"I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone"

  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    May 06, 2009 5:44 PM GMT
    I think Alanis's advice here (from "You Learn") is one of the most memorable lyrics for me. After having recently posted in another thread about recommending falling in love and having your heart broken as an important life experience, I'm curious whether others agree.

    Have you had your heart broken, and do you recommend it to others?

    For me, although it was certainly unpleasant, my broken heart made me stronger, wiser, and more aware of the qualities I want in a partner. In the long run, I think it was important and I'm glad to have experienced it. While I'm not as "innocent" as I was and it takes me a lot longer to "fall in love," I don't necessarily view that as a flaw or "bitterness" but rather an opportunity for personal growth.

    However, I know how jaded some people can become after having their heart broken, which makes me sad. How do the rest of you feel?
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    May 06, 2009 5:57 PM GMT
    It's all part of life and growing up.

    When you've lost the ability to have your heart broken, then you've surely lost the ability to give yourself to love.

    I think life is a balancing act. You need to have a few knocks to develop a thicker skin, but you don't want to develop too thicker skin and become too cynical.

    Lozx
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    May 06, 2009 8:48 PM GMT
    Haha. I found this thread while listening to Alanis. lol.

    I think that having your heart broken is one of the things that is inevitable. When it does happen, it's a pretty big moment of change for anybody. But then you can take a chance to learn a ton from it and move on, or you can let it crush you.

    It's really easy to be bitter and angry, but letting your emotions out can help bring about better closure for yourself.

    That being said, forgetting is hard, forgiving is harder.
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    May 06, 2009 8:52 PM GMT
    I recommend it too. icon_smile.gif

    It would be very nice ... very Disney if my first love had worked out, but I'm almost glad it didn't. Actually, I'm REALLY glad it didn't because he's a total mess now ... lol ... and I learned a ton about myself and about relationships from the process.
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    May 06, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    A broken heart is also a scarred heart, a less sensitive heart, at least for me. The things that have toughened mine to further heartbreak, have also denied it a great deal of happiness. Better, I think, to have a heart unscathed & innocent, if such a thing is possible.
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    May 06, 2009 9:07 PM GMT
    its not the same for everyone. some people never get over getting their heart broken. i for one will say getting my heart broken have made it harder for me to ever trust someone again because i believe i am saving myself the trouble of feeling awful if it goes down the shitter. It sometime has negative effects and alters ones perceptions. So getting your heart broken is def not recommended.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    May 06, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    I've had my heartbroken twice! I would not wish that on anyone! Hopefully, I have learned from them and have moved on, but I do occasionally think of them.
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    May 06, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    Heartbreak isn't an experience I'd recommend to anyone. It hurts. A lot. And people experience varying degrees of recovery--some of us never recover! What's important, I think, is that the heartbroken individual learns the right lessons and moves forward.


    My heartbreak was awful. My reaction to it was simple: I chose never to let such a thing happen again. But the only way to avoid heartbreak is to remain single, and that's exactly what I've done. It has worked for me. I lead a full life. I've never been happier.
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    May 06, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidMy heartbreak was awful. My reaction to it was simple: I chose never to let such a thing happen again. But the only way to avoid heartbreak is to remain single, and that's exactly what I've done. It has worked for me. I lead a full life. I've never been happier.

    As I wrote above: "A broken heart is also a scarred heart, a less sensitive heart, at least for me. The things that have toughened mine to further heartbreak, have also denied it a great deal of happiness."

    You seem to make my point. But is this really in your best interests?
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    May 06, 2009 9:51 PM GMT
    I have mixed feelings about it all. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but at the same time if a person has to go thru it. it should be used in as positive manner as possible. I feel like i grew from it but took me a long time to get over a guy after having been with him for four years and him being my first. needless to say we're best friends now. I will never forget it but i did forgive him.
    It taught me that i did know how to love at the time i wasn't out to many people but i even went to work crying like a little bitch. I do know i have the capacity to love and do hope to find that feeling again someday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
    I think it's great for learning too, but I think I've had enough of it... I'm still eluded by the idea of not having my heart broken.
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    May 07, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    A broken heart if one of the worst feelings i have ever experinced. But i do have to agree that it makes me wiser, and more mature in new relationships. In the long run, it made me grow up when it comes to dating, and something great, may never last forever.
  • CSPYNY

    Posts: 187

    May 07, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    Yeah broken hearts suck. I got over one and another comes along. Eventually I'm going to be so angry and scarred that I'll pass up the guy of my dreams.

    Such is life.
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    May 07, 2009 2:33 AM GMT
    Been there done that, got the photos, tshirt and the tan..

    no, end of the day.. why bother.. it gets ya know where and does nuffin for ya icon_smile.gif
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    May 07, 2009 4:19 AM GMT

    Laurence said this, "When you've lost the ability to have your heart broken, then you've surely lost the ability to give yourself to love.

    I think life is a balancing act. You need to have a few knocks to develop a thicker skin, but you don't want to develop too thicker skin and become too cynical."


    *Doug gives a big sigh, admires and thinks the world of Laurence and knows Bill will like this, though the kid in me still wishes heartache didn't happen at all....*
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    May 07, 2009 4:25 AM GMT
    Laurence said

    When you've lost the ability to have your heart broken, then you've surely lost the ability to give yourself to love.
    Yes this is true. When I get hurt, even over the smallest crush, it's refreshing to know I can still be affected in such a way by someone.
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    May 07, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    There's a fine balance... The guys who go around breaking other people's hearts definitely need to have theirs broken seriously at least once.

    But then I feel bad for those who repeatedly have their hearts broken. Although if it seems to happen all the time, then perhaps one should reconsider the types/character of the guys they date?

    So yes, it's an important part of developing as a human being. Sadly there are those who will never allow themselves to be dumped, their fear of a broken heart is just too much for them to bear.
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    May 07, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 07, 2009 4:54 AM GMT
    We learn from every relationship experience we have
    Does someone need to have a broken heart in order to have a good healthy life?
    No, I don't think that's the case in the same way a death in someone's family doesn't change anything for the better after it happens either
    But it is a life experience that can change you
    It can change you for the better .... making you stronger
    or it can hurt you by making you bitter and afraid to get hurt again
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    May 07, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
    The best thing about a broken heart is that you learn to love yourself even more deeply.
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    May 07, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    I agree - there are good lessons to be learned from having your heart broken. You hopefully don't become jaded - but instead become wiser and more mature. I try to be grateful for the good things I learned and experienced with a relationship that has ended. I don't consider them "past mistakes" like some guys do though. Every single guy I have been with had good qualities - but maybe we just weren't right for each other for the rest of our lives.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 07, 2009 3:50 PM GMT
    My God! I've never been in love before. SCARY... icon_eek.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    May 07, 2009 4:03 PM GMT
    Who wrote that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    I don't think i can say that i've had my heat completely broken because i dont think that ive ever been completely in love with someone.

    I came close with my last relationship and when he broke up with me i was mostly shocked as to heart broken and got over him on about 2 months.

    I do recommend that you get your heart trampled on, everyone should experience that.
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    May 07, 2009 4:28 PM GMT
    I always, always, quote the opening line of Jeanette Winterson's Written on the Body on this topic.

    Why is the measure of love loss?

    I feel we cannot appreciate any good in life without some bad to provide perspective and balance. If every lover were perfect, you'd not even know it. You'd be bored.