My life on the D List. . .

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2009 12:35 AM GMT
    I was just wondering if any of the rest of you feel like you live life on the D list. Seems like I always attract the wrong folks, and seem to get passed over by the ones that I like. Standards to High? Possibly but why settle for less when you know you deserve better?
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    May 08, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
    I've been thinking about this too a lot lately. Being the logical type I am, I figure the people I think are worthwhile to date probably think that THEY can do better than me, meanwhile I think I can do better than the people I can easily date.

    So it's a toughie: date the easy (not easy sexually, just that they are little or no challenge because they are desperate and have lower self esteem) or date the challenge, even knowing that they might see you as less deserving of themselves.

    It's like that old song goes, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with. Sucks when you're single though and don't have anyone. But the more desperate you become the less attractive you are to those with higher self esteem who are holding out for the "best" option to come along (however they define it).

    I think we all need standards though:

    I WON'T date possessive guys, been there and done that when I lived in San Antonio and damn near all the guys I dated there didn't want me to even THINK of other guys, but it was cool if they cheated on me...

    I'm done with low self esteem guys, I can't be a boyfriend and a life coach if he's not willing to see himself as the great guy I fell in love with.

    Finally, I won't do bi or military/cops because they tend to be huge paranoid closet cases or fickle (in the case of bi guys).

    I just want a dude similar to me: smart, active, outgoing, ambitious... He doesn't have to be a Greek god and I never bought into the gay community ideal that we should only give our attention to the superficial assholes with sixpacks who flaunt their bodies and treat everyone like shit (we all know those types, and yet we continue to put up with them... Why I have no idea, I think gay men like mental/emotional abuse).

    I just want a guy who is equally as active as me so we can do stuff together like camping/hiking, walking around a park, working out, swimming, stuff like that.

    Anyway, sorry for the long rambling, just something I've been thinking of a lot every time I go to the gay gym here in Denver and wonder if any of the guys around my age and fitness level there would be interested in me and if we'd click.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2009 5:52 AM GMT
    In this lifesyle, u pass up and get passed up, by lots of folk! Don't take anything personal, life is wut u make of it. Another thing is this: How da hell can u miss anything, u aint never had anywaysicon_eek.gif
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    May 08, 2009 11:44 AM GMT
    masculine31 saidHow da hell can u miss anything, u aint never had anywaysicon_eek.gif


    I don't understand what you're trying to say there. Do you mean, how can you miss something if you've never experienced it? Or how can you miss something you passed on?
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    May 08, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
    terra22 saidI basically don't care about dating anymore. I've lost the hope in it. Atleast up here in New England I have.

    But as a newly learning-to-be-independent guy, I consider my life an A-List world, even though to the human eye it's a D-List world.

    I could go on and on on this topic but I haven't slept and I am soooo tired ahhhhhhh i'm seeing thingssss ahhhhhhh!


    go to sleep then. ;)

    Why categorizing your lives anyways? I believe in the end true happiness isn’t dependent on objects, things or people outside of yourself.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 08, 2009 12:34 PM GMT
    This is an interesting topic... its a little odd in some respects, but nontheless...

    I was told I'm an A lister who doesn't conform to "A list rules" in that I don't follow typical accepted "rules" (or norms... which I think are pathetic) on those who are considered "A listers" It was pointed out that some of the
    efforts I undertake could "enhance" my "A listing" and some don't.


    This discussion was among a group of local gay men, who are educated, vary in age from 20's to 50's and involved in the "Wichita gay scene" (if there is such a thing). I just laughed after being told the above.
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    May 08, 2009 12:45 PM GMT
    As a Dlist lifer, I understand what you are going through.
    Fortunately for me I early on realized what was happening and made some positive moves in my life that made life on the Dlist as bearable as possible.
    The first decision I made was to no longer make my sexuality the center of my being. I do not let my sexuality define me, it is just one facet of my life. I then focused my energies on my talents, abilities and my potentials. I went into business for myself, became financially secure and gave more of my time and energy to my family, friends and causes I am passionate about.
    My friends, family and business associates now say I am the most positive, upbeat person they know. I could be experiencing the most negative things and I deal with them positively and they don't even faze me. I guess you could say I have decided to be the best Dlister I can be.
    It would be nice have that special someone to share all this with, but I am not going stop what I am doing because I am flying solo.
    Email me if there is anything I can help you with.
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    May 08, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    "why settle for less when you know you deserve better?"

    What do you do to let people know you deserve better. If you're just waiting for what you deserve, maybe you don't really deserve it. If you're really all that and a bag of chips, but nobody's buying, you may have to lower your price.

    Of course, I'm speaking to the proverbial you, not you, the OP.
  • Sayrnas

    Posts: 847

    May 08, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
    McGay said"why settle for less when you know you deserve better?"

    What do you do to let people know you deserve better. If you're just waiting for what you deserve, maybe you don't really deserve it. If you're really all that and a bag of chips, but nobody's buying, you may have to lower your price.


    But what if no one's buying T-T
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    Try being on the E-list. icon_biggrin.gif

    We're the 'wrong folks' you speak off. I don't even bother trying. icon_cry.gif