Betrayal....Faith In Humankind

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    May 11, 2009 1:38 PM GMT
    That boyfriend who started off sweet is now a controlling grouch.
    The acquaintance or friend at a bar has turned into a verbally abusive bitch.
    Your formerly sweet landlord is now a greedy bastard and wants to kick you out.
    Your strictly plutonic friendship with your pal is over because he confesses he's had a secret crush/wish to have sex with you...and that aint goin to happen, so the freindship is over.
    The list goes on..............

    You put your trust and respect into someone and they let you down, big time.

    You swear to yourself that the next time, you will be more careful...smarter....that you will recognize the signs of trouble early and avoid the hassle.

    And so you keep investing. Taking chances. But you can't be a fortune teller. You can't guarantee a good result.

    Or maybe you become jaded, more guarded and less willing to let your guard down....less spontanious and suspicious of others. But you don't want to become like some of those other guys who don't seem happy.

    How do you handle betrayal? Do you shake it off and wake up to a new day fresh and optimistic? Or do you slowly box yourself in as a form of protection?





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    May 11, 2009 1:56 PM GMT


    Betrayal or disappointment? Walk away or try work with what's in front of you? I think it may be several of those things you mention happening at the same time that could make me feel like it's all betrayal, or is it really just a matter of true colours finally showing once you've made them comfortable enough?

    That boyfriend who started off sweet is now a controlling grouch.

    'Sweeten up good man, or it's off.' or even better 'What happened to the happiness you brought with you like the sun over your shoulder?'

    The acquaintance or friend at a bar has turned into a verbally abusive bitch.

    'My sweet, something's got you hot and flustered. Is it something I did?'

    Your formerly sweet landlord is now a greedy bastard and wants to kick you out.

    .....there's someone you have no personal investment in, and I'd just give notice. Business is business.

    Your strictly plutonic friendship with your pal is over because he confesses he's had a secret crush/wish to have sex with you...and that aint goin to happen, so the freindship is over.

    .....now there's an interesting one. Why would the friendship be over? For me a matter of saying, 'That's a huge compliment. Thanks. I love you like a brother and you know I don't date relatives.' if he ends the friendship, well it hurts but that's his baggage, not betrayal really.

    I'm with the start a new day optimistically. Mom has always said,
    "Tomorrow is a new page. Write on it."
    A wonderful ex of mine said this once after we were single again for a couple of years (used to confide our romantic 'Perils of Pauline' with each other), " Take control of situations instead of letting situations control you.."

    How's that? -Doug of meninlove

    PS I'm re-reading this and getting the sinking feeling that I'm completely missing the point. It's Monday....

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    May 11, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    What is your contribution to the circle of madness that has seemingly engulfed your life?
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    May 11, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    You get up, dust yourself off and move on. Everyone is placed in our lives for either a reason or a season.

    Learn from the experience and you'll be a better man for it

    But you really shouldn't put your faith in man. Man will fail you. It's inevitable
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 11, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    Ya know what?
    People don't really change
    They may try and hide the fact that they suck big time
    but the clues are usually right there for you to see

    Before jumping in with both feet
    try and always make sure there are no sharks in the water first
    Don't be so trusting right away
    Verify and quantify always
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    May 11, 2009 7:09 PM GMT
    Despite everything, you can't afford to get jaded - then you are using other's actions as a catalyst to actively hinder yourself.

    Like BlackGuy4you said: dust yourself off and try again. Just learn from your mistakes; in particular, enhance the vetting process a bit.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 11, 2009 7:18 PM GMT
    You learn from the experience so next time you will take some extra initiative to prevent the situation from happening again.

    I realize, simple words when a situatiion like a bf or a friend merits far more...
    A "landlord" or "contractual arrangement" is different, its not so personal.
    Whatever occurs, think about what you should and shouldn't do to protect yourself.. but don't let it color you into becoming a negative critic for years
    (or permanently). Thats no way to live. The "cup half full" mentality is much better than "half empty".
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    May 11, 2009 7:21 PM GMT
    Ducky45 saidWhat is your contribution to the circle of madness that has seemingly engulfed your life?

    I was wondering that myself. Does EVERYONE he contacts undergo a dramatic deterioration in personality & behavior? Are there many, or any long-term friends & associates who remain nice & normal?

    If not, well, ya know what I'm saying... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 11, 2009 7:29 PM GMT
    Get up and move on. I'd even try and settle it with a talk (no matter if it doesn't end with an apology from him) rather than avoid him and hiss curses whenever he passes me by.

    I'd rather assume the best in another person (unless there is significant reason not to... like an email from a dying Nigerian billionaire LOL), than go about life thinking everyone is out to get me.

    Still, I'm too young. Maybe I'll get to the jaded part later. icon_neutral.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 12, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    At first, I was convinced that the problem was you. And, it may still be.

    Too many men seem to be looking for perfection. And, it just ain't out there.
    Too many are selfish takers.
    Too many want to change you.
    Too many are inconsiderate.

