if you just get out regularly.

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May 05, 2009 8:44 AM GMT

Dating is suppose to be for meeting someone, finding someone and while some people can do it with multiple people (nothing at all is wrong with have a date on Tuesday, a date on Thursday and a date of Friday, all with different guys), I've never been able to because I get emotionally attached pretty quick. What I have a problem with is the guys who do date more than one at a time and begin having sex and keep dating more than one at a time. I don't mind going out with a guy who is going out on other dates with other guys in the beginning, but once he starts having sex with me or one of the other guys, multiple dating should be off limits. If not, then my name gets withdrawn from the hat, so to speak.

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May 05, 2009 10:05 AM GMT

WAIT WAIT.. Your a whore, a slut, your cheap, no substance and hmm.. you could be a fag too..

Who cares what others thinks, go have fun, you don't need others permission and a lot of people around here are very judgmental about everything that doesn't align with there point of view..

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May 05, 2009 11:12 AM GMT

Women do this ALL the time... straight men do this ALL the time. going out on a date with one person does not mean you cannot go out a few nights later with another...

That said... TWO WEEK MAX... after two weeks (assuming one or two dates in a week) they should know that

a) its not really going anywhere and you love their company and plan on boning but its not exclusive

or

b) you like them, but you frankly wouldn't settle down with them if your life depended on it because you much prefer to have the option of doing whatever you damn well please.

my two cents.

hoo4u

Posts: 119

May 05, 2009 11:16 AM GMT

Some guys get ALL the dates. LOL Nah, I say if it works for you it's fine. You are certainly not a whore. A slut maybe. But not a whore. They're in it for the money.

Honest (!) communication is gonna be critical here. Beyond don't ask don't tell. Whoever is involved should know the drill so there are no hurt feelings or surprises. If you are upfront about your situation, honest with your intentions and not randomly boinking, I see nothing wrong with what you are suggesting.

Except if you call one of your dates by the wrong name. Particularly in the most intimate of moments. The big O. Be sure to scream out the correct name. Use a cheat sheet or a name tag. Sometimes "OH BABY!" works in a pinch.

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May 05, 2009 11:55 AM GMT

I would respond to those who oppose multiple dating:

You just finish your first date, the guy ends with "I love you and I want to be with you only for the rest of our lives!"

How creeped out are you?

People who think that you have to be 100% exclusive to the first guy and only one guy you date always struck me like that creepy dude that says "I love you" on the first date.

The only reason people bitch about not investing enough time is because they have poor time management skills or keep themselves WAY too busy as an excuse to avoid people. I've seen that hundreds of times:

"Oh I'm busy Saturday, I have my flag football game, and Sunday is dinner with the parents, Monday is Choir practice and the gym after work, Tuesday is the gym and then meeting with my college friends for drinks at the bar, I might be able to fit you in Wednesday between the gym after work and Bingo with my Aunt Rosie, Thursdays I'm flying to Boston on a business conference and I won't be back until late Sunday night, and then next Monday, I have gym and choir practice again..."

etc. etc.

So don't be so damned busy... I work out daily, spend time with friends, go to evening meetings and events, and I STILL have time to meet new people for friends/dating.

But back to the first point, unless you are that creepy dude that says "I love you and want to be with you always!" at the end of the first date, realize that's how you come across when you expect someone to exclusively date you and only you after the first date.

(end soapbox)

HndsmKansan

Posts: 16386

May 05, 2009 12:00 PM GMT

Sounds like you have a pretty reasonable approach. If I were single, I would date however many it seemed right, getting to know them, eliminating those that you don't feel as comfortable. Makes sense.

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May 05, 2009 12:21 PM GMT

I think the confusion here comes with how people define the term dating.

If by dating one means a steady thing where sex is likely involved...then dating 3 guys at once would make you a terrible slut.

If by dating one means casual, non-sexual 'dates' that involve dinner, movies, coffee, hiking as a sort of get to know you period, 3 guys at once might be workable. But even in this scenario, you run the risk of emotional distraction. Can you truly get to know guy one if guy 2 diverts your attention with a stronger sexual attraction even though he's less of a potential romantic interest?

I find it depends on your individual state of mind and willingness to make emotional and actual room for people. It's easier to date one guy at a time in that get to know you phase. (Of course, it's also 'easy' to be sleeping with 3 different guys simultaneously,

)

I always suggest to friends: navigate the situation as seems best to and for you.You're not responsible for another man's happiness. If he doesn't like that you're also seeing guys 1 and 2, well Mr. 3 will take his business elsewhere.

Timbales

Posts: 13999

May 05, 2009 1:03 PM GMT

I thought it was assumed that you were free to see other people until you had the 'Let's be exclusive' talk.

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May 05, 2009 1:11 PM GMT

Indy404 saidI JUST finished a long debate with a friend on the so-called "Art of Dating".

I argued that meeting and/or dating multiple men at one time is not a mortal sin. Especially if sex isn't involved. For instance, going to a club, getting a few numbers and then meeting/dating those three guys (separately) to see who's more compatible...I always assumed this was just normal dating practice: The Numbers Game...the best man "wins out" so to speak...I mean, we're talking about an eventual life-partner...I'm not saying ditch everyone you meet for "The next best thing" but until you do find Mr Right is it wrong to have other options?

My friend's viewpoint was that dating on that level kinda makes you a whore and you don't get to invest in the proper time/energy to get to know a person if you're juggling between multiple suitors. He said that when he meets a guy he's interested in, he ONLY sees him until he knows its not gonna work out...Basically putting all his eggs in one proverbial basket...

I'm a wrong?

What so you think?

There is no problem here if you act with integrity.

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May 05, 2009 1:15 PM GMT

Timberoo saidI thought it was assumed that you were free to see other people until you had the 'Let's be exclusive' talk.

Quoted for truth.

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May 05, 2009 1:27 PM GMT

Timberoo saidI thought it was assumed that you were free to see other people until you had the 'Let's be exclusive' talk.

Amen!

When I'm single, I expect the guys I'm dating to be seeing others as well. Besides, most guys don't show their true colors until you've been dating them for a little while. It's easy to hide the crazy for a little bit. Patterns start to form after a bit and then you can see what kind of partner a guy will be. Will he flake out an cancel dates at the last minute? Will he be too emotionally needy? Does he drink like a fish? Is he attached at the hip to his mother? Does he have a string of ex-friends and ex-boyfriends? Is he married to a woman? You don't find out that stuff immediately. Casual dating allows you to keep some distance and determine whether or not this person meets your needs. If you decide on the first date that he's the one and you're going to date him exclusively, you're in for a world of trouble if you don't know him that well. Remember, Satan doesn't recruit by being mean and showing his true form!

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May 05, 2009 2:40 PM GMT

Timberoo saidI thought it was assumed that you were free to see other people until you had the 'Let's be exclusive' talk.

Right on Timb.

People who assume exclusivity and monogamy set themselves up to get hurt; and got is there a lot of them. They never have this conversation, but assume its conclusion. Then, when they find out the guy they are dating is also dating someone else they whine to the world about that heart breaking cheater.

It always boggles my mind that people who talk about intimacy and soul mates and shit don't even bother with conversation.

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May 05, 2009 2:48 PM GMT

You have my permission to date as many guys as you like, as often as you like, at the same time as you like.

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Meeting/Dating Multiple Guys at One Time