Top, Vers or Bottom.. does it really matter in a loving relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2009 10:40 PM GMT
    I hate this subject, so I thought Id air it here. I have NO problem telling you I am a bottom.

    My ex was small and lean, and maybe a tad effeminate.
    Me, Im big and muscular, very masculine.

    Everyone assumed I was the top. We'd laugh about it. Gay men complain about stereotypes and frankly we are the worst at it.

    Why do we have our stereotype definitions?

    Bottom = submissive and in some cases effeminate? Not me!

    Can I be submissive? Yes
    Can I be dominant? YES!
    Can I be passionate? Totally!
    Oral? SLURP!

    I love sex. All of it. Everything normal and safe, and maybe a few things that are not!

    If you love someone does it really matter if we are bottom or tops?

    Not for me... Ive dated bottoms just like me
    .
    My best sex life was with a 38yo Latino bodybuilder. DAYUM!!! HOT HOT HOT... very very passionate. Best sex ever, and we never had anal sex. It was never discussed and never happened.

    What age has done for me, is broaden my horizons.

    OK.. I could go on forever on this one... I will shut up now icon_redface.gif
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    May 11, 2009 3:05 AM GMT
    While I am sure there are guys who are very happy being a total top or a total bottom, I am absolutely happy being both, versatile. The best relationship I was in physically, we both were versatile. As I have gotten older, one thing about me that has grown is my comfort in my own skin about who I am. There are a lot off guys who are bottoms but hide behind being versatile because of all the 'bottom' jokes that abound. We absolutely are the worst at stereotyping. While I think very few of us are staunchly top, bottom or completely versatile, we do exist. When ever I am asked about my sexual proclivities, I do say I am versatile and then I iterate that whatever my man needs me to be, I am. Afterall, isn't that what is also important?
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    May 11, 2009 12:00 PM GMT
    I believe it does matter to some extent and the issue should be talked about rather early in a growing relationship.

    When I first started going out with my boyfriend I was aprehensive about discussing the whole top/bottom thing. The relationship grew without things being discussed, until one day I tried to top him. That was a no go, much to my disappointment.. He was a Top only! I was versitile, so I though it would not matter.

    My relationship is now nearing it's third birthday and I am starting to find that it is now causing a bit of a problem. I am starting to obsess about Topping something! It has started to effect our sexual relationship since I feel unfulfilled and dissapointed after we go at it. Especailly when he gets to Top me.

    I believe Two Tops or Bottoms can have a good sexual relationship though. Just have to make sure that sex is satifying for both parties, even if it doesn't involve anal penetration etc.
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    May 11, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    Lol...it's not just in the gay world that we have to deal with stereotypes in this matter of being gay...

    I had always thought myself fairly "masculine"...that being the reason that I had gone "under the radar" for so much of my life before coming out to immediate family and close friends.

    Last year I went to a gay campground, and couple younger guy's called me "Miss Lynn"... and it sort of bothered me.

    Well, I stayed with my boyfriend for the rest of the weekend, at his apartment, and told him of this. I asked him if I acted effeminate. There was a pause....and he replied, that yes, I did have feminine qualities, but that he liked me that way. (He also has his feminine moments...and that makes him all the more dear to me. Sorta like we are two-peas-in-a-pod)

    The funny thing is.....my boyfriend is really masculine. But he enjoys having me inside him...the "feminine" role. Couple of his straight neighbors even commented on the fact that they were surpised that he was the "bottom" in our relationship. They had just assumed that I was...

    But we take turns as top and bottom...we both enjoy the pleasure that we find in any sex that we have together.

    Thank god, that i found a Man...willing to fulfill me in whatever postition we chooseicon_biggrin.gif
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    May 11, 2009 12:27 PM GMT
    ErikTaurean said whatever my man needs me to be, I am. Afterall, isn't that what is also important?




    You are soooo right!
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    May 17, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    Fitnhot, you have proved a theory I have always had, most guy aren't as masculine as they might think they are, or as they think they are perceived by others. I think most guys egos would be seriously deflated to hear others grade their level of masculinity, whether they be to or bottom.
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    May 22, 2009 6:23 AM GMT
    lmao...most kats who run dat versatile crap, usually aren't, they are bottoms in denial lmao...if ur a bottom kat, be proud, trust me it does not matter, unless da other person is a bottomicon_eek.gif
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    May 22, 2009 1:57 PM GMT



    Hey fitnhot, "But he enjoys having me inside him...the "feminine" role. "


    I asked Bill about this and neither of us have ever felt or thought this as anything remotely feminine.

    (women I've spoken to about this say they hate 'back-door' stuff - and say it's not feminine - it's gay - loved that! They say it hurts - no prostate)



    TGIF! -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    my BF and I are completely versatile and have a good sex life.
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    May 22, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    I am currently dating a 22 yr old guy who is a basketball coach and very straight in all appearances. I am the first guy he has dated (or so I am told). He is however the biggest bottom I have ever been with. When he tells me he is straight I say, "Dear straight men do not let me do that to them, trust me I think you might be gay" Anyway I do think we make assumptions but that is to be expected. I do not see that as a bad thing, we just need to be mindful that things are not always what they seam....
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    May 24, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    My husband and I are versatile and have a great sex life. I can say without question it's as hot as when we first dating. We have been together 9 years this November and couldn't be happier. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif