did i over react to this???

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 10:29 AM GMT
    he bf and I are both "star trek" followers.

    we had made plans to view the new one on saturday. we had plans to make it an old fashioned date with dinner first, movie, drinks after and him spending the nite at my house.

    we've been texting each other about it the last few days.

    now i see on twitter that he went with some "friends" and viewed it last night without even calling me to go with him!

    gotta admit, my feelings are hurt and i am more than a little pissed at him.

    wadduathunk? am i justified here? icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2009 10:48 AM GMT
    First, you should address your fantasy that he is your "bf" ... icon_eek.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 10:49 AM GMT
    caslon, if i wanted YOUR opinion i'd call your mother.
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    May 08, 2009 11:03 AM GMT
    Well, now we can see why he went to the movies with the others ... and NOT YOU.

    Take the hint. ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 08, 2009 11:22 AM GMT
    I'd be totally pissed off.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 12:08 PM GMT
    Caslon10000 saidWell, now we can see why he went to the movies with the others ... and NOT YOU.

    Take the hint. ... icon_rolleyes.gif
    i have taken you "hint" under consideration. you are now on "ignore" icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 08, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    well, you're going to make him sit through it again, aren't you? I mean you're still going through with the date...so what's the big deal?

    just make him pay for everything....
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    May 08, 2009 1:57 PM GMT
    Yes, you are justified.

    I had this happen to me years ago. I think it was X-men 2. We had made plans and then when I went over to his house he told me he went to see it that afternoon, it was a good movie, and I would enjoy it when I went to see it. Yes, he saw it merely hours before we had planned. It was as if he completely forgot that we were going to go. He didn't last long after that. If I would have known I wouldn't have waited as I was a big X-Men fan and had been reading the comic since the early 80's. Usually with movies like that I will go opening day and try to for the first showing. So I had to wait a few more days to see it. If it would have been now I would have left and gone to the theater.

    Disappointment does not a good relationship make and is grounds for termination.
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    May 08, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    If he hasn't cancelled his date with you for Saturday, then there's no problem, except in your expectations. What difference does it make if he's already seen the movie and with whom? You guys have a date and that hasn't changed.
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    May 08, 2009 2:01 PM GMT
    You prolly calm down first and put this in perspective...it is just a movie and he did not blow off the date night which in reality would be a larger issue. Just tell him that yoou were quite sursprised that he saw the movie with out you and move on and enjoy the movie and the date night.
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    May 08, 2009 2:02 PM GMT
    Get over it fast. You are describing feelings of envy, control, insecurity. Imagine if you react in a more positive way.....even encouraged him to do it again..........even participated in it with these people.......shared all your common interests in Star Trek and was happy he explored something new that interests HIM.

    I'm assuming you guys have a decent relationship, and that this incident is not a symptom of bigger problems.

    Rise above those feelings you will be the better man and he will probably admire you even more
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 2:05 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 saidwell, you're going to make him sit through it again, aren't you? I mean you're still going through with the date...so what's the big deal?

    just make him pay for everything....
    oh, he's gonna pay.... icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 08, 2009 2:07 PM GMT
    Go see it with someone else.

    It's like planning a hot night of sex and when you show up the guy tells you he just jerked off, but he'll go ahead and play along with you until you cum anyway.
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    May 08, 2009 2:08 PM GMT



    Well, seeing as how you're both Trek fans and that seeing this movie together for the first time would make it a shared new experience, which is important when it comes to romantic feelings, then no you didn't overreact.

    Bear in mind that your BF may have just not considered this as important enough, like others have said, the date is more important, but this is an opportunity to tell the guy how much sharing new experiences together is for you. Perhaps tell him that seeing the movie now won't really be the same because you know he's seen it already.

    Be sweet!


  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    May 08, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    So basically you're angry w your boyfriend bc his friends took him out to see the movie before your date with him? He's still keeping his date with you, right? And I'm assuming he's not also dating these friends of his. Grounds for termination? You've gotta be kidding. icon_eek.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidGet over it fast. You are describing feelings of envy, control, insecurity. Imagine if you react in a more positive way.....even encouraged him to do it again..........even participated in it with these people.......shared all your common interests in Star Trek and was happy he explored something new that interests HIM.

