love exists???? or is another utopia???

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    May 09, 2009 2:12 AM GMT
    love exists???? or is another utopia for the gays???

    icon_confused.gif

    please, count your experience.....thx!
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    May 09, 2009 2:47 AM GMT

    If Utopia is a perfect place, then I think it definitely exist, but it's not waiting out in the middle of some dessert. Perfection or getting close to it, takes work. It takes molding your surroundings, the people you call friend, and your preferences to suit a realistic and achievable varient of perfection. I call it acclimation and it is possible.

    Perfection is not acclimation, but acclimation is perfect. Humans were made to adapt to an environment and get acclimated to it. If you want acclimation in your home: clean it, arrange it, and keep it to suit you. If you want a spouse: look for one in the right places and make your interest known to potentials. Communication is important in any setting and whether we are talking about a tric or a boyfriend, make what you want known and you can get the proper feedback from either.

    I say tric, because even a tric can turn into a real possibility; talking to him and letting him know you play sometime, but you are open to more,well that is planting a seed, Sir.....that might grow. With a boyfriend, be blunt and be neutral. When you tell him what you want, don't manipulate the situation by communicating with your tone and body langauge that you'd like him to say what you want to hear. Ask him what you need to ask him and make it crystal clear that you want to know if he can deliver. A lot of gay men expect a lot, but never asked their spouse if he could ever give it to them. I think many of those spouses would be forthcoming if asked. A lot of the tension most of the time is because they don't know what their partner wants.

    LOL, I sound like an expert. I feel confident to speak on acclimation because I don't have it. I am instead, in the process of achieving it. When it's something you are striving for, you have to look at and examine many aspects of your life, things you never looked at without bias. I find you have to almost step away from yourself and look as would a stranger. The only difference is, these are intimate parts of your life no stranger would ever see.When you look on them, it can be quite the shell shock if they are in really a great mess. I had to do it....TERRIFYING. I saw people in my life and certain things I was doing in the most revealing of light and it sent me reeling. After the shock, the task of fixing it all comes into play and it is thrilling. It can be time consuming too, but all you've got is time.

    You can build utopia yourself, a finished product that you can look on with adoring eyes and know you made it. Acclimation is mastery of your environment, but it doesn't happen once. Enviroments are the sum of their parts, so if their parts change, so do they. This is why acclimation is a constant.

    For example, not having a boyfriend is one environment; meet it, acclimate. Then having one is an environment; meet it, acclimate. If he cheats or leaves, that is another environment; meet it, acclimate. Everytime it changes change with it, that is my point. Many people are unhappy because their environment changed and they didn't, leaving them ill equiped to deal with what is now, a new environment.

    What is perfect, something that never gets old, falters or becomes obsolete. Well change, as many times as you need to and you won't.


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    May 09, 2009 4:32 AM GMT
    I never realized what real love was until I came out gay. I had been in a straight marriage, because I thought that was my obligation & duty, but I wasn't ever truly in love with a woman. I went through the motions, and tried to convince myself it was romance.

    But a gay relationship with a man taught me what a great and consuming love can be all about. We love best when we love as we were meant.
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    May 09, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    Break utopia down to eu-topos and give topos a metaphysical/transcendental quality and you thus have every orgasm being a eu-topic experience.

    More importantly, I don't understand the dichotomy the OP addressed in that on one end we have love exists and on the other, utopia?
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    May 09, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    jprichva saidOh, bosh, The whole concept of love was invented to sell Hallmark cards.

    And keep offa my lawn.


    .......................................hug Pictures, Images and Photos
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    May 09, 2009 6:00 AM GMT
    unfortunately man men have this idea of

    "why should I change"

    Ultimately it killed something that was good.. because, why should he change, he's happy with who he is..

    Personal growth never happens when your happy it seems.
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    May 09, 2009 6:08 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidPersonal growth never happens when your happy it seems.

    Tell that to my ass cheeks which won't grow after months of excessive weight lifting and training in that area.
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    May 09, 2009 6:15 AM GMT
    Pinny said
    lilTanker saidPersonal growth never happens when your happy it seems.

    Tell that to my ass cheeks which won't grow after months of excessive weight lifting and training in that area.

    Come here and I'll tell them face to cheek as it were..

    umm.. I'd happily show you how to really give'em a pounding icon_twisted.gif
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    May 18, 2009 5:15 AM GMT
    up!
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    May 18, 2009 5:18 AM GMT
    I just got hit with a craving for buffalo wings...
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    May 18, 2009 5:26 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidumm.. I'd happily show you how to really give'em a pounding icon_twisted.gif

    O, why I would be delighted to share workout tips.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 18, 2009 6:10 AM GMT
    You can love... but no it doesn't mean it will last forever.
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    May 18, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    Yup, love exists, so does sexual love and so does lust.

    All are ace, don't confuse them ;)
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    May 18, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    Sorry, jaded here.

    WTF is love other than a mechanism of foolish obedience by one of the parties involved. There is just fornication between to consenting adults. There ain't no love, just enjoyment of the act.
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    May 18, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    As someone whose been lucky enough to have great loves three times in my life so far, I'd say yes, love exists...but it's not the fantasy/utopia many gay men have about it.

    Being open (in my experience) is the trick, versus meeting each and every guy with a list of do's and don't. Also, it tends to happen when you least expect it and with guys who at first glance you may not have considered "the perfect mate" for you.

  • jrs1

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    May 18, 2009 6:35 PM GMT

    Of course love exists. It's present in the friends you make and in the love you build with someone else.
  • hoo4u

    Posts: 119

    May 18, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    OH YES!

    If it ever was, is it and will it ever be? Transcendent in it's nature.

    In other words, love is forever. Or it never was love.