Would you... with a virgin?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 2:18 AM GMT
    I'm curious about what you guys think. As some of you know, I don't have a lot of experience with guys, or girls.

    I am a virgin.
    I have never been in a relationship.
    I have never even kissed a guy before.

    I feel the reason(s) for me being inexperienced is justifed, and I am not ashamed. I am nervous though about how others... future possible boyfirends... will take it.

    So, all things being equal, if you totally connect with a guy and then he told you that he had no experience (see above examples of me) what so ever:

    1. Would you go out with him?

    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"

    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"

    4. Would you be turned off by him?

    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship... when I am ready... to get experience sexually?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 2:25 AM GMT
    1. Yes
    2. Depends, but probably
    3. usually it is a deal breaker, but not all the time. Would depend on the guy which is why I answered yes to number 1.
    4. Most likely not.
    5. That would be totally up to you. Just keep it wrapped and if he won't, tell him to get to steppin'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 3:19 AM GMT
    Interested in hearing the responses. Just got done talking with a guy who was pretty cool until the whole top/bottom thing came up and I told him I was a virgin. He told me that since I didn't know what I was looking for, he wasn't going to be the one to 'show me how to be a man.' lol... why he thought I would let him be my first I have no idea icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 3:23 AM GMT
    1. Prolly
    2. No
    3. No
    4. Not Even
    5. If i were u, i would bro...icon_lol.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    May 06, 2009 3:35 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'm curious to see the responses to this one too. My fear is that men are kind of close-minded about this issue.

    It's not like a virgin needs a tutorial or a road map,, we've all seen porn. Just a little patience in the beginning. With men still coming to terms with themselves at all ages (from mid-20s to 40, divorced, with two kids), I would think that other gay men would have to be pretty accepting of inexperience. Not everyone had the luxury of having a friend-with-benefits in high school or college to experiment with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    1. Of course. Someone has to start somewhere and being someones first rewarding knowing that the other person wants it to be you.

    2. Why not. It would probably be fun. It would be like being a teacher. I would give out lots of homework.

    3. I don't think so.

    4. No. It would probably even be cute.

    5. It depends what you want. A meaningless couple of fucks to get you started sexually or a meaningfull relationship that you can share your first time with someone you love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 3:45 AM GMT
    I have slept with people who have tons of experience but were boring in the sack because they had no sexual imagination. So experience isn't everything.

    But, someone who has never been in a relationship, never had any sexual contact sends up a red flag for me. Why have they never tried any of those things? Are they unstable? Are they unadventurous? Were they an anchorite? For some that can be a big issue and I know I would be hesitant to pursue a relationship with someone like that (but we all foolishly fall head over heels once in a while).

    My advice, get out there and play the game. Get hurt a few times. Have lots of fun. But don't let life pass you by. Your section of Maine might not be West Hollywood, but it isn't the Yukon either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    in all honesty, i would not date someone whose virginity i'd taken. i have tried this a couple times, and people have a natural tendency (it happened to me too) to fall in "love" with the first person they have sex with. i am not up for all that... it has almost zero to do with the lack of experience with sex and almost everything to do with the lack of experience with relationships and coping skills: sex can be incredibly intense, especially at first (both physically and mentally/emotionally). i am no longer willing to help someone come into themselves on such a huge issue as first love.
  • gumbosolo

    Posts: 382

    May 06, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    1. Yes.
    2. Yes. I think I'd be excited to, even.
    3. No. In our troubled times, lack of experience may get you denied a job, but shouldn't keep you and a guy you like apart.
    4. I assume I was interested in him in the first place, and virginity wouldn't change that fact.
    5. Totally your call, but a hookup who finds out you're a first-timer is less likely to treat you well than a guy who's invested in seeing you again the next day.

