(I spoke on Christian, because I know Christian).
Yes, it goes both ways, just as you will feel robbed of the time you are losing now with your mom when she is gone, she too will feel the same feeling of complete and utter loss if you go first or I think, when she is going herself
Talk about a little taste of hell before getting to heaven: her lying in her death bed knowing her son won't come there because she ran him away long ago, and for what: because he was different.
I think such petty things come into focus when social hubris, acceptance of our church family, and a personality verging on "holier than thou" become that tenuous. When that final hour comes, none of that petty stuff matters; the only ones that matter are the names and memories of the people you hold dear, in a way, taking with you.
What a heavy bearing to take also the son who she ousted regardless of the maternal bond, his worth and spirit, and her connection to him? I just hope you are the only one because I believe that earthly deeds manifest themselves as weight and chains for the soul (haha, maybe I've seen A Christmas Carol 100 too many times, every version), but if it's true and you aren't the only one, she's not ascending anywhere because she will be too heavy.
No offense, I know what I just sorta said. Atleast many a parent will be here to keep her company too. Devoted Christians, but lousy people and what good is glorifying GOD and treating your brother, sister, neighbor, and child like dirt? It's a gamble, especially when the good book says not to do that.
It also says GOD doesn't make mistakes. If queers are here, it is for a reason. I think a lot of christians will get the shock of their after life when they find a gay child, brother or sister was a test to see if they could love someone who didn't fit the image of a perfect christian: the way GOD loves every person regardless of what kind of person they are, and the price of failure is an eternal tan. With the exception of a child being a murderer or rapist, I see no reason to turn around on them, and even the rapist and murderers didn't get there
by themselves. The good book says, lead the children the right ways. If your child's a murderer, you fucked up. Even then, there is no reason not to go see them on visitation day. A parent just should, on the off chance they contributed to it.(HINT HINT).
My mother is no angel, but neither am I. She used to be an awful person: an abusive mother, unfeeling, and a backslider. She has changed a great deal, perhaps in part due to the failure of her limbs. The lord saw fit to severely alter her eyesight and weaken her body to the point that she needs a walker at all times. When she found out I was gay, it was in the midst of her "holier than thou" period, but she has warmed up to me a lot. She says she is no better than me and that if I'm gay, it's for a reason. She says I'll always be her son and my being gay won't change that. She reaches out to me, but I can't let go of the past and I smack her hand away often. If I don't change, that will be my weight and chains to bear, not hers.
You should on occasion, resurface and offer your mother a chance at reconciliation. If she doesn't accept, that's her burden, but if you don't offer, it's both of yours.
As I type this, I have cooked my mother dinner and am awaiting her arrival. I think she mighta ditched me for my sisters, she always did love them more
If she doesn't show, I'll eat it all myself and not harbor any resentment.