    I have stopped putting out the "U-R-Next" sign...
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    May 12, 2009 2:08 AM GMT
    In cases of these, I'd say that the betrayal is mine. When I feel betrayed I also realize I have stopped relating to a person as they are; changing, growing, moving away, emotional upheavals, and all the humanity. I sometimes forget that people change. Therefore, my keeping them confined to act in ways as only I preconceive is a betrayal to them, and me relating to them as they are.

    To Doug (MenInLove), I like your differentiated approach, and that's good.
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    May 12, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Ducky45 saidWhat is your contribution to the circle of madness that has seemingly engulfed your life?

    I was wondering that myself. Does EVERYONE he contacts undergo a dramatic deterioration in personality & behavior? Are there many, or any long-term friends & associates who remain nice & normal?

    If not, well, ya know what I'm saying... icon_rolleyes.gif


    Shit happens and so does the good stuff. That's what happens when you put yourself out there, challenge yourself and take chances. I could have a safe secure "everything is in its place" life, but i don't want that.

    You follow a lead.........pursue something that holds great promise, and sometimes it doesn't work out. Often it does.

    No, not everyone I contact undergoes a dramatic deterioration. For every negative experience, there are 10 good ones.

    Stuff happens when you live in a big city like NYC......opportunities and perils await every corner....especially if you have lots of energy, curiosity and you keep yourself in shape and ahead of the curve.And just because negative stuff happens, it doesn't mean you become jaded. It means, as others have said....you dust yourself off.....learn..and move on.

    You learn to see past the cliches... "have a nice day" smiles....the instant labelling and characterizations of people... and the PC correct behaviors that most people desperately need in order to feel safe and secure. Guys who are not afraid to be quirky, not brainwashed into fitting... and who do not follow the herd are infinately more promising and fun than the "normal " ones. You have the luxury of encountering unique individuals who might appreciate somebody/something unique, and visa versa. No pain no gain.

    That's my contribution to the "madness that has engulfed my life".I wouldn't want my life to be any other way.

    Everybody is different.

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    May 15, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidThat boyfriend who started off sweet is now a controlling grouch.
    The acquaintance or friend at a bar has turned into a verbally abusive bitch.
    Your formerly sweet landlord is now a greedy bastard and wants to kick you out.
    Your strictly plutonic friendship with your pal is over because he confesses he's had a secret crush/wish to have sex with you...and that aint goin to happen, so the freindship is over.
    The list goes on..............

    You put your trust and respect into someone and they let you down, big time.

    You swear to yourself that the next time, you will be more careful...smarter....that you will recognize the signs of trouble early and avoid the hassle.

    And so you keep investing. Taking chances. But you can't be a fortune teller. You can't guarantee a good result.

    Or maybe you become jaded, more guarded and less willing to let your guard down....less spontanious and suspicious of others. But you don't want to become like some of those other guys who don't seem happy.

    How do you handle betrayal? Do you shake it off and wake up to a new day fresh and optimistic? Or do you slowly box yourself in as a form of protection?





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    May 15, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    KissingProHow do you handle betrayal? Do you shake it off and wake up to a new day fresh and optimistic? Or do you slowly box yourself in as a form of protection?


    Betrayal is too strong a word. Sometimes people let you down, sometimes you let other people down... so it goes...

    The trick is to trust the right people in the first place. Easier said than done I know.
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    May 15, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    "One bad apple..."

    My personal view is about how you are going to view people in your life. I have been betrayed, mistreated, or simply abandoned as happens to anyone. Through ignorance and lack of personal insight, I know that when I was younger, that I may have done this to others. Now, I'm aware of it and accept the consequences of my actions and do what I can to improve it. The choice is in how you're going to view it.

    You can be a Pollyanna and keep stepping into the same situation.

    You can blame everyone else and think it has nothing to do with you and still step into the same situation.

    You can learn from your own errors and observations of others and move forward with such caution and distrust that you'll never let it happen again, but you'll also have no close relationships either.

    You can learn from your own errors and observations of others and move forward with knowledge and hope that there are good people out there and it truly take time to find them and effort to hold them.

    The choice is your's.

    I choose not to be miserable.
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    May 15, 2009 4:39 PM GMT
    betrayal is one of those things that will push you to run, leave, end a relationship.

    If there is no legal binding agreement (marriage) its pretty damn easy to move on. Get stuck in the quagmire of divorce and your fucked. Move on before one of you decide that marriage is remedy to the problem.

    Optimism and hope are important, else the new days will not flourish.
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    May 16, 2009 4:53 AM GMT
    bgcat57 said"One bad apple..."


    You can learn from your own errors and observations of others and move forward with knowledge and hope that there are good people out there and it truly take time to find them and effort to hold them.

    The choice is your's.

    I choose not to be miserable.



    Wise words....easier said than done, but smart nevertheless.
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    May 16, 2009 5:45 AM GMT
    Life is short. You can spend it nursing every grievance and sucking on every sour grape. Or you can learn from the experience, find some sardonic humor in it, and move on.