    I'm biased, cause I was a virgin until a few months ago and ended up with a guy who had only been with girls, so we stumbled together. We've had a great time. This seems to me like an exhilarating thing to share with someone, and I imagine someone else around you feels the same way. Otherwise, though they may seem scarce, there's a fresh boat of adult virgins daily. You're not alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    1. Would you go out with him?
    Yea I would

    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"
    Of course

    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"
    Of course not - if I really care about the person, that wouldn't even factor in

    4. Would you be turned off by him?
    I don't understand the question.... I'm not with someone if I'm turned off by them whether they're a virgin or slut. If you're asking if the fact that he were a virgin BE a turnoff, then the answer is no it would not.

    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship... when I am ready... to get experience sexually?
    I think you need to do what you feel is right. I wouldn't jump in the sack with just ANYONE for the sake of it. But if you met someone you liked and trusted and wanted to explore with them, then I say go for it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 4:20 AM GMT
    My current boyfriend WAS a virgin when we met. icon_twisted.gif

    I think I answered your question clearly.
  • Sirkit

    Posts: 182

    May 06, 2009 4:23 AM GMT
    1. Would you go out with him?
    Sure, and I have in the past.

    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"
    Absolutely, sometimes it's easier to teach someone before they have the bad habits of previous relationships.

    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"
    Nah, people with experience can be just as bad as people without. It's all about how willing the person is to learn and adapt to the situation.

    4. Would you be turned off by him?
    I think my last three answers make this one redundant

    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship... when I am ready... to get experience sexually?
    Do what you think is right for you. Either way I can guarantee you will have awesome moments and moments that kinda suck with or without a partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    Scuba, I'm sure most guys would enjoy a virgin as long as they have patience. The experience is related to most guys' experiences and I wouldn't have an issue. A part of dating is getting to know somebody, including their maturity level. A smart man considers what he sees, not his past. Have a few flings if you want, but most NSA flings don't involve prospects with patience to "break you in." I'd recommend somebody has more than care for you, will be OK if you want to wait a little, and will understand the educational aspect of things early on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 5:08 AM GMT

    Having been in your shoes none too long ago, here's my take on all that :p


    cjcscuba1984 said
    1. Would you go out with him?

    Definitely - I think we'd have a wonderful time icon_razz.gif

    cjcscuba1984 said
    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"

    I'd do it only if he wanted it. Otherwise defo not! ...but if he did, then definitely yes :p (though maybe what i call sex isn't the same as most? gay men... i'm much too vanilla :p)

    cjcscuba1984 said
    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"

    Nope

    cjcscuba1984 said
    4. Would you be turned off by him?

    'Course not!

    cjcscuba1984 said
    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship... when I am ready... to get experience sexually?

    No. I know a million people will say their two bits on their cynical attitudes about finding love etc (or even deny that it's "real") but i say to hell with that. I've been in 2 relationships - both pretty serious. Apart from that there were 2 "flings" but neither that lasted more than a couple weeks (and both were experiments at relationships that didn't work, for one reason or another (and not because of inexperience!!) )

    i am NOT the kind of person to look for hookups or flings etc. Sure i was miserable and horny for a long time and i could have "gotten some" if i really wanted it, but i didn't. I was looking for a REAL relationship and that's what i've found. If you are in the same boat, i say don't settle for hookups etc if you aren't looking for them!
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    May 06, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidBut, someone who has never been in a relationship, never had any sexual contact sends up a red flag for me. Why have they never tried any of those things? Are they unstable? Are they unadventurous? Were they an anchorite? For some that can be a big issue and I know I would be hesitant to pursue a relationship with someone like that (but we all foolishly fall head over heels once in a while).

    For once, I think you are over generalizing.
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    May 06, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    I'm a virgin. *blush*

    Even when I'm with my man I tell him, I'm going to save myself for our wedding. That's why I'm going to wear white when I walk down the isle.



    Yeah right! I'm a ho!

    Yes to all!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie said

    My advice, get out there and play the game. Get hurt a few times. Have lots of fun. But don't let life pass you by. Your section of Maine might not be West Hollywood, but it isn't the Yukon either.


