JURY DUTY: How to Get Excused

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    May 09, 2009 12:03 PM GMT
    0430091jury1.gif
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    May 09, 2009 12:15 PM GMT
    ROFL

    I wonder what the case was.
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    May 09, 2009 12:26 PM GMT
    Doesn't indicate any specific case, but there's a little more info here:
    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

    The guy succeeded - he was excused. icon_razz.gif
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    May 09, 2009 1:21 PM GMT
    Heh, that was January of this year. I'm really surprised the guy wasn't charged with refusing to serve, since he gave no valid reason, just foul-mouthed insults.

    Life must be lonely in Montana, if counting the wrinkles on his dog's balls even occurred to him. I didn't even know dog balls HAD wrinkles. Maybe this was the part that his wife helped him with, according to the article about it, and she was projecting.

    "Oh, Jenni-fer! Can you come up here for a minute please?"

    "Right now, Erik? I'm busy in the kitchen!"

    "I need you to count the wrinkles on my balls."

    "Does it have to be this second? Your balls can wait."

    "No, I just stepped out of the shower and got a chill, it's a great time, they're all puckered-up real good."

    "Erik, I don't have time for this! Your balls'll be puckered some other day, just go sit bare-ass out in the snow."

    "Never mind, I'm coming down, we can do it in the kitchen before the kids get home from school."

    "We can NOT do it in the kitchen, I just swept up, I don't want your stupid pubes shedding all over the floor! Erik, get out of here, or so help me, I'll poke this broom right in your bare balls!"

    "Oh, come on Jennifer, I'll bet Frank McKenzie's wife would count HIS wrinkles without complaining, and he told me the other day at the tavern he was over 200 now. I don't wanna feel bad in front of the other guys."

    "You ain't ever gonna equal Frank McKenzie, he's got balls the size of grapefruits... ah... so I've heard. And I wouldn't trust anything Shirley McKenzie says, anyway. Can't this wait until the annual Ball Wrinkle Contest over in Butte this summer, when they've got proper judges and it's all done out in the open?"

    "Yeah, but that's it, I gotta start getting ready, so I know I gotta chance."

    "Oh, alright. I suppose you want me to shove the popsicle up your ass first?"

    "If you wouldn't mind..."
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    May 09, 2009 1:36 PM GMT
    If you want to get out of jury duty, just say you support the concept of "Jury Nullification", the prosecutor and the judge will dismiss you so fast your head will spin.
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    May 09, 2009 1:40 PM GMT
    Just a little glimpse into the inner mind of Red Vespa.
    Intriguing and a little scary.
    icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif

    Red, I think you're RJ's Dave Barry.
  • styrgan

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    May 09, 2009 1:43 PM GMT
    Wow.
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    May 09, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    Getting excused is pathetically easy without any need for profanity. During voir dire -- jury selection - you can plainly see the dawning realization among the more intelligent jurors that if they give certain answers to the attorneys' questions, they'll be struck off the panel. I won't say what they are, but if you've been through the process you'll know what I mean.
    The result is that our juries tend to be made up of those who were either too stupid to figure this out, or those who want to be jurors, meaning they have some axe to grind.
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    May 09, 2009 1:45 PM GMT
    OMG! This is hilarious, exactly what I would think of saying but never dare.
  • PRDGUY

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    May 09, 2009 1:45 PM GMT
    Sedative saidROFL

    I wonder what the case was.


    i went ahead and served... felony embezoment!!
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    May 09, 2009 1:48 PM GMT
    TexDef07 saidGetting excused is pathetically easy without any need for profanity. During voir dire -- jury selection - you can plainly see the dawning realization among the more intelligent jurors that if they give certain answers to the attorneys' questions, they'll be struck off the panel. I won't say what they are, but if you've been through the process you'll know what I mean.
    The result is that our juries tend to be made up of those who were either too stupid to figure this out, or those who want to be jurors, meaning they have some axe to grind.


    You mean saying things like "I´m sick and tired of the law picking on mi gente latina"
  • styrgan

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    May 09, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    Beaux saidDoesn't indicate any specific case, but there's a little more info here:
    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

    The guy succeeded - he was excused. icon_razz.gif


    That's amazing. I remember when I was living in Massachusetts my freshman year of college, and my roommate was selected for jury duty. He was from Oregon and just decided he wasn't going to show up. They sent him a pretty strong-worded letter threatening him with a hefty fine and possible arrest.
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    May 09, 2009 1:50 PM GMT
    This ain't Chicago, honey. Look at these people.

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    May 09, 2009 1:51 PM GMT
    Beaux saidThis ain't Chicago. Look at these people.



    nice...very well done, Beaux.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 09, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    I would be willing to bet the state instituted some degree of legal proceeding against this "disrespectful juror candidate" (to be nice). If I were an attorney
    on either side, I would want this person kicked out of the juror pool.