    I'm assuming you guys have a decent relationship, and that this incident is not a symptom of bigger problems.

    Rise above those feelings you will be the better man and he will probably admire you even more
    feelings of envy, control and insecurity??? justify ur statement, IF u can.
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    May 08, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
    If he posted it on Twitter he's either very inconsiderate or stupid. He should have been considerate enough to let you know he was going with friends but that he intended to keep the date. Maybe he was afraid of how you'd react (but then he shouldn't have posted it on Twitter).
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    May 08, 2009 2:15 PM GMT
    Unless the bf in question agreed not to see the movie with no one else but you, then really don't see what the problem is. Why ruin your date night by bringing this up which may lead to a fight if you have an attitude.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 2:15 PM GMT
    lissenup saidIf he posted it on Twitter he's either very inconsiderate or stupid. He should have been considerate enough to let you know he was going with friends but that he intended to keep the date. Maybe he was afraid of how you'd react (but then he shouldn't have posted it on Twitter).
    he can be a clueless dork sometimes. but, stangely enough, that's one of the personality traits of his that endears me to him.
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    May 08, 2009 2:20 PM GMT
    meninlove said


    Well, seeing as how you're both Trek fans and that seeing this movie together for the first time would make it a shared new experience, which is important when it comes to romantic feelings, then no you didn't overreact.

    Bear in mind that your BF may have just not considered this as important enough, like others have said, the date is more important, but this is an opportunity to tell the guy how much sharing new experiences together is for you. Perhaps tell him that seeing the movie now won't really be the same because you know he's seen it already.

    Be sweet!




    Thats good advice...........communication is better than some of the whining knee jerk reactions I've read here.....telling the guy how important sharing new experiences together is good as long as its done without the "GIMME GIMME GIMME I DESERVE" attitude.

    I've learned to let guys simply do what they want. I expect the same. If a freindship/relationship has integrity, then it would survive this incident.......and "the talk" and both guys will learn something from the experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    Just call the guy. Ruminating on this will make you nauseous, and then you might vomit your oatmeal.
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    May 08, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    rnch said
    lissenup saidIf he posted it on Twitter he's either very inconsiderate or stupid. He should have been considerate enough to let you know he was going with friends but that he intended to keep the date. Maybe he was afraid of how you'd react (but then he shouldn't have posted it on Twitter).
    he can be a clueless dork sometimes. but, stangely enough, that's one of the personality traits of his that endears me to him.


    In this case, then, it would probably be best to point out to him that you were looking forward to sharing it together for the first time with him and that he should think twice before posting something on Twitter. You could turn it into a funny story.

    Guys can be very clueless sometimes about technology! One guy I dated used my gay.com account to hook up with someone and the guy later chatted with me to tell me how much fun he had the other night. I do think guys want to be caught though and leave clues about things.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 08, 2009 2:40 PM GMT
    You have every right to me slightly miffed about it, but understand this isn't the greatest betrayal in the world, and he probably didn't intend to hurt you. Part of being in a relationship is dealing with these sorts of bumps and being able to say, you know, I am in the right, but for the betterment of our relationship, this is something I need to let go of.
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    May 08, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    Just what Caibro said. Sometimes you just need to let stuff go and move on. HOwvere, I would make him for Date night, then get a headache!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 08, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    calibro saidYou have every right to me slightly miffed about it, but understand this isn't the greatest betrayal in the world, and he probably didn't intend to hurt you. Part of being in a relationship is dealing with these sorts of bumps and being able to say, you know, I am in the right, but for the betterment of our relationship, this is something I need to let go of.
    what pissed me off 4 hours ago has faded to a minor irritation.....by tomorrow i prolly will have gotten past it. holding a grudge takes too much energy for me.

    i'll just ignore his texts, twitters and emials sent to me all day today. he's a Bright Boy; he'll figure out what's goin' on.
    icon_wink.gif