HOT or N0T? Confusion: Rules of Attraction...

  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 10, 2009 12:56 PM GMT
    Mercury.jpg

    Ok, so I'm a bottom guy, who really wants to attract defined muscular top guys. I, myself, am not defined and muscular....I used to be really defined, just a lil on the skinny side and I thought i was really sexy especially for the type of guys i wanted....but experience showed that I mostly got ignored by them when i was slim and defined.

    I'm still a lil guy (only 5'5"), but I started workin out and trying to gain weight because I wanted to appeal to the guys that appeal to me. But now that i've gain a lil wait, i've also lost definition and no longer feel sexy at all. However, ironically, I've been gettin better responses from the guys that appeal to me.......so whats the deal, what are the rules of attraction here? How would I better appeal to them? I thought it was opposites attract. Or do they actually want someone who looks exactly like them physically?



    I want a guy that looks like this:

    6d10083cd6439458511fc4157943dcd0_3.jpg
    72395.jpg

    This is what I went from looking like to what i look like now:

    GettinFat2.jpg


    Or will i have to look like this before I can get the kind of guy i want:

    Max.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    well personally, I think we all have an idea of what is attractive to us. But, realistically, there is no explanation on connecting with a person. That person can be the total opposite of what you normally would go after.
    I personally look at every aspect of a person. they may have my qualities, they may not. My bf is adorable, he is not a body builder type, but it is his tight body and his fuck you attitude that I adore.
    Don't get hung up on body and body images...people are attracted to all kinds of things. you will find the right person, when you least expect it. icon_smile.gif
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    May 10, 2009 5:02 PM GMT
    there's no such thing as a rule of attraction. of if there is, it hasn't been made known to me or tons of other folks - you includedicon_razz.gif. we are conditioned to find certain people attractive or not.
    be happy with who you are and let the rest fall into place. and in the event it doesn't well you are still happy with yourself icon_razz.gif
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    May 10, 2009 5:15 PM GMT
    Guys typically are attracted to the guys that they want to look like, if that makes sense. It tends to work the same way with straight couples, too, in that if a woman works out and is in shape, she typically wants her man to also. And vice versa.

    Muscular guys tend to gravitate towards muscular guys, regardless of positional disposition. Ripped guys tends to gravitate towards other ripped guys. Slender guys tend to gravitate toward other slender guys. Look at probably 98% of gay couples and the "rule" holds true.

    BTW, MercMax, you're looking great. Keep it up. You're one sexy man.icon_wink.gif
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    May 10, 2009 5:42 PM GMT
    "Or will i have to look like this before I can get the kind of guy i want:"

    No, no, no. I think you'll just have to adverstise on Craigslist.
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    May 10, 2009 6:04 PM GMT
    Bottom line, it's all about individual preference. Some guys will like as you are, some won't. It's a part of life. If you're insecure you're going to attract fewer people that you want to attract, and more unstable people will gravitate to you. So just have confidence in yourself, and don't mistake that for arrogance or cockiness. Confidence is not about being better than someone, it's about being comfortable in your own skin.
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    May 10, 2009 7:57 PM GMT
    a surefire way to lose your sanity is to try and figure out any sort of "rules of attraction". Doesn't exist. No matter WHAT you look like, some people will think you're hot and others will think you're gross. The important thing is to be happy with yourself. You'll never please everybody. I agree there is a TENDENCY for like to attract like in the gay world but I've seen way too many physically dissimilar couples to consider it a rule. Just be who you want to be not who you think others want you to be.
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    May 10, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    I'm impressed that you said to yourself that you'd like to be the person you're trying to attract. That's actually a very proactive commitment. I can't tell you how often I see threads from guys who chastise others for not finding them attractive, or for not being into such-and-such a type. If you like and admire such a fellow, groom yourself as though you're preparing for an job.

    It's unwise to generalize about what any particular "type" of person will be attracted to, but being what you desire is a big start...good luck.

    You may want to adjust you diet and workout to help you stay leaner. Adding lean muscle mass needn't require getting soft. I think your diet might be your issue here, from your photos.

    A mistake many make is deciding that they don't want to get bulky, as if the body knows how to respond to "toning" exercises that they show you in women's magazines. It is surprisingly hard to achieve a "too bulky" physique, so don't work out with the intention of consciously avoiding it. Work out with the intention of adding a lot of muscle mass (strength training), and gauge your progress once your body has added the bulk you require. You can always stop or slow down once you've hit your target.
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    May 10, 2009 9:23 PM GMT
    Have you ever had a date, friends-with-benefits, fuck-buddy or anything with any guy of your favorite type?

    It's hard to say anything before we know that...
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 10, 2009 10:59 PM GMT
    bachian saidHave you ever had a date, friends-with-benefits, fuck-buddy or anything with any guy of your favorite type?

    It's hard to say anything before we know that...


    Thats an interesting question...



    I've not had any dates with the type I like. My ex boyfriend was my type, but it was a long distance relationship. I have had a few hookups with my type, but they never considered a relationship. There is a consistency that they "just want to have fun"

    I hate that line. Apparently you can't have fun with a boyfriend?!

    Thank you all for your comments...a lot has some good reasoning behind them.
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    May 10, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    you look just fine.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    I like guys like me only 20 years older
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 10, 2009 11:55 PM GMT
    TucsonGradJock saidI like guys like me only 20 years older


    Yea, I guess everyone does have their own preferences. Well I hope I find the one that prefers me and I prefer him haha.
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    May 11, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    MercuryMax saidI've not had any dates with the type I like. My ex boyfriend was my type, but it was a long distance relationship. I have had a few hookups with my type, but they never considered a relationship. There is a consistency that they "just want to have fun"

    I hate that line. Apparently you can't have fun with a boyfriend?!


    And you think this is seriously going to change if you just change your body type?

    It's great that you're working out and you should keep your plan. But as far as your taste... you can have anything you want if all you want is in a single criterion. A gorgeous jock may be poor and incompatible. A financially stable man may be unattractive and incompatible. Your best friend may be unattractive and poor. The more you want 100% in one criterion, the lesser the chance you will have 100% in others. This is specially important if you are looking for a LTR, because you will pick on more criteria than someone who's just looking for sex. Because prince charming doesn't exist, you are better off finding an optimal point.

    Are you going out? Meeting new people? Or are you just lingering in a corner of your house, fantasizing about your fantasies? Experience shapes taste, and it may change yours in a way that can make your search for a mate a little more favorable.
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 11, 2009 6:50 AM GMT
    I just want to know from the type guys that I'm attracted to what they are mostly attracted to, ya know?

    Any other aspect about me I'm completely confident about. I'm basically the perfect bottom boyfriend. I'm kind-hearted, romantic, very affectionate, humorous and outgoing, have a good job and future goals. I like to cook for someone, give them massages after a hard day's work, take care of them when they're sick, work on our cars when they break down, go on adventures when we're bored, make-out in the rain, completely masculine, love to be dominated in bed, can hang out with str8 or gay friends, family oriented.......i mean i have a lot to offer. I just want to be attracted to the guy I can fall in love with. Its not that i'm just looking for the physical, but I do want it included.

    And yes I do try to meet people. I go to bars, clubs, online sites..i don't just fantasize. Funny thing is, when I ask a guy to meet up from online, they usually stop talking to me.....so i dunno wassup with that haha.

    Oh and you're wrong about the prince charming thing, they are out there. I've had one before...unfortunately distance made us fail. That was 4yrs ago though, i've been single since cause it was hard to get over.
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    May 11, 2009 6:59 AM GMT
    they are attracted to who ever they are attracted to, there is no one idea, one preference..

    Some built guys like built guys, some like thin guys, some like over weight guys some guys like other guys, some guys like girls, some guys like both..

    be the best person you can be, be all that you can be.. the right man will come along and ya never know, he might not be what you physically expect but you fall inlove anyway.
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    May 11, 2009 7:11 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidbe the best person you can be, be all that you can be.. the right man will come along and ya never know, he might not be what you physically expect but you fall inlove anyway.

    O swoon.
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    May 11, 2009 10:24 AM GMT
    ...and now for the jerk comment... lol, icon_cool.gif


    that last photo of you showcases your ridiculously amazing Photoshop skills!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 11, 2009 10:31 AM GMT
    This has been going on on this website and in gay life since it all began

    How can I get a hottie like ........ This ? icon_confused.gif

    Unfortunately just like you are these guys are always sought after
    by most gay guys
    Yeah.... looking like one of them will increase your chances
    But if you're gonna make yourself over do it because you wanna make yourself better not because you wanna snare some one better
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 12, 2009 10:49 AM GMT
    I can agree with that too. I do wanna make myself better but i also wanna make myself better for someone who may love me...i want to be their dream just like they would be mine...is that crazy?

  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 12, 2009 10:52 AM GMT
    IvesCardin08 said...and now for the jerk comment... lol, icon_cool.gif


    that last photo of you showcases your ridiculously amazing Photoshop skills!





    Well, i assure you I don't take this as a jerk comment, I'm rather flattered especially since that pic isn't good to my standard, i could do so much better than that. I just used MS Paint for that pic since i don't have photoshop on this laptop (ordered it online, cause i'm in Iraq right now). However, I also can assure you that none of my pics are "chopped" to make myself look better than i am. They are all of me, the real me. And I hold myself to a very high standard of honesty.

    So thank you for your compliment, =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2009 11:31 AM GMT
    I'm very slender and tiny myself (5'6/124). But I've dated tons of guy that were built and bulky and fit into your type. And all of them told me that they were into a tiny guy who had a nice body and were turned off by a guy thats all jacked up. So it just goes to show you that everyones cup of tea is dif. of course their are going to be guys that find you, myself, and everyone else unattractive no ones perfect and for every guy that does their will be one that finds you attractive. Bottom line don't ever do anything to try and attract someone else, do it for yourself and just be true to who you are. Cause it's much harder to find a guy with an awesome personality than it is a great body. Best of luck with everything though.
  • MercuryMax

    Posts: 713

    May 12, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    Well, i've had a lot of encounters with these type of guys too, but apparently i wasn't ever good enough to take on a date or to have a relationship tho. They usually just wanted to let me rock their world and leave...haha.
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    May 12, 2009 10:46 PM GMT
    Well you know what they say easy come easy go. They aren't going to buy the cow if they are getting the milk for free I say lol. Not trying to be rude just keepin it real!
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    May 12, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    do you ever try and date other guys? ya know, who aren't puffed up? I mean, just a good guy you have connected with..

    cause your starting to really sound undesirable with all this complaining about it..

    Maybe you need to change who your trying to date since the bunch don't seem at all interested in you.