    I've served on a jury once, it was a simple case.. its your civic duty. It can be a real pain... I didn't want to serve, but we are all citizens of this country and its an obligation (unless its an absolute major hardship).

    If I couldn't serve, I certainly wouldn't state it the way this idiot did....
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    May 09, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    TexDef07 saidGetting excused is pathetically easy without any need for profanity. During voir dire -- jury selection - you can plainly see the dawning realization among the more intelligent jurors that if they give certain answers to the attorneys' questions, they'll be struck off the panel. I won't say what they are, but if you've been through the process you'll know what I mean.
    The result is that our juries tend to be made up of those who were either too stupid to figure this out, or those who want to be jurors, meaning they have some axe to grind.


    You mean saying things like "I´m sick and tired of the law picking on mi gente latina"

    That would do it.
    It's ironic that potential jurors who have some ethnic grievance say things like this and get struck. That prevents them from sitting as jurors and actually doing something about it.
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    May 09, 2009 1:57 PM GMT
    OK then my line would be

    "I really want to serve so that I can help redress the systematic prejudice against mi gente latina, especially so called "illegal" immigrants, which is present in the legal system. Did you know [addressing the other jurists] that we don´t have to come to the conclusions they want us to? The judge can instruct us what the law is, but he can´t instruct us to convict this poor man. It´s called jury nullification, and is one of the safeguards of our legal system. We don´t have to inforce this hate law." (etc etc)

    (delivered in an articulate, yet rabble rousing way so that they are left in no doubt that I would persuade the others)
    icon_twisted.gif
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    May 09, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidOK then my line would be

    "I really want to serve so that I can help redress the systematic prejudice against mi gente latina, especially so called "illegal" immigrants, which is present in the legal system. Jury nullification should be used more to bring back corrupt lawyers to the spirit of the constitution.".

    (delivered in an articulate, yet rabble rousing way so that they are left in no doubt that I would persuade the others)
    icon_twisted.gif

    You'd still be so struck.
    If you really want to be a juror your answer must be "Oh yes I'll be fair and impartial to both sides, and decide solely on the basis of the evidence I hear."
    If you make ringing declarations of any kind you'll see the lawyers reaching for their red markers.

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    May 09, 2009 2:05 PM GMT
    blackbox_CO saidIf you want to get out of jury duty, just say you support the concept of "Jury Nullification", the prosecutor and the judge will dismiss you so fast your head will spin.

    It happens that I do believe in jury nullification, which has a long tradition under our US legal system, going all the way back to 1735 and the Peter Zenger trial in the colony of New York, dealing with freedom of the press. Naturally prosecutors wouldn't want a juror who understood such a concept, since what they want is conviction, not necessarily justice.

    As for myself, my epilepsy would likely get me excused on medical grounds. I can suffer "absence seizures" which means I'm unpredictably unconscious for brief periods of time, during which I would totally miss testimony & evidence, although I might appear to be awake with my eyes open. No defense attorney would want that, and I think most judges would automatically dismiss me.
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    May 09, 2009 2:14 PM GMT
    Absolutely shameful that people are trying to get out of serving!! Bloody shameful. (By law, I think, that an employer can not fire you for having to serve.)
    So far I have served 5 times in my life. Have found it fascinating everytime.
    Regardless, it's your duty as a citizen. DO IT!!! icon_mad.gif
    Cheers,
    Keith
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    May 09, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    I think it's a fascination process. I've served once. I would do it again
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    May 09, 2009 2:27 PM GMT
    This gives me an idea.

    The next time I'm called for jury duty, I'm going to refuse on the grounds that I'm not a full citizen here and that unless a defendant is gay, we're not really peers. I may or may not include a "so, go fuck yourselves, turds!".
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    May 09, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    jprichva said The MOST tedious civil case perhaps ever. A woman slipped on the subway stairs and was suing the city.

    If I ever end up on a jury panel for a case like this I plan to stand up in voir dire and say 'I will find against whichever side takes the longest to put on its case." That will guarantee a double strike.
  • swimbikerun

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    May 09, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidI think it's a fascination process. I've served once. I would do it again
    I would totally do it again as well. I found it shocking I had to school half of the jury on the basic concepts of Western civilization and law but still an interesting process.
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    May 09, 2009 2:53 PM GMT
    If you WANT to be on a jury, learn about this:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jury_Nullification

    And then keep it to yourself until you are on the jury, then teach it to your fellow jurors.

    They can't kick you off the jury for supporting JN after you're on the jury can they? Maybe if its one of the questions they ask in the Voire Dire they can I guess.