    Unless it's within the deepest darkest jungles. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    Realistically? I'll answer this from the perspective of being positive.

    1. No
    2. Absolutely not
    3. Would not be a deal breaker
    4. Would not be turned off by him
    5. That's your call. If you want to have a few flings then go for it but having those flings isn't for everyone. It comes down to what you want for yourself.

    I answered #1 and #2 the way I did because I don't want to have to deal with probably being the only one that has experience being safe and if he did end up being positive I don't think I could handle that.

    So if you do intend on having flings or actually any type of sex at all make sure you are educated enough to keep yourself safe.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    May 06, 2009 6:36 AM GMT
    1. Sure, why not?
    2. Every guy is different. I've been with guys who should know what they're doing based on how long they've been out and were total duds in bed, and I've been with relative newbies who totally rocked. You can never tell. I tend not to have sex on the first date if the guy is relationship material. This isn't a hard and fast rule.
    3. No relationship experience isn't necessarily a deal breaker.
    4. All things being equal, I have no reason to be turned off by him.
    5. That has to be your call. If you think you would benefit from playing around first before a relationship, maybe you should try it. But I find that more people seem interested in flings that relationships, so you might find yourself in similar circumstances. If you don't want to settle on flings, you should stick by your guns, but that said you need to crawl before you can walk. But, it's really up to what you're comfortable with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 7:51 AM GMT
    Gosh, this is my first time replying to one of your threads; go easy on me, cjc.

    1. Would you go out with him?

    Only if he asked me, then yes.

    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"

    No, not immediately.

    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"

    Every relationship is new.

    4. Would you be turned off by him?

    Please refer to question number one.

    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship... when I am ready... to get experience sexually?

    What would entail it to be considered a fling? And just a few? This question is more personal then the others are...no, I wouldn't suggest it.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    May 06, 2009 10:21 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidBut, someone who has never been in a relationship, never had any sexual contact sends up a red flag for me. Why have they never tried any of those things? Are they unstable? Are they unadventurous? Were they an anchorite?

    I know it's geeky, but your anchorite-virgin reference gives a whole new light to the D&D Anchorite class (revised Ravenloft 2nd Edition) and its divine shield ability.

    Holding it for Ezra indeed.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 06, 2009 11:23 AM GMT
    1) yes
    2) yes
    3) no
    4) no
    5) I think you'd have a better time sexually with someone that cared about you and you them, not necessarily a committed relationship, but not a stranger either.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 06, 2009 11:33 AM GMT
    1. Would you go out with him?
    Probably not..... reasons stated below

    2. Would you have sex with him... even dealing with his "learning process?"
    Depends on the guy but why not? Being the instructor can be a blast


    3. Would the "no relationship experience" be a "deal-breaker?"
    No, but it makes it more difficult
    Guys new to the gay life whether it's closeted guys or new guys tend to be like kids in a candy shop and usually first time relationships don't last very long

    4. Would you be turned off by him?
    Por que?

    5. Do you suggest I have a few flings before looking for a relationship.
    What I would suggest is do what you feel fits your needs
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 06, 2009 11:38 AM GMT
    Well to begin with, I have a bf, so I'm really not a candidate, but a few things...

    If I were single, I certainly would go out with a virgin, be very patient with the learning process (with his feelings and concerns far above my own).
    As far as #5... we would talk about that and have an understanding for sure.


    Now for those naysayers out there... let me say I WAS IN FACT in this position with I started seeing my bf (except I wasn't a complete virgin, I
    was involved with females in my 20's).. but i was a GAY VIRGIN. My bf
    (who was very experienced in relationships) went out with me anyway...
    He alsmost broke up with me because of the #5 suggested in this thread
    after several months. Fortuntately he didn't.

    Being a good guy, he put up with my sexual exploits for hours on end without complaint, sometimes into the middle of the night.

    And now 10 years later.... he's still here.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2009 11:50 AM GMT
    Yes I would. BTW you are still younger then I was when I first kissed a guy.